Moonlight Demon (GL LITRPG)

by Already In Use

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Profanity
  • Sexual Content
  • Traumatising content

As attacks from the mysterious demon army escalate, the Jewel Empire waits patiently for its next hero to arrive. Little did they know that the hero they'd receive would be the last thing they expected, a homeless hybrid who couldn't care less about humanity. Ash, a half-demon whose very existence was a result of one of these attacks, is chosen to become the next Savior. 

---

This story contains soft LitRPG elements (specifically, that means there is no HP and only important things get status effects) and features a GL ("girl's love" or yuri/lesbian) harem. 

This story will also be on Webnovel. 

  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score
  • Total Views :
  • 26,436
  • Average Views :
  • 1,259
  • Followers :
  • 466
  • Favorites :
  • 74
  • Ratings :
  • 79
  • Pages :
  • 185
Advertisement
Remove
Go to Table of Contents
Rate it
Fiction breaking rules? Report
Advertisement
Remove
Author
Already In Use

Already In Use

Already In Use

Achievements
75,000 Views
500 Followers
Top List #1000
Word Count (11)
100 Comments
First Review Upvote
Fledgling Reviewer (I)
1st Anniversary
Advertisement
Remove

Leave a review

drakan_glasses BE NICE! Fair critique is fair, but be respectful & follow the review rules. There will be no mercy.
Reviews
Sort by:
danlern2
Overall

Synopsis is kind of a lie

Reviewed at: Vol. 1 - Chapter 9

Story is kinda meh. The world seems rather bland and cookie cutter, and the characters are pretty cliche, and have no interesting quirks.

The rpg system isn't soft at all, unlike what the author says. The only thing missing from a very hard rpg system is an hp bar, but everything else in the system directly correlates to numbers. Stamina seems to be highly restrictive, and while I haven't seen the numbers for magic yet, it's probably similarly dumb. 

For example, an average man in reality can pick up a sword they never used before and swing it around quite a bit before getting tired, and can push themselves to swing even more. In this story, an average man can swing a sword 5 times before his stamina completely runs out and falls unconscious. It's rediculously weak. Don't expect a soft rpg system, it's about as hard as you can get.

Milanda
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Ware the grim dark tag but a good story

Reviewed at: Vol. 1 - Chapter 9

I'll state that the story is still fairly early and the prologue is currently the main dark part of it. But I really enjoy the main character and her views on people. The system is slowly being explained to her and the readers in an interesting way that's not just an info dump; side characters are interesting and have depth. And I'm a sucker for the potential GL tag.

I can only remark on up to ch 9 but I for one can't wait for more. There are still a lot of mysteries I look forward to being unveiled.

And for those looking for trigger warnings

I will also state that the prologue has a sexual assault scene. While i am not sure how often such scenes will be used in the future I do think you can skip the prologue and not miss much. MC is the child of such a scene and so I post this here in case people prefer to skip that but try the story anyway.

That's all I can say. I'm now trying to push for 200 words so I suggest you give it a try yourself. If I say much more I'll give even more spoilers though I will add I really enjoy the lack of a HP stat. Feels more dangerous and interesting to me.

yosimori
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Brimming with Potential

Reviewed at: Vol. 1 - Chapter 17

Story is decent, although felt a bit hammerfisted into you, the 'religion is corrupt' trope laid a bit thick pretty early on in the series. If there was any reason for me to deduct a star off, it would be that conversation between the archpriest and the deacon: it felt stiff, awkward, and forced. That being said, despite the story being nothing entirely novel, there are many aspects to it that is interesting and unique to this fic itself to make it fresh and engaging.   

The author's style of writing is pretty good, although not without fault. Mainly in fight scenes, that are a bit too bland and lack flair, as well as decisiveness. For example in the first fight of the story, I had to do double takes because it wasn't clear whether the opponents were downed by the MC, yet the story progresses as if it was so. That is something to be worked on for sure. Despite that, the way the author handles 'romance' - if you can even call it that - is a bit of a fresh air, not jumping the gun and rather developing it slowly in a natural way. I would be expecting a good slow-burn one, or at least a proper induction of it as part of the story, and pretty disappointed if it is forced into the characters later on in the end. Only time will tell.

Grammar? Nothing much to say here, not perfect but certainly not horrible or average, nothing pops out to me that feels particularly damning. 

As for character... well, this one's a bit hard. Every character introduced so far is not the dreaded one or two-dimensional: they might follow a trope, such as the old mage tutor or the corrupt archpriest and innocent hero, but at least it is done well enough to not make them stickman caricatures; well enough to make them distinct. In fact, of anything, I believe the characters are the strong suit of this story. Despite the author's predisposition to glance things over and either jump around details or be too specific to the point of needless flair in conversations, the characters are robust. Nothing feels forced and their actions are not out of the will of the Mighty Pen, but rather the will of the characters themselves. They struggle, they are motivated differently. They are, however, not perfect - many things could still be improved about them, but it is less of a distinct thing that I can pinpoint and more of a general feeling, hence the less than perfect score. 

