Tales of Unlikely Wizard

by CookieCrumble

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Profanity

Now he has three choices. One was going north, following the muddy path. Two was going south, also following the muddy path.

...he tempted to do the third; staying put, waiting for someone to come by. To save him. Then again that his sore feet talking, and the thing seems don't really care whether if he's hours away from dying.

***

Follow the misadventure of Euca, a young man who wants nothing but an afternoon of cheese plate and tea. Also going home if that annoying blue screen would let him. 

Magic? Who cares about that.

***

What could you expect from this story:

-Realistic Protagonist

-Expansive Worldbuilding that I promise at least 85% of them aren't a wall of text dumped to your face :)

-Science! Lots of science (adapted for the magical world)

-Multiple side characters that had a life of their own, you sometimes forget the protagonist even exists at all.

Update Goal: 2 times a week (Monday and/or Friday) 

Cover Art made using charat.me under the provided Usage Guideline

  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score
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  • Followers :
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  • Favorites :
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  • Ratings :
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  • Pages :
  • 184
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CookieCrumble

CookieCrumble

A day-old cookie baked with love.

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drakan_glasses BE NICE! Fair critique is fair, but be respectful & follow the review rules. There will be no mercy.
Reviews
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Invictus21
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Good story, but bit slow

Reviewed at: 1.21

The story is really good with a lot of potentials. It will keep you engaged and looking for more chapters. But the pace is really slow. There were parts that I was skipping while reading. Like the entire first chapter could be redone and reduced a lot. But overall, the story is great.

Style: The style is great except for the pacing, which I mentioned above. Good use of the blue boxes as well. The story keeps you hooked, wanting for more.

Story: The story has a lot of potentials. This looks more like a crafting novel compared to other fighting focused novels. But that only adds to the charm of the story. Curious about how the Main character will develop himself further. The overall world building had been fantastic as well.

Grammar: Couldn't find any errors. So overall, pretty good from the grammar point of view. So kudos on that.

Character: The character development has been good so far. The side characters have been fleshed out well as well. Will look forward to how the character progresses further.

Overall a great read. And if you are still on the fence about this story, I would definitely suggest giving it a try.

AlexaLee
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

An intriguing start and an ambitious world

Reviewed at: 1.07

Style: The style was a struggle to me. It was mostly in past tense with some slips into the present tense randomly which made it a little messy to read. There were cut off sentences as well as random and incorrect punctuation. The content of the dialogue was good but a lot of the time the structure of it needs work.

Story: I think this has potential. Although it is a slow start, it seems to be an ambitious world that, with a bit of clarity, could be very good.

Grammar: Again, this was a problem for me. There were many missing commas, typos and strange word choices. With editing, this could be resolved but at the moment, it makes it quite difficult to read. I found myself having to push through or reread to make sense of it. Using software such as Grammarly might be helpful to address these.

Characters: This is where this story shined. The main character Euca is well fleshed out, his motives are generally consistent and he seems likeable. The side characters are mainly good but occasionally the style of dialogue makes it difficult to keep track of them.

As a whole, this story had potential but it needs a lot of editing to make it shine. At the moment, the grammatical and style issues are the main problems but when this is sorted, it will be much better!

librarysmiles
Overall

The good: I like the tea-drinking slice-of-life action.

The bad: I hate the incomplete sentences.

The meh: The main character is really inwardly focused. We hear about his feelings ramped up to maximum sensitivity, which colors ALL his actions. It's not bad, it's just not what I was expecting. *shrug*

ArthurScott
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Things need to change... (Constructive Review)

Reviewed at: 1.21

THE FOLLOWING REVIEW IS A PART OF A REVIEW SWAP IN WHICH BOTH MYSELF AND THE AUTHOR AGREED TO READ ALL OF WHAT WE PUBLISHED SO FAR. :)

So, this review was a tough one to make, because I hate being the one to give ratings below 4 stars, but since the author was nice enough to read my story and give a thorough analysis, I thought I'd do the same, as best as I could.

