Children of Nemeah: Evolution of a warrior (epic progression fantasy)

Children of Nemeah: Evolution of a warrior (epic progression fantasy)

by D.C.Veiling

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Traumatising content

Something evil lurks in the City of Nemeah. Changelings possess ordinary citizens and turn them into horrific monsters with terrible capabilities.
The only group able to deal with this threat is the mysterious Red Brigade. Empowered by the goddess Akali, they gain the strength needed to kill these unfortunate souls. Until a normal guardsman by the name of Siegfried cuts down one of the changelings.
Alone.
---
Children of Nemeah is a progression fantasy story in a medieval setting with several unique twists. Humans evolve with seemingly random attributes, creating an X-Men-like range of enemies and allies for our heroes, clashing in a sword and sorcery world.
This is a fast-paced, action-heavy story with a focus on the evolution/progression of our main hero, but also dramatic story twists that are often not for the faint of heart.
A minimum reader age of 16 is advised for the more violent parts of this book.

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Author
D.C.Veiling

D.C.Veiling

D.C.Veiling

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Royal Writathon April 2021 winner
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35 Reviews
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Table of Contents
61 Chapters
Chapter Name Release Date
Prologue ago
City of Nemeah - Chapter 1 ago
City of Nemeah - Chapter 2 ago
City of Nemeah - Chapter 3 ago
City of Nemeah - Chapter 4 ago
City of Nemeah - Chapter 5 ago
City of Nemeah - Chapter 6 ago
City of Nemeah - Chapter 7 ago
City of Nemeah - Chapter 8 ago
City of Nemeah - Chapter 9 ago
City of Nemeah - Chapter 10 ago
City of Nemeah - Chapter 11 ago
City of Nemeah - Chapter 12 ago
City of Nemeah - Chapter 13 ago
City of Nemeah - Chapter 14 ago
City of Nemeah - Chapter 15 ago
City of Nemeah - Chapter 16 ago
City of Nemeah - Chapter 17 ago
The Wilds - Chapter 1 ago
The Wilds - Chapter 2 ago
The Wilds - Chapter 3 ago
The Wilds - Chapter 4 ago
The Wilds - Chapter 5 ago
The Wilds - Chapter 5 ago
The Wilds - Chapter 6 ago
The Wilds - Chapter 7 ago
The Wilds - Chapter 8 ago
The Wilds - Chapter 9 ago
The Wilds - Chapter 10 ago
The Wilds - Chapter 11 ago
The Wilds - Chapter 12 ago
The Wilds - Chapter 13 ago
The Wilds - Chapter 14 ago
Interlude: in the void ago
The Wilds - Chapter 15 ago
The Wilds - Chapter 16 ago
The Wilds - Chapter 17 ago
Interlude - Jenna and The Hermit ago
The Wilds - Chapter 18 (End of Book 1) ago
Victor's Bounty - Chapter 1 ago
Victor's Bounty - Chapter 2 ago
Victor's Bounty - Chapter 3 ago
Victor's Bounty - Chapter 4 ago
Victor's Bounty - Chapter 5 ago
Victor's Bounty - Chapter 6 ago
Victor's Bounty - Chapter 7 ago
Victor's Bounty - Chapter 8 ago
Victor's Bounty - Chapter 9 ago
Victor's Bounty - Chapter 10 ago
Victor's Bounty - Chapter 11 ago
Interlude - City of Nemeah ago
Victor's Bounty - Chapter 12 ago
Victor's Bounty - Chapter 13 ago
Victor's Bounty - Chapter 14 ago
Victor's Bounty - Chapter 15 ago
Victor's Bounty - Chapter 16 ago
Victor's Bounty - Chapter 17 ago
Victor's Bounty - Chapter 18 ago
Victor's Bounty - Chapter 19 ago
Haylee and Siegfried ago
Victor's Bounty - Chapter 20 ago

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YAK Edge
Overall
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Story
Grammar
Character

Dark fantasy with potential that started too early

Reviewed at: Chapter 6

Story

Children of Nemeah is a dark fantasy/horror mashup taking cues from european folklore. It combines interesting myths in a seemingly standard medieval Europe setting, but not without shrouding the world in a mist of intrigue and wonder. 

While the world is interesting and the characters possess enough charm to want to follow them, the biggest problem is that the story starts too early, which is all too common with many stories. Chapter 4 which starts the confrontation with the first changeling works better as a hook than the previous chapters. Starting with the fight, using it to introduce the characters, and following up with Chapter 6 which gives us the first big mystery and "game changer" would allow for a better flow that keeps the readers engaged imo.

