Demon Legacy

by TheHawkk

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Profanity

Thousands of years ago, the pathway to Earth was sealed, and life within the Underworld stagnated.

With little resources and exposure to the outside world, life quickly turned dull and monotonous. Nothing ever changed. For the Second Prince, it was hardly a life worth living.

But one day, the prince stumbles upon a room that contains a trace of hope for him. A hope that his future won't be just as bleak and forgettable. The Void beckons him, and it is not easy to resist its call. Unable to overcome its manipulation, he takes the plunge through the void, and suddenly finds himself in a different world. A blue screen appears out of nowhere, informing him that his body is being merged with another, as pain starts to course through him.

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TheHawkk

TheHawkk

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Drakkon03
Overall

The technical level of the story is perfectly adequate but I can't muster the motivation to keep reading. The main character doesn't really have a tangible personality trait or core motivation that I can grasp. The story just seems to hit the classic beats of every other Lit RPG story without weaving its own personal flair into the narrative.

The summary and beginning of the story seem to point to a desire to experience a living world and fresh life but this wasn't really mentioned or shown after rebirth. I would've expected more emphasis on exploration and wonder but this wasn't really there IMO.

I thought we would get a new direction in terms of espionage and world building with the suspicious death of his mother. But, the narrative thread screeches to a halt when it's not even shown that the main character understands anything despite being a reincarnated person. It makes the reader feel very frustrated in a screaming at your screen way.

Maybe there are reasons for this with his stunted development in the demon world preventing him from understanding human social interactions but that is just my personal inferences and not really emphasized by the text.

TJMTG
Overall

I can't get past the technology in the story, it is just so jarring to read something such as typical fantasy weapons like a spear or bow, then... "gun"? And I just think to myself, why THE FUCK would you be the idiot that brings a sword, spear, hell even a bow, to a gun fight. Or to a spaceship fight for that matter. 

Additionaly, I had a few smaller problems with the plot. The first being how the blood test failed to detect that he was half demon. The second I will be vague about for spoiler reasons, but is the fact that the set up for a future twist/motivation/reveal is too obvious.

In terms of positives, I found the introduction and pre-reincarnation part of the story good and interesting. It didn't strike me as familiar to anything I have read previously or a rehashed reincarnation intro template. In fact, I was more interested in that world then the one the MC is currently in.

TheEarlofBronze
Overall

Caught off guard by how much I was liking it!

Reviewed at: Chapter 18 - Weapons of the Future

Must admit, this was just a random one I picked up when I checked RR main page a couple days ago and saw it's title on the left-hand list of 'recently updated'. I vaguely recall opening it to a new tab, reading it and thinking "eh, i'll get around to it. Probably meh."

Boy was I pleasantly surprised. 

Story so far is a fairly straight forward Isekai very much in the good ol' vein of Mushoku Tensei (the papa of Isekai) and is actually doing honors to that origin rather than being a cheap knock-off.

The USP (unique selling point for my uneducated brethren) is that the MC is originally some kind of Demon, as in one of those 'demon race' rather than more 'spiritual demon' types. This is used well in the fact that it provides a (to me) much more believable reason for a character to be enthralled with their new world. A human isekaied into most fantasy worlds should frankly be horrified by the standard conditions. Western Humanity has got if fudging good right now.

A demon whose only known the bare grey stone walls of a barren castle? Yea, I can see the new world and experiences being WAY more appealing to him. Not only that, but he seems like a clever, hard-working, patient and decent guy. The few flashes of character interaction we're shown between him and his 'siblings' are frankly a little heartwarming to me. I hope that trend continues and he doesn't develop into a 'i'mma badass ain't no one gonna cross me and not get slapped' sort of repetitive character.

The prose for the most part is straightforward. It's not exactly eloquent but it's very much sufficient. The story is being told at a solid pace, conversations flow, descriptions are straightforward conveying the important information without digressing into unneccessary detail etc etc. Mostly good points.

Basically give it a try, there's little to dislike and a lot to enjoy! Hope the good trend continues

 

Magnus0713
Overall

Don't really make sense to me..

Reviewed at: Chapter 8 - Mr. Stein

The writing and plot in the first few chapters is cool, the twist about the MC actually being a reincarnated demon prince is interesting too, but I just can't over the technology in the story. Like, why are people using normal medieval weapons in a sci-fi world that has guns and space ships? Right now it still doesn't have a specific scene for me that striker out as "dont make any sense" but with guns and spaceships while the characters use spears it will have soon, maybe if they make people overwhelmingly strong physically it could make some sense, but then it would just make it worse for me since I hate ridiculously high levels of power nearly as much as I dislike sci-fi...

Sixty Watts
Overall

It’s promising, but the setting confuses me.

Reviewed at: Chapter 13 - The Entrance Examination

I am really enjoying this story. It's well written with no grammar, spelling or punctuation errors that over spotted in the first 10 or so chapters. I really appreciate the author's care in this regard. 

I like the story a lot too, the reincarnation of a demon price always promises something interesting, whether it be their personality or power. I can't wait to see how it goes; so far the MC is a hard working kid, though not in a boring way. 

