A note from IllyasArt

This one was pretty easy to rewrite. Edited on 7/14/2022.


(Ps. I rewrote and edited this even though it's my birthday. Please praise me!)

Chapter 5: Goblins Really?

*Goblin king’s POV*

Today was supposed to be like any other day in my reign as Goblin king. And it started out as such but, Later in the day a small group of humans being led by two beautiful women showed up at our cave. They seemed to be fully prepared to subjugate me and my subjects.

I thought this was the end of my reign as well as the end of my subjects but instead, these “soldiers” were easier to handle than most monsters in this forest. Their leaders, those two beautiful women were bad at leading. Even though they by all rights should have easily subjugated us, they were completely inexperienced with handling us Goblins. By the time they reached the main hold, A huge portion of the “soldiers“ had succumbed to the various traps that my subjects had set up in our cave. Because of that, we were successful in managing to kill the remaining soldiers all without any losses.

I had instructed my subjects to not kill the two beautiful women. Not because we need them for breeding. It’s not even the season for us to breed. The reason why I kept them alive instead of killing them, is because if we did it would result in countless numbers of my subjects being killed. Unlike those soldiers, those two women were quite skilled. If even just half those soldiers had one percent of their strength we would have been subjugated with ease.

I had my subjects lure the women into a gated pen that we use for breeding stock. The two women seeing that they couldn’t win against me and by subjects, they had closed themselves in the pen. There is a natural deterrent with this method. We have the means to lock them in the pen but, the women still have their weapons. We will be at a stalemate until they go hungry and weak.

Since my subjects had such an amazing victory where no one was killed and the biggest injury was a small cut, Me and my subjects decided to host a feast. Of course, from the new food that just invaded our cave. Human meat is the finest food in existence at least to us Goblins.

The feast was immaculate and successful. And in the following 10 days, nothing unexpected happened and we spent the days by in peace and quiet.

Our two captives were still being kept alive and well. We fed and gave them water. We didn’t give human meat since that would most likely kill them. That is if they can even stomach it.

What we did feed them was berries and meat from rabbits as well as deers.
Keeping them here was an extremely bad idea. They were clearly human royalty of some form which meant that they would be rescued soon so I had to figure out how to release them without us being killed because of it.

Or at least that’s what I wished I had to deal with but instead, two more beautiful women showed up. My subjects still confident in their last battle were fully prepared for an easy fight.

But, seeing those two women with their bloodlust blatantly showing, I knew that this day was my last…

*Illya’s POV*

Me and Akane had started our assault on the Goblin's nest. Before entering the cave we had to kill the guards at the front and we both decided going up ladders was beneath us so, we simultaneously obliterated the watchtowers with magic. And while we were at it we decided to also use magic on all the Goblin guards watching the entrance. Doing so sent splinters, blood, and fleshy Goblin bits flying everywhere. Quickly painting the surrounding area in a beautiful crimson red.

Illya: “Wait…Beautiful?” I say with a pause while admiring our handy work.

Akane: “Yes, what is it dear?“ Akane cheekily says.

Illya: “That’s not what I meant and you know it!” I say before raising my hand to chop Akane’s head.


Akane: “OUCH!” Akane says while rubbing her head.

I gave her a chop on her ever-so-beautiful head. I ignored her fake groans of pain and quickly went to talk about what was on my mind. I put a barrier up around so me and Akane just completely ignored the goblins surrounding us.

Illya: “I find the idea of painting the area in red beautiful, isn’t that like really bad?” I say with a thinking pose.

Akane pondered on my question for a bit. A Goblin leap towards us but, instead of being stopped by my barrier, Akane forcefully opened up a hole big enough for the Goblin to get in before closing it again and then swiping her hand across the Goblin's head crushing said head instantly and sending blood and brain matter everywhere. The blood and brain bits also painted Akane’s dress and body.

Illya: “I mean seeing you covered in the blood of your enemies makes you even more beautiful!”

Akane: “That so?” Akane said with a head tilt and a smile.

Illya: “Isn’t that wrong?” I say while lowering my head.

Akane looked surprised but, quickly regained her smile and just smiled at me and said.

Akane: “Actually it’s pretty normal for Celestial’s to be attracted to such things.“ Akane said while patting my head.

Illya: “Really?” I said with puppy eyes looking up at her beautiful eyes.

Akane: “I’m not lying. In fact, from the records of true Celestial’s that I’ve read, you’re pretty tame.”

Illya: “That’s good to know… I was wondering why I enjoy such things so much.”

Akane: “If you want to know anything more about your kind, just ask.”

Illya: “Thanks but, don’t you find me disgusting for liking such things?” I say with a dejected look.