And boy was that a surprise. It was unexpected and introduced a new paradigm into the story. Anyone who wants to try out the story should at least read until chapter 6.

Grammar: I didn't encounter too many problems here. And considering that this is part of the Writhalon where quantity is more important, some leniency should be expected. 

Style: For the standards of Royal Road, the prose is more than acceptable. And as it's again the Writhalon, I expect the author to edit the sections once the month is over. The only gripe I had was that the pov switches between Siegfried and Rick overlapping and at times I got confused whose POV it was. T

hat being said, since the author wants to make the story publishable, there are a few areas where the style can be improved:

- Emotions and mental states are often told instead of being shown. That prevents a deeper immersion and connection with the characters. Instead of saying that a character was surprised or felt a deep anger, body language and thoughts would allow to convey the same and create a connection to the characters.

- Less adverbs. Instead of them, stronger verbs allow the story to be more dynamic.

- Said, ask, or body language suffice most of the time as dialogue tasks. Others are unneeded.

Characters

It's still early, so most characters had only room to show a few character traits. But what was shown made them likable engaging enough to want to follow their story. Especially Siegfriend was a fascinating fellow. That being said, it didn't feel like Rick had only just started out and met the cast for the first time. The way they interacted gave the impression that he had at least been with them for a few months.

All in all, the story shows promise, but the earlier chapters were weaker than the later ones. It's a mysterious world with a good mix of fantasy, intrigue, and horror, and from what I've read, it would seem that the characters are going to change and develop quite a bit in the future. Likewise, the author has shown the intent to edit and improve the writing, so whatever critic I have made might soon be invalid. 

OntoSomethingGood
Overall

A great read (Review swap)

Reviewed at: Chapter 2

So, I'll share my thoughts on the chapters as I read them. 


Chapter 1 -  This is the introductory chapter where a young Rick joins the guards to work with his hero, the MC. The author had used this premise brilliantly to lay MC's character and traits out. It also seamlessly introduces some side characters and foreshadows some of the future development, a possible conflict between Rick and his hero.
Nice introduction and a great start!

Chapter 2 -  The introduction flows smoothly from the first chapter, this time covering the MC's background. I also like the way a flashback is used. It gives a great insight into Sieg's character and also brings intrigue as to his real origins. Well done author for the smooth execution. 
 

Overall, a good story with good potential. I like the fact that the author has not crammed numerous otherworldly creatures/world-building into the introduction, as that always makes the reading tedious/overwhelming for me. So extra points for that :)

 

incarnadine
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Strong and Solid, with Well-Written Action

Reviewed at: Chapter 30

A strong medieval fantasy with solid plot, world-building, and conflict. Good job to you, D.C. Veiling!

The story starts off with the introduction of Rick, changelings, the MC, and the world, Nemeah. 

The Red Brigade is not as it seems, contrary to most fantasy force-that-can-save-the-world protector organizations.

I personally really like the setting of it - Sieg's character as well as the changeling incident and how there are methods to deal against them, the Red Brigade and Nemeah as a whole, is genuinely well-developed. The main criticism I have, however, is a bit with the female side characters, who don't seem to have as solid personalities as the main ones (like Sieg, etc.).

The story's plot is laid out as Sieg's role as the main character gets gradually revealed, conflicts with the side characters are revealed, and the later chapters go more into depth with Siegfried and the plot.

I genuinely like how you describe fight scenes, though. It pulls me into the story, and I really think that's Children of Nemeah's crowning glory. A story with good potential, especially for those who love the action and adventure genre - layers and layers of intrigue.

Keep up the good work!

Trilian
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Fast Action with a Protagonist Twist

Reviewed at: Chapter 6

D.C. Veiling brings a world to life in Children of Nemeah full of action-packed plot, a diverse range of characters with unique motivations, and interesting lore that keeps you wondering as you turn the pages.  

 

Style: Veiling uses third-person omniscient to deliver a complex storyline from the perspective of several characters.  Overall, this is an effective method for this kind of story-telling and I enjoyed the freedom it allowed for exposition and plot advancement.  The pacing of the story is just enough to keep you on your toes, but slows down at times to flesh out its characters.

Story: The story is one of the most compelling I've read on Royal Road.  With multiple layers of factions and intrigue (avoiding spoilers), you're left with a familiar world that avoids many cliches.  If you think action fantasy is a tad overdone and want to pass this story up, you'd be making a mistake.  There is a lot that Veiling creates here with Children of Nemeah that keeps you guessing.

