Storm Kings Rebirth// The Path Of Evil- A Litrpg Dungeon SAGA (DRAFT)
- Sexual Content
Yh’ nu vek’ is the name given to the one spoken through legends as ancient as time, through the kingdoms of Izaraath.
Only, these are not legends, and although 10 000 years have passed since the last storm, its people still fear for the inevitable, and the arrival of the evil one known to only bring their destruction.
This is the life of Jilton Novice - a simple farm-boy, a weak-bodied nobody... until that day.
The day he stupidly leaves his home the night of a storm and is struck by lightning. And, a few days later, he sees the mark on his arm, calling for his destiny.
Power courses through his veins, evil beckons deep within his heart. And it is something terrible.
For right beneath myths as old as time, lays the hard truth that Jilton has to face.
All the signs are there.
The power is insatiable, and with his beguiling servants known to him and Yin and Yang, he must bring the death of his people.
For the cyle as restarted, new blood is needed, and the Storm Bringer...
what to expect
-Short little chapters near the beginning
- The senseless talk of a character called Yang
- a good focus on character development, mostly with high progression
- I intend to build this story over the page count of 1000, which considering my abominably long tangents, isn't a goal too out of reach
- Lots of Species/ Location mentions.
- Overall Score
- Style Score
- Story Score
- Grammar Score
- Character Score
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SOMETHING that struck me as particularly enticing about this story was its ability to create a scene and have the characters live in it; even the trees and the wooden spits seem to breathe energy into the life of the story. I found myself immersed by the opening chapter, and it kept that consistency throughout. It is indeed very difficult to keep reader's on their toes, especially when you're not exactly sure where the story will go, but that's the joy of it. Edge manages to create a world that both explores the contrast of nature and society as well as encapsulating the way in which people explore that world. For that reason, I found it very unique and rather enjoyable. But with all this in mind, I of course have things to point out.
STYLE - 3.5/5
I thought I'd start on a low note and work my way up the imagination ladder: the style is certainly undefined. This is because it changes a great deal throughout the duration of the story, beginning with a favourable beige, third-person limited POV, and occasionally dipping in and out of third-person omnipresent. At first I thought this was a part of the narrator's voice, and that they only pretended to know as much as Jilton saw, but realised, as it progressed, that that wasn't the case. Later down the line, some instances suggest that the narrator knows too much, and at times too little. I think this is a mistake for two reasons: (1) The narrator either knows or doesn't. Considering the language, it seems to imitate human speech as opposed to something out of a traditional literary novel: long-winded sentences that resemble a speech pattern, word choice that's not all that literary, apart from the unique word here in there (as a side-note: I love this form of writing style), and predominantly focusing on Jilton's POV. (2) For most of the prose, the other characters' perspectives are sparse, meaning that the voice doesn't know anything about them, and only makes assumptions based upon Jilton's opinion of them. I think the work could greatly benefit from multiple review swaps/critique groups to help remedy this issue. It was what struck me the most as jarring, but it didn't stop me from continuing, and it was only during very particular moments.
I loved the focus on the scenery. It was well-written and composed of mostly vivid imagery, allowing me to seep into the pages and imagine it like a movie or Netflix series. I'd compare the worldbuilding to the likes of Neil Gaiman, where it takes a very solemn approach and a heavy focus on the surroundings, as they do matter to the plot and characters. For that reason, I kept reading.
I ignored the issue with the voice, when reading, because of the refined character development, which leads to the next category.
CHARACTER - 5/5
I found a genuine interest in Jilton and his pals, as well as the acquaintances he encounters. They felt like real people within an even more real world; the sharp depiction of human interaction between them felt reminiscent of those classic books we all read as children: Goosebumps, Coraline, Darren Shan. It only lacks that script that comes from years of reading and critique, but I won't bother delving too deep into that because it's not necessarily a requirement to make characters lovable. The contrast between them and their unique qualities was enough, and that's all that matters.
GRAMMAR - 4/5
There were many typos, and that's something to look out for when reading. I felt that many of them weren't a result of the author nothing carefully writing, but instead because Edge hasn't nailed down the rules of dialogue quite yet. The dialogue punctuation and structure seems slippery because it lacks that solid mastery. And this only improves from practice, again and again, like with many other things. No one expects a writer to start writing like Stephen King the moment they touch the page, or anywhere near that level. It'll happen eventually; the dialogue will fix itself as you improve. Edge also mixes up some words with others, which I've pointed out, and some sentences are far too long for their own good. And this is coming from someone that both loves long sentences and frequently uses them. They just didn't work the same way in this story because it was like the author attempted to convey multiple things in one sentence, like trying to sum up everything as quickly as possible. Issues such as this always bring me back to what my old creative writing teacher once told me: "Periods are your friends. Remember that." Essentially, it's not about conveying the image with the most words possibles, it's about conveying the image as smoothly as you can. And this is such a common issue amongst writers that editors have to cut at least 20,000 words from their drafts. Vary sentence length, keep the lines simple, and move on. It'll all work out in the end.
Apart from that, the author has a nice tonality that works well because of their overall good grammar, but it's brought down by some of the stylistic choices. I decided to put this particular issue under Grammar because it felt more appropriate.
