Tales of an Unlikely Wizard (Isekai LitRPG)🌟

Tales of an Unlikely Wizard (Isekai LitRPG)🌟

by CookieCrumble

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Profanity

Now, he had three choices. One was going north, following the muddy path, and likely toward his eventual death. Two was going south, following the muddy path, also death.

...What was that third choice again?

***

Follow the misadventure of Euca, a young man who wanted nothing but an afternoon of cheese plate and tea. Lots of tea. Also going home. Maybe. If that annoying blue screen would let him. 

***

Hi everyone, this is CookieCrumble :D

So you might ask what could you expect from the story? Well, there are few things:

1. A cautious MC, very cautious. He'd eventually have character development, but it'd be very subtle and happened in the later chapters, so if you couldn't stomach not-strong-from-the-start MC, then unfortunately this isn't a story for you.

2. Science. Or at least scientific method, which of course by the nature of this story genre (a fantasy) was where MC was stumbling around, trying to make sense of everything by the tools he was familiar with.

3. Multi-POV characters. The other characters could go on for up to five or more chapters before the story returned back to the MC's POV. While the story was about the MC, it didn't revolve around him alone since I found it dishonest to the world that existed before him. I hope that make sense. Anyway, the other characters' POV would in the end tied back to the MC but they did have a life of their own.

4. Heavy internal monologue and slow progression. Which brought back us to the LitRPG tag. While the tag was factually correct, the 'status screen' would only appear every ten chapters or so. This story wasn't one of those that had a clear numeral progression such as how many STR or INT points you had at given moment.

5. A bit different style than the majority of the fictions at RR. As one of my reviewers described it, the style danced between smoke and substance, sometimes it sacrificed clarity for the censer, especially if the wordplay was good. Almost certainly, if the wordplay was good.

And that was it! If you think this is the right story for you, you could click the start reading button. Otherwise, I'd thank you for visiting and bid you a good day :)

Also available on Topwebfiction if you want to boost it :D 

P.S Updated every three days.

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CookieCrumble

CookieCrumble

A day-old cookie baked with love.

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drakan_glasses BE NICE! Fair critique is fair, but be respectful & follow the review rules. There will be no mercy.
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Sansvoid
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

I love this, but it needs work.

Reviewed at: 1.34 — WL/AR

The author needs an editor.

This story is awesome because it has excellent thought process storytelling. I'm an analytical person, and I love it when the main characters thought process can be told and also be relatable and interesting. So 5 stars for that. 5 stars for style.

But, I assume this author needs to work on their English, or needs an editor that can rephrase things into more comprehensible English, because the way some of these ideas are put together, are confusing and I miss things, because of the bad grammar.

But, they have excellent metaphors, which draw me back in. So 2 out of 5 for grammar.

The story is fine, I like the metaphors and thought process part of the storytelling, more than the larger plot lines. The larger plot lines seem standard isekai tropes. It's really the thought process, and way that the author shows us how much effort the characters go through to accomplish their goals, that makes this story good. 

So 4/5 on story.

The main character, is to me relatable, probably because I'm analytical and think too much. But I got thrown off when the author started on side characters. That and the bad grammar. Personally I would prefer more of the main characters point of view, but after I skimmed through a lot of the side characters story, I enjoyed the conclusion, where they talked to the guardian girl to buy the potion. And I get why the lead up to that makes that more tense, funnier, and better, but it was hard to get through because of the grammar and because I was annoyed that I wasn't reading about the main character.

So 5/5 on the main characters thought process. 

4/5 because I want more main character, and less of these other characters, but maybe I'm just impatient... 

I give this a 4.5 out of 5 for myself, but more of a 2/5 for the average internet troll, because I think they'll get turned off by the grammar, and I like the different phrasing and metaphor and I enjoy working out what it means, but most people won't I don't think.

Anyways, this is wonderfully creative, and if you get an good editor, then 5 stars all around for me.

Archsage
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

A really good read

Reviewed at: 1.08

Style :- Classical third person style. When reading a fantasy/litrpg novels, it's so much better reading from the third person point of view. As readers, we are made to experience the feelings and actions of the various characters in a good way. I believe the author's is able to pull this off beautifully. 