Grammar: A few typos here and there, but nothing that inhibits the flow of the story.  The author also frequently goes back and edits based on reader comments, showing attentiveness to his work.

Character Score:  Really, the cast of characters is so well-done and fleshed out you could argue that there are several main protagonists.  Rick is perhaps the most logical choice for protagonist, but characters like Siegfried and Haylee easily vie for the top slot.  The interplay between this small squad of guards shows a lot of depth among the characters, and helps explain much of the current events/situation in Nemeah.

 

Children of Nemeah is definitely worth the read!  It's hard to put down once you start, and I've found myself digging through chapter after chapter on more than one occasion!

WinnieSallow
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Children of Nemeah begins with your typical crop of heroes training to protect other citizens from transformed individals. On the surface, it seems like a straightforward battle between good and evil, but the story evolves into something more complex rather quickly. It has action, character conflicts, and even a touch of politics.

At the core of this story are action and strong male characters. First, let's start with the action. There isn't a true in media res start. We aren't thrown into the middle of a battle, but instead get a look at combat training and the characters that will carry the narrative. I think it's a good beginning as the conflicts between characters play more important roles as the story goes on. These conflicts would have little impact if we didn't first see an earlier stage of their relationships. So, it's a not an in-your-face start, but it fulfills its purpose well.

Speaking of characters, there isn't just one mc. A lot of characters receive passages told from their headspace, Rick and Siegfried especially. Rick is the new guy of the group. He's eager to make himself useful and form bonds with the team, especially certain members. Siegfried is more of an epic hero, the likes of which you would see in old sagas, like the Song of the Nibelungs. His morals are on the straight and narrow, and he also embodies the physical package. It makes sense as he shares his name with one of the heroes of the aforementioned story. 

Overall, the characters' thoughts, actions, and dialogue make sense and flow naturally. The male characterization is quite a bit stronger, but there are female members of the team. They just haven't been rounded out yet. For the most part, the characters are pretty likeable, but it's inevitable that readers will develop their favorites, given that the characters don't always agree on the best course of action.

The style is like a cross between fantasy tales of the 80s/90s and more mature anime. Characters' emotions and the action are dialed up. Now, there are several sections where the characters do some explaining, and things slow down. Those parts are necessary, but if there wasn't some body horror going on, I might be a bit bored. In my opinion, the body horror is what keeps the pace up. Quite a bit of that in this story. 

The grammar is clear. While not perfect, it gets the job done, and there are no major mistakes or issues of clarity. Once in a while, I notice inconsistencies in dialogue tags. For example, commas after an action tag or periods after a "said" tag. If you aren't reading with a mind to correct grammar, you likely won't notice. 

This story makes use of the sexual content tag - as noted in the currently absent chapter 10 (during writathon 2021). You can find that chapter in the old version of the story, or if enough time has passed, it's back in place. I read the old version, and I definitely see an improvement between the current and old versions. The sexual content is quite a bit like explicit 1970s romance novels, very descriptive, although in this case it's shown from the man's point of view. Like all of those types of sex scenes, it does have it's cheesy moments, but I'm not dinging any points for that. It's hard to write a sex scene, and hundreds of readers have enjoyed sex scenes that are pretty similar. Just know that the sexual content warning applies and hits early.

After chapter 6, the story really begins to shine. That's where the first surprises pop up, and those surprises should be enough to keep a lot of readers reading. The story moves into a new, more complicated space and remains there. Around chapter 13, there is another turn that reorganizes the characters and sets up the main conflict. So, my advice is to read until chapter 6 to get a feel if the story is for you and hold out till chapter 13 for the action to start rising.

Overall, I was entertained reading this one, and I expect it will have more surprises in store.

Jacob A Zucker
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Fun action sequences

Reviewed at: Chapter 6

Style

The author's writing is really solid. It can be a bit wordy and cumbersome at times, but not enough to detract from the actual story. It's very descriptive prose that makes sure every scene is vivid and well-imagined.

Grammar

No complaints. Solid. I caught a couple of small errors, but nothing significant.

Story

I'm enjoying the gothic horror vibe of the story. The creatures are frightening and the action sequences engaging. It definitely feels like it's shaping up to be more of a serial than a cohesive beginning/middle/end novel. I don't know if that's the intention or not. The jumping around and pace of the narrative can be a bit jarring at times.

