Original HIATUS Action Adventure Fantasy Romance Virtual Reality
You awake in the middle of an unfamiliar woods with nothing but a knife and a pair of pants. You have no idea where you are, how you got there, or even what your name is. Noob Slayer is an average college student, part time computer repair guy, and a full time gamer. He awakes to find himself in a world he does not understand. Follow him as he explores this new world, looks for answers, and tries to remember his name. Authors Note: This is a side-project I started after being widely stumped trying to write another book. It is my first attempt to actually post something I've written online, but don't be afraid to be brutal. Improving myself is why I wanted to write this in the first place. I know the VRMMO genera is a bit over-done but hopefully it has a few good stories left to tell. Warning: This is written in the first person. Will contain brutal fight-scenes, bad pop-culture references, a ton of MMO-tropes, and possibly some light sex if the MC doesn't screw it up too badly.

Member of

A group of excellent litRPG fictions on RRL!


  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score
  • Total Views :
  • 723,982
  • Average Views :
  • 18,100
  • Followers :
  • 1,734
  • Favorites :
  • 545
  • Ratings :
  • 297
  • Pages :
  • 653
Advertisement
Remove
Go to Table of Contents
Rate it
Fiction breaking rules? Report
Advertisement
Remove
Author
FlyingDutchman

FlyingDutchman

Ghost Pirate

Achievements
20 Comments
Word Count (14)
2,500 Followers
Top List #70
Fledgling Reviewer (I)
3 Review Upvotes
500,000 Views
5th Anniversary
Advertisement
Remove

Leave a review

Reviews
Sort by:
Nicbrightside
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

An interesting story with a main character that the author appears to like punishing.

This review is after reading up to volume 2 chapter 9.

 

Style:

The style and layout of the story is certainly well done with decent paragraph spacings, good use of the site's blue boxes and an ease to follow which character is currently being focused on.

 

Story:

The story follows the normal VRMMO style of 'average man enjoying game' with a few alterations here and there, most of which become apparent in the early chapters. The story is engaging and interesting even without the need for some overarching boogie-man of an antagonist to be heavily focused upon, we simply get to see a man in a virtual reality fantasy setting going about, having fun and discovering things. The discovery element is engaging, the trial and error of gaining skills and abilities adds personality, not simply using numbers to be handed power on a silver platter.

 

 What may end up as a turn off for many people is that this main character is by no means overpowered. Thats not to say he is weak, but if you want to see someone leveling hordes of monsters in seconds, this would not be the story for you. To me it seems the author is trying to make this abundantly clear as it seems like the 'hero' gets beaten black and blue every three to five chapters. I read this story over several days and can honestly not put my finger on a scene where the hero won, but did not end up viciously maimed at the same time. I can understand wanting to show the slim margin by which he usually wins, but it does become fairly gratuitous having the protagonist get beaten more than a red headed stepchild. Some people might like that, the knife edge by which he comes out on top, but I do think the hero could use some love. 

 

 Some parts of the story in this near-sadistic-towards-the-MC fashion did make me frown. For instance, mentioning how many hundreds of thousands of people were at that time playing the game and then the main character runs into the person with the single most powerful weapon currently in the game...yea... I thought that was perhaps a step -too- far. 

Grammar:

Seems pretty damn good, nothing that interrupted the flow of story, nothing glaringly obvious. Sentences and paragraphs are nicely structured.

 

Character: 

The main character is a well rounded individual both mentally and emotionally speaking. Intelligent but not with unnecessary google-like information in his brain. He reacts rationally to situations (which at times is to act irrational). Personally I believe that to the point I have read the character should probably be a little more powerful than he is. After everything he has been through he still continues to slip up (whether that be winning slimly or being out right defeated) in much the same way he has since the beginning. 

 

 The side characters show well fleshed out personalities, a host of unique people with their own little quirks and nuances. Nothing stood out as being too outlandish or unreasonable, nobody important seemed bland or uninteresting.