My main gripe with the story is the level of technology. From the story setting, it's not immediately apparent that this is a technologically advanced world. You hear about manor houses, spears, bows, swords, essence cultivation, monsters, multiple wives, a system, and of course demons. Then, there are casual references to digital clocks and spaceships. The discrepancy of this against the rest of the story's themes is quite jarring. I hope the author can choose one or the other: fighting monsters or fighting aliens (if that's a thing?). If monsters, would the sci-fi be necessary; if aliens, put away the swords and bring out more guns and spaceships. The dual presence of both themes has dropped my rating of this story a little because of the confusion. 

However, overall it's worth reading. 

SamStrike
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

I really like the premise and the execution of the story. It may start a bit slow to some, but that's just for the first 10 chapter or so where he explain the overall dynamic of his new family and explore how the system works. Even then, a lot of things are explained to set up the background of the story, so it's not really slow.

The MC is not op by any mean, instead he has an advantage that he has to build if he wants to surpass others. As of now his demon bloodline is not really explored because he is still a child and it was said before that demons matures way slower, so I assume it will start to take effect when he grows older. I really like his personality and his apporach at things, he is cautious with things he doesn't know or doesn't have knowledge of. 

He doesn't tell other he is a half demon, which is a good thing considering that Demons are not well received and there have been wars between humans and them, he is not really going on telling others about it.

Even if his potential seem lower (because he matures slower as a half demon), his father still loves him, giving him a tutour and teaching him personally. He has also shown his father that he is intelligent and digilent so he is very well liked by him, and thought to have a high potentional because of that, even if his stats are a bit lower than normal. There is no cliche where the father doesn't like his child because he has a lower potential than his other children. The mother is a different thing, but that is a spoiler.

He uses a spear as his weapon of choice, which I personally prefer over the sword or other weapons.

The story is still in development, it's only at chapter 12, but we got to know that instead of the typical mediaval-magic setting it's a more futuristic world, with spaceships and such, we are also shown some of the technological advancements they have.

This is more of a rant to some of the comments that I replied to:

Many people seem to not understand how the mother died or was, possibly, assisinated so easily... How do you know that the father doesn't know, but decide to not tell his son? I wouldn't tell my 6 years old son that his mother was assisinated as a plot, what good would telling that to a child do? You think he is gonna get motivated because of it, if he tells him? No, he is a child, at least in his father's eyes. Maybe the senator didn't even have anything to do with it and she died because of another reason that we still don't know of. People expect the author to reveal every plot point the instant something unusual happen, which doesn't make sense to me. If the reason was revealed and it doesn't make sense I would agree with you, but it happened literally 2 chapter ago and people are already complaining. Ever heard of show don't tell? We don't know if the father know, we don't know if she was assassinated and why. All the complaints I saw are all based on assumptions which we don't know of.

Grammar is fine, I didn't see any errors. I am also not a native English speaker, so I may not spot grammatical errors that others may see, but I didn't meet any as of now.

Overall, I really like the characters, and their personality. The story is still in its initial stage so it has to be explored more to make an accurate review.

Zephyrix
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

The grammar and style are really good, far above what you usually see on this site. Punctuation is near perfect, and I didn't really catch any mispellings or such. Dialogue flows naturally, it's easy to tell who is speaking, and it's neither over or under tagged. I don't have anything to complain about here. 

 

As for the story. I feel that it is progressing pretty good, and while it's not slow at all, I can't help but think that maybe it would've been better to have the MC be older in the second chapter. I suppose it's not that big of a detraction, but we spend a lot of time and chapters watching the MC grow up. While it's nice to get a feel for the character, and be there from the beginning to learn about the world with him, it would've also been nice to get into the action faster.

At the end of the day, it's not that big a deal, and more content is always fine. And it seems were heading towards the action part of the story now though, which is nice. I'm really liking his father as a character, and excited to see how the plot develops and how the characters will be fleshed out.

Crimz
Overall

Good story, large behavioral plot hole

Reviewed at: Chapter 13 - The Entrance Examination

Your writing style was very enjoyable and you did a good job building the characters. One thing though that I didn't understand was why kaden would not just tell his parents about his slower potential growth or his circumstances. He was reborn into this world where he loves his parents and he could have fixed a lot by just telling them. From just a story standpoint it doesn't make a ton of sense because he was 15 in the underworld where he'd never had to hide anything so his secretive attitude doesn't make a ton of sense. This could be explained away pretty easily but just having it be demons having been exterminated in the empire doesn't really explain most of his behavior. 

Sparky357
Overall

My opinion of the story is that it follows a sort of nuetreal stand point so far 1-16. The Mc is powerful but not so much as to make the story boring.The best part is that the Mc actually shows his age mentallity perfectly with his previous life and current one which I aprecieate immensely.

Black Lotus
Overall

The Story is great and engaging! The best book I've read so far in their early chapters. The grammar is decent. The early chapter is mainly focused at the mc which is good because he was just learning about the system and the new things he never done in his previous life as a demon.  I'll wait for the later chapters to edit my review again. For now I will give it a massive five star.