The year is 2245, and the world has undergone explosive growth in multiple industries. The age of Virtual Reality came long ago, opening up new fields for people to enjoy and seek employment. There were even those that chose to sacrifice their physical bodies, becoming digital existences that lived within internet communities.
But with the age of VR, everyone still dreamed of that next step, the next level of adventure. And after a hundred years, it has finally arrived. The first consoles, known as Seeds, mass distributed among the people, with such realism that they no longer qualified as a Virtual Reality, but as an Artificial Reality. But what happens when things become too real?
Cover art by Madelyn Black, who is taking commissions both free and paid!
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Ok, we'll just do pros and cons and then go into further detail.
1) Unorthodox take on VR genre. When you finally showed how the VR affected reality, all I could think was "wow, didn't see that one coming."
2) Pretty good grammar. Nothing stood out to detract from the story.
3) MC is surrounded by women, but the story hasn't turned into a smutty novel like so many others on this site.
4) The ungodly amount of races, abilities, magics, etc. Some people could argue this is a negative, but I think it builds up 'realism' for an intergalactic story.
5) Smooth transitions. What I mean is, they're actually doing shit. For example, they're in the VR world, then they're splitting time between the VR world and Earth, then they're on Earth, then they're off Earth. They're actually doing something, it doesn't feel like they're spending all their time just dicking around. There's clear set goals that they set out to accomplish, although it's starting to get a lil fuzzy.
6) Star Wars meets Star Trek meets Lord of the Rings. That should automatically mean success.
7) I dunno, it has that IT factor for now. That special something that gets you to stick with a story no matter how much an eyesore the faults have become.
1) First 30-40 chapters, there is an overabundance of smirking. Seems to be the only verb or adjective around.
2) MC's 'Aura Scan' does wayyyy too much shit. C'mon man, reading an aura applies to everything? He shouldn't be able to do EVERYTHING from just reading aura's. Otherwise, what's the point of class specializations? If you wanna have an OP MC, fine. Just have him do it other ways. Reading someone's Aura is too much of a 'quick fix' to make a badass MC. It gets old real quick, and is starting to get a little annoying. Soon he'll be able to be an elemental, because he has the affinity and 'aura scan.' So what's the point of being an elemental in the first place?
3) The magic system is too convenient. It feels more like miracle system than anything. It doesn't have limitations, and can be used for everything."I have affinity for plasma, so i'll just throw it into some highly complex machinery and presto, now I have an infinity gun." or some other equally ridiculous magic mumbo jumbo. Again to point 2, it's a vaguely described quick fix to make our MC a master of all trades. Soon he'll be shooting lightning out his ass and laser beams from his eyes, cuz, magic.
4) How is our MC this badass already? He's taking skills at their beginner stages, and have already mastered them. There's no room for skill growth (i.e. discovering more uses for your skill, or just mastering how it should be used.) Being able to fully shapeshift as a beginner? Being able to 'scan auras' perfectly, and understand them perfectly, when the skills aren't even at the novice rank. Not to mention, he's a lvl 20 pushover, with barely any health challenging friggin plant dragons and stone drakes. Really? Seems like everybody else is there to show how awesome our MC is, even though he's only been training ingame for months, when these blokes have lived ingame for years.
5) Why is everyone embarrassed about sex? I'm not saying make this a smut novel. What I'm saying is, our MC is blushing and afraid to look at a naked bird when she trasformed into a human, but 5 minutes later he's checking her out in different outfits? Now he has a boner, when she has clothes on? Lovebirds have a 1% male population, so its safe to say the females have been genetically modified to hop on cock the first chance they get. But now we're gonna make everybody bashful, or giggle at others in the nude. Doesn't make sense. I'm not saying turn this into a stupid boner book, but please stop making every character a shy 13 year old girl.