Character

Definitely the most room for improvement here. They just feel a bit...hollow. For example, the only woman is immediately becomes the caricature of the sex-symbol. Some of the male characters have more well-rounded personalities, but could similarly benefit from a few more defining traits. Also, the names felt a little mundane for the setting (Josh, Rick, Jessie, etc.).

Overall

A good start! It's a fun story with plenty of action. The characters have a good rapport, and if you like banter you won't be dissatisfied. It's got the bones of a good "band of brothers" type of story. I fully expect lots of daring exploits and epic fight sequences in the chapters to come.

_Glasses
Overall

A Good Start (Review Swap)

Reviewed at: Chapter 3

Children of Nemeah, a rewrite of one of the author's stories, begins with the introduction of Rick and Siegfried, the former a fresh recruit to a monster-slaying defense force and the latter the urban legend prodigy of the same organization. 

The prose and grammer is quality and the worldbuilding is easy to digest, with some aspects being extrapolated on in flashbacks, but otherwise being left for future investment. 

The story is a good start, quickly placing the building blocks of conflict between the characters as they are introduced, giving them motivation and origins that will certainly play into the story later on. 

My ownly gripe is the dialogue sometimes feels unnatural, more their for exposition than natural conversation, and I think that shortening the sentences and enlongating the conversation as a whole [The same information, just over the course of a longer conversation] would help that. 

That said, the story is very enjoyable and I am interested to see how it goes from here! The author certainly has a specific story in mind to tell and I think that is the most important thing for any writing!

Good luck!

VelkanBornstellar
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Children of Nemeah book review

Reviewed at: Chapter 2

Something evil lurks in Nemeah. Changelings possess ordinary citizens and turn them into horrific monsters with terrible capabilities. 

 

The only group able to deal with this threat is the mysterious Red Brigade. Empowered by the goddess Akali, they gain the strength needed to kill these unfortunate souls. Until a normal guardsman by the name of Siegfried cuts down one of the changelings.

Story: The story is about a group of protectors and the bid to keep their city safe from otherworldly body snatching fiends. Quite a few strong characters at the start of the book but not sure who the MC is, it's a toss up between Sigfried and the new guy. If the rest of the story continues the way it began, I can't wait to see what happens in future chapters

Style: Clear and conduce style. Author has no problem projecting life ino their chapter. Good structure and flow between scenes, even during flashbacks, author kept me emotionally invested in his character.

Grammer: Good use of duction, minimal grammatical errors. Good use of duction to convey characters thoughts and feelings.

Character: Seemingly strong characters all around, anticipating a lot of action from this book, but like I said still unclear about who the MC is, I need to root for somebody whenever I read progression fantasy.

Kelly_read_only
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

A fantasy epos like GOT

Reviewed at: Chapter 29

This is the first review I ever gave and I don't believe it will give the Author enough credit, but I'll try nonetheless:
I am a fan of medieval fantasy like GOT and I found a treasure in this fiction!


Yes, it is dark at times, it is brutal at times, but it is also thrilling, funny, lovely and serene afterwards. I feel like I'm constantly thrown into sudden changes of the story while never losing the red line of the plot. I am bound by the characters to the point that I bleed and hope with them!


Haylee alone deserves five stars for the character as she is so lovely described, I could picture her right next to me, telling me a dumb joke (or slitting my throat)!


Siegfried, the most important character seemed mysterious and distant at the start and with time he suddenly came alive like no other character I've seen before, showing his very own personality and later on telling us how he came to be like that. That scene was throwing me off the chair like nothing else!


If this is ever going to be published, I will buy the bound-book version and make place on the shelf between Eragon and GOT!
 

kieranpierce
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

This is my updated review after not my first time, but SECOND time reading.

And I'm someone who doesn't really reread things hardly ever, but I did enjoy rereading Children of Nemeah!

Siegfried is a normal guardsman who accomplishes the rare feat of killing a changeling, though things don't stay normal for him for long....

The plot is a wild ride! The many exciting action scenes will keep you reading. Both times that I've read it, I preferred binging the chapters because yes, it's such a good story.

Sieg is a tough but also endearing character. He does not actively seek out being a hero, but he will go to great lengths to save those he cares about--allowing his truly heoric qualities to shine through.

He thrives alongside the rest of the cast, which is one of the huge strengths of this story. You have a lot of characters that have all of the right connections to each other.... It's wonderful getting to know the different characters and see their interactions--epic, humorous, amorous, heart-wrenching, gut-wrenching--this story can hit you in all the feels.

If you're a fan of fantasy, especially some of the more traditional fantasy epics, this tale makes for a thrilling and original story that you should get reading already!