Tales of an Unlikely Wizard (Isekai LitRPG)🌟

Tales of an Unlikely Wizard (Isekai LitRPG)🌟

by CookieCrumble

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Profanity

Now, he had three choices. One was going north, following the muddy path, and likely toward his eventual death. Two was going south, following the muddy path, also death.

...What was that third choice again?

***

Follow the misadventure of Euca, a young man who wanted nothing but an afternoon of cheese plate and tea. Lots of tea. Also going home. Maybe. If that annoying blue screen would let him. 

***

Hi everyone, this is CookieCrumble :D

So you might ask what could you expect from the story? Well, there are few things:

1. A cautious MC, very cautious. He'd eventually have character development, but it'd be very subtle and happened in the later chapters, so if you couldn't stomach not-strong-from-the-start MC, then unfortunately this isn't a story for you.

2. Science. Or at least scientific method, which of course by the nature of this story genre (a fantasy) was where MC was stumbling around, trying to make sense of everything by the tools he was familiar with.

3. Multi-POV characters. The other characters could go on for up to five or more chapters before the story returned back to the MC's POV. While the story was about the MC, it didn't revolve around him alone since I found it dishonest to the world that existed before him. I hope that make sense. Anyway, the other characters' POV would in the end tied back to the MC but they did have a life of their own.

4. Heavy internal monologue and slow progression. Which brought back us to the LitRPG tag. While the tag was factually correct, the 'status screen' would only appear every ten chapters or so. This story wasn't one of those that had a clear numeral progression such as how many STR or INT points you had at given moment.

5. A bit different style than the majority of the fictions at RR. As one of my reviewers described it, the style danced between smoke and substance, sometimes it sacrificed clarity for the censer, especially if the wordplay was good. Almost certainly, if the wordplay was good.

And that was it! If you think this is the right story for you, you could click the start reading button. Otherwise, I'd thank you for visiting and bid you a good day :)

Also available on Topwebfiction if you want to boost it :D 

P.S Updated every three days.

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  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
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CookieCrumble

CookieCrumble

A day-old cookie baked with love.

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drakan_glasses BE NICE! Fair critique is fair, but be respectful & follow the review rules. There will be no mercy.
Reviews
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Not_A_Hat
Overall

Decent story, poor grammar

Reviewed at: 1.31 — WL/AR

This is good, if not super original. It's a 'summoned into a video game the MC played' type thing, but the MC doesn't seem to get everything from his avatar, though he does get gold and some skills. He sets about sciencing up some potions.

The author is honestly great at slipstreaming character and world building details into the narrative. For example, the MC is cautious to the point of cowardice, but it's never really discussed - he just has ridiculous safety protocols, even when summoning distilled water.

That being said, the grammar is kinda bad, and in an unusual way. The author uses long words properly, but sentences are often missing small words like 'the', or plurals are messed up, or it's a sentence fragment. Stuff like that. It makes it hard to read in a specific way, because the sentences seem well done, until they're suddenly just totally wrong. It's like missing the bottom step on a flight of stairs, it just trips you up.

I got through it by using text - to - speech while I did other stuff, kinda like skimming. But it could use some serious editing.

It's pretty fun, though.

Underload
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

A cup of tea that might be too hot for most

Reviewed at: 1.23

Cookie gambled by creating a motor mind character. Your experience with the book will depend upon whether you like the main character Euca, or not. Personally, the style in which he was written was a hit and miss with me. 

Grammar: I have no calms with the grammar of this story. I would even go on to say that the word choice and sentences themselves are not just above average, but a grade above the rest of us posting our stories on this site. Cookie is definitely well read and has an expansive vocabulary. 

Style:
But opposite the grammar is the style, which bogs down the story. I believe if cookie had limited the character's voice to two-three lines every time, instead of letting him take over the narration, then this story would have definitely been much more well-received. 

The style evolves throughout the story. The worst of it is in eh first three chapters. Euca slowly calms down till the 10th chapter, after which the style grows constant. The narration drops from being frantic to sort of tragic, but miles better than what it had started with. 

