The Last Primordials

The Last Primordials

by Lmarief

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Traumatising content

In a world where people can serve as hosts to animal spirits, Huo Lohse Lang (Lolo), daughter of the Wolf Tribe leader, makes friends during her five summers in the training exchange. Little does she know just how critical those relationships will be on a quest to unlock the hidden mysteries of the original primordial spirits and save humanity from annihilation by an ancient evil.

A young adult, slow burn progression fantasy written in eight novella-length parts and published together to make one epic adventure.

The story is technically COMPLETED though in a rewrite process. See chapter "00- Rewrite: A Living Draft" at the beginning of the story to follow the rewrite process. If you have any comments or suggestions, let me know! I'd love to hear your feedback!


Please be advised that this story contains a wide variety of traumatizing content and dark/adult themes. I avoid graphic details, but the content is there. Reader discretion is strongly recommended. If you would like more specifics, feel free to PM me.


Story inspired ART!!!

Standig Thank you to RenamedUser8903457!! Beautiful work. I am blown away.

I had some fun with artbreeder.com to create some loose character sketches. They aren't perfect, and I might replace images from time to time with more accurate ones. However, in case you are curious: Character Images

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Author
Lmarief

Lmarief

Grand Empress/ Chaos Manager

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Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
00- Rewrites: A Living Draft ago
RW 1-The Wolf Tribe: Royal Gossip ago
RW 2-The Wolf Tribe: Written Exam ago
RW 3-The Wolf Tribe: The Tragen Brothers ago
RW 4-The Wolf Tribe: Tormenting Standig ago
RW 5-The Wolf Tribe: Sparring Partners ago
RW 6-The Wolf Tribe: Making a Splash ago
RW 7-The Wolf Tribe: Standig Takes a Walk ago
RW 8-The Wolf Tribe: The Howl ago
RW 9-The Wolf Tribe: Extracurriculars ago
RW 10-The Wolf Tribe: Extracurriculars Part 2 ago
RW 11-The Wolf Tribe: Round One ago
RW 12-The Wolf Tribe: Limits of the Rulebook ago
RW 13-The Wolf Tribe: Losing Control ago
RW 14-The Wolf Tribe: Up a Tree ago
RW 15-The Wolf Tribe: Tactical Advantages ago
10-The Bear Tribe: Hard to Miss ago
11-The Bear Tribe: Impressions ago
12-The Bear Tribe: Madness ago
13-The Bear Tribe: In Ruins ago
14-The Bear Tribe: Grim Report ago
15-The Bear Tribe: Sanctuary ago
16-The Bear Tribe: Reckoning ago
17-The Bear Tribe: As It Should Be ago
18-The Bear Tribe: Allegiance ago
19-The Dragon Tribe: Hunches ago
20-The Dragon Tribe: Preparing for the Worst ago
21-The Dragon Tribe: Duty Bound ago
22-The Dragon Tribe: Breaking ago
23-The Dragon Tribe: Assault ago
24-The Dragon Tribe: Nightmares ago
25-The Dragon Tribe: Escape ago
26-The Dragon Tribe: Pahaad ago
27-The Lion Tribe: Win-Win ago
28-The Lion Tribe: Shield Maidens ago
29-The Lion Tribe: Team Captain ago
30-The Lion Tribe: Pretending ago
31-The Lion Tribe: Amateur Actors ago
32-The Lion Tribe: Suckers ago
33-The Lion Tribe: Dynamic Duo ago
34-The Lion Tribe: Confusion ago
35-The Lion Tribe: A Step Back ago
36-The Lion Tribe: Blackmail ago
37-The Lion Tribe: Spies ago
38-The Lion Tribe: Cover Story ago
39-The Lion Tribe: Professional Actors ago
40-The Lion Tribe: Red-Banded Soldiers ago
41-The Lion Tribe: The Cost of Failure ago
42-The Lion Tribe: Calamity and Awakening ago
43-The Lion Tribe: Not a Dream ago
44-The Phoenix Tribe: Letters ago
45-The Phoenix Tribe: Escort ago
46-The Phoenix Tribe: Passing Through ago
47-The Phoenix Tribe: The Old Phoenix ago
48-The Phoenix Tribe: Incompetence ago
49-The Phoenix Tribe: A Little Persuasion ago
50-The Phoenix Tribe: Bringing Order to Chaos ago
51-The Phoenix Tribe: Overlooked ago
52-The Phoenix Tribe: Eternal Infamy ago
53-The Phoenix Tribe: Durfein's Surprise ago
54-The Phoenix Tribe: Armor ago
55-The Phoenix Tribe: Horses ago
56-The Phoenix Tribe: Truth or Dare ago
57-The Great Owl: The Map ago
58-The Great Owl: Ancient Village ago
59-The Great Owl: Council Circle ago
60-The Great Owl: Answers? ago
61-The Great Owl: Explanation ago
62-The Great Owl: Silver Flood ago
63-The Great Owl: Spirituality ago
64-The Great Owl: Progress ago
65-The Great Owl: Golden Birthday ago
66-The Great Owl: Liaison ago
67-The Great Owl: Water Break ago
68-The Great Owl: Protecting the Pack ago
69-The Great Owl: Beyond the Breaking Point ago
70-The Great Owl: Torrent of Thoughts ago
71-The Great Owl: Understood ago
72-The Great Owl: Long Game ago
73-The Dragon King: Evening Walk ago
74-The Dragon King: Fertilizer ago
75-The Dragon King: Sorting Things Out ago
76-The Dragon King: Group Merge ago
77-The Dragon King: Tumultuous ago
78-The Dragon King: Catalyst ago
79-The Dragon King: Reeling ago
80-The Dragon King: Philige's Training ago
81-The Dragon King: Compromise ago
82-The Dragon King: Going Home ago
83-The Dragon King: Perfect Bait ago
84-The Dragon King: Bear Tribe Blue ago
85-Tribe Leaders: Ready Ready ago
86-Tribe Leaders: Outnumbered ago
87-Tribe Leaders: The Team ago
88-Tribe Leaders: Unexpected Casualty ago
89-Tribe Leaders: Medical Attention ago
90-Tribe Leaders: Prisoner ago
91-Tribe Leaders: No Pressure ago
92-Tribe Leaders: Informant ago
93-Tribe Leaders: Declaring Themselves ago
94-Tribe Leaders: Whatever It Takes ago
95-Tribe Leaders: Part of the Pack ago
96-Tribe Leaders: Automatons ago
97-Tribe Leaders: Over-Extended ago
98-Tribe Leaders: The Alpha Call ago
99-Tribe Leaders: The Real Winner ago
100-Tribe Leaders: Cold ago
101-Tribe Leaders: Floating ago
102-Tribe Leaders: Memory ago
Epilogue ago

