Game of Thrones/ASOIAF: King Business - Tommen OC/SI

by Path Liar

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Profanity
  • Sexual Content

GOT/ASOIAF OC/SI -- A ruthless businessman is reincarnated/transmigrated into Tommen at the start of Season 4... 

  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score
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  • Pages :
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Path Liar

Path Liar

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moredread
Overall

A very good start

Reviewed at: Chapter 13

I've seen a lot of Game of Thrones fan fiction. With several stories with a self insert. This is the first I've seen however with Tommen as the MC. So for me it's new just for that. 

With it being Game of Thrones it's got to be explicit. The show and books were just to raw for it to be any other way and be close to be acceptable. This is very explicit.  There is a lot of violence and it's looking like it will only get darker. 

The writing is very good. It has some nice flow to it. No choppy dialogue. The characters are acting as they should. No out of character moments so far. 

With only 12 chapters it's hard to get a perfect read on a story, but I like what I've seen so far. 

StrangeTraversty
Overall

What a interseting set up. when i think about your premise and how refreshing it seems i cant help but let a smile grow on my face. i can literally picture the conflicts that are going to come up and am excited about how you are going to solve them, so keep it up man. Its only the first chapter as such there is not much i can but patiently wait for the next chapter to get a better look and idea where it is going, because the first chapter is great as it would garner the audience's attention but now starts the hard job of keeping them from the second chapter onwards.

FIEND
Overall

No words, no flattery, no 10 stars can describe how breathtaking every moment reading this book was

I seen it on trending for a while but thought it as another simpering pass at fan fic. A14 yo watpadd fiction at best. 

Good qualities of this novel include lots of foreshadowing, scheming done right, not dragging contrieved plots.. idk u just gotta read it

No romance no harem so thats a +1

Clever badass morally questionable mc +1

Honestly GOT fan fic done write. Hell half the time i wanna worship the "god amongst men" himself, King Tommen

Decimvs
Overall

Great read, definitely recommended.

Reviewed at: Chapter 41

High quality fanfictions like this are hard to come by unfortunately, but you've done a very good job so far. No all knowing MC, no harems, no instant overpowered armies or whatever cliches there are for these kinds of self insert books. For anyone else that might be considering reading this, do it, you won't be disappointed.

PopeUrban II
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Just what I was looking for

Reviewed at: Chapter 40

Ever since "The Prophet From Maine" took a writing break last year I've been looking for GOT fanfic of similarly high quality and it appears I've finally stumbled across one.

In short, if you've read or watched GOT and enjoyed it, or if you don't have the patience for or access to books/shows but always were interested in them, give this fiction a shot, the first few chapters are a little shoddy but it rapidly increases in quality.

In long:

Style: The fiction so far follows a POV view of the MC with every so often someone else dropped in to provide context for how other characters see his actions or how they think, personally I always enjoy seeing what other characters in the universe are thinking.

Grammer: The author has a decent rather above average control of pros, especially conversations, though MC's few public speaking moments fall a little flat in my opinion.

Story: So far the story has been handled perfectly, just the right mix of politicking and action and to keep everyone interested, there are specific goals characters are working towards (even if we don't know all of them), and nothing seems to be moving too fast or too slow. However I have noticed that  at no point have I actually believed something might go wrong for the MC though I'll keep this at 5 stars as I am willing to give the author the benefit of the doubt and say that's because the fiction is still in the early stages of the story.

MC: The Mc is very well handedly, the author made the excellent choice to not come up with some overly complex and incredibly unbelievable background for the character but to just gave the reader five things and let their character develop with the story: from the off they are very smart, they are relatively ruthless but not excessively cruel, they are extremely manipulative, they crave power, and they have some level of knowledge about GOT from their past life. The author also managed to write a Mc with all those traits that isn’t an edgelord loser wannabe but actually comes off as a believable character.

Other Characters: Perfection, every character reads like they read in the GOT books, same mannerisms, same beliefs, everything, this is always what i'm most worried about when I read fanfiction, they hardly ever get the characters right, not so here, absolutely no complaints.

TheGreenKraken
Overall

Holds up with some of the best of them on FF net. Honestly the author clearly demonstrates he has an excellent grasp of the lore and gives the fans enough service to make GRRM proud. Very curious to see where he goes with the plot now the a few major derailments have occurred. 

 

Good stuff. 

The_Lord_Bread
Overall

I like the premise, and it hasn't been done much before; also fan fictions of extreme dedication tend to be exclusive to AO3 or FF.net. I sincerely hope other readers feel the same. My only wish is for the author to keep the story alive with fresh and exciting updates!

 

CHAPTER 1-3

I really like where this going, and you seem to have some ideas on where you wish to take your story so I won't mention anything specific.

I do have one problem though, I feel like there is wasted potential for chapters between Funeral prep, Tywin and SITommen, and Bran's meeting. While many would call such details filler, I call them world building. Good luck!

CHAPTER 4

This chapter was a bit too short and lacked much meaning, but I understand the author may wish to skip past parts they are uncomfortable with; so be it. I still dislike the large time skips, and would really like to see longer chapters, but the story is still in its infancy, and must be nurtured through positive thinking and the author's dedication. Please keep up the good work!

CHAPTER 5

All my issues as of yet have been resolved, and the direction is seemingly more fluid with each chapter. Well done!

CHAPTER 6

The story is now leading unto some major stuff, so my review may change in rating every so often, but definitely worth my time.

CHAPTER 7

No timeskip so yay, but his method of testing could really cause some issues with insanely stubborn knights like Ned

CHAPTER 8-10

AMAZING! The author clearly understands the plot and the subtleties of the court of King's Landing. Well done 10/10. 

CHAPTER 11

2nd favorite chapter so far, and again, zero errors, and an excellent understanding of the GOT universe. 10/10

CHAPTER 12

I love seeing how characters personalities play out in their actions, and I despise impossible characters that are just plain holy and good or needlessly evil. This story does character/s well.

CHAPTER 13-14 

Couple of my favorite characters introduced into the story... hurray! Also how tall is SITommen? Just wondering

CHAPTER 15-22

Bit late to my review but honestly the direction is awesome. The story progressing as it should, along with mixes of intrigue. Personally I think some more angry courtiers in GoT could use a good stabbin'.

Anyway its good, and so far, to my knowledge, of which I may or may not lack, I haven't seen any errors with just some cursory checks. 

KEEP IT UP!

CHAPTER 23

What can I say!? Good? Yes! Bad? No! Die heretic? 100% This story has roots, but just needs time and effort from the author(Which he gives btw) Anything less than 3 and 1/2 star is just fake review

 

But definitely worth my time 

CHAPTER 24-25

I give a short review.

God complex

Fire grandma

100% GoT

CHAPTER 26-30

I always loved the idea of fights to the death.......I'm not wierd.........ANYWHO!, No errors or significant timeskips, and some nice perspective changes. 9/10 (Am sad because the kawai knight got stabbed by shadow demon)

CHAPTER 31-32

Take that demon boi, the power of plot and prophecy compels you! Also chapter 31 is 11/10

Awsome 

Great

wheresJerZ
Overall

Best GOT ff, and a wonderful read

Reviewed at: Chapter 47

Something is special about how the dialogue feels and flows so natuarlly like it is original to the setting. I will be following this until it is finished. As someone with a rudimentary understanding of the GOT world im loving the story. The quality and progression with the foreshadowing is outstanding.