Story :- This is a litrpg novel which was set in the low fantasy world. I love fantasy/rpg novels. The story about a young Euca and his saga is well written and planned by the author. Right from the synopsis, the readers can already see the basis of the storyline which is captivating. Once the readers start to read, they'll find it difficult to stop. The author is doing a good work on this aspect.

Grammar :- Great use of the grammar. From what I've read so far, there was no noticeable error that could affect the flow of the story. It showed the great effort the author is putting into his work. Highly commendable. 

Character :- The characters are the life of any novel. Everything about the characters,  from the personalities to dialogues, shows the effort the author is putting into this novel. The author has created well designed and planned characters that have life to the novel. I'm giving kudos to the author for a job well done,

Conteur
Overall

The Literature in Game Literature.

Reviewed at: 1.26 — WL/C

Charles Dickens meets Douglas Adams and Terry Pratchett for a Google translated threesome.

The style is unique, very reminiscent of the above authors mashed together. Most readers will not appreciate the flowery paragraphs and introspection. The story reads as if a Spaniard translated the diary of a 20th century Englishman. Not a horrible thing, but a deal breaker for most.

But if one can get past the biggest hurdle - that English is obviously not the author's first language - the story draws you into a world of magic and mystery, where the reader is often just as clueless as the MC. 

It can be a frustrating read at time. The author drops college level nihilism in one paragraph, then follows up with an English translation error by putting a jug in the countertop, not on the countertop.

Followed and favourited.

AlexaLee
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

An intriguing start and an ambitious world

Reviewed at: 1.07

Style: The style was a struggle to me. It was mostly in past tense with some slips into the present tense randomly which made it a little messy to read. There were cut off sentences as well as random and incorrect punctuation. The content of the dialogue was good but a lot of the time the structure of it needs work.

Story: I think this has potential. Although it is a slow start, it seems to be an ambitious world that, with a bit of clarity, could be very good.

Grammar: Again, this was a problem for me. There were many missing commas, typos and strange word choices. With editing, this could be resolved but at the moment, it makes it quite difficult to read. I found myself having to push through or reread to make sense of it. Using software such as Grammarly might be helpful to address these.

Characters: This is where this story shined. The main character Euca is well fleshed out, his motives are generally consistent and he seems likeable. The side characters are mainly good but occasionally the style of dialogue makes it difficult to keep track of them.

As a whole, this story had potential but it needs a lot of editing to make it shine. At the moment, the grammatical and style issues are the main problems but when this is sorted, it will be much better!

Hi_Im_Ren
Overall

Kinda Inconsistent

Reviewed at: 1.04

I'll start with the highs of what I read. The slower psychological start really does feel quite nice. I also like the smatterings of worldbuilding throughout, I expect that the world would become very interesting further in and I'm sure it will work quite nicely. The main character does have a really strong voice and he seems to live in his head a lot. Despite being in the third person, it really feels like I'm reading in the first person, it's actually a pretty interesting feeling.

Now for my issues with what I read. The writing is pretty difficult to read, it takes a lot of effort to follow what's going on. There's a lot of missing words and stilted phrases that really threw me off. It wouldn't bother me if those errors occurred during simpler parts, but this story is told with a little too much information and it wholesale prevented me from getting immersed. There's also a weird jump that I encountered between chapters 3 and 4 and then the MC has things and knowledge that's not explained.

Overall my impression is best summed up by "it feels inconsistent" some parts are great other parts need some editing. I'm confident that with a little bit of revisiting the first chapters for readability this could be something great.

librarysmiles
Overall

The good: I like the tea-drinking slice-of-life action.

The bad: I hate the incomplete sentences.

The meh: The main character is really inwardly focused. We hear about his feelings ramped up to maximum sensitivity, which colors ALL his actions. It's not bad, it's just not what I was expecting. *shrug*

CShadrockz
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Story-Building Great and MC Relatable!

Reviewed at: 1.06

This is my first read of any Isekai LitRPG and I enjoyed it. The world-building is gradual, so it was nice for a reader like me who is not used to this type of story telling.

Style: Personally, I love choppy sentences and fragments and it really added to the MC and developing him. However, there are a lot of style choices that happen all at once and makes the read confusing at first. Choppy senteces? Great. Fast-paced MC narration? Cool. Dialogue style delivery? Neat. MC narration confusion? Wonderful. But all of the style choices start right in chapter one and are overwhelming at first. Though, after the firrst chapter the style choices slow down and are delivered thoughtfully.

