Drakon the Necrolord

by ChroweHunter

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Sexual Content

Drakon. Half-vampire half-elf. All Revenant.

Sixteen times the world has almost been destroyed. The first one added the system, the 2nd fused at least 20 known planets together and the third was earths old moon crashing into the new planet. Each time it heralded in a new age.

The 16th age started 13 years ago after the end of a 2000 year war between the land-based races and the Shahuagin.

This is a story about friendship, colonization, and rebuilding.

And lots and lots of battles

This is Drakons tale.

Quick note: If you leave a bad rating please leave a review of why you don't like it. Don't just leave a 0.5-star rating without a reason.

On that same note. If you leave a 5-star rating let me know what you like about the story. Between the two ill know what works and what doesn't.

Update 3/24/2021:

Because I got a few comments on it: This is only my second novel ever. My first attempt is also on this site but abandoned. With every chapter I write, I feel like I'm getting better.

[participant in the Royal Road Writathon challenge]

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ChroweHunter

ChroweHunter

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Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
Chapter 1 - Rough awakenings ago
Chapter 2 - Entering the guild ago
Chapter 3 - Race and class ago
Chapter 4 - Character building ago
Chapter 5 - Grims room ago
Chapter 6 - The shield maiden ago
Chapter 7 - Dinner and grabbing first quest ago
Chapter 8 - First blood ago
Bonus chapter- lore entry: Storm cove ago
Chapter 9 - Aura and blessings ago
Chapter 10 - Aura's story ago
Bonus- Lore entry Dungeon cores ago
Bonus - Lore entry : Gods ago
Chapter 11 - The wolves and the Bear ago
Chapter 12 - Vengeance is mine. ago
Chapter 13 - Punched in the head... again.. ago
Chapter 14 - Fireside chats ago
Chapter 15 - Rest and rats. ago
Chapter 16 - The stand ago
Bonus- lore entry beast-kin and were-races ago
chapter 17 - Awakening ago
Chapter 18 - Grim, meeting the parents. ago
Bonus chapter - Lore entry : Magical forces 101 ago
Chapter 19 - Leveling and getting on the way. ago
Bonus - Lore Vampires ago
Chapter 20 - Dreams in the Forest ago
Chapter 21 - The core ago
Bonus chapter - Lore entry: Gorgons and harpies ago
Chapter 22 - Damian and the Fox ago
Bonus chapter - Lore entry adventure guild Part 1 ago
Chapter 23 - the rescue ago
Chapter 24 - Rebuilding ago
Chapter 25 - Conversations ago
Authors Note 4/7/2021 ago
Contest: Riddle ago
UPDATE 4/11/2021 ago
Current character sheet ago

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Reviews
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Kye
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

So, this story caught my eye mainly because I'm a sucker for necromancer stories.

The story begins with Drakon, a rare race called a Revenant. A Revenant is a result of a vampire and elf getting it on, but here's the catch, vampires are classified as undead.

So technically they shouldn't be able to have children, that's a unique idea and could be explored well, it makes us curious how the main character's mother got around that limitation.

Here is where it gets a bit murky however, the explanation given is that they "moved away from darkness" or something similar to that line of reasoning. 

Maybe it gets explained later in the story since this review is pretty early, but it's not too big an issue anyway, at worse a missed opportunity.

Now, grammar, the other reviews rate it quite high, it's not horribly unreadable, far from it.

But there's duplicated words, many spelling mistakes per chapter so far as well.

Although I am a bit of a grammar nazi so take my opinion with a grain of salt, next, the writing style, it's very much average.

There's really nothing special about it, maybe sentences flow a bit odd sometimes but the chapters I've read have apparently been edited and I did find a comment mentioning the repetition of actions like winking and so on.

That's a common issue for writers, they often repeat something too often, like a gesture or a bitter smile, maybe even a sigh, things like that.

But the author seems to know now anyway, so moving on, character.

