After his parents died, Alex Roth had a plan: become a wizard. Through hard work, he was accepted into the world’s greatest university of wizardry—but fate had another plan.
On his eighteenth, he is marked as one of his kingdom’s five Heroes, chosen to fight the land’s great enemy. But his brand is 'The Fool', worst of the marks.
Rather than die or serve the other Heroes like Fools in the past, he packs up his little sister, his childhood friend and her cerberus, then flees for the university in hope of refuge, magic and to unravel the truth about his land’s evil.
There’s one small problem: The Mark tries to ruin magic while enhancing skills outside of divinity, combat and spellcraft.…
…that is, unless he can learn to exploit the hell out of it.
This the first time I am writing a web novel type story, and I hope you like it. I like progression stories and I've always wanted to try and write one like a few of the web novels that inspired me.
There are currently 20 advanced chapters on my patreon as a thank you to patrons.
Join us on discord! https://discord.gg/A4M3CzfWBn
Chapters will be roughly 2000-2500 words.
[participant in the Royal Road Writathon challenge]
Rating: This story is kind of like a PG-13 movie. There'll be gore and some swearing but not much beyond that. If that changes, I'll warn you.
Tone: Tone will be a mix of some action-adventure with excitement, comedy, slice of life elements and mystery. I won't be going too dark with this story. There will be mentions of war, some death, grief and violence.
MC: MC is analytical/rational with emotions. He is mostly in control of those emotions. MC will progress in power, eventually becoming very strong. Strong Lead tag added.
Fights: Fights will be detailed.
Stuff this story won't have:
- Extreme grimdark content
- Murderhobo plots
- Edgy, anti-hero MC
- Pacifist MC
- Overall Score
- Style Score
- Story Score
- Grammar Score
- Character Score
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The best chapters of this story, writing-wise, are the ones where the main character doesn't appear at all.
The author is in love with his protagonist and is determined that you WILL love him as well. The guy is a genius at everything, everyone likes him, literally. He's funny, kind, smart, hard-working, etc etc. He has no negative personality traits whatsoever and never makes a mistake. Every idea he suggests everyone instantly agrees with. Any chance he takes always pays off. Any time he needs money, some falls in his lap. Any stranger he meets always takes the time to teach him some rare skill or give him some useful tip. No one ever doesn't like him, and if they do, they are evil and are soon dealt with. No matter what rule he breaks, the teachers just tousle his hair and tell him not to do it again.
All of his friends and teachers essentially exist just to praise him and have side conversations where they talk to each other about how amazing he is. Professors fight over who will mentor him. Thousand year old magicians think he is rare and amazing and are astonished at how cool he is. No consequence for any of his choices ever negatively impacts him. The story is just him going from the best day of his life to the next best day of his life, over and over. It's frankly just ridiculous.
He is given a Mark that stops him from being an offensive combatant in any way at all, we're told, and then every chapter of the book he finds a way around that limitation. It's pointless because it doesn't stop him from killing everything he wants to kill. The main character's girlfriend is basically exactly the same thing. They both do something for an hour and are amazing at it, better than the experts. They each put on 20lbs of muscle a month or something silly like that. The whole thing is a fantasy really.
To me the absolutely worst thing the author does is he constantly makes references to other movies, books, etc and seems to think that makes the book better somehow. Every chapter he will have the characters talk about Harry Potter, Star Wars, Jaws, Frankenstein or whatever and it's so immersion breaking that I can't believe the author thinks it's a good idea but apparently they do and will even add a comment to the start of each chapter telling everyone to check out their cool new reference. I just think that is such a huge mistake I don't know what to even tell you about it. You want the reader to be able to lose themself in the story and the constant references to other works makes that impossible.
Lately the author has picked up the habit of narrating fight scenes the way the 1960's Batman tv show did, with constant "BAM!" or "POW!" exclamations to punctuate strikes and that is beyond silly to me as well.
This story is the opposite of "show, don't tell". You are explicitly told everything you are supposed to think about each character. If two people are in love, multiple characters will remark that they are in love. If a guy has a corny sense of humor, multiple characters will tell you that he has a corny sense of humor. If someone is a badass, multiple characters will tell you he's a badass. It would be so much smoother and more organic to just show the reader these things but apparently the author is scared that someone won't "get it" so everything has to be spelled out over and over.