I did a lot of it in the cons, and forgot a few points because of it. So lets end on a bright note. We're heading into the Star Trek face, exploring the final frontier. And gotta say, I'm kinda excited for it. No matter how many condescending assholes are smirking, no matter how many "it's magic" quick fix plot armor moments we have, I'm looking forward to whats next. I wanna see the author take this story and run with it. Take it as far as he can, and then work on fine tuning it. Cuz it's not a bad story, even if it gets annoying at times. The best part of this story was the police department incident. Hands down, easily the best part. Because it forced our MC to deviate from his usual plot devices. He had all the tools he needed, but he didn't use em because he's a one track pony. It presented a challenge for our MC, physically and emotionally (kinda glossed over it, wished we hadn't), and made him adapt and overcome. And it didn't all just work out because he's the MC. There were multiple setbacks, true setbacks. I hope to see the MC challenged more in the future, truly challenged. And hopefully fail. The greatest characters are not invincible. They are fallible, mortal men just like you or I.
This story was great at the beginning, but It starts to become worse with each new chapter.
The MC has a lot of diverse powers (nothing wrong with that), but most of the time he just uses 1 or 2 of them, and the rest just becomes "background" (like when he needs an item) that the author says the mc uses the power for something in 1~3 lines and Isn't mentioned again.
I think you have a good number of characters (although I think it's growing fast), but a lot of times some of them are just kinda "forgotten" and they aren't mentioned In 10~20 chapters or more. even when they are mentioned, It's like the powers, they get mentioned In 2~4 lines and pushed to the background. In the most recent chapter, the new character (the dungeon boss) that Is basically a kid with a lot of powers have like one chapter being recruited and after that It's just the characters going "i'm educating him and teaching his powers" without making him interact with the characters.
The grammar Is good, I can't really find fault here.
for the story itself, I think it would be better if you could separate the chapters in "volumes" because a lot of the stuff the MC does Is at the same time (for now, he created in a planet a factory for affinity seeds, dungeons to train his crew; a mission to go to every planet to teach them the system; create a new monster that don't exist in the past/present/future; "character arcs" with his girlfriends/pets/crew/other), It's hard to know what he Is trying to do when he keeps adding more and more task without finishing the previous ones.
Your story has a really good premise, interesting powers, all characters have interesting and colorful personalities. It just has some negatives that I think it could be improved.
PS: Your worst chapters, in my opinion, Is the time affinity ones. Really hard to think that an MC that gets distracted In all the things he does (be hunting, creating items, training affinities) can go for about 170 years to just training this one particular ability. The description of the training Is really bland, you can't really tell how horrible the situation he got into to train. Also, his recovery feels REALLY fast and also, more like a report.
(Contain some spoilers)
This story has a good beginnig and a nice idea for world building, but saddly this wasn`t good implemented, the storytelling at half way became repetitive and borring and the harem/sex/H things anly make it worse.
Realy, at the beginning this was enjoyable, had a nice pacing and the MC wasn't a genius, or a overpowered being or someone with riduculus anmount of luck to find or gaing a riduculus exotic(maybe not, actually it just a ridiculus cheat) power and all those thing that you can find here and many other places. No, he wasn't that, he was just the normal guy with little to nothing experience in this trade with very bad ideas. So you find yourself enjoying a little with his strifes to lvl up and gaing something... Yes it was good.
but latter became boring and bad... why? well.
1- It became repetitive
2- it lack of serius challenges(there are some strifes with a boss and a mid-boss grade antagonist but nothing awesome here)
3- The haren/sex/hentai things. I'm not very fond of any of this things, personality i think that a story don't need any of this to be likeable and insteresting, romance, THAT if is someting that can made a good story something better but the sex, and H references? that only tell me that the autor isn't sure that his/her fic/story/crossover isn't good enough to keep the people on and has to use that (This is my personal opinion, no for this story only but for those others as well)
When the birds evolved and he earned his harem(or the clasifitation for call it that way) i don't like it much(althought i don't like it even before that with their over-excesive sex drive) but at least if they tried to fight for his afection and woe him this wouldn't be so bad, but no, there wasn't any sort of fight, tension, mayhem or comedic flag, just very very little romance( i don't thing that can be called that way but i don't have a better word so...) and at the end the elf and the bird made a agreement that end with the MC having a two way relationship... so bad all of this that i didn't continue reading this story after that.