Grammar: I'm no perfectionist for grammar and I usually don't care a lot but this reads as a first or second draft which is great! But it does come along with it's fair share of misspelling and awkward sentences though overlooking them is easy once I got a feel for the writing style choices so starting in chapter 3 is when it wasn't tripping me up or slowing the read down.

Story: Again, first time reading LitRPG so I don't know what's normal or not but honestly I hated it. Just kidding! I really liked it a lot. The details are subtle and the writer's style shines when world-building. Delivering little details about the word are intriguing and well-timed, letting the reader really let the imagery come alive without taking away from the characters or the plot. The plotline is an enjoyable read and my favorite part.

Character: The MC is well developed. The writer uses the narration style to really give a good insight to the MC, how he thinks, and how he percieves his new world. One thing I really enjoyed about the MC was his melo-dramatic self which gave a lot of humor to the narration. The side characters aren't as detailed but it might be part of the genre, so I'm not sure what the standard is for them.

Overall: Overall, I like this read. The first two chapters are a bumpy start in terms of trying to learn all the things at once - the writing styles, MC narration, grammar mistakes - but after that, the reading is smooth sailing and enjoyable.

Invictus21
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Good story, but bit slow

Reviewed at: 1.21

The story is really good with a lot of potentials. It will keep you engaged and looking for more chapters. But the pace is really slow. There were parts that I was skipping while reading. Like the entire first chapter could be redone and reduced a lot. But overall, the story is great.

Style: The style is great except for the pacing, which I mentioned above. Good use of the blue boxes as well. The story keeps you hooked, wanting for more.

Story: The story has a lot of potentials. This looks more like a crafting novel compared to other fighting focused novels. But that only adds to the charm of the story. Curious about how the Main character will develop himself further. The overall world building had been fantastic as well.

Grammar: Couldn't find any errors. So overall, pretty good from the grammar point of view. So kudos on that.

Character: The character development has been good so far. The side characters have been fleshed out well as well. Will look forward to how the character progresses further.

Overall a great read. And if you are still on the fence about this story, I would definitely suggest giving it a try.

LikoPilio
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Mixed bag. Very Slow. Very Promising

Reviewed at: 1.17

I actually found this story by accident on the latest update page. The cover is kinda cute. A boy in a cup with tag slice of life. Sound like a wholesome kind of story to me. So I say, why not? 

And did it turn dark fast.

By the chapter ten the MC has already experience near death experience, getting scammed, scammed the scammer back, and in the middle of the whole thing found out that he got this amazing cheat of using so much magic by just pressing a skill button. Great right? No. Because he's not interested at all about magic AT ALL.

I mean, how?

You got a freaking magic dude.

Instead, his cautious, reserved, second-guessing personality demand that everything and everyone is perfectly safe for him. He refused to adventure (which still make sense, not everyone cut for hacking-slashing in the good ol' dungeon), he ask his the merchant guild to have three month trial job period for his servant (I'm not reading novel for reexperienceing my contract signing, dude), but the most unbelievable thing that the man got freaking biohazard when summoning water. WATER!

FREAKING. WATER. 

He got this jumpsuit, the gloves, the mask, everything you saw the doctors got in COVID containment room. He's the most pessimistic downer that waste magic! Come on dude, it's magic! It's COOL. 

/rant 

Next, the grammar and the style. Well, this is kinda mixed bag. Typo almost nonexistent and the tense is pretty consistent. So it's readable. However half of the stories kinda written in poetic way? I don't really get it, but some of the sentences have this kind of rhyme or purposefully missing punctuation. I like it, but maybe not for everyone.

For the story, on the earlier synopsis (it changed now) the author said it's slow-paced, and yeah I agreed there's not much of an action scene, I meant the author had like one chapter only describing how the character walk from town gate to the inn. That's kinda over the top for me. However the plot like the synopsis said also only slowly unfurled. No infodumping at all. And it's kinda exciting, knowing the town that had without spoiling too much, 'exciting tradition'.

All in all, it's good (that's why I'm giving it 4.5) and definitely recommending it. 

Chryiss
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Appreciated Stylistic Attempt but very Conflicted

Reviewed at: 1.13

As the title of this review says, I appreciate and recognize the stylistic writing, and I love and applaud writers that veer from the conventions. However, this veered a little too far off for the story to be comfortable enough to read. But, because I can see the author's vision, I couldn't rate this lower than a 3.5 overall.

