- Sexual Content
The Soul Palace System has ruled the world of Wuweizi for countless eons, but there is a new magic afoot--or should we say, avine. Xi Gua Lao, an aspiring daoist, embarks on an adventure that leads him to an up close and personal encounter with the one thing he never expected: Vine Waifus.
(This story is marked for sexual content but there is none yet; it's only a warning in case the story gets popular enough that I pander to the audiences begging for it.)
Vine Waifu created with Artbreeder. Cover by me. Audiobook narration by Kgy121.
This story is currently on Trending, which means it's about to get savaged by thousands of angry readers who leave 1.5-star reviews, and to that I say: En Garde. 来い.
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Vines, vines vines. Vines.
Yes, there is some fighting and cultivation and system stuff idk. That's not what matters.
Yes, this is what has been lacking to make your life complete. This story, and those like it, will entangle and delight and, most importantly, spread news of the vines.
Let the vinevolution commence.
While I have only read ONE single chapter, this chapter does not disappoint. It has everything! Cultivation, levels, death, souls, villains, world building, and comedy that transcends the mundane and does not disappoint. But, most importantly, it has VINES!
The vines are here. The vines are the future. And there will be Cultivine.
I'd been planning to write a joke review for this one, but am finding myself unironically loving it so much that I just couldn't bring myself to do it.
I won't lie - Cultivine is bad. It's really quite spectacularly bad. It breaks every rule of storytelling there is, goes on wild tangents, breaches the fourth wall constantly, and occasionally devolves into chapters full of (bad) song lyrics.
It's also absolutely hilarious every step of the way.
Now, I have a certain affection for terrible movies in the vein of Birdemic and Troll 2. Unlike those, Cultivine is 100% self-aware of its badness and leans into it with all the subtlety of a master satirist seizing an opportunity and using it as a battering ram against the gates of expectation. As a result, it's even more ludicrous and disjointed in the best of ways, poking affectionate fun at cultivation, Royal Road, and storytelling in general.
I could not stop giggling my way through it.
In all seriousness, though - if you, like me, are finding yourselves lacking the bad movie experience in web fiction format, I can't think of a better recommendation than this absolute gem of a glorious flaming trainwreck. 100% worth your time.
Oh, and there are also vines.
My confusion grows with every chapter I read, but for some reason I'm still reading. I don't know if it's masterpiece or I'm just a dumbass trying to find gold in the garbage. I'm leaning towards masterpiece but that might just be the spiritual vines that are slowly invading my brain.
I love the way you have an audio version at the top of each chapter, but your first real chapter felt like it was too overwhelming with so much jargon that I got lost and couldn't follow what was going on.
I'm sure it's some people's cup of tea but as a casual fan of cultivation stories less world building and more explanation of how your cultivation works would have probably helped.
Im sure there is a story in there but good luck finding it, but I find ot hard to read.
Dont kniw what else to feal about it, need 50 words before i can poste, qm i add 50 yet ? No im not lets keep going a bit more