Akane: “HAH! No! Our sadism and how much we enjoy bathing in the blood of our enemies are on the same level. It makes me love you even more!” Akane says before hugging me.

Illya: “That’s good. I did have you pegged as such and, I love you too!” I say while hugging Akane tighter.

When then shared a kiss which of course, lasted far longer than it should have considering our current situation. The snarls and noises that goblins made from seeing our beautiful act of love while completely ignoring them had made them seethe. They get even angrier at seeing the massacred bodies of their fellow goblins that me and Akane had killed mercilessly.

Illya: “SHUTUP!” I say before taking down the barrier around us and using magic to kill the annoying Goblins.

Akane: “I agree with my wife. SILENCE!” Akane says while also using magic to kill Goblins.

With me and Akane once again following each other's examples what was 483 different goblins were now red paste. This cave is much bigger than I had first thought that as going to be. Regardless once we were done killing the Goblins around us, we gave each other a satisfied look and nod, then we proceeded on further into the Goblin cave to renew our fun Goblin genocide.


*Goblin pain noise!*


Channeling our inner G*blin Sl*yer we violently slaughtered 752 more goblins. The number of them that are stuffed into this cave is quite impressive. Well, it would be if it weren’t for so many of them being smashed to bits by magic and painting the walls with their blood and flesh. Me and Akane could easily use magic that would instantly kill the Goblins without causing a mess and inflicting the least amount of pain but, we both find this cruel method of killing them painfully far more entertaining as well as satisfying.

Illya: “*Yawn* You know, after the thousandth Goblin I’ve killed with magic it only gets more and more boring.”

Akane: “Getting bored with using magic to kill huh? I’ll admit that the only thing that stops it from being absolutely boring is their screams.”

Illya: “I agree!”

Akane: “Wish we had some weapons, If we did we could switch off with them and magic so we wouldn’t get bored. Especially if we also mix in our hands and legs to kill them.” Akane said with a thinking pose.

If you’re wondering about the Goblins, Currently the ones around us don’t dare approach me and Akane and are just waiting for their deaths while shivering. Which gave me plenty of time to think. I had decided to make me and her some weapons before we continue. I mean, what are heroes without amazing weapons?

Illya: “Let me make two weapons for us with Creation Magic.”

I was about to use said creation magic before I realized that I had forgotten to ask what kind of weapon Akane would like to use. Apart from my virginity, it will be my first gift to her so... I want it to be really special.

Akane: “I’m fine with whatever you make me.”

Illya: “Akane! This is special I can’t just make you a random weapon!”

Akane: “H-how so?” Akane said with a confused expression.

Illya: “This is will the first gift that I’ll give to you! You already gave me a ring but, I haven’t given you anything yet!” I say with a pout.

Akane: “What about your virginity?” Akane said with a chuckle.

Illya: “We both gave each other ours so it doesn’t count!”

Akane: “I see… I’m sorry that I didn’t understand your intention. I’ll be extremely happy if you made a spear for me.” Akane said while patting my shoulder.

Illya: “Okay, request received!” I say with a solute and bright smile.

Illya: “Handle these Goblins for me please, I have to focus.”

Akane: “I don’t think they’ll even try to bother us at this point though? Also shouldn’t we just use magic to make a barrier around us again?” Akane said with a head tilt and one of her fingers on her cheek.

Illya: “Nope! Seeing you violently slaughter these goblins not only turns me on but also helps me focus. So please kill them even though they aren’t approaching us.”

Akane: “Okay! It’s better than just waiting in anticipation for my gift.” Akane said before giving me a kiss and proceeding to go towards the shivering Goblins to kill them.

With Akane agreeing to put on a show for me, seeing her kill her enemies greatly inspired me so I decided to spare no expenses and make the greatest two weapons in existence.

*Creation magic noises*

Illya: “Phew! I’m finally done.” I say while wiping away the sweat on my forehead.

It took 25 minutes for me to make both of our weapons. Oh, by the way. I wasn’t joking about going overboard with making our weapons. I even used up almost all of my mana to make them. Considering how much mana I have you should understand that I went extremely overboard making them.

Akane: “Holyshit?!” Akane said while looking at the spear I made her with sparkling eyes.

Illya: “I know right? I used like 99% of my MP to make them.” I say while making a proud pose.

Just as promised, I had made a spear for Akane. After thinking about what kind of weapon I wanted I decided to make a scythe. At first, I had to remake it because it was too long for me to use properly with my puny stature. After I made adjustments to the design, I could flawlessly even though I haven’t ever used a scythe before.