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Reviews
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DokkaN
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

The story is in its early stages

Reviewed at: 26-The Dragon Tribe: Pahaad

and it may be too early to give accurate feedback, but I'll try:

 

Style

At this point not very original, but what setting can be... too much was covered. Too much. But the execution? Flawless. Really well written, basically everything that happen have a reason behind it and/or future consequence. The plot development is linear and very consistent. Pacing is very stable, no crazy time skips.

Although there is liberal use of narrative exposition by the author, there were few info dumps that went on and on for hundreds of words. Everything in this world feels alive. So many stories that I enjoy suffer from the lack of immersion created by simply not making sense. This story makes sense.

Of the shortcomings: there is little to none purposeful mystery. The authors writing style leaves little to imagination, making the story less engaging. I myself like to figure out what actually happened, convoluted plots/plans within plans bringing your emotional investment taking you on a rollercoaster throughout it all.

 

Story

As for the story score, the execution of the plot points were intriguing. This is an action series and we are on the verge of war (in the training camp arc at the time of writing this review) but we are only at the very beginning, so everything is still ahead. 

 

Grammar

I am not a native English-speaker, so I cannot comment on the exact grammar, but 99% of the book is flawless as far as I can tell. I can’t judge someone with grammar better than mine anyway!

 

Character

The MC is enthusiastic, pure hearted, a bit naive and benevolent, at least from my perspective. The support characters draw you in, and at first they are what carries the story, but slowly without a doubt, Lolo becomes a central figure among her peers. All the characters are capable of acting in a rational and realistic manner.

As for character development it's too early to say something.

 

Overall а solid story with an overarching plot. Easily readable in one go.

Vnator
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Intriguing Story, Great Characters

Reviewed at: 21-The Dragon Tribe: Duty Bound

Where to begin? The story is about a girl named Huo Lohse, a member of a particular tribe in a world made up of many tribes based around different real-world cultures, each tied to a specific species of animal spirit.

Huo (Lolo) is a treat to read about, with her high-energy, friendly charisma, and overall innocent attitude. She might be a child prodigy when it comes to combat, but it's never played up as "oh, look at how great she is!" Instead, she's written as a wonderful, bubbly, and relatable person who you just can't help want to be friends with in real life.

The other characters are also a treat, each with their own backgrounds and attitudes. The only issue is that early on, a large number of them get introduced all at once, so it's hard to keep track of. But the major ones do get dedicated attention/screen time, making it easier to get to know them better.

I don't really have much to say about the plot, which is also very enjoyable. The worldbuilding and characters alone is enough to pick up the story, in my opinion. Overall, this is a wonderful tale that is definitely worth picking up!

 

---

Now for the specific scores!

Style: The style is good, where it's overall easy to follow along, but sometimes it can be a little difficult. But it's only like that on rare occasions.