When the protagonist is not present, as in the chapters featuring the "bad guys," none of these problems are present at all. The narrative is fluid and engaging. As soon as the protagonist pops up, it goes back to being Gary Stu fan service. I know some people will be fine with that but I just can't deal with it anymore. I thought at first it was just a new author getting the hang of things but it's become obvious that it's a series of deliberate choices they're making and it is just impossible to lose yourself in a fantasy story where everyone loves the hero all the time and the hero aces every test he takes and can outmaneuver gods and demons with no problem and basically just has everything go his way 100% of the time.
So basically it's 2 stars for the constant repetitive praising of the hero and 5 stars for the great writing of every chapter the hero isn't in. The problem is that the hero isn't in about 1% of the chapters so there's just too much of the bad stuff to wade through.
UnstoppableJuggernaut has modified an otherwise overdone YA trope (MC is a chosen one of some sort) and combined it the personality of the MC to make it their own unique story. The plot hooks are solid and the first arc of the story was so good that I couldn't put it down! However, the story winds down afterwards by an order of magnitude and devolves into a borderline Mary Sue story whose plot also happens to go at a crawl.
I honestly think that everything after Alex reaches Wizard College needs to be re-written and condensed. If you can see this UnstoppableJuggernaut, please consider my opinion on this one. I think if you did a re-write, you would make something great.
The read later on is decent at best and outright boring at worst. With that said, the framework of an amazing story is still there, and I can see greatness on the horizon!
I am only reviewing so harshly because I know the author can do better. I know because I read the first arc of Mark of the Fool and it was awesome!
As with many stories on RR, this one doesn't manage to keep what quality it has in the start.
The key factor in it's decline is that the main character becomes too much of a Marty Stu, and gets far too much plot armor. Now, there is a lot of build up to this, this is true, which made it worth reading for a while. But it didn't feel like a book where the MCs only purpose was to be a flawless paragon, they have friends to cover their weaknesses. That has gotten lost with the latest batch of work, and I find that I've lost any interest I had due to this.
A secondary issue is that it often feels just too tropey and cliche. It basically trends toward a more and more YA audience, losing any cleverness overtime that make good YA books stand out.
I actually dislike stories like this more than ones that are purely bad. With an obviously bad story, you don't waste your time. Here there is enough good things that the flaws feel particularly glaring.
There are two major flaws that are interlinked to really drag the story down and make for a frustrating read. The story starts with a bang, you have a major threat arise and the MC is dragged into things, but choses to essentially run away in order to grow stronger before being forced to confront the Big Bad. That's great and makes sense in the context of the story. What we get after that though is an inconsistent mishmash of training or experimentation that furthers the MC's goal, with slow tangents about cooking, festivals, or sight seeing excursions. The MC has access to incredible resources that might be able to help resolve his issues with the Mark of the Fool, but does absolutely nothing with them because "he's afraid of people finding out about the Mark." There is ZERO justifciation given for why he might be afraid, even fear of the priests can't be leveraged because they are banned from the school campus by his demi-god of a Chancelor.
Overall, the spell experimentation is interesting and I enjoy the world, but the MC is a bit of an idiot and it's made explicitly clear that while he's crowing about how great the pie he just baked is, people in his homeland are suffering and the other heroes are facing extreme challenges. This undercuts any attempt at making the MC seem admirable or brave, he comes off instead as a foolish coward squandering resources that could be used to resolve the threat to his home. A perfect example is that he pushes himself in his potions class to get approval for self experimentation so he can analyze a substance he has. When all he had to do was just ask his professor to do it for him, there's no justification given for why he should be afraid of her finding out about the substance and in light of the experiments SHE is performing, his worries amount to nothing at all.
The protagonist works so hard to overcome his weaknesses in magic and combat that he forgets about his strengths. Alex is neither a magician nor a fighter, he is a fool.
This doesn't mean that he shouldn't learn magic or how to handle himself in combat, but that the odds are heavily stacked against him, and he has to put in double the effort for half the gain. Again, he is ignoring what makes him strong.
Alex's mark makes anything unrelated to combat, magic or divinity pathetically easy, by showing him the correct ways of doing what he wants to do.
So then, what could alex do to capitalize on his strengths? He could easily abuse the mark to do things like:
Increase his persuasion skills, skyrim style, and then gather many allies and subordinates; Learn how to read expressions to see if someone is lying; Become a merchant or something and get rich; Learn about strategy and tactics...
There are just so many things that alex could abuse, but I didn't see him even considering these other options, that suit him so well.
This story would be 100x better if Alex stopped obssessing on the weaknesses he can't fix, and learn to compensate them with his true strengths and with other people he can trust.
