A Budding Scientist in a Fantasy World

by acaswell

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Traumatising content

Alice is a girl who loves science and lives on Earth. Then, suddenly, she was punted into another dimension. A dimension where magic and monsters roam the land, swords and sorcery reign supreme, and, for some reason, a System keeps dinging at her and telling her that her stats and levels are increasing. As someone who loves exploring mysteries, Alice is determined to get to the bottom of this mystery. After all, everything has to have a ‘cause,’ including the System, right?

What to expect: This story is going to be a LitRPG set in a fantasy world. However, unlike many LitRPG’s, the system has both a definite beginning and definite limits to what it is able to accomplish – rather than a singularly omnipotent, omniscient being that is tied to the laws of the world, the way systems are usually presented in LitRPG’s, the system is close to both, but has definite limits and rules which it operates by.

(Constructive Criticism is welcomed)

(Cover made using Waifulabs)

(Also posted on Scribblehub)

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  • Pages :
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acaswell

acaswell

Mayor of the Rabbits

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Heartwontbeat
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I love & hate the story with unprecedented passion

Reviewed at: Chapter 8

Intro:

As a double major in physics and mathematics I was immediately intrigued by the title and premise of this story, but as I got further in to the chapters I grew to develop a bit of a love hate relationship where I continually drop the story then return anyways to read some more.

Why I Keep coming back:

Let's start off with the good shall we? This story explores the transported into another world trope with a care and seriousness I have never before seen. I love the detail and attention the author has put into the struggles and difficulties that come with survival. Temperature, disease, food, fear, all of these things are all too often glossed over in these transported in another world stories so that the mc can get on with the generic fantasy but not this one.

The author festors and drowns in the nitty gritty of simply existing in the wild with a truly terrifying realism. I'm right in there with the mc, scared and pondering how I would fare in a similar situation. It is this meticulousness to what the character needs to accomplish that has me coming back again and again to finish the chapters I unceremonisously drop in frustration.

 

Why I Keep dropping the story:

It's not all sunshine and lollipops though. My problems with this story come down to one thing: the MC. She's not a scientist, she's a kid. I see that the author wants to portray an analytical character bringing science and logic to a crazy world but I find the MC is one of the least rigorous and scientifically inclined characters I've ever met. I feel that the author is writing this story with a fundumantenal misunderstanding of what science is.

The MC keeps approaching her knew world, magic, and the system with the idea that it is breaking and rejecting science throwing away all that is true. It seems that the author fails to understand that science was never about truth but about a lens in which to understand it. The world, magic, and the system are logical and truthful by definition because it exist! and it is the MC's job to take her analytical mind to study and understand how exactly it ticks.

The MC understands she's in another dimension but then refuses to accepts that the ruels here might be different. She rejects and skims over certain topics because she is not willing to accept there 'science' or 'logic' stuck in the ways of her own world. Take this and add on to it that the character even follows through with sometimes a misunderstanding of our own world and physics.

The author/MC often brings up newtonion physics as this thing that the new world often rejects ignoring the fact that our own world often rejects it as well. We have long since known that newtonion physics is a painfully inaccurate portrayal of the universe that we simply use on smaller earthly scales out of convenience, but there are many many circumstances throughout the universe in which it breaks down. Is it so hard to believe that this new world the MC finds herself in is one of those situations?

Call to the Author:

This story has gotten quite popular and there are quite a few reviews already so the author may never see this, but if you do this part of the review is for you.

I have been very negative of your story and perhaps a little insulting in this review but I genuinely believe that your story has the potential to be the very best that this platform has to offer. That's why I have an overall score of four even though my personal feelings would put it much lower.

You goal and determination in this story is truly inspiring and I am glad to see someone striving to write a story like this. In my opinion though, I think you should have your character study the world with as much attention and detail as you do to the survival. I think the story would be much better if the MC dropped her preconceptions of how things ought to be in her mind and truly studied the world trying to understand why it is the way it is.

After all isn't that what science is about? Trying to understand why things are the way they are.

I will begrudgingly continue to read your story excited to see how it progresses.

tl;dr: MC tries to fit world into her understanding instead of trying to understand world. Otherwise the detail and attention of survival is amazing and enthralling.

 

 

Brights
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

So far this story is off to a great start, following the classic dumped in a strange world how would you fare formula. The main character is just a young girl finding herself in this situation all of a sudden, no supplies, no equipment, just the clothes she stands up in , all this in a world where her survival is FAR from assured, Need food? Better learn how to forage , because the system will not help until you make an effort yourself. Need shelter? Good luck with that, hope you can cobble together something because again the system will not help. It really feels like even with the system she has to EARN her skills, and think hard on it to do so. The MC seems sometimes  little clinical for somebody in her situation, but I guess for some people stoicism is how you cope. All told well worth a read with no OP or power creep. The use of the scientific method as a tool for survival really makes for a unique story, though the title describing her as a scientist may confuse a lot of foks given that the MC is a schoolkid of fifteen years old, not a qualified scientist, although given that she is studying the use of an entire new way of living in a world far removed from our own we can safely say she is rapidly becoming one.

draxsiss
Overall

an amazing survival story

Reviewed at: Chapter 12

So this is a great nonstandard story. The MC is forced to work for everything, makes mistakes and really relateable. The focus on mearly staying alive is a refreshing change from OP MC that liter this site. Give it a read you will enjoy it. 

 

As of this point I have compleated only the first segment of the story but based on current quality we shall likely see much more high quality story to come. 