To begin, on Style and Grammar. I do recognize the stylistic writing, primarily in the form of sentence fragments, versus traditional, technically correct writing. But, I’m honestly not that sold on it. I’m actually a fan of stylistic writing employed in fictions, but usually, I like to see it done for a reason, for some added significance. But in this case, most of the time, the parts where it was used felt like typical narration. And unfortunately, the truly impactful parts felt less impactful because of how common sentence fragments or other stylistic devices occurred. Too much of anything can result in a negative effect rather than a unique, positive experience. I so wanted to like this style, but I simply could not get into it.

Utilizing too many literary and stylistic devices, in general, lessens the effect that they bring. For instance, unless the sentence fragments are written in parallelism and connected to one another in subject for dramatic impact for a certain point, having multiple sentences split up as fragments back to back or continuously is too many. At that point, it feels like every sentence is split for no reason other than to not have it be an independent clause/full sentence. Sometimes, this style was used superbly and delivered a lot of strong, unique voice, but other times, it was simply cumbersome.

For example (using only chapter one to reduce spoilers), I found this bit frustrating from the first chapter: “So he stood up, spine straight, smile lifted. Brushing the stray grass blade, the few fallen leaves that had managed to stick between his khaki creases. All before welcoming this glorious morning cheerfully.”

I cannot determine what is the added impact of making these into sentence fragments, especially for the middle sentence which actually combines two fragments together. This leads to a disgruntling reaction where I expect to read after brushing, “he” the subject matter. But instead, I get the “leaves,” which also doesn’t fully correlate to “grass blades” despite both being vegetation. Instead, I got images of tree leaves on the ground sticking to his pants that clashed with the brushed off grass.

Not following grammar for a stylistic effect is perfectly fine, but in this case, not following the grammar did nothing for this section––it only caused mild confusion, perhaps even greater for non-English natives or those who don’t have it as their first language. I actually see this type of double sentence fragment construction often. I don’t recall what it’s specifically called (it does have some name), but that incorrect subject after the comma doing the action before the comma is a common error. And in all cases of writing (besides poetry), there is hardly a reason to structure the sentence like this. The same tone and impact with a smoother read could be delivered if rewritten more grammatically correct. One possible revision while keeping most of the original flow intact: So he stood up, spine straight, smile lifted. Brushing the stray grass blade, the few fallen leaves that had managed to stick between his khaki creases, he welcomed this glorious morning cheerfully.

Although, I understand if the author wanted to keep the fragment “All…cheerfully” by itself, I’m still of the belief that it does very little. In fact, more harm comprehension-wise than good stylistically. But that is merely my opinion and impression on this matter, and the writing craft is a spectrum where writers can flex their creativity even while others may disagree. After all, nothing can please all people, anyway.

All in all, I still do believe this this writing style works well for the overall effect it creates. In particular, it sounds more like the main character is narrating than a third person omniscient narrator, and I actually suggest possibly changing it to first person? Then you could capture all of the personality and make the somewhat awkward sentence constructions––again, not all of them are this and work fine either way––fit because mental thoughts aren’t constructed like formal or traditional writing and speech. The flow of the style reminded me that of a person thinking to themselves in an almost sporadic, rapid-fire manner while still being long and drawn out on the individual topics of thought, so a first person narrative would suit this very well.

Additionally, on a more suggestion/improvement level than stylistic, some of the writing could be tightened up and restructured in ways that make it less filler or passive. For example, the first two sentences of the story: “There was nothing like watching a break of dawn. How the growing-igniting ember of tiniest ball banished night from forevermore.”

“There was/is/were/are” are commonly filler words. And starting a story (sentence) like this comes off as tenuous rather than a strong opening. The sentence structure could be rewritten as “Nothing was like watching a break of dawn,” or “Nothing beat watching a break of dawn,” or “Nothing compared to watching a break of dawn.” It’s to the point and delivers an impactful succinctness without the “there was.” Sometimes, “there was/is/etc” can be used for specific cases to draw out the thought/idea being delivered, but most of the time, these types of sentences can be restructured more effectively.