Alex has to accept this reality or he will never take advantage of his full potential, and the story will never be more than just decent.
The majority of this story has the main character sitting in different classes learning about magic, using a godgiven power to be better at learning than everybody else.
I can see the author is enthusiastic about this story, and this might very well be exactly what some people might be looking for, but the beginning of this story promises an adventure which never comes and is instead replaced by years of school and magic education without any stakes or exploration.
Everything is extremely predictable and the fights are actually the most tedious part of the story since most of them are part of the curriculum and are therefore won by default.
There are no real stakes in this story or at the very least there never really is a moment where it seems like the MCs or his entourage is in any kind of risk of loosing
If the intended audience for this book actually was 13-year olds, I would maybe give this a slightly higher rating, but the story relies too much on anecdotes from university-life for this to be accurate.
While the worldbuilding is pretty solid and the world of this story seems interesting, the actions of the characters are pretty boring and repetitive.
The fact that this a story about a guy sitting in school makes the delivery of exposition somewhat believable since there is always some lecture explaining something, but even then there are conversations between characters only for the sale of explaining/advancing the plot.
Grammar is acceptable, tough there are some mistakes here and there, which could be avoided trough simple proofreading.
The author seems to be aware that what ge is cobbling together is essentially a story which is an amalgamation of known tropes, their subversions and hommages to existing work without ever creating anything that is truly their own.
As such, this is a middle-of the pack story, and is rated as such.
Thi book has a very strong start. There isn't much to say when it comes to this: after chapter 3 or so, I was already invested in the story, it was simply really good. Then, the MC reaches the magic school. AND. NOTHING. HAPPENS.
Users: , and , and many others are 100% RIGHT in their reviews; and some even offered solutions to make this an amazing story, like user: . Chapter after chapter, page after page, everything reads like... filler? So you can understand how much relaxed the story became after the intro of the story, the MC's objectives started to be measured in YEARS into the future of his studies... And at chapter 70, he's, like, having classes for 2 months or so.
Dude, it's even hard to say that the person who wrote the beginning of this book is the same one writing after chapters 15-20ish. I don't know if it was a case of "too-many-Patreons-too-quickly-time-to-drag-the story-as-much-as-possible" or something, but, unfortunately, it became just a boring book, which tries to convince you that seeing the MC looking for a job in a factory is fun.
The characters of the story feel very flat, with little depth to them. It feels as if I'm looking at actors reading from a script, rather than people who each have their own beliefs, morals, and values. Especially a lot of the humor feels very contrived, rather than arising spontaneously. I can't give an exact definition of why it feels this way, but it feels as if the world is rotating around the main character, rather than the main character being a part of the world.
The grammar of the story is impeccable, with no flaws that I noticed. The style of the story isn't something that is bad, but it doesn't greatly stand out either. There's nothing that I can point out that says "Only this author writes in this way."
The story and world building is actually interesting and engaging. The chosen hero concept has been done to death, but this is an interesting take on it, with the main character actively fleeing from said duty. My biggest complaint is that the story suffers heavily from Assumption Syndrome.
Assumption Syndrome is when a character makes a completely baseless assumption, that they couldn't possibly have guessed without prior knowledge, but they turn out to be right because of plot convience. A good example would be Sherlock Holmes. He walks into theoretical crime scene and sees a wine bottle, and immediately guesses the wine was poisoned by a threatened butler, whose family is held hostage by the local kingpen. There's no way anyone could have possibly guessed all that just from seeing a wine bottle, but he's "so smart", so it's waved off.
To list a couple of such instances in the story.
The main character is attacked by a bug monster, and immediately assumes they must have been the soldier version of their species, and that there must also be a worker version of the species, because of course all bugs are basically ants right? How would a character in a mideval fantasy world even know about ant hive structures?
Another instance is when the main character accidently controls an evil dungeon core and immediately assumes there must be a shadow government organization that is keeping all this hidden. Because obviously the previous heros that went missing had tried the same insane act of interfacing with an evil dungeon core after defeating hordes of monsters, and had been killed off for their knowledge.
If you can look past the many logical fallacies that grace the book, it's a decent read. It's not a litRPG or harem, so it's already unique compared to 90% of the other power fantasies on this site. I don't have a problem with either of those genres, but you have to ask yourself, do we really need another one? Thankfully this novel answers that question with a resounding "No!"
