- Sexual Content
- Traumatising content
I'm trying to find a publisher for this first book thank you so much fro reading sorry for having to take it down
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I am no expert English-language reader as my native tongue is French, so the intensity here of the writing style is very hard to process. Putting aside this, the story is dynamic, young and hip. Feels like someone putting 2 pounds of chocolate in a 1 pound box.
There is something great about stories I discover on Royal Road, a freshness, this has a lot. Somehow I feel the writer is junior in experience and this smells like in a while, with time, this will be strong.
Alright first off, author did mention there are grammar problems. I will suggest using an audio reader app. Just copy and paste your work into it, and have it read the work back to you. This is very handy in spotting out most errors yourself, the rest comes in time.
Now then, that aside. I would first like to forewarn. Um...this is quite a story. It starts off with smut, and really this is probably a good way to have people turn away almost immediately. However, the story does seem to have some sort of plot to it. Given that there are slaves, that are willing to endure anything, and I mean 'anything.'
There seems to be some kind of governmental influence, which I guess makes this story somewhat distopian? I think that is the fairest term to use. It gets quite graphic, with its comparison with pleasure and pain. Which, my personal take on it. There are quite a bit of different ways to write each piece of this.
Though, if the story is going for that disturbing feeling, then I gotta give it a pass. It did well on this factor, and might be worth giving it a shot. The characters seems to be hardwired in, this makes sense given the type of influence around.
Overall, I would advise going in with caution. It is worth checking out, to at least test the water. Given the genre it is going in, I have to fairly assess, it would do well within it. Just two things I would recommend.
1. Separate dialogues from body text.
By doing this, it prevents the breaking of immersion. When transitioning along, it takes the reader out of the story, if they hit a wall. By that I mean, the person will tend to stop, and have to readjust to the body or dialogue. By separating it, this makes the story a lot more readable to say.
2. I understand you're trying, and I always encourage that. Doing your best is how you improve. With that, there are many ways to word the same thing, but in a different way. I feel by adjusting that, you'd retain a lot more.
To be fully honest, what I read wasn't the highest quality that you can find. Some parts are without the refined kind, sentences not being what you can really call good. But... I would still say that I see some in this story. For the most important part, the story, I will say that it is interesting. The plot actually seems fun. For that, I recommend reading it.