Rise of the Archon (Rewrite)

Rise of the Archon (Rewrite)

by Havoc1021

In the Kingdom of Ferris, mages are not born but made. Through the might of both magic and arms, Ferris has grown to become the most powerful nation in the known world. Born into this world, a young boy named Vayne was taken in as a child and trained as an advisor for a noble family. His life was set, and he would live and die as their servant, never knowing anything else. 

However, a vision of his future reveals a terrible truth. His destiny was to become the strongest mage in Ferris, only to fall in battle before thirty, fighting invaders from beyond the ocean. This leaves Vayne at a crossroads. Will he follow this path and die in servitude? Will he see his life cut short, fighting a fruitless battle? Or will he defy fate and forge himself into the greatest mage the world has seen? 


A rewrite of my first story, with some pretty hefty storyline changes and improvements.

Updates MWF

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Havoc1021

Havoc1021

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Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
Chapter 1: Beginnings ago
Chapter 2: The Astral Plane ago
Chapter 3: A Bizarre Meeting ago
Chapter 4: What to Learn ago
Chapter 5: Girem ago
Chapter 6: The Academy ago
Chapter 7: Master Julian ago
Chapter 8: New Home ago
Chapter 9: Mana ago
Chapter 10: Exploring ago
Chapter 11: Sigmund ago
Chapter 12: First Spells ago
Chapter 13: Origin Breathing ago
Chapter 14: Conundrums ago
Chapter 15: First Hunt ago
Chapter 16: Aftermath ago
Chapter 17: Preparations ago
Chapter 18: Potions ago
Chapter 19: Combat Training ago
Chapter 20: The Upper District ago
Chapter 21: An Uncomfortable Dinner ago
Chapter 22: Frustrations ago
Chapter 23: Classes Begin ago
Chapter 24: Sparring ago
Chapter 25: Second Day ago
Chapter 26: Dueling ago
Chapter 27: A New Friend? ago
Chapter 28: Modifying Magic ago
Chapter 29: Refocusing ago
Chapter 30: Bear Hunting ago
Chapter 31: Second Spell ago
Chapter 32: Dreams ago
Chapter 33: Prepared ago
Chapter 34: Combination ago
Chapter 35: Improved ago
Chapter 36: Competition ago
Chapter 37: Conclusion ago
Chapter 38: Fittings ago
Chapter 39: Awkwardness ago
Chapter 40: Reinforcing ago
Chapter 41: Semester's End ago
Chapter 41: Festivals ago
Chapter 42: Glass Spheres and Toy Soldiers ago
Chapter 43: The Banquet ago
Chapter 44: Banquet's End ago
Chapter 45: The Next Day ago
Chapter 46: Start of the Journey ago
Chapter 47: Aresford ago
Chapter 48: Negotiating ago
Chapter 49: Gathering Information ago

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TheJammiest2
Overall

original was great, this one looks to be better!

Reviewed at: Chapter 9: Mana

TLDR: read this, it's a work of art

To give some context, this is a rewrite of a previous story. The original was incredible, believable characters, great magic system, engaging story, all the works. We don't have much to go off of right now (currently at chapter 3), but even if this story doesn't change from the original at all, its an easy 5 stars. I genuinely can not wait. 

Edit: We've got some more to go off now, and oh boy is it incredible. Similar overarching plot to the original, which is very much a good thing, but the details and sub-plots are changing noticeably from the original. Every change I've noticed so far has made the story better, it flows nicely, Vayne feels human, everything makes sense, but most of all its INTERESTING. I've already read this damn plot and I got hooked AGAIN.

Nameless32
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One of the Best Magic Systems I've Seen

Reviewed at: Chapter 1: Beginnings

Let me preface this by saying that I reviewed the original a long time ago, so some of the scores might be reflective of events that have not happened yet. 

When I saw this story back on trending, I felt really happy, because this story was already great in its original form. In the rewrite, though, it gets even better. I've only read the first chapter so far, but you can immediately tell how much the author's style has matured over time. It flows so smooth now, and the way that Havoc weaves thought into thought is incredible. 

The MC also feels so real now, in a way that really brings a smile to my face. To make a total stretch of a metaphor, it's like seeing a webcomic getting adapted into a true manga.

The main thing that drew me in to this story first, though, was the magic system. Not to spoil anything, but like the title says, I absolutely love the concept, and it allows for some really interesting dynamics as the world gets built around us. I mean, where else do you see such a give-and-take system that absolutely flips the linear sort of progression found in litRPG and cultivation on its head?