4- This story have a very bad balance between the effort and the gaing that added to reasong 1 and 2 made this story something very boring.
The MC with little effort and low lvl made himself self-sustained, and with some more efford(not much) he bacame capable of roam the space in a spaceship that latter with very little efford more was upgrade to a riduculus big spaceship(crew included and free of charge)
If Weed was here, with the little effort to gaing something in this story, to this point he easily would have had a masive multi-galaxy-cluster empire with him being the Maximus-Overlord Tyranus owning a masive army of planet busting gumdans (to keep in check the comon folk) and the masive kamina-like size gurren lagann(with the Weed look of course) for his personal use and leisure/amusement (you know, shoot galaxy like shurikens sure can kill the boredon even more when this cause masive terror and mayhem in the comon folk lines)
Yes, very exagerated but you get the idea.
i don`t know about the others jobs but i think that the MC job is VERY unbalanced.
well this is it, sorry for my gramatic and errors, the english isn't my first lenguage.
- It started great at first then the harem came up……. I didn’t mind it but the character connection is vague as fuck. You cover it up with wacky interactions like alll harem writers on this site. Arguably better than them but it still doesn’t change it. The complete change in character from humorous serious MC to cry baby is what put me down. It’s like you’re trying to make him vulnerable. You sold us on a strong witty MC and now I don’t know if this is what you are writing about
This review is going to be one big spoiler. An important spoiler, because if I would have known this beforehand, I don't think I would have read this.
First, the less to none spoilers. The style is good, the story makes no sense which I will explain, the grammar is either good or bad depending on the paragraph you are reading, the main character is sanely insane without knowing it, the side characters are either incredibly manipulative, cliché, or bland depending on the chapter.
Now onto the big freaking spoiler:
The entire VR game is over 3000 years in the future. Magic appears in the real world in the year that the story begins, which starts a new measuring of time (After Genesis, or A.G). And this is the entire reason for my freaking rant! The time travel makes no damn sense!
“But Horius, do you rant just because there is time travel in the story? There are many good stories with time…” Oh shut up! Yes, there are good stories about time travel, but they are mostly intelligent and at least try to hide the freaking loophole in the story! Let me point out why time travel makes as much sense as having Adolf Hitler as the godparent of a Jewish baby:
- The main character and other players brought knowledge about magic and crafts into the past. This makes no sense for many reasons. First, that means that science didn’t advance for over 3000 years, since they had the recipes since the very start. Secondly, it means that all the recipes and all the spells and the like that is known just appeared out of thin air, after all the future had it from the past and the past had it from the future.
- Knowledge of runes was collected though dungeons, but the MC (or better said his AI) knows them all in the year 0. Where was the need to collect known runes from dangerous places like dungeons? Or did the MC, as well as almost EVERY SINGLE HUMAN WHO CAN JUST GO INTO THE FUTURE TO LEARN not share?
- In chapter 73 it became known that not only the game is the future, but that also humanity needs to search for a new planet to live on. To do that, the current humanity would need the science from the game. So, humanity can now survive in the present thanks to the technologies they have in the future after surviving the present. Makes sense? No, of course it doesn’t
- There are races which are the evolved form from other races, which now cannot be the evolved form since both races appeared suddenly in the year 0. Void Elves can’t have come into existence thanks to elves evolving, since both appeared in the present thanks to humans transforming into both though playing the game.
- Wood Elves are wood elves since they have grown attached to living in forests. Players who have chosen to play wood elves don’t show the same trait, and need to search for a new planet to live on. Likely they and their children won’t be able to live in a forest. So, how exactly have elves grown attached to living into forests if they came from both a civilization that doesn’t like to live in forests, and must go out of their way to live into a forest?
- Core elves – which are elves that never left their home planet – can’t exist since all elves had to leave earth, their home planet.