Drakon the main character seems pretty likeable sometimes, although there are moments that make me question what he's been doing all his life. 

For example, after becoming 18 you get your class and race identified, the race part is minor for other people but Drakon was adopted and his parents died not long after.

He was sent to an adventurer kid boarding school that doubles as an orphanage, which makes a lot of sense and I must praise the author for this, having adventurer parents drop their kids at a boarding school is something that realistically would probably happen.

And since adventuring is a dangerous gig, they have a lot of sudden orphans, so the boarding school becomes their new home and they teach the kid until they become 18 and can get their class, makes sense.

But this is an adventuring boarding school, and it is directly managed and owned by the adventurer guild, so why does Drakon not seem to know anything about how the guild functions even remotely? When he gets his class the teacher escorting him has to explain what the auction house is, how taking quests works, the dungeon the guild made a deal with that acts as their hub. {side note, his first summon also knows that things are kept in stasis in the auction house, so they can buy food there, how does he not know that but his summon does?}

You'd think he would know all that, but either he does and the teacher is telling him for no reason, or he's never paid any attention in lessons, or, the last option, the guild isn't the smartest.

I'm willing to go with the last one as his friend doesn't show any sign of knowing either, like seriously, he was going to a lesson at the start, what were they learning if not even a single thing about the average utilities the guild provides?

Anyway, in conclusion, solid story minor issues but those can be looked over for the most part.

Author, I highly suggest you get the free Grammarly extension, just the free version will likely help your grammar a ton.

Edit 1: just continued reading and found this one part I found funny, [Moira immediately sat down in the chair behind the desk “Ahh good, I can use this space as my office to handle all the paperwork and logistics for your army.]

excuse me? Author, what fucking paperwork? What fucking logistics? His army right now consists of 5 skeletons, the logistics of what? feeding and transporting food for 5 undead skeletons that don't need to eat? That already come with equipment? And again, what paperwork? Do the skeletons get payment contracts? Paid leave? Health insurance or something?

Edit 2: something different from the 5 corpses in a shed thing, the author doesn't use commas or apostrophes, I've spoken with the author a lot in DMs and offered to proofread the first few chapters but he has friends already willing to help. 

Hopefully, they can clean the grammar up a bit, because a comma is the difference between "let's eat, kids!" and "let's eat kids!" commas may not seem important to most people but when you read entirely without a single one you suddenly start to realise they're more important than you first thought.

Edit 3: I've finally decided to drop this, nothing really set this off but I'm finding it difficult to even begin to pick up interest to read this again. The idea is great but the severely simplistic grammar and the issues with the main character on top of early power spikes for no reason make the novel just bland and unenjoyable for me.

His first summon, a valkyrie, {because why not} is prompted to volunteer to be his first summon because the main character's mother asked her to do so.

That's it, I'm dead serious, no conflict just "sure why not" it's glossed over like it isn't anything special that this servant of the gods was ready to fully commit to him and abandon her connection and belief if her master desired it be so, all because she was asked by a random person.

She guides souls for a living, are you telling me she's never gotten a request to help someone else? And it is stated they didn't know about his special identity until after she was asked, so why was she so moved by this one plea? She has likely guided thousands upon thousands of souls and you're telling me the first soul to ask her to do something outlandish is his mother? The author has a bad issue with not explaining anything, not even motivations.

Second, Odin contacts them for no fucking reason, the casual nonchalance of the group at being spoken to by a powerful deity recognised as king of the gods is mind-boggling. And not to mention he offers his undead powerful blessings and even offers the new member of their party, that's been with them for {being dead serious here} 5 minutes, a blessing on her golems. 

Like seriously, it was up in the air if she'd even join and she just casually says after a divine message and gift from the king of the fucking gods, "guess I kinda have to join now" the lack of reaction from these people has blown me away.

