Record of Lundeir

by Mai Starberries

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore

In the world of Lundeir, no creatures are known to be more powerful than the mighty and ancient Dragons. When a Dragon's scale is one day shattered, its shards scattered across the land, that power runs rampant.

For Misha, a mousefolk and dutiful guard of a forest village, life is simple and familiar. But when a stranger appears with news of something amiss in the forest, that familiarity is threatened.


Currently updating every other Friday. You can follow me here for my misc. thoughts, opinions, and news.

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  • Pages :
  • 177
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Author
Mai Starberries

Mai Starberries

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I Am Taking Off (V)
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First Comment!
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B.A. Tucker
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Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Interesting story so far, has potential.

Reviewed at: Chapter 3 - An Ally

The premise is different, as of yet, I'm sure of the nature of the dragon scales or how/why they actually got spread across the world. But I am curious to find out. That's what drew me to the story and why I'm interested in more updates.

 

The grammar is polished enough that I believe the author actually takes pride in the story they are telling. Though a pass with a different set of eyes will catch some things. Not enough to be jarring.

 

I did knock a star on character and style, not because  of the characters themselves, the two main characters introduced as of chapter 03 are interesting and I can see the hints of there being more to them.

 

The reason I knocked the stars is more because of the dialogue. The characters don't really have their own voices. Pretty much all of them come off rather clinical in the way they speak. What I mean is the difference between someone saying "they got hurt" and "they suffered injuries". The former is more natural to how a lay person might speak, the latter a doctor or healer or someone in a position where specific word choice matters.

What I mean is I get the impression that Veldin is someone who is highly educated, a scholar type. I could see them talking using larger vocabulary. Misha being a lower rank guard, I would see her using simpler words. 

I think another pass through the story to bring out these characters' unique voices will only help what is shaping up to be some pretty interesting storytelling.

 

I'm looking forward to more :)