- Humanity could choose to become elves because elves existed in the future, and the elves came into existence because humanity became elves in the present because they could so because they existed into the future? If this makes sense to you, please go to your nearest doctor or hospital and allow them to examine your head. You might need brain surgery.
- The ‘seeds’, the device which allowed humanity to play in the future, of which at least 5 billion came into existence, just vanished in the future.
- Time in the future runs five times faster than in the present.
- After realizing that the game world is their future, no race managed to implant the next generation of legends telling them this. I sure as hell would tell my children if my elven mother would have told me that she was once a human and became an elf by travelling into the year 3000 A.G.
- All the original people living on earth apparently died, even though many choose to play as a druid (which is one of the only 9 choices) which have a method to become pretty much immortal. If just one of them survived, there should have been legends of people of the past appearing in the year 3000 A.G.
- The main character, who could have become immortal, apparently died. Otherwise he would have warned his past self about the hell that is going to be earth and given his past self a lot of resources to accelerate his growth. Don’t tell me that he couldn’t have done that because it would have destroyed time-space something something, I gave already 11 points which would have done greater damage.
- There are no machines running with electricity in the future, even though it was known since year 0 that there are places and methods to prevent magic from functioning properly. Everything important should have had an emergency electricity source, we have something similar even nowadays; hybrid cars!
I’m so disappointed by the new ‘time-travel’ element. Yes, there were ‘hints’ that something was not right even before this, but I didn’t think that the author would do something so stupid by trying to do something smart. Adding time travel is just… well, stupid.
This story is a bit hard to review. It starts out with one of the most interesting/best lit rpg systems I've seen so far. It seems balanced, there doesn't seem to be an easy way to power and stupendous skill grinding actually slows the MC down. The MC isn't exactly an awesome person and he knows it. He rather sucks in a very likeable way. He calls himself a neet, he behaves like a neet and he has very neet problems.
The problem is that this changes after he arrives in the big city. Suddenly he pulls expert programming skills out of his arse (why the hell did he have issues paying his bills if he was actually that good?!). He creates a bunch of force multipliers that accelerate his skill gain rate to a ridiculous degree and manages to do stuff that should simply kill him.
Basically the story starts to turn into a Xiang-Xia. The MP starts to cultivate his affinities, his previously suck abilities become more and more ridicoulous as he progresses. And suddenly it turns out that he's turned into his character in the real world. With itself turns into a monster infested shithole that needs to be evacuated.
Afterwards he gets more and more powerful, before faciliating the death of a god while lucking into godhood himself.
Ultimately it feels like this story meshed two ideas that just don't work well together. Sub-average Joe in a VR MMORPG and Xiang-Xia style powergrinding and world shaking. Either would have probably worked well on its own, but joined this way it feels like the author ran out of ideas when the MC hit the city and went with a simple power fantasy to continue the story.
I didn't mind it too much, though it got pretty boring on occasion. But it's a waste of the great beginning. A lot of tension could have been generated by the MCs real life needs and perhaps his failures/problems to generate sufficient funds in Neo Life. Perhaps he could have used skills from Neo-Life to survive better IRL? "Shit food is running out, I have no money, I better make a bow and go hunting and gathering in a nearby park/forest?"
"Well crap, I actually know how to repair my fridge. I don't need to buy a replacement!"
The other characters were a bit bland on occassion or very stereotypical. This is to be expected from amateur fiction, but the author should have used the MCs neet nature to keep the cast small instead of going the harem route. That just cheapened the story by adding new girls a lot.
Overall this was still a captivating and pretty good story, but hell, you could have done way better.
First off, I will say that the author has a great imagination. However, he has so many ideas, and he is trying to fit all of them into one story. Every magic he has ever thought of is in this story, along with every weapon, every technology, and anything else that has ever crossed this author's mind is in this story, and it suffers for it. No detail ever sticks out because by the time it becomes interesting, the author has already moved on to something else. If the author ever sat down and planned out his story, outlining a beginning ,middle and end, he might be able to come up with something special. This comes off as more of a thought experiment where he doesn't really know what is going to happen from one chapter to the next.