The only thing else I could say is to fix the layout of the chapter titles. Add a dash or colon instead of parentheses. It will look much better.
STORY - 5/5
"Some authors, when starting a novel, imagine a place first. Others, a character starts taking shape in their head. I start with a hook, a situation, a 'what if?'"
- Linwood Barclay
Storm Kings Rebirth - The Path of Evil (BTW: never capitalise of/and/in etc. in book titles. It's not allowed in publishing unless it correlates with the story) starts with a place. The Kingdom of Central Taru (this may be the incorrect name, but that's how it is suggested from what I remember), known to the people as "the Kingdom", is a sprawling enclosure made up of farms and town fittings. Jilton being one of the many young farmers has the burdened weight of living in it. We aren't sure exactly if he enjoys the place or not because at multiple points it suggests both, which I found a little inconsistent. Nevertheless, the story begins at a very slow pace and doesn't pick up for the next fifteen chapters. However, that really is the way to do it; this novel seems like it's going to be a long one, which would make the pace very powerful and necessary. But if it ends short, somewhere around 200 pages, then no one will continue after the first few chapters or so. That's the double-edged sword of books: the length of the story matters, as well as the intended length. I think the author should take a look at some well-paced, epic thrillers for reference.
Despite this, I found the scene-by-scene style to be very fitting of the ambitious nature of the main character, even if it can seem stilted at parts. The character interactions are very interesting, and from where I left off, with the storm, it seems to be heating up like an egg in a pot. Only time will tell how good the quality of the egg will be; of course, when it's cracked open.
OVERALL - 5/5
Overall there's no reason for me not to give this story a 5/5, because I genuinely enjoyed the way it played out, despite some of the issues it possessed. A lot of them could be fixed by practice and solid critique. ( And I do warn the author: a lot of critiques aren't going to be nice. Some people will be a lot harsher than I am, and some of them will be completely unfair and make you want to pull your hair out. But that's the game we play. We keep going because it's what we want to do. That's what separates the good author from the great author: perseverance. I hope you keep going just to show people how good you can get.)
While there are issues with the style and the grammar, the characters and story are to die for. True treasures that lack that refinement we so often like to see. The author clearly has a lot of talent. And to Edge, I have one message to you: Keep going, turn on the music and write all the characters and all the plots you like. Keep your head up when faced with harsh criticisms, because you won't be able to escape them. When you finish a book, don't ponder whether it worked or not, ponder whether or not the next one will. And do it for the enjoyment, we can't ask for more. That's all. You'll be fine in the end, and if you're not, understand that it's not the end.
I recommend this story to fans of thrillers and dark fantasy, a little bit of adventure as well. It's quite an eclectic story, so many should find it interesting!
Grammer could use some help ( swaps over the langauge barrier a few times ), but overall its alright. The plot is still unfolding quite a bit from what I've read thus far, but so far the pace is slow and steady and there have been a few tensed scenes.
Story so far seems to have high potential with a good idea going, but it still needs to reach the main part of the book since theirs quite a bit of build-up.
Jilton is the main character, and sometmes he gets a little annoying because of how his character is always the 'weak' cliche, but the story is labbelled under high progression so im assuming thats gonna change. Theirs a few person swaps, and sometimes if focuses on these twin characters that are quite intersting, but overall the characters are realistic and have their quirks.
Chapters are a little too short in the begining ( with some being around 600~), but it increases near the later chapters and are long enough to keep you interested. So far there has been one mention of the 'system' and stats, and it looks durable for the book as well as realistic for the character. Wuxia hasn't come in, but I can see how easily it can be intergrated into the book ( with the stormbringer being some immortal deity ).
Overall, its good with high potential. Keep it up!
the start feels sudden with 2 boys in a field to 'stormbringer bad' without actually explaining much.
the characters begin to take personalities fairly early which is good, however its sticks Jiltons wimpy character way too hard. his dad seems to get demented with each passing day, the other characters overall are 3.7/5 so far with not much right now but with the dialogue laid out right they atleast come across as alive and realistic and leave room for further development onwards.
the plot has a convincing start and its etching, almost teasingly towards the climax. although as of now there seems to be no major twists or developments its build up feels like it will pay off well but with the short chapters right now not much can be said.
Other than that the style is pretty neat but the grammar needs working. overall its a good read and hopefully the writer sticks on developing it.
Without the author improving the spellings and grammar, the story is unreadable. The chapters are extremely short, maybe to make use of the algorithm, but the problem is that there is absolutely nothing which warrants a chapter separation and different names. The initial conversation is stretched thin across chapters which could have been done in 2-3 normal sized chapters. The interaction between 2 friends was written extremely well.
I read to chapter 15, but as the chapters are really short that might not be a lot.
The grammar is fine, enough to earn it's place in trending. The main character is categorised as kind of slow, probably to build into character progression, which will probably be good.
The main theme so far is the approaching storm and that the story will start then, but it's been hinted at for 15 chapters already and in the end it took to long to capture my attention.
I think the main issue for me is the short chapters because clicking next chapter feels like a somewhat big step (at least for me). It might help to combine chapters? I like chapters at at least 10k words, but most people seem to like them at around 5k.
Take care and good luck with your fic!