He spend most of his days in the same daily life routine. But all changed in a single night when he was thrown into an strange new world.
A world where knowledge have a different meaning and influence in the life of its inhabitants. How will he fare in this strange place and how will it affect him?
Strugling to understand what happened and learning how to use these newfound powers, he advances on a quest to return home.
But will he be able to?
Warning: 18+ Contain mature language and content.
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TL;DR: If you don't mind the blandness and the mary-sueism(?), this might be good way to waste your time.
I'm not talking normal blandness here people, this is advanced blandness.
Had some fun reading it and might actually continue reading, but I can't wrap my head around the other reviews. I mean, come on! In what world this isn't cliche?! Nevermind the grammar! The kid just turns into a swordmaster instantly with no hard work whatsoever! Are we reading the same story?
Okay, deep breaths, let's start from the beginning.
The MC falls through the usual dimensional shenanigans and ends up in a fantasy world where knowledge has a direct influence in reality, so he can instantly cast high level magic and use a sword like a pro because he knows normal scientific knowledge, he also has a ocean sized mana pool.
Now, I don't instantly look down on anything that is a power fantasy or stories with op characters, like in any other story, execution is everything.
What really grinds my gears is the ultra-blandness of everything. The MC almost doesn't have a personality and other characters can be described perfectly by just a couple words, like the romantic interest is just a warrior princess, nothing about her falls outside those two words.
Another thing is somtimes the characters recognize they are being stupid and just continue being stupid anyway. Example in spoiler.
The MC goes with a group of mages and soldiers to a abandoned mine chasing some evil mages, they know the enemy is waiting for them and that they have spies in the kingdom, so everyone knows: It's a trap.
So what do they do, since they know it's a trap? They spread out in multiple small groups inside the mine's dark tunnels. Yep, you read that right, THEY PULLED A SCOOBY DOO WHILE FIGHTING DEATH WIZARDS.
Spoiler: Everyone dies but the people who were actually introduced and named to the reader.
The MC also shows some self-awareness at some points, like, "hey, maybe the obviously evil looking guy might be up to something?" but it's borderline comedic (if it wasn't so frustrating) how he doesn't do anything about the obvious problems and threats even though he kinda recognizes them.
Hey Bud, how's it going? Haven't updated the story for almost a year now. I gonna talk shit about this story but I really wish you will continue to finish it. You have a good story, many people read them to the end, some even bothered to criticize. You should take pride.
Onto the shit now,
EARLY Chapters are riddled with awful diction. I can only suspect that you're not a native English speaker, just like I am, as your difficulty choosing the right word in expressing things are too obvious. But don't worry, your level in English proficiency is more than enough to keep reader go on. In fact, your later chapter show immense improvement. Late chapters are even immersive! I give you good point there.
What really give me gripe about your story is how characters are made to the convenience of your main. They don't stay true to their setting. Let me give examples, first, how come a guest can wander about a royal castle without any guard/escort? Security should be paramount! Why does the king favor him so just because his most trusty aide trust him? Why royal army are sent everywhere away from their king, giving a chance for potential for nobles' army to commit a coup? So on and so forth. All this shallow character development must be addressed!
Character motivations is another thing to bring into attention. Overpowered character shouldn't play by the same rules as the common weaksauce. You need to give him constraint if you wish him to act like he did, other than just 'like himself being low profile.' If his low profile is absolutely necessary to get him what he want, you didn't show it. Anyway, it is hard to believe a character that can massacre a whole army in minutes all by himself care so much about some random incompetent, charisma-less, king. It comes to me as an unnecessary loyalty. You do a great job with Brahmthe dragon, but you do poor job with everyone else.
Lastly, magic system. It surprise me how you went with knowledge equal power thing. I commend you with this interesting way to make your MC instantly powerful. But you don't explore it more. Powerful family should have magic of notes, but you went with generic landholder nobles. Court magician should be entitled to many accomodations/indulgence, but other than being treated as usual armed force commander, they're only mentioned in passing. Small time magician should be everywhere! Laboring themselves so that someday they will gain favors from the more powerful ones, or do their misdeed as street thugs. Yet, what we have are mundane ruffians. The idea of knowledge equal power should take centerpiece of the story. That way, your main character can have all the legitimacy he want, if he wished it.
Oh, and please don't use too many POV if they only add minute part to the story. Keep reader guessing how deep their motivation. Don't let them know your non-main is only one dimensional characters.
I would like to give some word of encouragement here. Your story is good, better than many of foreign light novel from Far East that seems to plague our literary choice, and many seems to enjoy your works more than some high ranker on this site. Please give your story a chance to finish, don't let it die alone inside your mind without any sort of closure.
Read till chapter 13
The Story is compelling but highly cliche and unrealistic. Characters serve only as plot devices rather than live their own lives. MC is off the charts in all sort of silly ways.
However, if those introduced in story indeed are the best and the brightest the world has to offer, perhaps MC does have the right to stomp around like a pigeon on a chessboard.