While Akane was still admiring my handy work, I was pretty interested in what I had managed to make I decided to inspect them. I held Akane’s hand so she could also see the inspection results with me at the same time. Before inspecting our new weapons I used barrier magic to keep us safe just in case some Goblin decides to be brave.

Illya: “Inspect!” I say while focusing on my scythe and Akane’s spear.

Goddess Akane’s Spear of Love and Slaughter:

Quality: Goddess Tier: Something made at the highest quality possible.

Rarity: SSS+.

Durability: Infinity.

Damage: 595,000.

A spear that was created by the Celestial Illya for her wife, Goddess Akane.
This spear is one of the greatest weapons ever created. Can de-materialize when not needed and materialize when needed.

Illya’s love: Level 10: Rarity: SSS+

When within a mile of its sister weapon Celestial Illya’s Scythe of Love and Slaughter all stats and skills are increased by 100%.

Life Absorption: Level 10: Rarity: SSS

Gives user HP from injuring foes and steals their HP.

Self Cleaning: Level 10: Rarity: S

Cleans blood and grim from itself.

Illya: “…”

Akane: “…”

Celestial Illya’s Scythe of Love and Slaughter:

Quality: Goddess Tier:

Rarity: SSS+:
Durability: Infinity.
Damage: 595,000.

A Scythe that was created by the Celestial Illya.
This Scythe is one of the greatest weapons ever created. Can de-materialize when not needed and materialize when needed.

Illya’s love: Level 10: Rarity: ????+

When within a mile of its sister weapon Goddess Akane’s Spear of Love and Slaughter all stats and skills are increased by 100%.

Life Absorption: Level 10: Rarity: SSS

Gives user HP from injuring foes and steals their HP.

Self Cleaning: Level 10: Rarity: S

Cleans blood and grim from itself.

After a bit, the sound of goblins whining loudly out our barrier brought us back to our senses. I had expected our weapons to be really overpowered but, does anything exist in this world that has more than 595,000HP? If me and Akane accidentally hurt ourselves with our own weapons, it wouldn’t take long for us to die. Good thing we’re both immortal!

Illya: “Anyway, I’m not good with words but Akane! Please marry me!” I held the spear that I had made for her in my hands and knelt down like I was proposing because I was.

Akane: “Though we’re already married. Yes of course!” Akane said before taking her spear and kissing me a kiss.

You all are probably getting bored of hearing us being all lovey-dovey so I’ll just skip to the part where I and Akane start killing shit with our new weapons.




Akane: “This Spear is absolutely perfect! Thank you so much Illya, I love you!” Akane says while giving my nth hug of the day.

Illya: “Love you too!” I say while accepting her hug.

That short exchange was all the reprieve the goblins had before the slaughter started again. The Time Management skill tells me that it only took 75 minutes and 23 seconds to kill 90% of the goblins. Counting the ones we killed before using our new weapons and the new kills we successfully and effortlessly slaughtered 8962 goblins.

Yet again, I am amazed at how big this cave is. How the hell could a literal army of Goblins just exist chilling in this cave without anyone coming to slaughter them? the amount that we’ve killed so far could easily wipe out entire towns with ease. Well, at least we’re killing them.

Illya: “These weapons are great! but I’m starting to get bored of slaughtering just weak enemies.” I say after slicing a Goblin in two.

Akane: “Likewise. What should we do?” Akane says after impaling a Goblins head.

After thinking for a while I came up with a really fucked up idea. Even though it’s pretty fucked up, I’m sure that Akane will enjoy it just as much as me.

Illya: “Can you speak Goblin?“

Akane: “Yes.”

Illya: “Oh what really? What have these goblins been saying then?”

Akane: “Mostly yelling at us and profanity. After one said, ”YOU STUPID WHORE YOU KILLED MY BLOOD BROTHER! DIE BITCH!!“ I stopped caring and or listening.”

Illya: “I see… How come that I can understand the language of humans in this world without a translation skill but not the Goblins?”

Akane: “Must be a natural talent of your race.”

Illya: “Then shouldn’t I also understand the Goblin's language?”

Akane: “Celestials are pretty self-important beings so, I assume understanding such lowly creatures like Goblins is beneath them.”

Illya: “Makes sense. Anyway, could you translate something for me?”

Akane: “That would be easy and I would do anything for you dear.”

Illya: “Same to you. See that big one in the back?” I say while pointing towards a Goblin with a crown and who’s sitting on a makeshift throne.

Akane: “The one that looks extremely pissed off and is glaring daggers at us?”

Illya: “That’s the one. I think he's the leader. I mean, he has a crown and everything.”

Akane: “He’s most likely the king.”