On more general, quick points, punctuation and structure is very loose and flexibly used. In some parts, it works great, but because the whole of the story written like this, it gets to be too much where it affects reading comprehension rather than add to the impact and subtleties of the mood and tone. Additionally, typos in the form of missing words like "was" and incorrect tense mixes poorly with the stylistic writing because it's hard to tell if it was truly an error or purposeful. It does seem like the former based on the consistency of how the writing is stylized overall, and they are easy fixes, anyway.

The biggest issue with the style, however, is the way it affects the Story and Characters. As I remarked earlier, I believe this writing style is better suited to first person narrative. For one, it reinforces and supports the quirkness of the writing and main character, Euca, and it is Euca's mannerisms and thoughts which drive this story and makes it engaging and interesting. The actual events that happen, aside from the Verdi effect, are rather modest and typical or expected from an isekai. Not much is actually happening in the dozen chapters I read, mainly Euca settling into this world and talking/thinking to himself. This is both a pro and a con because Euca is by far the most interesting character, and I'm charmed by his quirky ways.

But unfortunately, this comes at the expense of engaging and comprehensible plot and world-building. It feels like the plot and fantasy world details comes in spontaneous smatterings rather than consistent progression and building. Having to re-read entire sections to understand what exactly is happening makes it difficult to start piecing together the actual story and settings/sense of the world aside from Euca's thoughts and reactions. The style, rather than complementing the plot, is fighting against it. The reading experience doesn't lie in the story in terms of what's happening, but in the style in terms of how Euca sees the world. That is where the fiction shines and could be capitalized upon as a strength.

Although, I did hit the point where things are starting to happen, but having to read through 13 chapters to get to this point after settling into the world is honestly a challenge to get through. So it's possible that the story's plot picks up and becomes a strong factor. However, so far, I'm not getting that impression from how consistent the style ties into the story and reading experience.

Lastly, this story is tagged as LitRPG, but I'm not getting those vibes all that much. Yes, there are skills in brackets and a few blue boxes, but the writing style doesn't lean into or complement the LitRPG genre very well. Rather, the story stands fine without these game elements because the bulk of the reading experience and engagement is not in the LitRPG aspects. So, I almost wish there were no blue boxes because the LitRPG bits, which is more straightforward and numerical, clash with the tone of the story which is whimsical and pensive.

Overall, I want to like this story, and I do at various parts, but the compromises made to the story and plot for the sake of stylized writing makes it difficult for me to continue much farther. Rather than enjoying the story's progression, it's become a chore to figure out what exactly is being said every other sentence. This might sound like a hyperbole, but that is honestly how I felt. I had to re-read multilple times while trying to decipher what was being narrated, and I don't mean the context. It's one thing to figure out the significance of what's been said (like why is this person thinking this way? who is the person causing all of this? what's going to happen now?) from simply just trying to understand what's being said in the first place. Now, I do understand in the end, but it shouldn't have to take me multiple re-reads to get me there when a quick grammatical revision of that sentence could deliver the same impact in a more comprehensible way.

What I learned from this story is that style which focuses on the subversion of technicality or grammar may not be successful because of how it hinders the plot and reading comprehension overall. But the style of writing in this story isn't just that, it has a lot of voice. A lot. And that's a point of difference that really makes the story stand out in a refreshing way. Voice is different from style based on stylized grammar. Voice includes tone, mood, and personality. And this story is brimming with personality, mainly of Euca. So it disheartens me to see that stylized grammar could drag it down to a degree that makes me not want to continue reading. If this story was written in a more traditional way and save the stylized grammar parts for impactful moments, then Style could easily be 5 stars. It's not necessary to use grammar flexibly in order to create a writing style. The author already has this in spades from the word choices to the turn of phrasing, sentence length variety, and presentation of ideas.

To wrap, this story is brimming with potential with a very engaging and intriguing main character whose interactions with the world make for a humourous reading experience, and a style that radiates uniquely despite sometimes tripping over its own feet and dragging down the plot and pacing. I would usually say, if you don't mind reading this type of style, then go ahead, but I truly believe that this story could greatly benefit from cutting down on all the sentence fragments and other stylized grammar bits. Some in moderation is great, but too many diminishes and dilutes the impact along with deterring clarity. And conveyance of a writer's intentions and vision to the reader is very important for fluidity and comprehension.

I wish the author the best of luck, and feel free to contact me with any questions. Keep on writing and refining your style! Despite my critiques on it, you have something special going for you there.