As of chapter 11. A bit early for a review but I think this has the potential to be a top fiction on this site. We need more stories like this instead of the super cliche and boring "Martial Arts" tagged stories.
No cliche MC with naive morality.
No cliche love at first sight event.
No cliche harem (thank god).
No cliche tragic death by betrayal; death by stupidly random accident; death by will of a bored god.
MC is clever and not naive. Suspicious but not paranoid.
MC is immediately OP but knowledge of science in a technologically primitive world should be OP.
MC is pretty smart, knowing when to fight and when to concede.
The setting is not very well detailed, the environment is kinda vague. But this could be improved with more chapters.
The story-line is unclear so far but there is good set-up. There is a good amount of intrigue and suspense and it could lead to something great.
One thing that is a little saddening is the overused characteristic of a snobby noble. One that shuns common blood. This gets pretty boring because authors on this site use this archetype a lot but whatever. Only one character is described like this so far.
A thing the author does a great job on, is the description of the fight scenes. It's actually logical and fresh. This brings a great breath of fresh air to the fiction scene on this site where fight scenes are barely detailed and just skimmed over.
Again something that the author could improve on is the setting. I'm telling you man, this can make or break a story. Elaborate on the mood, the background etc. You don't have to waste a lot of time into this as it can slow down the overall story, but it could help readers feel more immersed into the story.
Grammar can be improved a bit. Specifically the use of conjunctions. Ex. The boy's mind was under pressure.
Instead of: The boy mind was under pressure.
Best of luck to you and don't fall under the trap of rushing the story in order to churn out chapters.
This story seems like it could have a lot to it, but it seems like there are a few things keeping it back. In an effort to build and not tear down, I will only offer constructive criticism, as no appreciates the other kind.
- Grammar - The first thing that struck me about your story was surprisingly the grammar. Don't get me wrong, the story is readable and many people probably don't mind it, but the misspellings, incorrect word usages or just wrong grammar made the reading just hard enough to make getting through the story a hassle. I am not a grammar aficionado and there are stories far worse at grammar than this one on RRL, but there is a problem when I have to reread sections to try and figure out what you were trying to say.
- Character - The main character seems sufficiently fleshed out for the type of story you're writing, but it seems to me that most of your side characters aren't much more than names meant to push the story in the direction you want. Which isn't a big problem with most side characters, but it would make your story much more engaging if your side characters had a bit more "Character" to them. While I hope that wasn't too vague, I don't want to be the guy who demands the characters be a specific way, just trying to offer suggestions to better your story.
After some thought, that's all the constructive criticism I'll suggest. Hopefully this helped you some, I tried to avoid telling you where the story should go, or tearing down your style, because that's your own thing.
Good luck in your writing
Storywise? Seems good. OP MC, good start.
But then. Oh god then. What good is an okay story if the grammar is so horrifying it literally takes precedence over several glaring plot holes. When the narrative jumps from third to first person in the same sentence, actually painful grammatical mistakes that just keep popping up, and more, in just the first few chapters? No thank you.
But you might say, "but 71M073J, later in the story it gets better!"
I do not care. Prologue, first few chapters, the introduction to the story itself exist for the sake of drawing the reader in, NOT forcing barely comprehensive run-on sentences down the reader's metaphorical throat.
Just... get someone to criticise you. A prereader who actually knows english and its grammar. You might not like it, but the readers definitely would.
Maybe then this story wouldn't be deserving of such a poor review.
I find myself really interested in the story elements but I can't seem to find it in me to put up with some of the more glaring issues with this fiction. Its certainly a fun take on the spirited away story. I enjoyed some of the world building aspects, and did quite like the story up to a point (ch40-ish), but at the same time the characters that should be getting more attention are being left behind while new characters are being introduced. This came too soon, and I think it may have to do with taking such a long break from the story; its easier sometimes to make up new stuff than to try and find whatever groove you were in writting before, And to this extent I would have prefered the author just start a new fiction and leave this one behind, for good this time.
Not too long ago I wouldve rated this much better and I wouldve said "I hope the author comes back soon, Iwant to see the rest of the story", Now unfortunately I have decided to stop reading for a bit and maybe next time I come back to it I'll stop reading at the magelight.
Really happy to see the author is back and has plans to continue to write this story. Was really shocked to see the story was back and on track after being in hiatus for 3 years.
Only sad part is the author mentioning the chapters only coming out about once per month.
Probably one of the best novels here! But what happened? Hiatus? Dropped? Abandoned? Anything?
Maybe something happened to the author? Maybe this gets updated somewhere else?
Come on people we need answers and a quick fix for this!
Didn't like the mc at all. It's probably just me but I truly hate these types of whimpy leads. There are so many times he just let's people walk over him, I know its to show his maturity but it truly frustrated me to no end especially because he was so much more powerful than others.
Of course, if you dont have a problem with the mc then you'd probably enjoy this story. In terms of writing skills I can easily say the author is truly talented. There are a few grammatical mistakes but can be easily ignored especially with the exciting story the author presents.
So if you dont mind main leads taking other's shit then go ahead n give this a try.