 

Overall:

A well written, interesting story. Something I look forward to keeping an eye on. It manages to keep the VRMMO genre fresh and exciting with a few subtle tricks and additions. I may be on my own in thinking that the author likes to see the main character suffer a few too many beatings as he scrapes by, but that is simply my personal opinion and any dislike I have towards that is outweighed by what I find positive about this story.

th30dor
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Really nice world and mechanics

I really enjoyed this story, and I am looking forward to the new chapters. 

The flow is great, it has a nice pace, no OP MC in the first 3 chapters that steamrolls everyone.  

I am going to rant now about what I think is the biggest missed opportunity in this story: MC's class

 There is this great magic system in the world, and the MC cares deeply about it. A big draw for the story is his progress with it, as a result of hard work, imagination and exploration of the system.


The author first introduces the Witch class, with curses, blessings and circles. A very unusual class, that has rarely been done in stories, with a huge amount of novelty and room to expand. We then get introduced to an interesting take on wizards, based on runes, and finally, a fairly regular sorcerer class, based on elements and magic connected to that (fire, water, earth etc), and all are influenced by the rules of the overall magic system.

The MC then chooses the Geomancer class, and..., it has absolutely no impact whatsoever. You can literally leave the MC without a class, and the story would barely suffer. Or, you can rename Geomancer to Knight, or Fighter with big hammer. It's mostly the same thing. The skills he gets from it are the most boring and mundane: Skill that hits hard (Whatever name you wish to give it: Powerstrike, Power attack, Hammerblow, Hit hard with stick) and Skill that boosts defense (Stoneskin, Armor Up, Reinforce Armor).

All the MC's awesomeness comes from things not from his class. He barely practices it. Sometimes you think he is awesome despite his class, not because of it.

 
FrustratedEgo
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

[Clever Review Title Here]

Lets start here, I liked it, and I recommend it as a good piece in the whole "Virtual Reality but not," style of story. Is it the best? Not without another 50 chapters - simply because it's hard to say if the quality still stay or at what point the story line will trip whatever mental triggers people have.

So, from here forth we shall lay out the critical eye.

The story itself starts in a very confusing way. We get the feeling of memory loss transported to another world - until we see a POV switch. At that point we learn it's really a VRMMO beta test with a machine that can mess with peoples memories. We don't get into the absolute hinkiness of this until later (Vol 2, Ch 18) - so there's that bit of 'well fork, the world is screwed, evil corporate overlord!' standard setting which irks me something fierce.

Lets add in to that the whole PvP guild killers money equals power in game pay to win nonsense. I swear this part irks me the most. There's enough bleeding hearts out there that like, 20 people would band together and proceed to gut all people who try to rule a region. I mean really, that's got to piss people off right? Or is there just acceptance that "eh, yeah, some jerk PvP guild will try to own this" - maybe they do that in Guild Wars? I don't know! But pain hurts! Why would anyone try to own some area at the risk of virtual guttings from some sneaky assassin over and over for a month?

Alright - logic aside. There's a few typos. Most of them are easy to bypass and don't hamper the story. There's one entire chapter where the BB code is so messed up (probably an align tag closed at the wrong spot) - and it takes the entire chapter out of the pretty black / white background and plants it on the actual picture making it impossible to read. That one is the WORST part - on a chapter that should be important with the character returning to the game after beta.

Game play / world wise, there's a lot of fun little items thought out. I get kind of conflicted seeing all these classes being unlocked when in theory they can't change anymore - it's almost useless information to the main character (but good for readers, I guess...) - the items are interesting. The character text boxes aren't done every single chapter but are there which may drive away some.

Characters are interesting enough. Their primary personality traits stand out perfectly fine but little else jumps out besides the analytical one, the angry one, the sarcastic one, etc. Names are almost useless. 

