Braza the Architect - Magical Crafter, Builder, and Adventurer!

by Saurian

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Sexual Content
  • Traumatising content

This is the story of an older man who lived a hard but full life, being reincarnated into a fantasy world as a human-lizard hybrid. The new world is violent, magic is real, a game-like development system crushes physics and natural law under its ambivalent thumb, and myth and legend don't just meet, they chase you down to eat you.

Follow Braza as he tries to make a very different life for himself in a familiar but ultimately alien world. In this story the protaginist will not just be a muscle bound monster. He is not a proper hero, willing to sacrifice himself for the good of a stranger, but neither is he a maniacal villain. He is trying to survive, and he is trying to give himself and those he deems himself responsible for a seat at the table of the"goodly", the "civilized" races. He is trying to create a secure home for his people, to arrange beneficial trade agreements, explore ancient ruins, decipher ancient runes, push the boundaries of magic to create a better life for everyone around him, to learn about the history of the world and the multiverse, and ultimately attempt to become powerful enough to take on a being that even the gods themselves fear.

This is my first story and it blends many different elements and styles. It's a bit darker than most of what I have read on Royal Road, but even with that, I hope you give it a try, and I hope you like it!

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  • Pages :
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Author
Saurian

Saurian

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TONY PLAYZ
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Story
Grammar
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the chapters out currently are ok, but they have obvious problems; it isn't anywhere close to the worst or best on this site by a long shot, and as the author said, it's their first story, so they have the potential to improve and work out the kinks in their writing as they write

Style: it isn't atrocious, but it is far from amazing. The paragraphs are incredibly bulky and hard to read, leaving much to be desired. As bad as it is, it's something that can be improved upon and fixed with time and effort; the chapters could be a bit longer by splitting paragraphs into smaller parts.

Story: quite bland and dull with not much happening and seemingly no purpose so far seeming more like a filler episode in a tv show with 100 episodes something most people skip but some like, I find myself skimming the chapter instead of reading skipping paragraphs not getting committed to the story

Grammar: I haven't noticed any significant problems so far other than the awkward wording every so often; nothing I've seen so far that could break the immersion that people get into while reading 

Character: the character is bland and generic with nothing to connect with the reader and seems to change quickly over time though whether it's bad or good is up to the reader 

unprofessional advice:

 id say work on your writing and style with this story, and when you think you've improved enough and reached a point in the story you are satisfied with, go back through the story editing and improving the chapters to the point that you feel that they represent what your capable of and keep a consistent feel throughout the story, and I will say this; as much as I don't love it I still find myself reading it to a degree

 

MxCrossbrand
Overall

Spacehulk is a table-top tactical game that a video game developer tried to adapt to a third person squad based shooter in 2016. Despite the two games being in different mediums with their own strengths and drawbacks with two vastly different target audiences, and despite the games being done in two vastly different styles, the video game developer tried to port the mechanics and playstyle of Spacehulk in a one-to-one ratio. The result is boring and clunky.

But enough about that. Dungeons and Dragons is a table-top tactical rpg that this author has tried to adapt to story format. Despite one being a collaborative multiplayer game with mechanics specifically designed to play to the strengths of a tabletop while working around its weaknesses and the other being a story, and despite the fact that the audience that would watch or participate in a game of D&D is, in fact, different from the one that would read a story, the author has decided to port the mechanics of D&D to a story format in a one-to-one ratio. In my opinion, the result is boring and clunky.

Also, fiction lives or dies on the suspension of disbelief. Bringing the unreasonable aspects of your world into focus is only slightly better than the "it was all a dream" trope when it comes to destroying that suspension of disbelief.