I'll leave it at this for now, since I haven't read too much of the actual rewrite. If it keeps it up, though, I wouldn't be surprised to see it break into the top of trending in a few days.

Dark Jester
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Updated review: The story is still interesting though it's definitely a slow burn. It falls a bit into the trap of overexplaining and telling without showing. The MC also sometimes feels a little shallow in his personality and motives. 

Original:

The basic story of a young hero who has to get powerful to save the country/world/universe is a common one. What distinguishes this webnovel is that it is done very well. 

Style: I love the style of writing here, the pacing is on point and the tone strikes the right balance of conversational and descriptive that a lot of authors struggle with. There is no arduous lore drop, we are fed the background of the world slowly in a way that makes me want more.

Grammar : The story loses a mark here unfortunately. It doesn't spoil the story but it could use a little work. So for the most part the grammar is fine, though its not really something that I tend to notice. However, I have noticed several easy to catch typos that do detract from the overall quality of the writing. These are the kind of things that would have been caught very easily with a quick read over before posting. I feel like the author should refine their editing process. In the chapter I just read there was one exchange where it seemed obvious to me that they had deleted a sentence but hadn't changed the dialogue that came after to reflect that.

Story : Full marks on this point, the story is a classic one but being 100% original isn't neccessary to write a good tale. There is a reason this trope exists. The author has thrown in enough twists to make the story feel fresh and I look forwards to reading this to completion. I actually considered going to read the original because I wanted to binge the whole story and there are only 15 chapeters out currently.

Character score : Full marks here again. The main character is compelling and comes across as a believable main character, I think this is a strength of the rewrite in that the MC has a well fleshed out personality rather than being a brand new character with little depth to them. Side characters are distinct and memorable, and we dont spend too much or too little time with them.

acids3
Overall
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Character

In short: I've enjoyed what I've read so far. There have been nice twists that makes known cliches seem original and function well.

Style: It is in some ways obvious that this is a re-write, and this seems to be a benefit for the wording and style of the author (I have not read the original). There is "intent" behind the chapters, and the main character isn't just drifting through the action. He seems reflected, and the author has up till now managed to keep me engaged with his writing and characters.

Story: As mentioned there are some cliches (more powerfull future self helping Vayne), but done in a way that I consider relatively original, and one that makes sense in so far that it is a world of magic. The plot has moved with a nice pace so far, and I enjoy that Vayne takes to magic with relative ease. (I hope of course that the difficulty of him learning spells goes up, and doesn't continue with the current "I read spell, I do spell". Granted this is only for basic spells, but you hopefully get my point.) 

Grammar: I'm not a native english speaker, but I have not noticed any jarring mistakes that makes for unclear or unreadable sentences. There may places where the sentences could be "more" clear, but that is the case for all stories.

Characters: I do like the way that Havoc up to the current point has done the characters, BUT there is a trap he/she could fall into in the future. The main character Vayne feels like a person, but he does seem to be a bit on the paranoid side. He has certain experiences making up for this, but it can get tiring to read about a character that only think interpersonal relationsships in terms of cost-benefit.

The side-characters have been a bit on the predictable side, and that is not neccessarily a problem, but they could be more unique.

Introductory girl seems to be a happy-go-lucky rebel nobel girl that accepts people as they are, Master Jilian is eccentric with a bit of mysitque that helps Vayne and Sigmund is the traditional gruff trainer dude assigned to the MC to get him in shape. (A bit of a pattern if I do say so myself) Nevertheless they are enjoyable, it is early in the story and I think the character of Girim was very well done, so it may be too early to judge the other ones as they can be fleshed out in future chapters. 

That's it I guess, I enjoyed reading the first few chapters, and hopefully the story goes on with the interesting concept, and introduce new twists that I won't see coming.

2904Ryaan
Overall

Potentially one of the tops on this site

Reviewed at: Chapter 34: Combination

As the title says, this is one of the best ones on this site. The "magic system" (not really but idk a better word) is very interesting in my opinion. Complex but not in the way that some lit-rpgs do, as in all numbers and such. It feels natural/realistic in its complexities and yet still retains a strong fantasy element. Very intriguing. 

I personally prefer a decently talented, atleast handsome if not charismatic mc and our character, with his weaknesses/average-ness was annoying at the start but its a testament to the writers skill that i was hooked from ch1 and I've come to love the character. A part of it is because the author lists all his short-comings in a blunt but very realistic way. As in, others are much "more" than him in every way but its described in a very real-life perspective. The gap feels human. Very much tough but achievable. Others are not these "unreachable gods" that is often seen in similar stories. And through sweat and tears our mc grows, with an ambition to surpass them all. 