Third, obligatory "bad guys are bad just because" on a mission, they encounter people torturing animals in the woods, just because. And no I'm not joking the reasoning is "they found out they enjoyed it" and that's it, they're evil because the author wants them to be evil.

And the ranger communicating with the animal spirit says "you wouldn't wanna hear about the things they've done to him if you would like to keep your lunch" these people have shrugged off divine messages from the king of the gods, ultra-rare lord classes and a half-vampire of which likely only 3 have ever existed, I think they'll be fine hearing about a bit of torture.

And after the spirit of a tortured bear that led them to avenge the animals allows the main character to summon him, so now he has a spectral mount, for no other reason than the author thought it would sound cool.

So, after all of this unnecessary powering up and giving cool abilities, let's talk about the main character. He's just a fucking idiot, there I said it.

After getting their class and becoming official adventurers he asks his friend what they should do, and his friend replies basically "quests." the main character up to this day has never made a single decision for himself, everything he does is an idea by someone else, and every time the words "good idea" leave his fucking mouth I cringe a little inside.

He's a follower personality that can't figure out where to go from the very start, which begs the question, why make him like that when he's a lord class? A class dedicated to leading. 

You would think most people would be able to put two and two together and think, "hm, we've become adventurers, unlocked our classes and the ability to level up. Maybe we should do some quests?" not this guy apparently.

That's the end and it didn't even touch on every annoying bit about the main character, now a message to the author, you have good ideas, I won't take that away from you.

But you so almost set up a good plot point or interesting bit and then rob yourself from expanding it, like the main character's mother being classified as an undead, the phrase "wide as an ocean, deep as a puddle." fits here, you have enough interesting and good potential plot points to dig into but you don't explore them at all and instead have chosen to make the start of the book a blend of the worst qualities of the story.

If you can refine your writing and fix the airheaded feel of the main character then I could come back and read, but as this stands 100 pages in and it already needs a desperate re-write.

 

 

ShadowOfHAvoc
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

The main jist of this review is that this story reads like a first draft. There is nothing wrong with that, and honestly the only way to improve is by doing. You have a good base for your story and hopefully upon further revisions it will become a great story. And hopefully this review helps.

The Story and Style:

First off I want to say that this story is built around a pretty unique post apocalypse concept and I really like the lore so far. However, that also leads me into my biggest complaint with this story, everything is reactive we get lore and other common knowledge stuff after the fact.A good example of this is the Adventure's Guild tour and class discovery.

The MC is raised in a boarding school/orphanage for adventures and it is supposed to be the 16th Age since the System was introduced. Just from that we assume that the MC should already know the basics of the system and of classes, as well as having a basic understanding of adventure life and the functions the Guild has, since he was raised by them. However instead it seems like the MC is as clueless about all of this as if they were new to this world.

Overall the best way to improve this story is to spend more time fleshing out the world, instead of rushing ahead. Take your time and explain the lore in character instead of doing little out of character lore dumps in between chapters. The more you explain and describe stuff the better the reader will understand what you are talking about.

I would also recommend reading the dialogues out loud, the way it is written know gets the point across but they don't flow conversationally. Currently they are more info dumb like.

Grammar: 

Overall I didn't really notice any major grammar mistakes, the story is quite readable from a grammar perspective but it's not perfect. The sentences are on the more simplistic side and there are some missing capital letters here and there. It could do with another read through and edit.

The Characters:

Sadly this story only really has one 'real' character and that is the MC, Drakon, and he is very underwhelming. He has no motivation, he is not challenged by anything(yet).  Read Kye's for more on this they did a good job summing up my opinion on this.

Rokius
Overall

I love the fact that you humanized a necro!!!! Most stories I read have a necro that starts out with good intentions but usually goes on a murder spree. The fact that he can respawn but others can't makes his decisions even more profound. Please keep updating!!!!! I love this story!

vall3
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

First of all, I wanted to give both story and character 5 stars but it feels a little premature for that since the story only has 16 chapters at the moment and there is a lot of place to both grow the characters and ruin them as well as giving the story more room since a large part of the story so far has been world-building with the moment to build up what is needed for an interesting story but with a few more chapters in and I can change it to 5 stars if it keeps going in this direction.