Story & Characters:
The story follows Euca as he tries to make a name for himself as a potion-master/alchemist in a dungeon town on the brink of a dungeon break. There is no good and bad explored in it. I actually hoped the characters who had saved him in eh dungeon would make an appearance when he needed new employees for his shop, but that's obviously didn't happen. 

There were a lot of missed opportunities really. The plot could have been a lot more engaging if there was a dungeon break occurring right in the first chapter. it would have a very different, very gripping story to read. To know whether Euca would have run away from the town or stayed there to conduct business, as he should have, considering he was an investor on earth.  Anyways,

KevinADavis
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

"Boop." A lively writing well work a look

Reviewed at: 1.06

Read the first 6 chapters. Intriguing start with a solid introduction Euca. The writer’s voice is clear right from the onslaught.

Story: The narrative moves quickly to action letting the stakes grow quickly in the second chapter. There could be more visual components to help the setting, but the action and internal dialogue leads us quickly along.

Style: Writing comes through somewhat omniscient, works well for this story. It deepens the character by mixing internal narration with a wider world view, or at least a wider view of Euca. The lack of dialogue tags made it difficult, but the general gist of the situations is clear. The pace is quick and lively, to quote “slow walk is dangerous.”

 Grammar: I'm not skilled enough to identify the actual issues. There did seem to be places that would work better grammatically. 

Characters: Euca is a passionate, quirky, and opinionated character which bodes well for developing empathy and interest in his situation. Even just a simple bath made me empathize with his plight. I appreciate that we know he wants to go home, it gives promise in this genre.

Overall, a good read. The movement into system pages comes quick in the story even as he explores his items. “Boop.” Little seems to stop or slow the protagonist.

Andrew
Overall

Decent start be grammar and style kills it.

Reviewed at: 1.37

The story starts.

Out OK, interesting. Well...

You may wonder? I did.

Is it.. a good read? HMMM.

Maybe.

Does grammar like this annoy TF out of you?  I could not handle any more of it. The author has good ideas, and he tries to flesh out his world and characters but fails in executing it well. Likeable MC, but a few things that subtract from the story:

- Time makes little sense, the MC does one thing like going to the store to buy lunch.  By the time lunch is done, the day is apparently over as it is to late to do anything else. 

-Character accents make the story to hard to understand. "Clar geim the cheechee" does not make good dialogue to read.

- Action scenes make no sense. The transition from idle to panic, sometimes for no reason, leaves the reader confused about what is going on and is an immersion breaker.

DrBuller
Overall

Style doesnt fit expectations

Reviewed at: 1.01

When I set out reading this, I actually had some pretty high expectations. The starting chapter might not have been the greatest. It had a few grammar errors, sentence structure was perhaps a bit shoddy, yet it did seem like something that had promise.

Through reading four more chapters, I can't say that it ever really paid off for me. It just seems like it's going to be perfect the next sentence, chapter, or whatever else progression there might be. But that never happened. That might change in the future but I will not be reading it myself. 4.5/5

TurtleKing
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Great Idea Could Work on Execution

Reviewed at: 1.07

Overall Score - I love the concept of this story. I love how positive and interesting the characters are, although I think this story struggles a little bit with awkward sentence structure and some grammar mistakes. 

Style Score - I love the author's style. You feel like she is creating a unique story and world that people definitely could grow attached to. The author really will have something \worthwhile, if a few adjustments could be made in order to create some clarity on what is going on and what the motives of the characters are. 

Grammar Score - This is something that could be improved quite easily, and have a drastic effect on the quality of the story. By removing the misspellings and rearranging awkward prose, the author would really have something with this story. This is the biggest thing holding this story back. 

Story Score - The story is good, although parts do confuse me. I think this goes back to having clearer grammar. With clearer grammar, I would definitely bump up this score. 

Character Score - The characters in this story are very likable. They're funny; they're fun. Maybe more explanation behind what the characters are thinking would be helpful. But I feel as though, the characters in this story are the authors's strength.  