Grammar: It's great! Errors are generally unnoticeable, and even when they're there, they don't affect the story much at all.

Story: The story is really enjoyable, but it has a bit of a slow start before ramping up to the really interesting parts.

Character: I love the characters! The main (and many side) ones each have distinct personalities that make it easy to remember them even if their names aren't :P (though the main ones are easy enough)

 

Overall, this is a great story you should definitely check out!

J P Koenig
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

This is a well-written fantasy story about Lolo, a princess and child prodigy coming of age while going through cultural exchanges with neighboring tribes.  Lolo is a kind, bubbly and outgoing person whose natural charisma helps her bridge culture gaps with others of her own generation - all of whom will eventually be rulers or powerful influences in their own right some day.

The Good

The story is well-paced, well plotted, and well written.  There are little to no grammar issues, and the author does a great job with dialogue and descriptions.  This is easily in the top-tier of RR quality writing.  The style is engaging, and the characters unique and interesting in their own right.  It feels like all the most important characters are well fleshed out and three dimensional.

The Bad

There is very little bad in this story, so this is just some minor comments that (I hope) will help the author when it comes time for revisions.  First of all, Lolo has six brothers, and they honestly all run together after awhile into "generic brother" template after awhile.  Not sure if this is fixable, or if it needs fixing?  Secondly, the annual exchange - how is it the crown princes/princesses of big tribes have no bodyguards?  This struck me as odd from the beginning, and definitely comes into sharp relief during some of the darker parts of the story.  Finally, the last is in the Wolf Arc.  The author spends more time describing "advanced partner fighting" techniques than on the final tournament of the summer.  The tournament felt rushed and truncated, although I did appreciate it not being a dozen chapters of fight scenes.

The Ugly

This story has very dark themes.  The "traumatizing content" tag is not for show.  Lolo's light-hearted, kind personality helps balance this out, but the content is still there.  The story deals with depression, abuse, torture and sexual assault, and that's just in the parts I've read so far.  Fortunately, the MC's strong personality perseveres, so the dark is followed by light soon enough.  Take the author's warning in the description and in chapter headings seriously.  

Overall

Despite the dark themes, the strong, positive personality of the main character and the talented writing of the author make this a story well worth reading.  "The Ugly" parts I described above are not gratuitous, and serve a larger purpose to the story, which could not be told without them.  The polished storyline and excellent pacing drive the story well overall, aside from the minor hiccups I commented on.  I would definitely recommend this to anyone looking for a new fantasy story to read.

MeltedCrayons
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

This story was on a website that I found accidentally that got deleted before I could finish it. But Google came through for me though. It found it here on royal roads. I am pleased to finish reading here.

I like the characters in the story which is why I looked for the story when I could not find the other website. Huo Lohse is bubbly and naive and likes to tease people but she is a good friend. As the story unfolds, she makes friends with lots of people until a core five characters are established. The five end up with a mystery they have to figure out as war is coming and bad things are happening

The story moved gradually but keeps my interest with smaller stories that developed the bigger storyline. At the point in the story I read to on the old website, the main five characters finally found the Great Owl and got some answers that really just started new questions. That part is not posted yet on royal roads. Rereading some of the first chapters, it looks like the writer is making changes to the story in good ways.

The style of the writing is simple which makes the story easy to read. People talk like normal people and the story does not waste time on describing things that are not important to the story. The writer might want to do more with the world building but I like that the story has a main focus on the characters and the relationships.

The grammar is good. The writer seems to do a good job of editing for typos and clarity even if it is not perfect.

This story is why I found royal roads. It looks like there are other good stories here too.

Andross Guile
Overall

It's good, if you enjoy YA. I found the initial concept very interesting at first. The world building was solid and the concept of humans and animal spirits bonding and these becoming separate tribes is a good foundation for a story.

But then the story dove into a short, ill-conceived martial academy arc with teenagers. The MC is too perfect and boring. Her love interest is as close to a block of wood a character can come to. Her family and friends are caricatures. 

The writing is decent, it is simple and doesn't embellish too much.

The grammar is fine. No annoyances to speak of.

Coming of age stories don't need to be YA. I just wished these tropes didn't permeate this particular story.

It could have been a good one.

DrBuller
Overall

My favourtie characther would currently be the great owl. Seems like an nice enough person, with just enough backstory that my minds keeps defaulting to them. Wouldnt say that they seem polite, since most of the things said about them are close-to-bullying, which is fair I suppose. She does seem to be that kind of person.

What else to say? Grammar is nice enough, but the style is a little clanky for my taste. Couldnt get a good flow going, if you catch my drift. The conversations just felt halted at some points, as if the people were supposed to say more. Or maybe just less at other points. I understand that we needed to know more about the world, but just laying out a whole fact sheet during the exam felt kinda off-putting. Others might like that but i didn't.

4.5/5. Good enough