Normally, when I do reviews, I start off by giving an insight into the story, but this is perhaps the first story that left me bewildered. The story didn't soak into me due to a lot of writing issues, mostly mechanical, but perhaps conceptual, too. 

GRAMMAR - 2.5/5

Usually, I am well able to ignore grammar issues and analyse the story, but in this case there were so many I was unable to. The opening chapters are illegible to me; there are broken sentences (the author told me this was a part of the style, which I will get to later), misused terms, spelling errors, unsound sentence structures, formatting issues, and much much more. I think I've seen everything apart from a lack of periods. Some sentences don't make sense objectively (I've shown some to a writing partner [and] a developmental editor, and they couldn't decipher them). It gets slightly better later on, but by then I was already suffering the effects of the earlier chapters. 

First things first: formatting needs a fix. Ideas need to be cohesively placed so that the story can be followed. As of now, it's chaotic. I can't read it. And this issue alone destroys all the other categories, but it's so significant that I can't in good conscience leave a basic review. It would be unfair to other people I've reviewed. 

STYLE - 2.5/5

The author attempts an interesting style, but unfortunately that makes the prose difficult (if not impossible) to read in places. The author told me that this style was intentional (for a reason I am not sure of; nothing suggests that "atypical (incorrect) punctuation" should be implemented such as in the likes of Flowers of Algernon, where the main character has severe dyslexia. If this is a part of the characterisation, it doesn't make sense to me. 

I have no idea where the earlier scenes take place, what time period it is (there are phones in wizard times?), if it's contemporary world or fantasy world. It just seems like the chapters weren't proofread/ critiqued before uploaded, which is fine as long as you look back over eventually, but I'm not sure this happened. Everything seems to be crutched on the idea of a style that doesn't exist in modern literature, or has ever been idealised and executed. 

This should also be a priority to fix. Because I applaud other readers that managed to read past this. I was absolutely gobsmacked when I looked at the other reviews and saw insights into the plot, which I could not decipher either. 

STORY - 2.5/5

No point in adding anything here. The other issues overmask this one, because without strong foundations built on the other categories, the story immediately becomes weaker. In this case . . . what can I say? I couldn't read it. I am truly sorry but I couldn't. 

CHARACTER - 3.5/5

I saw some character differences in the bits of dialogue. But the names didn't really stick in either. In the first chapter I didn't even know who the person in the scene was (were they mentioned? I can't remember). But this is probably the best of the four categories, which would likely be better if the formatting, grammar, style were all fixed. Those NEED to be looked into, get more opinions, etc. At the end of the day we should want to improve. I recommend joining writing discord servers or getting feedback from knowledgeable writers and readers alike. Some people will read just about anything, agreed. But the state the story is in now will likely turn away 90% of readers. 

The review was in no way meant to discourage the author, but instead to have them seek help from the writing community to make the story the best it can be. I'm usually very nice with reviews so this was hard to make. I also try to be fair to all the people I've reviewed, where I don't include biases towards the genre, style etc. 

OVERALL - 3.5/5

I can't exactly recommend this story to anyone with dyslexia or reading difficulties. It will likely be incomprehensible in its current state. I tried my best to find things to like but I didn't even know where to look because of the other issues. If the author has any questions I would be glad to answer them. 

Until then, happy writing!

LikoPilio
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Mixed bag. Very Slow. Very Promising

Reviewed at: 1.17

I actually found this story by accident on the latest update page. The cover is kinda cute. A boy in a cup with tag slice of life. Sound like a wholesome kind of story to me. So I say, why not? 

And did it turn dark fast.

By the chapter ten the MC has already experience near death experience, getting scammed, scammed the scammer back, and in the middle of the whole thing found out that he got this amazing cheat of using so much magic by just pressing a skill button. Great right? No. Because he's not interested at all about magic AT ALL.

I mean, how?

You got a freaking magic dude.

Instead, his cautious, reserved, second-guessing personality demand that everything and everyone is perfectly safe for him. He refused to adventure (which still make sense, not everyone cut for hacking-slashing in the good ol' dungeon), he ask his the merchant guild to have three month trial job period for his servant (I'm not reading novel for reexperienceing my contract signing, dude), but the most unbelievable thing that the man got freaking biohazard when summoning water. WATER!