This story fully deserves all the attention its gettingšŸ‘Œ

Eamond
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rise of my review score

Reviewed at: Chapter 37: Conclusion

The original version of this work so infuriated me that i had to write a multi paragraph screed of a review relentlessly bitching about absurd contrivances, abysmal pacing, lack-luster world building, the capstone of which was "the rate of absurd powerups is going to be utterly unsustainable and unbelievable. fuck fighting an army at 30, he'll be tea-bagging gods by the time he's 21."  then the story started improving before the author decided to rewrite,

 

despite none of the individual categories reaching a full 5/5 my aggregate score cannot be any less for the effort the author has put into improving both the original work (which by the end was a 3.5-4/5) and this which i feel will be a proper 5/5 by the time it's done. 

all of the absurd contrivances in the original have been nuked from orbit as far as im aware, and my complaints about pacing have been absolutely obliterated, Vayne takes active steps to improve his strength, but there has been time set aside to show his starting points so that any growth he achieves is more noticeable and can be cross referenced. he starts the school early to(out of story) explain his accelerated growth and knowledge base, his hunting trips(what good murderhobo-to be doesn't love a good bounty) go a long way to explaining his growing combat prowess in addition to the school sparring sessions, and having that be a consistent source of income for him not only is a great way to introduce characters and environments out of the school setting, but consistently showcase his growth.

Style as he's still school bound, the world isn't super distinct from any other medieval fantasy world, but the basics are strong and when it branches out i have faith it won't be lackluster bullshit.

Grammar grammar is still a strong point, proper syntax and sentence structure, no constantly repeated phrases and repetitive adjectives

Story Story is good and getting stronger, so many kinks have been worked out from the original im thrilled.

Character the greatest strength of the OG story was the well differentiated characters, with the obvious magic atributes and abilites contributing to everyone's distinctness, and  with some experience under their belt the author has gone from strength to strength is this rewrite.

honestly, props on the good work and the hard work, can't wait to see where this goes

Adinolfi
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

I read the original and the story was nice, there were some things that didn't flow really well but the author is doing great with this rewrite. I think that the story will be amazing, the author knows where he wants to go, what plot hole to avoid and how to pace info.

The story is slow-pace but it's not like you can fell the "tiredness" in the flow, if you understand what I mean, you'll read everything and not skip paragraphs. The background is nice, no info dump out of blue.

I advice you to read it, the story is cool, the mc has some awarkdness but the author is trying to make it believable and not some kind of sociopath. The side character are well fleshed and it seems to have a role with thing they want to do and how they approch something in different way of mc.

I'm not native speaker but for me the grammar is perfect and as I said before unlike the original this rewrite has a different flow that flow :P

If you want a fantasy story with magic and a different kinf of xianxia (no face splapping, only the part of cultivation, so like with normal people and not mc Vs world of idiot) Give it a read!

geektern
Overall

I find this story really enjoyable so far. It starts with major forshadowing but then pulls you back and tell you how none of that can happen and the furture needs changed. 

Our MC Vayne does not feel overpowered beyound reason or anything at this point. Everything is realistic, as much as a magical world can be, to the point that the story could be about Joe from down the block. 

At it heart it is about a boy who is trying to change his fate and we are along for the ride to see if he is able to. It will be interesting to see if the MC can really change what is impossible fate and time itself. 

I may not have conviced you to read this story with this review yet and for that I am sorry but it comes down to this..... if you want a good read and an interesting and unqiue story give Rise of the Archon a shot I know you wont be disipointed.

h0b0onsn0w
Overall

I decided to read this cuz it got high praise reviews and high rating.

Not sure how any of that is accurate.

I tried really hard to read this but after 24 chapters, the only tangible conflict was a deer hunt. The rest is a lot of exposition.

Stories are about character growth and overcomming conflict or failing and a rising back up to try again.

There's none of that in this story since there's no conflict. Really boring read.

Couple of wrong words here and there like "headed" where it's supposed to be "healed". Immersion breaking stuff.

OceanBreeze
Overall

A better version of a good thing.

Reviewed at: Chapter 17: Preparations

The original version is a great story, but with a pretty amateurish style of writing.  This is pretty much the same story but with a much higher quality of writing.

So since I would totally have recommended that you read the original version, I obviously have to recommend that you read this one.