Aim Down Sights : A VRMMO FPS Novel

Aim Down Sights : A VRMMO FPS Novel

by TripleSeven

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Profanity

Marcus expected himself to die, only for him to wake up two-and-a-half centuries later. 

Everyone Marcus knew is dead. His family is nothing more than a shared name, hospital bills sinking him deep in the red. He is shit out of luck. With his engineering qualifications long expired, having a job in the workforce is just as likely as winning the lottery. Save for learning a new trade, Marcus is effectively unemployable.

When an opportunity presented itself, allowing him not to start from scratch, Marcus grabbed it with both hands.

With the lifting of the information ban on anything considered modern combat, followed the release of the Virtual Reality game Burned Asylum. A game where where players wield 21st century firearms, it's tailor made for Marcus. With his prior knowledge and experience with everything guns, he plans to be the best. With it comes recognition and praise.

In a time where top VR players rub shoulder with sports and Olympic athletes, it was the best chance he could get.



Updates three times a week; 10:00PM GMT+8 Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. 

Reediting the early chapters. The ones worked on would have version numbers in them. 



Artist source: Burd of Prey

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TripleSeven

TripleSeven

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Raz
Overall

Very interesting story, but English being the authors second language is noticeable. Spelling seems pretty on point, but sometimes word choice and sentence structure are a bit off, like not using contractions when it would flow better or using on when in would make more sense. It's generally ignorable once you get used to it, but it does require you to get used to it.

megameh
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

A promising start and solid homework by the author

Reviewed at: CH 12: First raid - Close Call

A promising start to a novel! The setting and mechanical systems are fairly unique for this website - there are not many gun based stories on this website, at least not many that take 21st century weapons seriously.  These are the novels strengths so far, and lets it stand out from the pack of VRMMORPG stories.

Otherwise, however, it is hitting the beats of those narratives beat for beat thus far. The grind, the starting from the bottom, the proving yourself...if he gets betrayed or makes a lifelong rival or the one female character thus far turns into a love interest every cliche'd beat possible will be hit. But I know there is comfort in formula, and that formula is often welcome in these sorts of stories. If you want a VRMMORPG story that delivers more of the same in a unique package, you could do far worse than this story.

Character development has been lagging behind so far, which is understandable given the pacing up to this point. To get over the top, this story will need stronger character writing and people for the protagonist to learn about, but I am hopeful that and more lore on the setting, which again, is very interesting, will come with more chapters. Deftinitely a story to keep an eye on and well worth following!

The Walrus King
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

This could make a good action movie.

Reviewed at: CH 17: Players

This is exactly what is says it is: a litrpg story set in a FPS. It does a good job of sticking to that while we weave through the story. It hits all the requirements.

-A lone character who knows his guns, is smart, and willing to get his hands dirty. 

-Lots of guns, and gun knowledge. Why pick this rifle and not that one? Calibre, types of ammo, length of barrel, how it performs: all things that the character thinks about and considers. And he breaks them down, cleans them, does dry firing, and then sights them in. All the things you'd in real life if you were in this situation and took your guns seriously. 

-A post apocalypse world. It's dangerous out there with mutants and monsters and other players. The area he starts in is very cool. Good world building. 

I've read all of the chapters available and will be continuing with the storyline. Greatly enjoying it. 

-Grammar is overall fine. I've found some awkward sentences or misspelled words, but not many, and not enough that it breaks my immersion.

-The characters are good. I'd like to know more about the main character, but I'll learn that as we go along. He's smart enough to avoid antagonizing people, and recognizes bad situations. But he's also polite and isn't necessarily out for himself. He isn't a dick or a bully, which is important to me in this type of story. The secondary characters are believable, but haven't gotten a lot of screen time yet.

-Story is good. We get some world building to set things up. The MC is good with guns and a knows how to shoot. Not out of line at all with millions of people living in the world today. But he's not a superman, doesn't have fancy gear, and is quite believable

-Style is first person, as you would expect from a FPS. We see things as he sees them. It works fine. 