Honestly, I am torn between giving this a 4, a 5, or a 4.5. Under any other circumstance I would just give it a 4.5 in a heartbeat, but I am biased over a proper romance, and this has the potential of one, not to mention that it is a girl's love, which I absolutely crave. Do I think it's a perfect story for EVERYONE? Definitely not, but for me? Hell yeah it's perfect, if the author can churn up more stories and chapters with the same quality I will be more than happy to keep on reading and coming back everyday to check for updates.

 

potatogoddess
Overall

The story hasn't really progressed far yet but I feel like I've read enough to form a decent opinion on what I've seen so far.

Firstly, the story is actually pretty decent so far. Its got a good pace and a decent twist here and there plus its doing a good job setting the stakes. Not much to say on it for now but I can safely say that I'm looking forward to how the plot progresses.

The worldbuilding on the other hand is a bit of a mixed bag. It feels pretty inconsisent at times. On a cultural level the world is pretty fine. My problem comes with the technology, or rather I feel like the setting is supposed to be like the usual fantasy story on this site with a good amount of Asian influence. There's carriages and swords and inns, but there's also T-shirts that say "Nova's Best Wife" and a somewhat modern education system. While I don't really mind, it can sometimes break the immersion if only for a moment. My other big gripe with the worldbuilding is the systems surrounding the combat. The magic is your standard magic but the method of acquiring it seems kinda cheap. The actual combat is mainly a normal fight scene however the actual fights sometimes have stat checks. I can't really tell if I like it or not but I thought I'd just mention it. The actual thing I'm mostly confused about is the levelling in this world. A knight who is level 38 easily gets oneshot by demons meanwhile one of the renowned heros in this story was level 50. I dunno if I misread something but the levelling feels unbalanced. Furthermore, you can apparently level boost people by weakening a high level monster and allowing the low level person to get this kill and all the experience. That's pretty broken and makes the world feel very gamelike.

My opinions on the characters are mostly positive. The main character acts like how you would expect her to act and has a backstory that you'd expect of her. While she'd certainly not surprising in any way, I think she's still written well and serves as a decent main character. The side characters are pretty decent as well with none of them being bad in my eyes. There's technically an antagonist already but his role in the story is pretty flexible so I don't know where he'll go. He acts a bit like a standard priest villian in anime but you get to hear his thoughts and reasonings for his actions so he's actually much better than I expected him to be.

The writing is pretty good. 14 chapters in and I haven't noticed a single spelling error. The style itself is basic but it gets the job. The character dialogue also gets the job done. Feels like the characters drop the f bomb a bit too often though. I don't mind the cursing but at a certain point it just feels like the characters have a tinge of edginess to them and it doesn't really service the story much. The stat screen is minimal which I like but every once in a while it feels like its going out of its way to overexplain things. It even gives examples sometimes. I'd rather the screen just keep stuff simple and concise and have the main character discover the finer details. Short backstories are also frequent and while I don't usually like them, they help give some more details about the characters and they don't overstay their welcome. They do sometimes come out of nowhere though.

 

Overall its a fine read so far.  The update speed is very fast at the time of me writing this so that's a plus. The yuri hasn't really started yet but there's a few signs of it here and there. I recommend it for anyone who wants a decent and frequently updated story.

Lord Turtle
Overall

Can Grimdark be lighthearted fun? Yes

Reviewed at: Vol. 1 - Chapter 11

TLDR: It's a little rough but very fun and enjoyable. It has both extremely serious moments mixed with some absolutely bizzare moments as well. Would definitely recommend checking out if you need a fuzzy feeling or just some tragedy and anger in your life.


Long(er) Review: Overall I would say that this story starts out pretty strong with some predictable tropes that do kind of feel cliched. However, that doesn't mean it's bad and instead acts as more of a support to allow the rest of the novel to really dig into it and unleash it's full potential.

The disctinctly strange genres here make me intrigued to see how to plot ends up turning out as the various contrasts are generally found in one side or the other and not usually key elements of both. So far the author has demonstrated a competent if teeny bit of awkwardness in weaving the more cheerful and darker elements together. Furthermore, since the story is only just getting started, I feel that I don't have too much I can say without entering spoiler territory, but I'm pretty confident that the rest of it will be good just based on what we have so far.

Quick Aside: 

As the previous reviewer said, there is an assault scene but it is kept pretty short during the prologue.