The style has been fun to read and easy to follow without being overly simple and leaving a lot of plot holes and vital information or overly nagging and tedious to distract you from the fun and interesting mechanics and potential in the story.

Grammar score I'm just going to give 5 to since a) I haven't found anything that's been bugging me in the story without my brain auto-correcting it by itself and just going past it if there are any and b) by my previous statement most of you probably figure it out but I'm not exactly the grammar police.

To finish this off I want to say that its a fun and interesting story to read with a lot of future potential in both story and that it has been an enjoyable journey so far watching the world the author has built grow, expand and get more depth with each chapter and if you ever wonder about something you can just ask about it in the comments and the author is more then likely to write a bonus chapter about it explaining and possibly elaborating about it the answer is longer then a short comment that is.

 

Zmole
Overall

Great little read

Reviewed at: Poll

So far I'd say a diamond in the rough,  yes there are a few grammar errors and etc but nothing that gets in the way of enjoying the story. And the author is trying to fix any mistakes as he goes along so chill out.   Really well written so far in my opinion definitely give it a read! I found it addicting and cant wait for next chapters to come 

Althayas
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

After reading hundreds of stories on RR, from time to time I      find a new variant. This isn't the first tale with the idea of a necromancer ruler, but first he isn't evil, second his class combine necromancy and command, third he has a cadre of sympathetic companions with a certain originality in their classes.

Now, a few reserves :  no antagonist for the moment, a little overpowering with the divine gifts and quests. Nevertheless, the possibilities of his domain for  the story  interest me.

I noted some minor issues in spelling and grammar, but they impede not the reading.

Concerning the style,  the protagonist has a pleasant voice, the story  mixing his narration with the bonus of lore don't disturb the immersion in the world. Only one chapter had another POV, Grim his childhood friend, his voice differs o Drakon, but appears similar. It would b interesting to hear the POV  of the other core members, but I think that Drakon should be the main narrator.

New lore entries could give the readers more information concerning the continent and the world. The progression of the levels should' not be too fast for the personnages.

Concerning the history of the world, he seems to be ancient 

AlejoTheBear
Overall

The dialog is a bit stiff. There is frequent but not constant minor spelling and grammer errors. 

Those are the only complaints I can find. There is an obviously robust world already built as shown by the lore chapters, and the topic this story have and will be using from summoning, base building, and crafting to more all scratch my itch pretty well.

GrimPhoenix
Overall

Great story with slight issues

Reviewed at: Chapter 24 - Rebuilding

A great story with a premise i love. The mc is interesting with mysteries to be explored and is surrounded by other interesting characters that im keen to learn more about but the interpersonal interactions often feel stiff and awkward with motivations seeming unbalanced. The class for the mc is an amazing concept that im excited to see the progression of without being crazy OP but i admit i prefer blue screens because the make things feel more orderly with a few exceptions (Azarinth Healer). The world is rich in lore but the author does tend to brush over things in an attempt to rush the story which combined with the short chapters leaves things feeling hurried. Chapters solely dedicated to lore try to make up for this but leave the story feeling disjointed. All in all a good story with some issues that doesnt make the story unreadable.

Well worth the read.

Mister Bill
Overall

I'm all caught up right now and really enjoying the story. It's a romp and well worth reading. It has very interesting worldbuilding as well as a good story. Lots of neat little unique bits and I'm excited for each new chapter that comes out.

 

Keep up the good work, Mr. Author!

newyevon2
Overall

While I like the story, it has issues I can't overlook, and just when it was getting to the base building part as well. :'(

~~~

No clue why I have to use fifty words when what I wanted to say could be put succinctly into a smaller statement, therefore saving people time while also getting my point across to them.