I was torn between a 4.5 and a 5.0 for overall. Yes, there are some grammar fixes, but those tend to get done over time. There are parts of story I personally would have liked to see expanded on, but maybe we get there as we get more chapters. But I realized I was nit-picking a good story. I went back and re-read a lot of parts and considered it as a whole, and really like it. Way above some others i've read. Looking forward to more chapters. 

And seriously could see this as a movie. A rebel outpost built inside a massive starship that crashed into a city on a war-torn world? It would be epic.

Blind Snot Dragon
Overall

As the title says, the story is very descriptive. Dipping into slice of life and mostly just staying there. It is honestly awkward that I can be bored out of my mind reading a story placed 250 years into the future, on Mars, about guns and video games. Did I mention there's aliens? Still I found myself skipping and skimming looking for something to grab my attention and the closest are gun trial runs!?!? Oof.

All that negativity said the story is impressive on the technical details and generally well written. You can tell it's going somewhere, I just don't have the patience for it to get there.

 

Arkzenir
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Above average, could use some Grammarly

Reviewed at: CH 23: Questing and hustling

So, let me first say that if you have come this far into reading the reviews but still have reservations about reading the story, you should go ahead and give it a try.

To get the praises out of the way first, i adore the plot and the worldbuilding of this story. It is nothing too unique on its own but it fits the story perfectly and it certainly increased my enjoyment of it immensly.

The actions scenes are portrayed very well and the characters are not too bad either. I would appreciate a bit more depth when it came to characterisation, but i will chalk up the slight shallowness of the characters to the author taking it slowly, and i cannot criticise that.

To come to the elephant in the room, this story does not have the best grammar. I can easily look past that personally since it is not absurdly bad and there are only a handful of errors per chapter, but i urge the author to get some more editing time for their chapters or at least run them through Grammarly first to catch the more obvious errors.

There were also some instances of the MC acting somewhat weird, essentially becoming the caricature of a late middle aged boomer with some "hehe women amirite?" comments but i will also chalk that up to the fact that he's from early 21st century and that's just what Marcus grew up around. It would be nice to see him play off of some more prominent female leads however.

EWilanO
Overall

Very well written. I will comment further when there is more to review.

The plot is engaging, the main character believable and the style reads well.

As of now I have yet to find a point of criticism.

I await with baited breath how your story will progress. So far, I have very much enjoyed your story.

TyrAurelius
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Great with a few too many grammar errors.

Reviewed at: CH 21: All for a day's work

This is a solid military vrmmorpg story backed by what seems to be a good amount of research and/or personal experience. The author does a particularly great job of portraying the gun-enthusiast side of the MC, though the supposed engineering background is not as reflected in the character's thoughts. On the story front, the base motivations of the character have been well-established outside the game, even if there is not much to it beyond surviving to the next month and a bit of adapting to the times. Inside the game the trajectory seems focused on getting the character to eventually establish a team, after which the character's growth as they establish relationships in this new time and the game plot will likely dictate some not yet established direction. This is the author's first fiction on the site, and you can tell because there are quite a few spelling and grammar mistakes each chapter and the author is still not quite getting that second level of depth on the side characters. I'm giving it 5 stars anyway because there are signs of growth in the character department and the errors seem like an editing effort issue, which is common for new authors and tends to improve as a fiction gets more popular. Also, on the 4-5 star spectrum that is RRL rating, this fiction being below the 4.5 mark is entirely unjustified.

prowlir
Overall

I have to say overall i like it. Just wish i had more  to read before i gave a review. MC seems likable enough Plot is different than most. for an era game setting i woulda thought somesorta body armor woulda came standard thou i mean everyone in tactical settings at least has a bullet proof vest anymore. 

Melanstone
Overall

Game lit Litrpg through a videogame filter is kinda neat.  Its Escape From Tarkov the Lit Rpg.  And it's a Ton of Fun.  Adventure, PVE PVP player interactions are all interesting so far, we're one quest in and cant wait to see more of what to come.

The combat and gun modifications are really cool as is the accurate experience of finding your way in a punishing Hardcore game like this

EmpireofTrust
Overall

What it says on the tin, moves at a good pace with enough detail to paint an interesting picture.

Most of the stories I read and enjoy on RR tend to be more magic based, this is one of the few more realistic that has been compelling and continued past a few chapters.

I hope it continues