There's 'real life' in here, which is good. Some VRMMO's will be written in a way to allow X person to insert themselves into the game forever and ever and ever and it makes no sense in a perpetual world. The over plot will theoretically impact the real world, though I suspect the 'sides' in the game are more about 'methods of handling the virtual world' rather than 'I'm trying to save the world' and 'I like messing people up hur hur'. So the over plot is enough of a mystery to draw me back.

Either way - in terms of VRMMOs, this one is far less annoying than average and felt worth reading. Chapter progress will likely be slow, but what's there is good enough to kill a few hours and engage the reader in an interesting world. Plus the cover is on point and this fiction has better teasing almost sex scenes then a lot of translated novels. So...there's that too.

Voidwalker
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

One of the best takes on the VRMMO genre yet.

 

The protagonist is realistic but not boring. The details surrounding the characters introduction to the digital world is pretty solid and more than good enough to suspend disbelief and enjoy the story. 

 

Most importantly, the game mechanics seems to have lots of opportunity for both good game play as well as an enjoyable story.

 

At chapter 10 it is already in the top 5 of this genre I have ever read on RR, and I am really looking forward to future chapters.

Ibskib
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Need more polish, and an injection of common sense

Entertaining enough, but poorly proofread, and the premise of him and others being kidnapped is pretty ridiculous, for one, no sane company would take that kind of risk, for another, if they are offering 10k for a month of people's life they would have absolutely no lack of volunteers so they wouldn't need to actually kidnap anyone.
The author really needs a beta reader there are a bunch of sloppy typos and grammar errors in every chapter.

The idea of memory erasure is intriguing, but the execution is pretty flawed.


lollerpops
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Well done! Realistic enough to get caught up in, and still getting better!!

Everything about this story is believable. I'm really enjoying watching the MC grow.(actually grow. like we do. not like naruto/ichigo) I've also been enjoying watching you develop as a writer. The content and quality of the chapters has improved drastically from the start until now. 

 

I can't wait to see how it will end! So many possibilities!

KenshoSeeker
Overall

Realistic reactions and challenges - not instant OP.  Very descriptive writing style brings the settings to life. Clever discovery of the game mechanics underlying the "world".   Appreciate the fast posting of chapters as you launch the novel.  Liked the interlude of the real world...  He's just a lab rat slaying virtual rats.  Look forward to seeing how you develop the character and advance the story! 

Wuerz
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Enjoyable and worth reading

Interesting and kept my attention all the way through what is currently written. Crafting and magic systems are creative. There are new combinations being discovered in the system as the story progresses. The CONS. There are some spelling and grammer errors. They seem to be getting cleaned up. Also, I disliked the interactions between the MC and females in general. I suppose that is intentional and will develop through the story. I found it distracting. The MC is constantly struggling to better himself and find new ways of seeing the game system which keeps the story fresh with changes of perspective.

Corazor
Overall
I'd wondered how you could make a name WORSE than Randidly Ghosthound, I honestly thought it was impossible, but you did it. Noob Slayer...

That aside, from what I've read the story is really original. I have some minor gripes, that kinda ruined the story for me l, but from what i do read, I had no problems with grammar or vocabulary and i think it was written beautifully

Spoiler: Spoiler

 I really enjoy this author's style of writing, but the stories just not for me. I haven't checked but maybe he's written something else that I'll like.

 

Thjazi
Overall

One of my favorite VRMMO titles

Not an OP MC story.  Not a rich guy.   The MC feels like someone l've met before.  Not a specific someone but more of a sense of a realistic human you could have met before.  A lot of MC's are little more than sociopaths grinding away and then becoming popular due to their power in a video game.  Exactly how are they anyone's friend?  They're the kind of people you "accidentally" leave off the happy hour invitation list because none of you will enjoy it in their company.  

This MC is the sort you could share a drink with.  If he was real.  

Thanks for the wonderful read.  Hope you write more for this and Sieze the Sky in the future.