So i have noticed that the characters do not have much of a connection. They do not have a deep bond for a father so please fix this.
Well, after reading all of this long and very well constructed story, I have developed a few very strong opinions on a few aspects of it. I will focus on positives before I move on to negatives.
Possibly the greatest achievement of this novel, and the reason I read it for as long as I did, was because the universe it takes place in is absolutely stunning. There is an unimaginable diversity and vastness to the universe that gives it an absolutely awe inspiring depth. It makes you feel as if there is this whole other world that is just beyond the pages of the novel. I cannot understate what a monumental achievement this is. The novel is worth reading if for no other reason than the worldbuilding is something that is not found even in most professional books.
The grammar is also impeccable, or at least, the mistakes were not glaring enough that I remember them looking at the story in hindsight.
Now onto the negatives: (Warning, contains spoilers)
The main detractor of this whole story is its main character. For the entire first third of the story, he may as well be a cardboard cutout. There is absolutely nothing interesting or remarkable about him. He feels like the traced outline of generic everyman that exists solely to walk around in an unbelievably stunning universe. He starts to feel more human after he gets his AI installed as thought police of a sort in his head. Hell, we don't even know he had actual human thoughts (such as finding certain things attractive and whatnot) until his new thought police starts scolding him for thinking about them. Admittedly, the thought police is not too bad. I nearly dropped the fiction entirely upon that development, however it was handled well enough that it is just a minor annoyance to the story rather than a complete dealbreaker.
My next major complaint ties in with style a bit, and is a reason I took a star off from it. The author cannot seem to make up his mind whether he wants to make his MC overpowered or not. So he settled on giving the MC a ton of skills that SHOULD by all rights be overpowered, yet goes to almost stunning lengths to show that practically everyone else who had the good fortune to not be near the MC is way more powerful. Of course, as soon as they near the MC's "Average aura" they stop advancing at their fast pace, and are dragged down to the MC's own pace, which seems fast and OP, if only everyone else in the universe was not better somehow. Enormous lengths are gone to to make the MC powerful when the plot demands the MC do something interesting, yet completely mediocre as soon as that time passes. A lot also goes into making sure the MC gets absolutely nothing out of his moments of crazy OPness.
In the end, this annoyed me because he has this enormous array of awesome and incredibly cool skills, yet we always feel no progress was made. This is simply because none of his personal advancement ever seems to matter. What does a rise in power from 30 uberpoints to 40 uberpoints mean, when the only meaningful things he does are completely irrelevant to his personal power?
In the end, this story is comprised of an absolutely gorgeous and inviting world where the characters within it become more and more cardboard the closer they get to the MC.
Long story short, yes, this story is definitely something that should be read, if for nothing else than to experience this unique and wonderfully crafted world.
Style- I like it. I dont feel constricted when reading it. Not much to say i guess
Story- loving it so far. Interesting fact is that we get to enjoy his training. Too tired of those “samurai expert” and “elemental wizard” training phases. I hope he doesn’t give up on his bows and magic outside of druid class. Although the changes in his life was quickly abated. I think encountering problems because of magic should come in the future so the story wouldn’t lose some realistic value. Not that it needed to be like WGO(thats really going overboard), it could be much more like “seeing a lamia working at 7-eleven or a golem doing guard duties” . It also adds in the fact that the world has already accepted virtuality.
Grammar- no qualms so far. Sentences are not too run on. Paragraphs are at decent size and easy to read. Vocabulary is appropriate for the MC’s character style.
Character- Good character. Not much development. Probably wont need much until conflicts arise. Entertaining, not too dumb nor too wise. Lack of more solid characters in the story constituted to the 3 star ranking. The rating may change in the future.
I hope he discovers or develops something like a genome tree before leaving his home world. Like the artifact Kusakabe Yo had in the mondaiji tachi ga isekai kara kuro so desu yo