Illya: “Can you tell him that we want the rest of the goblins to fight to the death otherwise we will painfully torture them to death and we’ll give a prize to the winner?” I said that with a beautiful sadistic smile on my face which made Akane make a blank expression before her face also showed the same smile.

Akane: “Of course my dear!”

Illya: “Thanks!!” I gave her a small kiss on her lips. Akane then looked towards the Goblin King and said.

Akane: “Konan mín vill að þið öll berjist til dauða okkur til skemmtunar. Ef þú neitar þá munum við pína allt sem eftir er til dauða ólíkt núverandi aðferðum okkar. Eina staðfestingin sem ég þarf er að þið byrjið öll að slátra hvort öðru. Góða skemmtun!” Akane said with a loud voice that reverberated in the cave.

I asked Akane what she had said and she translated into my language and what she said was “My wife would like you all to fight to the death for our entertainment. If you refuse then we will torture all that is left to death. unlike our current methods of absolute destruction. The only confirmation I need from you all is for you all to start slaughtering each other. Have fun!” when she told me that I gave her a huge hug and by hug I mean I stuffed my face into her breast pillows.

Akane: “Disgusting thing!” Akane said after me and her went past the Goblin king whilst who was fighting off his subjects who were trying to kill him.

We went towards his makeshift bone throne and, Akane quickly destroyed it before I made us a luxury couch to sit down on and watch the entertainment. I also used cleaning magic on us before then Creation Magic to make us some popcorn.

Akane: “Mmmmm so good!“ Akane said while munching on the popcorn that I’m feeding her.

Watching the slaughter by the goblins was quite entertaining just as much as I thought that it would be. Me and Akane would have sex but, we aren’t willing to show such disgusting Goblins our bodies and act of love.

After a blood-filled 4 hours, the only Goblin that was remaining was the Goblin King, he was covered in wounds and blood of his once subjects. I didn’t mention it but, unlike most of the other Goblins who were only slightly bigger than a human child, the Goblin King was almost as tall as an adult man.

Illya: “That was pretty fun. Please don’t let me do something so fucked up again…” I say while getting up from the luxury couch.

Akane: “It’s far more fun to just let you do as you please though.”

Illya: “But, you have to admit that this was pretty fucked up right?”

Akane: “Again, that was pretty tame compared to what other Celestials have done in the past.”

Illya: “You sure? You don’t even know what the prize was.” I said with a sinister smile.

Akane: “Oh what was the prize then?” Akane said with a head tilt.

Illya: “Instantly painless Death!” I say before making my scythe appear.

I then appeared in front of the Goblin King and proceeded to sever his head with my scythe. I stood there being bathed in his warm blood which then covered me completely, coloring me in a bright red. The only thing you could really see when looking at me was my purple eyes. This seemed to enchant Akane greatly.

Akane: “C-can we have sex? I’ll make our house appear!” Akane said while drooling.

Illya: “Nope! Not yet at least. We still have to save those two captives remember?”

Akane: “B-but…” She looked like she couldn’t control herself after seeing me covered in blood.

Illya: “Once we’re done with this, I plan to do nothing but have sex with you for at least a month, preferably longer okay?”

Akane: “But!” She said with a pout

Illya: “No buts! I mean look at those two. They look absolutely horrified!” I pointed toward the two beautiful women who were being held captive by the goblins.

That’s right! They saw the entire thing! Us being lovey-dovey, Us effortlessly slaughtering thousands of Goblins, and even the impromptu battle royal we made the goblins do… I’m sure that they must be traumatized at least a little…

Akane: “Fuck! I completely forgot that we came here to save them… At least they’re beautiful.“

Illya: “Yeah, This endeavor was absolutely worth it!”

I then made my way to the cell they were being held in after using cleaning magic on myself. If I approach them while covered in blood, they’ll be too scared to even talk to me. They looked slightly starved and smelled terrible.

Illya: “Hmm…” I say while looking at the two women.

I used healing magic and cleaning magic on them since I couldn’t stand the smell or the sight of such beautiful women being so dirty… Unless they’re covered in the blood of their enemies that’s the only “dirt“ I’ll accept.


What about the key to the cell?

Despite what you might think about me, I have learned from my previous blunders. Who needs keys when I can just rip the door off of its hinges? Anyway, I did just that.

Illya: “Hello, me and my wife decided to come to rescue you two. Rejoice!” I say with a proud look.

Even though I said that without showing any blood lust, they didn’t react at all. They might be in shock or were just too starved to understand the current situation that they’re in.

Illya: “Hello?” I say while approaching them.

When I tried to approach them, they started shaking so, I decided to use sleeping magic on them. They should be in a better condition once they get a good night's rest.

