Lily Ex Machina [COMPLETED]
Lily Voirgaire is a girl born with extraordinary talent in a field of magic largely considered useless. She was content with that, happy simply to work diligently towards her goal, her dream of becoming a machinist, a creator of non-magical constructs. She loved her work, and she was good at it. She would spend every day working to get better at her craft, and would eventually become the best machinist in the land!
That was what she thought. That was what was supposed to happen.
But then an accident leaves her with a grave injury and tosses her leagues from her home city. This is the story of her journey.
THIS STORY IS ALSO AVAILABLE ON MY PERSONAL WEBSITE, EXTANTVISIONS (http://extantvisions.com)
Lily Ex Machina was completed in April 2017. To read the currently in-progress sequel(Seeking Elysium), please click >> HERE <<
[Rated 17+ for slight gore, cursing, and slight sexual content. THIS WORK CONTAINS STRONG HOMOSEXUAL UNDERTONES.]
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Solid writing, no complaints about this. Emotional scenes were a bit of a problem, I thought, but they are very difficult to do, so it's really not something I'm willing to blame the author much for.
Nothing to complain about here. I'm sure there's the occassional mistake but I rarely found some. Compared to some other novels here, great job.
Great idea: have a young girl with unique magic set out on an adventure, where then everything goes wrong. Desperate, she has to sacrifice part of her humanity to survive, and go from there ...
But instead of slowly coming to terms with her actions, maybe going further down that path, grapling perhaps with the implications of being able to manipulate her own mind, it's basically "I'm OP now and kill things" after that.
It's not all bad. There's some fairly daring plot decisions for this genre. But much of what happens happens far too easily and conviniently. "Somehow", events progress just so that they fit the heroine's development ...
The heroine and her party are likeable enough, but there's a telling lack of antagonists with personality and basically no character development after the initial switch from "innocent inventor" to "terminator".
I should have liked this much more than I actually did. Even if I was disappointed that the initial idea got (kind of) discarded along the way, and everyone turned way too OP, it's still "cute girls doing cute ... err, murderous things". That usually is good enough for me.
But the discrepancy between trying to create something fairly serious, with dark tones, while at the same time being caught up in light-hearted litRPGs tropes was a mix that just didn't work.
While I won't say that LeM is not without flaws, it is a great fiction! Major pet peeves in the first 20 chapters of the book; however, as the story moves along it becomes less jarring.
I do not quite understand the notion behind having a shield though... it just feels like it happened for the sake of having more "Drama" in the future chapters when the war between vessell and LeM breaks out.
The entire merging thing... was strange and cheap! Seriously, the reason I am not giving this a 3-star or even a 2-star which it really deserves for failure of using proper human anatomy, is that the story as a whole package works. It is all-right. Fight scenes are done well. Grammar is not jarring. Characters are lovable even if forced. So yes, I will give it a 3.5 But, seriously... it could have been much better.
If you liked Arifureta, then this one's worth considering. I have trouble recommending it otherwise.
Style: Perfectly fine, nothing really stands out one way or the other.
Story: Lots of minor problems that snowball into an experience that's hard to maintain an interest in.
1) The MC goes from being a normal person to being a sociopathic, mass-murderer in less than one second (literally) with the only explanations being either magic or a psychotic break (author hasn't said as of chapter 44).
2) She taught herself to fight the most dangerous creatures in existence based on half-remembered beginner martial arts training manuals that she read several years ago, something that any competent fighter would tell you is total bs. It might be enough to win amateur fights but she'd get her ass handed to her by anyone capable who was at or near her power level.
3) She's somehow able to react to things that are happening far to fast for her to be able to process them, with no explanation as to why. This is a pretty common one since most authors just assume that the only thing preventing people from being unstoppable killing machines is a lack of OP equipment.