ThePluralEye
Overall

Good story, love the plot, but it really needs a rewrite. The grammer is barely legible, and I find myself rereading more paragraphs than not. Still, with a rewrite and grammarly (free or premium) I think this could be a really great story. Reviews must be at least 50 words long

MarytheGorgon
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

A Genuinely Good Read

Reviewed at: 1.06

I would like to say most of the grammar and spelling mistakes mentioned in comments have been fixed to my knowledge. It was a easy read, with the story moving a good pace for a web novel of this genre. I was really pleased that the author took the time to let us and the main character realize this new world is real. And not only is it real, but it has real dangers that aren't to be played with.

I stopped reading right before a major moment in the plot I will not spoil but it was exciting. I like how the author built up the intrigue, but way our pov character and ourselves feel the same confusion as the story shifts from a slow walk to a rapid jog. You will never have to worry about the story slogging around or being bored as something is always happening to move the plot.

Our MC isn't overpowered, isn't being showered with big boobed woman eager to be in his party. No, we just have one guy thrust into a world somewhat similar to our own but completely unknown. I enjoyed how the MC was in disbelief for a few chapters as naturally and realistically most people would be when entering a new world. So thank you author for not giving us a MC who has reached level 100000 within two chapters of dialog.

The style and the way the story is functionally written is standard as I mentioned above. The formatting is done correctly from what I've seen with reading six chapters. 👏 Overall I'm impressed as I normally don't read this genre and this story definitely deserves it immense popularity. 

Weavervale
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Needs room to breathe, but a good start

Reviewed at: 1.02
Story 5/5
 
I'll sum up 1.01. A hypothermic man wanders the wilderness.
Not taking off points here. I love science. I like the premise. 
 
Character 5/5
 
He's a survivalist? Or he's motivated to survive? I don't know why he wants to live, but it's a thing. Not taking off points prematurely.
 
Grammar 5/5 
Surprisingly not an issue.
 
Style 4.5/5
 
A lot of blocky paragraphs that could use room to breathe. Also I'm not sure if we're in first, third, second or omni a lot in the beginning.
Here is how I plan out plotting: 
 
----Scene/sequel thingie to plan out plots:
 
POINT OF VIEW: 
GOAL:
CONFLICT: 
SETBACK: 
 
Sequel 1) EMOTIONAL REACTION: 
2) REVIEW, LOGIC, & REASON: 
3) ANTICIPATION:
4) CHOICE: 
 
 
I could tell you that it was third person, but also I could tell you that this author probably writes that same way that they talk.
 
Sylistically it reminds me of an early atmosphere album in that there's no chorus or refrain and it seems to keep going places, almost in a way that makes me think that the author is a pantser.
 
Also good on the author to allow the suggest edits, I've got too much on my plate to do line edits but
.... if I didn't I would go ham on this.
 
My main gripe here is that there is a lot of telling, and I have no idea of what is going on outside of the MCs mind. In the first passage, it's a lot of this is how he thinks, but since it's somewhat omniscient I'm like huh.
 
I think that this would benefit from a third person tight POV pass.
 
Also in another book the author wrote "the blone" instead of she or Lexy a lot. That irritated me, like putting someone into hey they are only blonde. Here, I'm like what is this guys name come on.
 
I think that the writing is a bit dense because of this critique, and I highly suggest.. letting the page breathe.
Tomato In The Street
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

I'm sorry I'm late but what's important is here I am, jokes XD

Style: It's... Flowery... Like those literatures my English Class are teaching. It's vivid and has a really good description of what's happening. Of course, because It's flowery, the emotions of the characters are also clear which is fine for me

Story: It honestly feels like a story that was thought out from start to beginning. It doesnt feel like something random, or an asspull. The events, progression and even the development of Euca all goes at the same linear laser beam pacing.

Grammar: I don't care about your grammar so I'll just give you a 5

Character: This is just a personal preference of mine... But I have a soft spot for MC's like Euca. He genuinely feels like a Weak To Strong MC. Also, I can relate to him at a personal level because I also think too much only for the scenarios never happening at all, so that's a plus XD

Overall: It was an entertaining read. The story is already perfect, the main characters are charismatic and interesting, the MC is relatable, the story is interesting and It doesn't feel like It's gonna get bloated soon. I'll probably read this when I have Free Time, sucks that when I read this, my head hurts so much so I'll start reading this again once I recover.