The World I Froze In Time

The World I Froze In Time

by Tim_Saian

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Sexual Content

Two temporal manipulators or Chronokinietics, one male aged 14 and the other female aged 15-200, attain the status of 'Supervillain' as they try to find a way to live with each other through time.

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  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
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  • Ratings :
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  • Pages :
  • 216
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Tim_Saian

Tim_Saian

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drakan_glasses BE NICE! Fair critique is fair, but be respectful & follow the review rules. There will be no mercy.
Reviews
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Uh-hmmm
Overall

If you like Worm, you'll probably like this. Minor powers, a distopia of Supers, and a young protagonist scrabbling to get by. 

That said, the grammar is rough while also using gratuitous flowery language in descriptions. That may be forgiveable, considering the POV character is a teenager. What made me drop the story was how the main character's childhood friend is introduced boobs first, then the MC has to go through a stripper bar for a shady job, gets saved by a curvy mysterious woman, and promptly wakes up while resting his head on his childhood friend's boobs. For a story that wants to be gritty distopian grind, the barrage of fanservice tropes seriously disrupts my suspension of disbelief.

Inslayer
Overall

Yeah, I want more overpowered stuff, but the story is good enough. Though imma be honest, the main character is very well written, as are his powers and most of everyone's that is.

Characters are very well developed even from the earliest of chapters.

Grammar is perfect, nothing more to say here.

As for the story, it seems to be... progressing? Yeah, progressing is good.

If I were to compare this to another well known novel, I would pick Worm. So yeah, if you liked Worm, go read this and you wont be disappointed.

Chris Ford Writes
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

I've currently read to chapter four and will continue to update as I progress through the story.

Style: I love the close first perspective that the author uses. They do it very well. Their writing flows well.

Story: So far, I'm absolutely loving it. A weak powered kid living in a pretty bleak world as a weak meta (power user) finds a light it the bleak, disparate world that's a meta like he is: a time user. Their powers are on opposite sides of the spectrum, her power being so strong that she can jump dozens of years in time. However, that comes with the lack of control of doing so randomly. I love the concept. The story is set up well, the characters are introduced in a meaningful way, and the setup for all the different conflicts are deeply rooted early on.

Character: This is by far the strongest point of this story. Vern's personality, pragmatic boy living under unfortunate circumstances, oozes from every page, paragraph, and sentence.

Grammar: This is the only point I'll take points from. The grammar is very jarring at times as well as the punctuation usage. A little bit of editing would go a long way.

Final verdict: This story is absolutely worth the time. I'll be binging the rest today to update the review.