The Primordial Tower [Re]

by Daoist Enigma

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Traumatising content

The Eternal Lion, Conqueror of the 98th floor, Lord of Destruction watched in horror as his companions were slain, one by one. Humanity had made a fundamental mistake in assumption from the beginning, for this was no fair trial. 

His rage knew no bounds, but alas it was to no avail. The only reason he still drew breath was because of a being stronger than even God offering him his twisted pity, making him watch as his companions, his sworn comrades, were slain one by one in front of him as a punishment for daring to affront Him. 

He only saw one final glimmer of hope to overturn this accursed outcome, which lay in the reward for completing the hidden piece on the 98th floor.  

[The Inheritance]

Allow your knowledge and experience to flow back in the river of time, back to the beginning of the Primordial Tower's awakening on Earth. Entrust the fate of humanity to one of your kind.

Cost of Activation: Erasure of existence from the river of time. 

To think that all his efforts would only lead to becoming a stepping stone for another. With a final roar in defiance, he activated the skill. 

"Let the roar of the eternal lion tear through the boundaries of time."


Get ready for one hell of an adventure. Now do it all over again!

Follow Noah Smith's journey, a young man struggling to find a job in a sluggish economy, as his life gets overturned and the fate of the world is suddenly thrust upon his shoulders! One opportunity to change his very perception of reality, will Noah rise to the occasion and give Earth the savior it needs, or will he watch from the sidelines as it heads to damnation?

Sometimes, an ant can see what the mighty lion, in hubris, overlook. 


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Daoist Enigma

Daoist Enigma

Lord of the Multiverse

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drakan_glasses BE NICE! Fair critique is fair, but be respectful & follow the review rules. There will be no mercy.
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primordial_cosmos
Overall

I LIKE IT.

 

Story as of now is kinda okayish barebones of something promising. There are certain worrying tendences like mc may power creep, luck stat being luck in common sense leading to dumb plot armor twists to name few. But so far those are only tendencies. Future is hidden in depths of time and I hope this story will have only bright future ahead. 

The Walrus King
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

The story is enjoyable to read, especially if you are a fan of tower climbing stories. We don't spend a lot of time until the story gets started, which I'm a fan of. We know from the start it's a tower climber, so no sense spending many chapters until we get into things.

We get enough information for the start of the story. You meet the character, get an idea of who his is and his motivations. Family is important to him and living up to his deceased fathers expectations.  He also worries about his sister and mother. Good motivators.

Once things get going, the combat is fun. The MC isn't an OP god of war.  But he does have an annoying/helpful spirit giving him some advice and adding some levity to the scenes. All the fun of having a sidekick without  having to worry about him. We start to get an idea of the progression in his abilities without having a huge amount of info on how the system works dumped on us. More of a 'we find out at the MC finds out'. 

The only advice I'd give is to take a run through the first couple of chapters, and look at some of the sentence structure. A few of them are very long and could be split into several separate sentences which would convey things better. 

We are fairly early in the story, I'll be following along as things progress. It's all new to me, as I didn't read the original.

Shades98
Overall

Primordial Tower rewritten

Reviewed at: Chapter 29- Duellist

A good story of how people can survive if they are into a become a god story evem if you dont know why. Great pace to the story and growth of the MC. 100 floor tower with a cheat of somebody who only got to the 98th floor the first time through

Jason_Blunder
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Overview: Get past the ghost. 

While I was initially disgusted by the ghost, now it bothers me far less. Even if Noah gets an advantage like this, it's far far better than luck being the reason. 

I'm sure as things move forward with Noah making choices of his own Liam will become a mentor style character. Instead of the initial cheat he seems to be. 

What I mainly like and honestly the reason I'm still reading is that in a major sense all Liam has done is guide Noah and give him some pointers. It's still Noah taking the risk and earning what he gets. 

I also love how stats are not constantly shoved in our face, tho personally I'd rather not have the entire description of weapons we've seen before but that's a minor gripe, at wich point I'm nitpicking. 

Style: 

There is a lack of 'Luck' in the story for reasons that will have to be read about. Which helps push the story part up in my mind. 

The drive to do for others while still having a personal reason is helpful for understanding Noah's choices. Along with Noah being a decent person makes the reasons seem real instead of just something the author is using. 

This is just a personal not, the eye burning blue boxes do not luck in the pages! Praise be!

Story: Too early to know where it falls.

Honestly I'm worried, the story has amazing promise. With Noah having reasons for everything that is done. Tho not every reason is heroic, which makes Noah more human. 

The only major down side is future Liam, I can see this becoming something that is less of an issue later on but it's a bit like Luck power some other stories use. Something people will have to get past starting out but slows down so far. 