Sansvoid
Overall

Classic litrpg, survival story. I love this part, the limitations of knowledge, skill and Skill. 

 

So far our protagonist has managed to not die quite a bit. Good tension.

 

I skim over some of her thinking sometimes though, cause I want to know what happens next. Other times what she thinks is very important. Maybe that's just me, well...

 

Keep up the good work.

Void_walker
Overall

Great story, I see some potential. I like the concept of using natural forces or phenomenons to make a magic system. It has been revealed that there exists kinetic magic and electro-magnetic, if we follow with this then there must be strong force magic, weak force magic and gravitational magic, but it seems a little weird that there are only 4 types of basic magic. Thermal magic might be a possibility too.

 

 

EpicGnome23
Overall

5/7 Stars a perfect score, I really enjoyed all the personality and stuff put into everything. The way Alice looks at everything in the world with a question in mind is great and is a great way to exposition about how everything works. Am excited to see where the story goes next.

rulerhades
Overall

Wasn't going to do a review

Reviewed at: April Fool's Chapter

But someone decided that the cover of the female leads face is somehow sexual. I'm here to dispel any misunderstanding. There is no sexualization of the MC, at least none so far in the story. It's an entertaining read, and I love how it displays what someone forced into a "survive in the wilderness" would actually be like. That said, it does tend to be a bit wordy, the first chapter especially. If you find it hard to stay interested then I'd say skimming through the less important pieces would be fine, it's worth it to stick with the story. Hopefully the rating gets brought back up 

Carson6319
Overall

The first 12 chapters are wildness survival mixed with a training montage. It's a bloody long montage considering as of those chapters there is only one characther we are made aware of. 

These chapters are quite enjoyable. They are grammatically well written with a nice bit of descriptive language. Furthermore, the MC's thoughts on the system are fresh in an exciting way. 

Not comfortable giving the story 5 simply because I have no clue as to how it will handle side Characthers and characther interaction two things which can make or break a story. 

For now definitely give it a read. 

Zajhein
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

A semi-realistic take on how a teenager might react to being thrown into another world and trying to survive. It has great potential with an interesting system and setting so far, although it needs more editing to polish things up. Chapter lengths are long enough to keep your attention, but don't take full advantage of that to build up interest at the beginning and resolve conflicts near the end in regular arcs. While the science is merely in the observation and speculation phase at the moment.

 

Style: It has some personality with loads of introspective thoughts(often more than needed) and comments from the main character, although quite standard otherwise.

Story: There isn't much of a plot or signs about where the story is going yet, except survival and learning about a new world. Although there are hints about "broken mana" and a potential war with foreign kingdom, it's hard to tell if they have anything to do with the plot or just more background to the setting.

Grammar: Nothing to complain about and few if any typos.

Character: Alice is on her own from the beginning and all her introspection reveals a "logical" personality, or at least her desire to think of herself that way, even if she jumps to conclusions that are luckily right or makes extremely dumb decisions like any teenager might. Yet even after months of in-world time the only thing shown about her physical appearance is that she wears pink pajamas, and apparently doesn't care at all about hygiene, possible scars, foot protection, or basically anything about her appearance other than how a blanket fits around her. Although she somehow has a high charisma score that isn't affected by dirt or crusty hair and is still "pretty" to a merchant after living in the wild for months on end. Instead of looking and smelling like a marsh monster like one would expect.

 

While having great potential and some interesting ideas that are being explored, there are many problems which can pull readers out of the story. Since the more scientific and realistic a story portrays itself as, the more critical readers are going to be about inaccuracies and consistency.

First, waterways almost never grow larger upstream like is implied at times, and most primitive civilizations are usually located downstream near coasts or where multiple rivers meet and the most resources are. For Alice to randomly assume traveling upstream is best only to eventually find a book floating down toward her from the same direction seems... forced.

Second, Alice's common sense and system provided survival skills are somehow worse than seems possible. For instance after finally starting a fire for the first time, Alice suddenly decides to move and build a shelter for the night to stay warm, then proceeds to put out the fire in one paragraph and realizes she's cold the next. You'd think she'd learn something from this, but never does, as she's always starting new fires and letting them go out instead of keeping them going or carrying a burning stick with her to light a new one. Which anyone would learn is easier after the first few days. Not to mention she doesn't even think to cover her cave entrance to keep the heat in until she's been living through winter for a month.

Third, after finally finding a book and signs of civilization in the direction she's been heading, instead of continuing on, Alice confusingly decides it's somehow safer to stay away temporarily and that her admittedly horrible survival skills are sufficient to survive the winter. Even though nothing about her situation improves over the winter except her skills and a few perks, and actually gets worse because more monsters start waking up when she finally decides to leave.

Finally, there are a bunch of little inconsistencies such as Alice never being woken up at night due to strange noises, never having problems with hygiene or lack of fiber, never hurting herself by walking and running through a forest without foot protection, and so on.

While none of the problems really break the story in any way, they all add up, leaving behind cracks in the realism that's trying to be built, although many seem easy to fix. Despite all that it's still an entertaining read and I'm hoping things get better as the story picks up.

thewitness
Overall

Overall: I like the MC and so far I'm liking her motivations and priorities which are both enjoyable to read and realistic, I like the setting though I'm waiting in anticipation for the expansion on this due to her reaching civilisation and I love her current path of develop.

The only reason it's not 5 star is because though I'm liking the system you currently have in place I would recommend putting something in between her different classes perks (so they are slightly more separate) and maybe finding a slightly different way of organising the individual skills as whilst it currently works I can see it easily getting out of hand in the future.