Edit as of 02/20/2022: This is officially the longest single piece of literature I have ever read. Pretty cool, if you think about it. Excited to finally get back to the ravener plotline!
I swear, Mark of the Fool is going to hit trending HARD in the coming weeks. This story is just about everything you want from a good RR story without the drawbacks that normally come from this format. There's great plot, amazing writing, complex characters, and brilliant fights - all wrapped up in one awesome package. Before I get into that, though, here's some things to note.
I'm a fan of the author's previous works, and had the good fortune of being able to read this story before it got posted here. Thus, I have more to work with than the 60 pages currently up, and might reference vague "future events". The author also has a history of completing whatever he starts, which might be reassuring for those cautious of drops.
Now that I've gotten those disclaimers out of the way, let's get right into things!
Like some reviews before this have said, the prose here is good. Like, really good. Some of the best on the site level good. If I could give this section a 6/5, I would. Normally, RR's writing tends to be fairly minimalistic, and a lot of stories with fancy flourishes end up having the prose detract from the actual story. Not this one, though. All of UnstoppableJuggernaut's writing enhances the story, making the story and characters come alive in your mind in a way I rarely see on RR. It's never too much, never too purple. Just the right amount to make your reading experience 5x better. I swear, if for nothing else, read this story for the actual writing.
Of course, that isn't to say that there's nothing else about this story that's worthwhile. Even if you don't care at all for prose, the story and characters more than carry the book on their own. You could say that the plot of Mark of the Fool is a twice-subversion of traditional fantasy plot. He doesn't get the Chosen One Amazing Hero Mark, and he doesn't go out to fight the dark lord. Instead, the MC carves his own path and tries to evade getting dragged into the grand quest as much as he can. Basically, the MC actually gets to drive the plot forwards by himself, and it only gets better in the future.
He's also much more realistic than some protagonists can be. He's rational and clever, but he still has emotions. For a spoiler example (chapter 3):
We can take the scene where he gets the Mark. At first, he reacts negatively, because he doesn't want any Mark, and especially not the Mark of the Fool. However, after he gets some time to process the situation, he immediately starts testing the Mark's capabilities in order to see what he can do with it, and if he's able to exploit it at all.
His catchphrase is even "Think. Adapt," which should tell you everything you need to know about his character.
It's not just the MC who gets to be "an actual character", though. All the side characters are interesting, which is something I see in very few fics on RR. Even the kinda-sorta-antagonist-figure is semi-likeable, when it could have been easy to make them human trash. The banter between the MC and his companions is heart-warming and genuinely funny sometimes, and it offers some nice contrast to the tension of the rest of the story.
Just a warning: There is a romantic subplot, though it's minor and handled wayyyy better than your typical romance is. I personally enjoyed it, and you can rest assured the characters aren't going to do stupid things because they were "blinded by love" or anything.
There is a very slight nitpick I have to give, and it's honestly almost unfair of me to give Mark of the Fool's story score a 4.5 because of this when it's really more like a 4.9. That very slight nitpick is that the beginning takes just a tad longer to get to the meat of things than RR may prefer. This may come down to, as another review said, the "Trad Quality" of the story, because in a bookstore I probably wouldn't blink at an intro twice this length. It's also chock-full of still-interesting moments that I wouldn't mind reading it even at twice the length. I'm just nitpicking because the most likely reason a reader is to pick up this book might take a bit longer than expected to appear.
Anyways, I've rambled on for long enough, so let's wrap things up. Overall, I couldn't praise this story enough. It's all the best qualities of progression mixed with the masterful prose and characters of a professional. No stat screens in this one, but it doesn't need them to be interesting. Like I said, this will hit trending like a truck, so why not get in now while it's still young? I promise, it only gets better in the future.
Starts out very strong - a semi-high fantasy tale of godly power that comes with unfortunate consequences.
However after the first arc turns into Harry Potter, MC finds a group of friends, an overpowered Deus ex machina and even bumbles his way into the good graces of Dumbledore...i mean Baelin the chancellor.
After that point I'm afraid all sense of intrigue and interest vanishes. Turns into a bog standard magic highschool story with weak rivalries and coddled students (and don't forget about monstrously powerful headmasters...i mean chancellor's!). Even has a tournament arc...
I understand what the author is going for but i feel like the focus of the story has changed and the author bait and switched me.
Maybe I'll read it someday when it's completed and i can fast forward past the school bs and get back to what the story was initially about. Which at this point feels like something that will happen YEARS in the future. Good luck patreon subscribers.