The system isn't up in your face all the time and only there when it makes sense. Along with the challenges seeming possible yet extremely hard. 

Any more critiquing would just be worrying about the future problems and I don't want to nag on the story just because of my fears.

Grammer: 

Alright I'm horrible at finding Grammer issues, Yet I've found none that are glaring, and seen less fix comments than usual. 

Character: Only two

Honestly it's only Noah and Liam so far. Everyone else is just side or background with no filling out. Sure there is the sect leaders son but it's too early to see if they get properly filled in. 

Sadly even if the only other characters Noah and Liam interact with do get filled in, they are unlikely to show up again. 

On to good news tho, Noah and Liam are perfect for a mentor/student pairing. One where both learn from each other and can rely on one another to soothe there pain. 

Even tho it seems like it Liam is not just solely instructing Noah on how to do it all. More so leading Noah then being hands off from there. I can see how in the future Liam's 'skill' stops controlling the whole story wile still being useful. 

Noah, is different enough to be refreshing yet flashed out enough to be interesting. While I don't want to spoil Noah's character, I'll say he is not any one thing. Reasons and responsibility along with a lack on constant complaining. Sure gripes are there but it's more like banter and lead to funny interactions. 

Along with right now might not be the best time to dump a bunch of permanent characters into the story due to building up Noah and Liam 

 

Total view:

Hopeful and excited. I hope this continues and the author has fun writing. 

This is my first advanced review so if I rambled or doned on sorry.

SosadhScath
Overall

A fun romp, if rough around the edges

Reviewed at: Chapter 28- Sparring

The prose is a bit rough, the characterization is attempted but a bit jumpy/disjointed, dialogue could be smoother.  

But for all its flaws, the story is readable and fun. I'll be following it.

ReViEwS mUsT bE 50 wOrdS lOnG. ReViEwS mUsT bE 50 wOrdS lOnG. ReViEwS mUsT bE 50 wOrdS lOnG.

Aballer5
Overall

The story has way to many save mechanics for the MC. The author is using not one but two writing crutches in a luck stat and in a "god" who knows everything but isnt very helpful. Last review got deleted so I will leave this one. My overall opinion is the stroy is bad. Author writes well but the story needs less crutch and less cringe british man who has seen all of his friends die but doesnt act like it.

m1sty
Overall

I don't actually think the plot of the story

Reviewed at: Chapter 0- Noah

Comment from Hjkeyl

This chapter almost killed me.

 

The only good authors I can think of that go into the characters motivations and background diagetically, in one big navel-gazing block like this are Frank Herbert and Terry Pratchett. Herbert because his whole books are one giant philosophical treatise, and Pratchett because it's funny.

 

Most stories don't have to, because the character traits and background are slowly revealed as part of the story, to reinforce the plot. When you give a dossier as part of the prologue, you give the game away.

 

This isn't to ask that you change anything, in fact you probably shouldn't, it's your story. As a reader, though, it just confused me, like a roadblock I had to stumble over before we get to the actual story.

 

My apologies for the lecture, I appreciate your hard work.

 

Edit: Let me know if this kind of comment isn't welcome, and I'll delete it from the story.

Kamarii Suychad
Overall

Solid story structure with interesting characters so far. MC doesn't have a lot of agency as he is basically just following instructions but I am hopeful that this will change as the story progresses. I am also hoping to see a few more main characters for the MC to interact with in the coming levels.

EnigmaTTO
Overall

Good start so far, seems like the author has gone back and made some improvements to the story based on some of the notes. I'd say they worked because I didn't really have any complaints in that regard and really enjoyed everything I've read so far. There are some typos and other errors here and there, but not enough to distract from enjoying the book

Arthur-67
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Grammer- The grammar was good, i didn't notice any real errors. In chapter 1 cheerio on the first line, you've wrote chucked to himself instead of chuckled. These are easy mistakes where your brain just sorry of fills in the correct word when your reading, so i didn't feel worth lowering your score for it

The style was good and consistent throughout, the system/exp part also looked good and was well written. Sometimes in these stories, the system part can ruin it if done poorly or takes up to much of the story, I'm glad to see this story didn't have that issue. The only part dislikes is the use of all caps for anger such as in chapter 4, it might just be my personal opinion but i dislike seeing all caps used in stories, it sort of breaks my focus in the story.

I found the characters to be likeable, from Noah in his struggle to survive to Liam, who had the personality you'd expect from someone in his situation. I enjoyed the pair interactions. 

I haven't really read too many tower stories but I did find the story/plot of this one to be interesting and I am keen to see what happens in the next few chapters since I never read the original. Plus it gave a nice amount of interesting detail and backstory for Noah in the beginning, enough to make me care for what actually happens plus it was a nice chapter hook at the end.

Overall great job.