Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Sexual Content
Elaine Chernoble has spent years traveling from place to place, training her pack to be the best, pushing aside her demons by busying herself with helping others overcome theirs. Her hardwork finally pays off when her pack becomes the strongest pack in America. Traveling around and helping other packs train and become stronger became her lifetime goal, striving not to let what happened to her own pack, happen to other.


Nameless, that's what they called her pack.

"The Raven Deity", they called her.


But, even a deity has her troublesome past that is the catalyst for her seemingly perfect present.


It isn't until she gets a call from the pack called Moon Stone, does her world turn upside-down, inside out and runs in circles that make her dizzy.


"My name is Scinece Evans and that's my twin, Lincoln."


Coming from a disturbing past that would make even a grown man shiver, Scinece and Lincoln Evans, have yet to find the person that will understand them better than they understand themselves; someone that will care for them; someone who looks past their past and appearances. Sure, they had their father, but even he walked on eggshells after the incident. And that someone stumbles into their borders, all bloody, skin hanging off by a thread.


Follow Elaine and the twins' journey as they stumble along the path of stitching each other back together good as new. But then again, a book isn't complete without a few bumps in the road.
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score
  • Total Views :
  • 373
  • Average Views :
  • 23
  • Followers :
  • 0
  • Favorites :
  • 0
  • Ratings :
  • 1
  • Pages :
  • 99
Advertisement
Remove
Go to Table of Contents
Rate it
Fiction breaking rules? Report
Advertisement
Remove
Author
pen_cora

pen_cora

Achievements
I Am Taking Off (III)
Word Wielder (V)
First Comment!
Advertisement
Remove

Leave a review

drakan_glasses BE NICE! Fair critique is fair, but be respectful & follow the review rules. There will be no mercy.
Reviews
Sort by:
Probably_an_author
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

If you like werewolves, give this a chance!

Reviewed at: Chapter 2

(I can't find a button that will tag this review as including some spoilers, so beware of spoilers!)

 

I've been looking for a werewolf story with a unique twist for some time now. This might be it, but there's a lot of work that needs to be done. So, to begin with the critique.

The story begins with an action scene and it's immediate the author doesn't have much experience writing action scenes because it lacks excitement. It does, however, create some intrigue, so I'll give it that. One tip I'd like to offer is to do some research into the concept of 'showing' rather than 'telling'. 

Staying on the subject of 'telling', the majority of the first chapter is info-dump after info-dump. In fact, we are told the backstory of almost every major character introduced. Not much really happens in chapter 1, besides all the world-building, which I feel was a missed opportunity. Some sort of prologue in which we see one of their backstories first hand might have been a better choice. Another option could have been extending the action sequence (which only spans a paragraph or two) into something much more tense, that takes up the majority of the chapter, would certainly have hooked me in more effectively.

Onto the topic of grammar. This is where I think the author struggled the most. Paragraph structure in general needs a lot of work: some paragraphs are far too long and contain several different topics, and dialogue isn't separated at all which further adds to paragraph length. On occasion, the narrator switches between third-person limited to third-person omniscient, which can be quite confusing. In one instance, present tense was used instead of past tense, pulling me out of the story for a short moment. All-in-all, I get the impression that the author hasn't been writing very long, so hasn't had the time to perfect their grammar.

However, I do give a higher score to the characters. It's easy to see that the author is passionate about their story and has fun writing it. And to me, that's all that matters. I also had fun reading the first couple chapters. If you can see past the errors, there is a decent story in there. I really hope the author doesn't take offense at my review and instead sees it as constructive criticism, showing areas in which they can improve to truly help their story flourish. I know that when I was a teenager, I probably wouldn't have had the courage to post my work online, and I know that even now my work isn't perfect and can recieve its own fair share of critisicm. 

So, to conclude, there are some unique plot points and hints at further intrigue. If you like reading werewolf stories and can forgive an author who hasn't quite perfected their craft yet, but is still growing, you should definitely give this story a try.