Enigma's Multiverse: Rewrite

Enigma's Multiverse: Rewrite

by Daoist Enigma

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Traumatising content

This novel was rewritten with the following goals in mind:

-A 'human' MC, that struggles underneath the weight of his past emotions and slowly grows as a person as he deals with past trauma and regret. A relatable protagonist whose actions are in line with his motivations, who may be amiable or ruthless depending on the stakes presented. (Caucasian male protagonist, set in the modern world with alien 'induction' into the cultivation world.)

- Competent antagonists that have their own goals and ambitions, instead of always targeting the MC for plot convenience.

- An original cultivation system.

- Interesting and well fleshed out enemy archetypes.

- Hell mode challenge right off the bat.

- Lots of action and fighting with psychological elements.

- My vision of what a cultivation novel should be like.

This is the rewrite of the original Enigma's Multiverse, the first version reads more like a skeleton or a first draft as it was my very first work and I've come a long way since then. A lot of things from the original will be tweaked/enhanced, so it might just end up as a completely different work.

Cover Credits- Instagram @just_anime_art_things

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Cultivation in a Multiverse

Reviewed at: 007: Duo

The premise is intriguing. Tim is a traumatized young man, hiding out in a small town. An alien picks him up and invites him into the multiverse, so long as he can prove himself. He and his bodyguard uncle, Frank, know they might die but agree to the challenge to earn the rewards. High stakes. High return. The story is obviously a cultivation novel, and I think the initial chapters set that up quite well.

Style: The style is clear and straightforward. It leans more towards action and exposition, but there is still plenty of dialogue. The exposition also has a conversational feel, which I think helps to paint the scene and keep the reader moving forward.

Story: It’s a bit early to get too much into the story, but there’s a lot of potential here for interesting abilities and fight scenes. For instance, the ascetic (somewhat mysterious alien guy that picks up Tim) can move quickly and initiate conversations in space. The story foreshadows non-human characters and opponents. All good things. The initial chapters also demonstrate the author’s handle on writing tit for tat fights. Frank and Tim spar, and the moves aren’t glossed over.

Now, I should mention this story is a rewrite. I’ve only read the first couple of chapters of the old story. Compared to the old version, I can say there is steady improvement, not so much in grammar or style. But, plotting, character introductions, and dialogue all show significant improvement. The original version introduces the multiverse in the second chapter. The new version takes its time, which sets up stronger and more grounded settings and characters. I think the writer will be hitting his goals spot on.

Grammar: I noticed maybe one or two types, but they don’t affect the flow of reading. They are so insignificant that I couldn’t point to where they are in the text, so they effectively don’t exist.

Character: So far, the characters show the strongest development. Tim is faulted, and despite being super rich, still relatable. Frank, his uncle and bodyguard, is responsible but fun. He serves as teacher and buddy, and I appreciate that he has his own motivations to join the multiverse. Briefly, readers glimpse Tim’s deceased girlfriend, and she also shows some personality despite her short scene. It’s too early to say much about the ascetic’s character, but there’s every reason to believe that will play out well too.

Overall, I think the story is turning out very well. The biggest potential for improvement could be in headspace. Readers get a view inside both Tim and Frank’s heads and are privy to some of their thoughts. Sometimes, I got tripped up when moving from Tim to Frank, but I always got things figured out pretty quickly. Now, those trips could just be my problem. I haven’t read third person omniscient narration in a long time because the style has fallen out of fashion in recent years. I haven’t exactly been exercising that part of my reading ability, so please take the criticism with a grain of salt.

I also anticipate that some readers might find the beginning a little slow, but I appreciate the slower start. If readers are very familiar with Tim and Frank, the later weirdness and extraordinary happenings in the multiverse will be more fun.

If cultivation novels are your thing, give this one a read.