Memories (Completed)

Memories (Completed)

by Invictus21

Jacob woke up in a hospital with no memory of who he is or how he got there. 

He realised very soon that he had lost more than his memories. His girlfriend, who was with him, was murdered.

He is now out to find the person responsible and take revenge.

But how difficult will it be when he can't even remember the person who he has lost or even anything about himself.


Author's Note: This will be a short story, and I plan to finish it soon. I used to hate when stories were left incomplete. So I promise not to do that. 

This is my first story ever. So please provide your feedback in any way you can. Enjoy the story

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Invictus21

Invictus21

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EnjoyLife
Overall

A thrilling read with an Amazing ending

Reviewed at: Chapter - 40 : Final Chapter

Came across this storg over the last couple of days in thr latest releases and decided to give it a try.

And I'm glad I did that.

Though the grammer could use some improvement in the initial chapters, it get better after the first few chapters. 

And th author makes it up for that with the quality of the story. You are put into the deep end of the pool from the first chapter and it gets better from there.

Liked the simple approach of the narration.

But the best part was the ending. Really loved it. Made the overall story brilliant.

KevinADavis
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Read the first 11 chapters. Intriguing start with a solid introduction into Jacob. The writing and dialogue has a quick pace.

Story: The situation is developing as the chapters progress. Intriguing dilemma for Jacob. The development with Michael fills in some of the missing pieces. The diaries as well.

Style: Dialogue is good. I have a clear sense of the characters but not of the surroundings. The dialogue is solid, but I would want to see the story and setting as well. Pacing keeps steady. 

Grammar: I'm not skilled enough to identify the actual issues. There did seem to be places that would work better grammatically. 

Characters: Jacob has been developing clearly, especially during moments of interaction with other characters. There is little internal dialogue so the flaws and assets are simple and I’ve yet to see any direction in arcs which is normal at this stage of the narrative. I can empathize with his situation. Michael develops quicker. Mary seems a bit thin as far as a character, but I’m not sure how much of a part she’s going to play.

Overall, a good read that I'd suggest. The situation I look forward to learning more. The few chapters I've read have left a solid interest in the mystery and dilemma.

 

HyperAlphaKing
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

To preface this, it is clear that it is very early days for this novel and the author, so don't go in expecting a lot of polish. However, I found the story interesting so far and I can definitely sense the author's potential. Thus I don't want to give a disparaging rating.

 

Style:

Sometimes there are 2 sentence paragraphs, and other times there are big blocky ones. It would be best to split the big paragraphs, so the reader doesn't have to read a big wall of text.

In terms of dialogue, the way characters talk seems a bit too stiff and the way it is formatted seems very rapid. Line after line. I would recommend the author to add little facial/physical cues on the same line as the dialogue, to slow down the pace, and to be able to give each character more personality.

 

Grammar:

On a technical level, there are a few spelling mistakes, and missing apostrophes Personally, I do not find these detrimental to the prose, and these errors can always be fixed with a re-read. I recommend to all authors to install grammar checking plugins.

 

Story:

Here is where it gets good. I was never a fan of murder mysteries, but this story pulled me in with its simplicity. The main character Jacob, a top student in university was going to propose to love Priya, but on the night he was stabbed and his girlfriend killed. Now, suffering from memory loss, he must uncover the truth of what happened. A simple premise, maybe a tad overdone, but that's what I like.

 

As I said earlier, it's early days for this novel, so this is the only plotline so far, but I personally see potential and I am interested where it goes.

 

What I am somewhat put off is the way Jacob's past is presented. In the novel, it is just written out directly, but I feel it would be more effective if the flashbacks from his past were shortened, and more interlaced throughout his life in the present. For example, if he read his diary, he would get a flashback, and then he would comment on that memory in the present.

 

What the story lacks currently are suspects. There is only one suspect who could have done the murder and that is Jacob's orphan friend Maya. It would be interesting if Jacob through his diaries, remembered more characters that could be suspects. These could be established later, but it's best to have suspects written in as soon as possible, to have a proper mystery.