4) The power creep is extreme. A monster mentioned in the first arc as being one of the toughest to handle, a legendary existence that requires large groups of humanity's finest to even have a hope of defeating, is toyed around with and then killed by a new party member on her first day on the job with the very clear message that anyone else in the party could have done the same if they hadn't been holding back to see what the new girl could do.
5) Others that escape me at the moment.
Grammar: Quite good. Mistakes are rare.
Character: Its hard to say. The mild Mary Sue aspects make it difficult to like the MC and the flaws in the personalities of the others might well be intentional given their inherent nature. The biggest problem here is probably the sociopathy thing again, but that too might be intentional as its been brought up a few times by the characters themselves.
The whole story should have ended in chapter 7, when our dearest heroine gets both her legs bitten off. Even with one femoral artery cut, blood pressure would drop faster than my interest, and the person would die in under a minute. Now, our missy gets both her legs ripped right off, hangs around for a few moments and then gets smashed into a wall (fun fact: that smash is described to have broken bones and possibly her spine, but all that is never mentioned again), she then gets whisked away and survives long enough to have a bout with depression, just to finally drag herself to a medkit and survive.
Everything afterwards just digs the plothole of "trash magic becomes universal deus ex machina" all the way straight to china, along with a blissful ignorance about the human body (examples include, but are not limited to burn wounds, tetanus, magic muscles and the intricacies of the human muscular system, and that's just the few chapters I've read).
10/10, would force this story upon my worst enemy.
I managed to read through this story to chapter fifty-something and couldn't read any more. Not only are the characters fairly two dimensional, they act like badly written anime characters. There are a huge amount of inconsistencies compared to reality. The final nail in the coffin was not only the implied relationship between a 20 year old and someone who "only looks like a 14 year old" but also the addition of an ACTUAL 13 year old having an implied orgasm. So like my title says: paedophilia with extra steps.
Story is written with fluidity and has detailed but not overly detailed explanations. Although unknown, this is precisely a polished gem hiding among dirt. It is professionally written and enjoyable to read, the only drawback of the story is the small amount of chapters, but we can only hope for it to change as time goes on.
kudos for the author people. I hope more people will read the story which will make more people read it!
I'm impressed... this Is really a great story for this site. It isn't perfect, but my god, It's a lot better than a lot of stories on this site that have more readers
The MC power is really interesting, my only problem (and that Is just personal preference, nothing else) Is that I would like her power to be only inorganic/non sentient beings. I didn't really liked the whole "change how I can be aware while sleeping" and the "erasing my hate of moths" thing. I don't know if you will use this more later on, but I personally hope you don't.
the rest of the MC power Is really cool, doesn't sound incredible powerful, and I really like how she made her arms and legs.
I can't comment a lot on grammar since I'm not a pure english speaker (my second language, self taught) but for me, It's really good, with no problems with commas, paragraphs and other stuff.
characters, they are really interesting, I just wished that the MC backstory would be more explained (like what she encontered In her studies and what other people thought of her because of her power.
my only true negative about this story, Is that chapters feel too short. I understand that writing can be hard (hell, I have some good ideas, but can't even put them on paper, that's why I only read), but try to write longer chapters.
I hope you can give more and more chapters for us to read.
Very good introduction to an interesting story topic. Looking forward to more chapters.
The only improvement point that i would mention would be to have a bit more in depth detail about various topics. IE in the prologue, explain the gauntlet, Lily’s looks, her room/apartment etc. Give the reader a picture with words (or put in a picture) the author does a good job of this with the key points in the story but extra doesn’t hurt.
Excellent grammar, spelling and a solid enough plot. Points off for deliberately leaving out the tragedy tag though.
The grammar is great, smooth writing and excellent grammar work make this a great read.
Of course the story itself is great which only further improves the grammar. The characters are solid and fun to read along with. The world and what we've learned of it so far, though small in ways, is enjoyable and leaves me wondering what else they may have made.
The steady change of the main character through her experiences only strengthens the story in a firm way without pushing things to fast or slow.
Read through many chapters in one go and now I'm looking foreword to the next one to come out.