Illya: “Alright. We’ve accomplished our goal. Let's leave this cave.” I say after picking up the two women and putting them on my shoulders.

Akane: “And then?”

Illya: “Get a few miles away from this cave and then put our house down so that we can enjoy ourselves.”

Akane: “But… What about those two?” She said with drool dripping from her mouth while looking at the two unconscious women on my shoulders.

Illya: “No touch! We aren’t rapists! We don’t even know if they’re lesbians and they won’t fall in love with us so easily. You and me are a special case and most likely they’re absolutely terrified of us.”

Akane: “No shit! I meant what do we do with them while we are enjoying ourselves?” Akane says correcting me.

I guess she was actually staring at me and drooling and not them. Cute!

Illya: “I’m using magic to keep them asleep until we’re satisfied. I’m also using magic to keep them fed and hydrated.” I say while hiding a blush on my face by facing away from Akane.

Akane: “How the hell does that work?” Akane said with a head tilt.

Illya: “I’m too lazy to explain it.” I say with a blank expression.

Akane: “Works for me. Let's go!”

Leaving the cave of goblins I look back at it and a sinister smile creeps onto my face remembering the slaughter me and my wife had just committed which puts a pep in my step.

After walking for a few hours, we came across a clearing with a lake. Not the same mana lake as last mind you. I told Akane that this was a good place to set up “camp” for now so she quickly pulled out our house from her storage.

Akane: “Done!” Akane says while clapping her hands.

Illya: “Thanks!” I say after giving Akane a kiss.

Me and Akane headed into our house and I took the two women that we rescued towards the spare rooms. I took off their armor and clothes and properly used cleaning magic on them until they were sparkly clean and then I put dresses on them similar to what me and Akane wear. One with a green dress and the other with a blue one. then I put them on beds in different rooms and tuck them in.

If I was a pervert, I’d put them both in the same bed naked and pose them hugging each other face to face… Mmmmm tasty lewd thoughts aside, I resist the urge to indulge in them. I mean if they were my lovers I’d probably do it just to tease them but, given the situation that they were in before we saved them it’s definitely not a good idea to do such a thing to them.

Illya: “Dear, the kids are asleep.” I say with a smug look.

Akane: “Haha funny! Anyway, you ready?” She didn’t even wait for my answer before she took my lips and started groping my butt and chest.

Illya: “Not yet!” I say and quickly remove her hands from me.

Akane: “What? WHYYYY NOT???!!?” Akane then started balling her eyes out.

Illya: “WE HAVE TO TAKE A BATH FIRST!!!” I say before chopping her head with my hand.


Akane: “B-but we already used cleaning magic…” Akane wasn’t in the mood to feign being in pain and was intent on convincing me to bed her.

Illya: “Magic doesn’t replace having a bath!” I said with a stern voice.

Akane wasn’t convinced at all. Fortunately, I had a very enticing idea that she’ll definitely love.

Akane: “Sex first!!” Akane said while pouting.

Illya: “So, you’re telling me that you don’t want to eat in the bath and have sex AND relax at the same?” Before saying this I rolled my eyes.

Akane then paused with a dumbfounded look on her face and then which then turned into a super lewd look. Looks like my idea flipped her switch hard.

Akane: “You have so many good ideas Illya!” Akane said while praising me.

Illya: “I know. Let's get into the bath.“ I say before picking Akane up in a princess carry.

Akane: “O-okay!”

The bath uh… play? Lasted 12 hours. After we were done enjoying ourselves in the bath, I made us some food. Specifically my favorite meal also, some sweets that Akane requested. She apparently loves sweets. Of course the feeding each other play happened a few times during the meal. After that, we went to bed…To sleep this time, I’m serious! we actually were pretty tired from our Goblin genocide. After a nap that lasted about 7 days, we then proceeded to have even more sex.

Sleep, Eat, Sex. That was our routine for 18 days exactly. We’re so satisfied that we quickly realized how stupid we were by doing nothing but indulge in each other desires for so long. We made a rule that limits how much we can do that again unless it’s a special occasion.

Illya: “Oh shit!“ I say sitting up from the bed.

Akane: “What?” Akane says while rubbing her eyes.

Illya: “I completely forgot about those two women we saved!“ I say in a panic.

Akane: “Eh? We’ll just deal with them tomorrow dear.” Akane said before grabbing my waist and laying back down.

Illya: “F-fine.”

With that, we kissed each other, and then we both went to back to sleep. I did put magic on those two women to keep them asleep as well as alive so, Akane was right about dealing when them tomorrow. Hopefully, their situation isn’t anything too troublesome…

A note from IllyasArt

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