FREAKING. WATER. 

He got this jumpsuit, the gloves, the mask, everything you saw the doctors got in COVID containment room. He's the most pessimistic downer that waste magic! Come on dude, it's magic! It's COOL. 

/rant 

Next, the grammar and the style. Well, this is kinda mixed bag. Typo almost nonexistent and the tense is pretty consistent. So it's readable. However half of the stories kinda written in poetic way? I don't really get it, but some of the sentences have this kind of rhyme or purposefully missing punctuation. I like it, but maybe not for everyone.

For the story, on the earlier synopsis (it changed now) the author said it's slow-paced, and yeah I agreed there's not much of an action scene, I meant the author had like one chapter only describing how the character walk from town gate to the inn. That's kinda over the top for me. However the plot like the synopsis said also only slowly unfurled. No infodumping at all. And it's kinda exciting, knowing the town that had without spoiling too much, 'exciting tradition'.

All in all, it's good (that's why I'm giving it 4.5) and definitely recommending it. 

REMCJR
Overall

The Literature in Game Literature.

Reviewed at: 1.26 — WL/C

Charles Dickens meets Douglas Adams and Terry Pratchett for a Google translated threesome.

The style is unique, very reminiscent of the above authors mashed together. Most readers will not appreciate the flowery paragraphs and introspection. The story reads as if a Spaniard translated the diary of a 20th century Englishman. Not a horrible thing, but a deal breaker for most.

But if one can get past the biggest hurdle - that English is obviously not the author's first language - the story draws you into a world of magic and mystery, where the reader is often just as clueless as the MC. 

It can be a frustrating read at time. The author drops college level nihilism in one paragraph, then follows up with an English translation error by putting a jug in the countertop, not on the countertop.

Followed and favourited.

Luke W. Logan
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

An engaging plot with a lot of potential. The story is a little on the slow side with no clear overarching plot but Cookie makes up for this by providing a lot of content that is fun to read through even if the occasional sentence may need re-reading. Also, this review was written under the influence of the Pfizer-Covid vaccine after effects so I'm a little too woozy to write properly.

Also Cookie, do fix the grammar in your synopsis, your story deserves better.

Style is good if you ignore the issues with pacing, the paragraphs are punchy and fun. The blue boxes a welcome break without being overwhelming and as I mentioned earlier it's really engaging.

Story is a hard one to rate. The worldbuilding is ambitious as hell, a clear sign of how much work has gone into it. The writing is compelling even if not much happens. If there was a bit more urgency in the narrative this would be a true gem.

Grammar isn't great. I'm sorry to say this but it can be hard to read at times and is not only the biggest failing of this story but it is also the easiest to resolve. My grammar isn't great myself and I know how gutting it can be to have people harp in on this one area but do the work and this story will flourish.

Character is where this fiction shines. Characters have depth, personality and practically step off the page. No blank self-inserts, well-rounded side characters and the world doesn't revolve around the MC.

KevinADavis
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

"Boop." A lively writing well work a look

Reviewed at: 1.06

Read the first 6 chapters. Intriguing start with a solid introduction Euca. The writer’s voice is clear right from the onslaught.

Story: The narrative moves quickly to action letting the stakes grow quickly in the second chapter. There could be more visual components to help the setting, but the action and internal dialogue leads us quickly along.

Style: Writing comes through somewhat omniscient, works well for this story. It deepens the character by mixing internal narration with a wider world view, or at least a wider view of Euca. The lack of dialogue tags made it difficult, but the general gist of the situations is clear. The pace is quick and lively, to quote “slow walk is dangerous.”

 Grammar: I'm not skilled enough to identify the actual issues. There did seem to be places that would work better grammatically. 

Characters: Euca is a passionate, quirky, and opinionated character which bodes well for developing empathy and interest in his situation. Even just a simple bath made me empathize with his plight. I appreciate that we know he wants to go home, it gives promise in this genre.

Overall, a good read. The movement into system pages comes quick in the story even as he explores his items. “Boop.” Little seems to stop or slow the protagonist.