 

Characters:

I enjoy the character of Jacob, he is smart and has a bit of cunning, as seen as how he shifted media attention on the police. He's not a flawless character either, he has little patience and control over his emotions. I would simply like to see his cunning and flaws more prominently and cause and resolve conflicts.

 

The character of the Inspector, although brief, was also interesting. A slightly lazy man whose been put in charge of a difficult case that has all the media attention. There is some conflict between the Inspector and Jacob, which would be fun to see developed more. But again, it is early days.

 

To conclude, this novel has a fair way to go in terms of development, but I have become interested in its simplistic, but still intriguing story and characters. I see the potential of the author, and I hope they continue to grow and improve.

DrBuller
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Is this what a thriller is?(UPDATED)

Reviewed at: Chapter - 40 : Final Chapter

Old review:

I can't say I fully understood what I read, and maybe that was the intended effect. The guy lost his memories, for christ's sake. There is nothing that should make sense. And... that emotion gets carried over very cleanly, the guy not really knowing much of anything, forced to piece things together as he goes along his life.

Haven't read the book in full, but I wonder if I should put away a few hours to do just that. I recommend it. 5/5

So... I read it all. Every last word, every last chapter, and... I have gained a newfound understanding of what this story had to offer. I thought I understood the general plot after those first four chapters, yet it really does change over time. Things changed throughout it all, and I must congratulate the author for that.

But, what is a review without breaking it down a small bit, starting off with the style. Memories used multiple POVs, more later in the story than anything, giving the reader a more in-depth look at the world, whats happening, and how the people are reacting to it. As an example, the ending wouldn't have been what is is now without the detective getting their share into the script. For that, I will be giving this story a 4.5/5 for that. I felt it was done beautifully. but there were still some formatting that I had some issues with, most of all being the way that we were told who was in the main focus at that point.

Grammar is another point I would be pointing at here. It isn't terrible but it isn't the best, This here might actually be the one point which hasn't changed for me throughout reading this thing. While the general structure and all is valid, the author has a smaller problem with getting the tensing wrong at points. It's not enough to get an anerusims, but it was enough to be noticeable. I suppose it could be due to Grammarly or other editing getting it wrong, so I won't be taking this too hard. Another 4.5/5 here.

The story now. For me, this is likely the hardest thing to get through. It's... there, it exists, and I can honestly say that it is likely more well-thought out that most things here will ever be. It drove me into reading this quicker than intended. Wanted to spend a week reading this on and off. Binged it all within a single night and morning instead. While I can't point out any specifics on how it was pulled off, I suppose that something must have been done right, when its possible to bring out such an reaction from me. 5/5 for that.

The characters... taking back a small bit of what was said at the other part, I actually have some idea of what brought me into the story. And, no, it wasn't the characters but the mystery surrounding them. If anything, the characters are likely what I would call this story's weaker point. This might be less on how they shown and more on how they act to certain events. The MC doesn't truly fit into what I would see as a human being that should be empathised with, yet it just feels like that's how he's meant to be seen. The way he acts, the way we get shown he acts later on, just doesn't work for me. If not for the other characters in this book, I would have given this a 4/5. However, I feel a 4.5/5 could be excused.

Overall, this is just a straight out 4.5/5 with that last 0.5 still being a good stretch away. Grammar needs work, characters likely need better descriptions to make them more sympathetic, and style perhaps need some pace changes(purely person opinion with that last one. Don't take it that seriously).

Good enough to read. Not enough that I would rank it among my favourites. 

scost
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Memories is a solid mystery story that makes great use of its characters and structure to weave an engrossing mystery thriller.

