For Irision

by AlexaLee

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Sexual Content

After being arrested for treason by the Council for choosing to ignore their orders and try to rescue the inhabitants of a doomed planet, Aries and her crew (Space Corps Trainee crew 761) try to piece their lives back together before the Council makes good on their promise to destroy them.

Participant in the Royal Road Writathon challenge

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  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
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Author
AlexaLee

AlexaLee

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Simian king
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

The Style.

First person peripheral style of writing. The author is able to convey the perspective, thoughts and actions of the MC (author), as well as those of the other characters at the same time. Is the writing style properly used? Yes. 

The Story.

After being arrested for treason by the Council for choosing to ignore their orders and try to rescue the inhabitants of a doomed planet, Aries and her crew (Space Corps Trainee crew 761) try to piece their lives back together before the Council makes good on their promise to destroy them. Right from the plotline, we could see the magnitude of the story and its direction. Once the readers get invested in the book, they will find it hard to drop. The story is intriguing and entertaining, as it continues to develop nicely.

The Grammar.

Great use of the English grammar. No noticeable error that could affect the flow of the story.

The characters.

The characters are well made. Their actions and interactions showed how they are well fitted to their roles. As the author continues to expantiate on them, which is extremely hard to do because of the first person pov, they'll be more descriptive. Personally, I'm fine with the character's.

Great job author. Keep up the good work. 

cmr
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Story: Told from the viewpoint of Aries, (Arie, for short) who, along with her crew-mates, is struggling with trauma, disgrace, and disillusionment after a disastrous mission. An abrupt about-face by her superiors has Arie confused, but she's not in a position to question the unexpected changes thrown in her path. This, and the way events are revealed, keep the tension wound tight and the pages turning.

Characters: The MC's history deeply colors her personality and reactions, giving her a dark, tense side. The supporting characters are reasonably fleshed out but a little more physical description would add depth. Of course, this is an early review so I might be pushing a little fast. The emotional ties between the crew-mates come through strongly and this holds promise for development.

Style: The premise is engaging and led me to read more, as did the pacing. The tech is intriguing and brings an element of duality that I really can't say more about. :) And even though the setting begins with a training school, it has a gritty appeal.

Without going into spoilers, there are two kinds of dialogue in this story. For one of them, I can go with the unconventional format. But for the other, the dialogue tags need some work or, for a simpler fix, full stops could stand to be replaced with commas. My brain is trained to a standard and I found it hard to get used to the difference.

Also, the way dialogue is placed on separate lines, rather than forming a paragraph with the speaker's thoughts or actions, had me losing track - easy enough to fix. A little more attention to sentence structure and variation in word choice would help, too.

Grammar: There are some miss-spellings, incorrect word usages, and the odd tense slip. I don't consider them deal-breakers - since this is a write-a-thon challenge entry, fast posting is of the essence, and edits will come along.

All around, 'For Irision' hits the dystopian space opera spot square, and I'm betting it'll take right off!