Level system vs Cultivation methods
- Traumatising content
Experience vs Meditation.
Muscles vs jade-like skin.
Medical treatment vs acupuncture.
Engineering vs ancient knowledge.
Humans vs immortals.
This is a story of Revolution.
*Originally from Scribble Hub
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Poor machine translation is not a writing style.
I suspect (hope?) that Bristlecone is not a native English speaker. They have an interesting premise but decided to mimic the broken, fragmentary grammar, sentence structure and character speech of poorly translated light novels and xanxia stories.
It's painful to watch someone trying this hard with this poor of results. Bristlecone, please take a break, read some of the top rated stories here, and contrast those writing styles to your own. When you understand the difference, come back for a rewrite pass and then continue.
i readed to 52. chapter.
its not bad, i gave low rating for several reasons but further reviews needed. Concept is good. I sick of tired from these chinese cultivators. They dont make sense. But execution is kind of childish and boring. It was like reading a chronological summary of events.
in 2019 wuhan, covid19 appeared and bla bla bla
in 2020 at Monkey month covid19 announced as pandemic and bla bla bla
dialogues are so two dimensional.
So with this "summary type of events" and "two dimensional dialogues" whole novel became boring and childish.
I feel the guy above me was a bit too harsh. I agree that you should find a beta, and I mean a beta that will talk with you on how to make your story better. The title is a bit bland but is self explanatory, your summary sucks a bit.
The story itself needs some work. The plot is moving very slowly, and sometimes there really isn't any progress at all.
I think the story could actually turn out better than this, but as I said it needs some serious work.
so i got to chapter 6, then skimmed ahead in chapters to the second to last to see if there was improvement. there was but not a lot.
So grammar first: (tried to give 0 stars but 1/2 star is lowest i can give) It barely exists, making the story hard to follow, understand, and/or enjoy. Because of the style use to tale the story the bad grammar sticks out like a world tree in a dirt field.
Next the Style: It is talking from one character to another, with thoughts and sound effects thrown in. different from most stories i have read on the web, but the grammar really messes with it.
Now to the characters: Not a lot of depth to the characters, MC is good cultivators are bad, focus is on their actions, again the grammar and the style make character development seem shallow and rushed.
Story: evil cultivators vs MC with a leveling magic/knowledge system that is voiced by a past life. Mostly seems to point out lots of flaws in cultivation novels, maybe like a rant in story form? but i think the idea is a good one, if just told in first or third person with better grammar.
overall grammar and style that this story is written in makes it hard to read. If grammar was fixed, i think that it would be easier to read but i feel like the style will still seem strange.
I cecked this out since it showed up in trending. I was hopefull since it looked like deconstructio of Cultivation stories.
Unfortunately I started reading:
This is not storytelling. At best this is a chalk outline of a story, as it has been murdered.
Idea is good but unless this is just an outline used to draw up a comic it really doesn't work.
There are some good ideas here:
Perhaps some articles and youtube videos on good storytelling?
Like anything it takes some work to become good at stuff.