Story: By far the strongest elements of the story is the mystery. Without getting into spoilers, the story remains an engrossing read throughout, managing to leave the reader guessing until the end. The ending specifically is pretty well done. I did not see it coming and the twists in the story kept me on my toes. The structure of the story was quite good. The use of flashbacks sandwiched between present day plot was a great way of presenting the story and made it very interesting to piece together.

Grammar: a few grammatical mistakes throughout the story, but they did not impede my reading experience. 

Style: This is probably the weakest component of the story. The prose is incredibly utilitarian, which can be a stylistic choice, but is to the story's detriment. A lot of the dialogue serves primarily to convey plot information and does not convey a lot of character. This is not helped by the lack of decription of mannerisms during dialogue - it's very back and forth. Jacob's character works the best in this regard as he comes of as direct and makes the dialogue work for his character. 

In addition, while the utilitarianism of the writing kept the pace fast which I enjoyed immensely, there were moments where I was left confused and my reading interupted. An example would be the religious differences between our leads. Jacob's christianity was mentioned half way through, many chapters after it became a central element to the relationship. Priya's religion is never mentioned. I assume it is Hinduism, but it was strange that it was never addressed or introduced.

Character: Jacob's character works quite well and he has a good, consistent voice. The other characters suffer a little from their dialogue being mainly used to convey plot, but they do get more developed as it goes on. In the end, the supporting cast was pretty good, just needing a little more life in their dialogue.

Overall, Memories is a pretty good mystery that did the most important thing: keeping me invested and having quite clever twists.

world_wanderer
Overall

A great start of the story!

Reviewed at: Chapter - 2

The start of the story is interesting. I finished 2nd chapter and I am already intrigued about how he will return his memories and why his girlfriend died.

From what I read, I guess the story will be in detective genre. I haven't read anything in this genre here on RR, so it looks like heaven's will.

I like it. Will follow and continue reading.

KoyukiMegumi
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Overall Review:

Overall, it is what one would expect from a murder mystery! It sets out to accomplish what it says it is about! If you are into that then you should give this one a try!

Style:

I really enjoyed the simplicity of the story and dialogue, though I wish there were more emotions placed into it. Like I would like to see what they do when they speak and the motions as they say what they have to say. But that is a preference!

Story:

The story is nice and interesting enough to want to know what happens next! Though it has the typical memory loss trope, I feel like it is well executed in this story. I haven't gotten to the ending yet, but I bet it will be a shock!

Grammar:

There are some grammar issues (I am not a perfect writer myself) when it comes to tenses, but the story really is good to stay through them.

Characters:

They are believable characters, though again I wish I could see more emotions from them! Like what they feel when they say certain things. But again, this is a preference! Sometimes simplicity is best!

I give this author my best wishes and see a bright future for them!

Strif3
Overall

Natural storyteller

Reviewed at: Chapter - 20

I don't often read murder mysteries and I had seen that this was the author's first story so I wasn't expecting much. But despite Invictus' obvious inexperience with writing, his no-frills simple storytelling style is refreshing and a nice change from the usual fare on RR, where everything is "heaven-defying" or "once in a generation". Give it a try, you might like it too

TwelveGreatApes
Overall

Would make a great screenplay!

Reviewed at: Chapter - 6

Premise seems interesting and the story moves quickly.

I didn't find the grammar as much of a factor as a lot of people seemed to. I did find though that the writing style was somewhat removed, with little emphasis on emotions or the tone or detail of interactions. 

Despite this matter of fact approach, the story does contain some genuinely evocative moments. It's just more of a read between the lines sort of thing, rather than the story coming to life in front of you.

But hey, the story beneath it is good, and that's the most important thing. This is a great attempt, and I hope the author can continue to improve.

Farisahamed123
Overall

A Good Mystery Novel with a Brilliant Ending

Reviewed at: Chapter - 40 : Final Chapter

The novel starts ok. But keeps getting better. First two parts was ok but last 2 parts were really good. Glad I gave this story a chance. The ending was really good. Definitely worth reading. I read the whole thing in one go. Should definitely give it a try if you are considering it