Neon Cultivation (LITRPG)

by Roto

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Traumatising content

God is dead, cultivators killed him years ago. 

But Shawn doesn't know that; he just got isakai'd here. All he knows is that he has been gifted the ability to steal the powers of his defeated enemies. 

Alone and confused, he wanders the city of the future, Najian. At first, it is a dream come true for him: robots, magic, and flying cars pack the streets.

Beneath the glamour of technology and magic, lies a corrupt society. Ancient sect elders have taken control of every aspect of society and rule from the shadows. Under their rule, the city is run off of a mysterious set of rules and traditions that only seem to benefit the strong. 

There is no place for weakness in Najian. Unfortunately, Shawn is weak.

Unwilling to be trampled upon, Shawn becomes ruthless to survive in this strange new world. 

[participant in the Royal Road Writathon challenge]

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Author
Roto

Roto

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drakan_glasses BE NICE! Fair critique is fair, but be respectful & follow the review rules. There will be no mercy.
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The book is awesome and the story is unique. The author has very little to work on expect one very fatal thing. The dialogue is really amature. It feels flat and draws far away from the story. I know I can be picky and other things like it but the way the dialouge flows removes any tension or emotion from all the scenes. I would suggest looking up some aids online to improve it. You can write dialouge and do, but the amount in this story and the quality of it ruin the flow and direction. I would advice tring to be more consise, or maybe finding a beta to help you through it.

The style is good but the dialouge hurts so much.

The story is intersing, and I feel if you get over this hurtle it will improve the book drastically.

I suck at grammer, looks fine to me.

The characters seem a bit 2d, but that might come from the bad dioluge.

Overall this story gets a 3 1/2 stars from me. I feel with some more work on the aformented problem it could very easly be boosted into the 4 or possible 5 star range depending on how well the character get charaterized.

P.s. Please take this as the constructive critisim that it is. I still feel there are more problems this story suffers from like like the flow of event to event, and the personality of each character. These problems while serious are not as bad as the dialouge. 

Tony Mendoza
Overall

Its still new but it has potential

Reviewed at: Chapter 11: Hunger (Interlude)

I enjoy the story so far but sometimes I feel like the mc isnt that smart compared to actual normal humans. Which is fine honestly considering hes gradually getting better as a character and the best part of a story is character growth. Its only on 11 so far so I will probably do an updated one later, thank you for your time.

Barnmaddo
Overall

This story is well written, with a good mix of action, dialog, exposition,, internal dialog ect... I found the characters particularly interesting, and the setting is a fun twist on the typical cultivation setting.

I'm not a fan of how much the story relies on plot device to get the OP MC through their adventures though, and for a casual story the content is a bit too depressing for me.

The author seems to have consistently put effort into some subtle, long term foreshadowing, so while the tone of the story is fairly casual, it's clear the author isn't just making everything up chapter by chapter.

HeartPiercingSpear
Overall

A great story with huge potential.

This story starts with a Simple innocent kind of guy, one that does not kill or want to kill, but his surroundings force him down paths he never thought he would like.

Its a very good take on mordern cultivation from what i saw till now.

So this guy he till now has seen death in the face, dined with gangs, fought a drug catel, met friends and enimies alike.

The would in to black or white, it is Gray in all acounts, and the author has made a ggod picture of such world.

 

 

This is an amaxing story do read it.

Read It!

II Khegorr II
Overall

1st chapter review *11th chapter review

Reviewed at: Chapter 11: Hunger (Interlude)

There is only 1 chapter out so take the five stars I gave it with a bit of salt. 

The first chapter is really good so I wanted to try and introduce others to this story, hence the five stars.

 

Alright. Now that I've read more of the story I've formulated an actual opinion ont it.

It's still really good, I just love the story. I don't know what else to say if I'm being honest.

You should definetely check it out, don't think for a second that my review even sctatches the surface of what the story is about.

Webzayne
Overall

Reviews must have a title

Reviewed at: Chapter 29: Battle

The best I can call the story is lackluster, I've read plenty of eastern fantasy webnovels; but overall this story doesn't do anything for me. There's an interesting background for a story, but it isn't really embraced by the author; the characters feel like walking stereotypes rather than functional people. The Litrpg aspect doesn't mesh well with the setting and is more or less a sideshow. It by far, isn't terrible, but I wouldn't call it good either; it's not bad for someone's first venture into writing I suppose.

MaliciouslyCryptic
Overall

Decent story. Good premise, mostly unique.

Some shortcomings-

-Dialogue feels unemotional, even mechanical

-Characters don't feel realistic, they speak and act different from how a person would act and speak

-Descisions don't feel natural, the plot seems to be furthered by the characters making certain descisions, but these descisions don't feel like they were supposed to happen, and can feel forced