Vigor Mortis

Vigor Mortis

by Thundamoo

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Traumatising content

In a world of sky islands orbiting around a core of mist, humanity is besieged with countless threats.  When a young girl from the slums unwittingly becomes one of those threats, she finds herself capable of horrific things that she can’t help but learn to love...  

Vigor Mortis is a lighthearted story about existential terror.  Come for the horror, stay for the hope.  

Updates W-F.  Enjoy the read!

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Thundamoo

Thundamoo

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Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
1. Wavering Souls ago
2. Their Soul and You ago
3. Return with Interest ago
4. Still Warm ago
5. Yellow Sky ago
6. The Mistwatcher ago
7. Living Blasphemy ago
8. Not a Kiddo ago
9. Fattening Up ago
10. Hunting for Friends ago
11. Team Training ago
12. Home Team ago
13. The Cusp ago
14. Hugs at Home ago
15. Growing Vigilance ago
16. Rout on the Route ago
17. Monstrous Musings ago
18. Hound eat Hound ago
19. Sticky-Souled Situation ago
20. Culture Shock ago
21. Girl Behind the Window ago
22. Future Worries ago
23. Sleeping Twice ago
24. Shattered Mirror, Pt. 1 ago
25. Shattered Mirror, Pt. 2 ago
26. Ego Death ago
27. Monster Mash ago
28. Friendship Prison ago
29. Take Your Vitamins ago
30. Poisonous Revelations ago
31. Hiverock Night ago
32. Mother of Thieves ago
33. Lion's Den ago
34. Trapped Inside ago
35. Future Promises ago
36. Connections Drawn ago
37. The One Below All ago
38. Deus ex Anima ago
39. Lines Drawn ago
40. Family of Lies ago
41. No Better Option ago
42. Hugs and Horrors ago
43. Penultimate Practice ago
44. Worst Nightmare ago
45. Lonely Genocide ago
46. A Hunter's Song ago
47. Work-Life Balance ago
48. Things That Matter ago
49. Do No Harm ago
50. Stacking the Deck ago
51. Twisted Love ago
52. Big Happy Family ago
53. A Lark's Story ago
54. Draken's Den ago
55. Head Full of Sky ago
56. Soul Surgery ago
57. Family Meeting ago
58. Fragile ago
59. Chicken Soup for the Undead Soul ago
60. Stretched Thin ago
61. Delicious Humans ago
62. Void Beast ago
63. Void Child ago
64. Understanding ago
65. Rest and Recrimination ago
66. Big Sister ago
67. Pit of Despair ago
68. Let Them Come ago
69. Sovereign Right ago
70. Feelings ago
71. Center of Attention ago
72. What He Deserves ago
73. Immune System ago
74. Divinity ago
75. Calm Before the Storm ago
76. Skyfall ago
77. Family Feast ago
78. Atrophy ago
79. Blue Ocean ago
80. Being Known ago
???: Dragoneye Mortis, Part 1 ago
???: Dragoneye Mortis, Part 2 ago
81. Forest Ecosystem ago
82. Inevitable Decision ago
83. Monster ago
84. Trust and Respect ago
85. Spooky Sensations ago
86. Monster vs. Monster ago
87. No Escape ago
88. Good Deed ago
89. Rhetorical Questions ago
90. Disgusting ago
91. Personal ago
92. Lady in Waiting ago
93. Being Seen ago
94. Hindsight and Forethought ago
95. Weird Mask Day ago
96. Making Headway ago
97. Heretic House ago
98. Time to Think ago
99. Humanity Overrated ago
100. Life and Death ago

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Gamph Madol
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Well written, and better presented.

Reviewed at: 27. Monster Mash

This fiction is close enough to grammatically flawless that I cannot think of a single mistake or even obviously questionable phrasing. The world building is also presented skillfully, obviously present and trackable, but not overly emphasized or unnaturally represented.

However, one of the qualities I appreciate the most is how the characters’ behavior and motivations are not overly emphasized or seemingly absent. In a shocking percentage of fiction containing themes like forbidden abilities, a lower class protagonist or a church or similar organization that persecutes the protagonist, the conflict is made over the top.

The upper class, in whatever form, will be unnaturally evil, behaving in a way no sane human being should as a way to instigate emotional reactions. Similarly, the protagonist and their allies will be shaped and motivated by this.

In my experience, that is a common and disappointing mistake, and is not present in this fiction. Instead, despite the injustice inherent in their environment, it is not presented unnaturally and is allowed to simply be seen as the nature of the world. The closes point to falling to the trope is her first kill, but it is not taken to a degree that feels out of place.

Overall, this is an excellent story that I would recommend reading, engaging, in depth and capable of pulling off themes that often trip up writers.

SomeoneToForget
Overall

The concept itself? Creative as absolute fuck. Like, its not the golden child of all fiction or anything, but its a damn nice breath of fresh air to what ive been reading the past few months. Floating islands? Eldritch hentai monster yoinking your succulent souls through the floor? A mfkin SOUL EATING PROGRESSION FANTASY just thrown in there just to sprinkle some cocaine on top of the cake? 

Spec-fucking-tacular. 

The magic system is immensely interesting, feels much more fresh than most stories, and very well thought out with just the right amount of complexity to make it feel as complex as it should be without confusing the reader, the plot is really damn interesting so far, but i have absolutely no idea where its going to go from now. 

The descriptions are great, besides the descriptions of the city itself which could use a bit of work as it is the part that the character mostly runs around in so far. 

The characters are fucking muah *chef's kiss*. 

Vita is great. Lyn? Fucking love her like im the one getting all the hugs through the goddamn screen somehow. Shes just so loveable. Rowan is okay. 

Actually, im going to stop going individually because there is little variety in what i will say about the characters. They're memorable as sht, some of them are extremely loveable, and i still havent forgiven that healer for making Lark torture her entire team for so long. 

Laevo
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

If you enjoy a good Blue/Black Mage story...

Reviewed at: Hound eat Hound

Since my first contact with the LitRPG genre in the form of Travis Bagwell's novels, or perhaps even before that as I played HOMM3 with my father at the tender age of 10, I've always had an appreciation for Necromancy and other ''evil'' magics.

Something about the way that a fireball could kill someone with a thought but isn't considered as evil as someone who brings another back to life has always tickled my hypocrisy bone. 

More specifically though, I think its that storys about the 'evil' magics being wielded by an otherwise normal person always come with a bit of intrigue. Either way, I think that Thundamoo is doing a very good job with this story. I picked it up last night and was unable to put it down until my eyes actually closed themselves. The first time I've actually fallen asleep while reading in a long time, and only because I was exhausted before hand (I supposed my sleep schedule is thankful for that).

The MC is an orphan, but doesn't spend much time at all feeling the same sort of self-pity one would expect after the first chapter or so. Just enough for you to know that her life kind of just sucks.

Her power is likely illegal, which we know, but she doesn't hide it from her friends or try to become a secret super hero as many do. She is well aware that she is far over her head and seeks help from those close to her, which I appreciate. She doesn't even do the typical cliche of trying to hide her first zombie for some sort of forced sentimental reason, something that I've always found a bit cringy. There is even minimal reflection on the first kill, which is a big plus to me. (I've always hated the, 'my stomach turned and I could sleep and also vomit' or whatever that followed characters from universe to universe, from story to story, regardless of the circumstance of the kill or the underlying trauma that should make them numb to it.)

We are able to see her psyche warp in almost real time, or perhaps we mearly glimpse the trauma from a lifetime of abuse and starvation. Who knows, and who cares? It's fun either way. 

 

123whothatbe
Overall

The worldbuilding, magic system and the general plot are all very good. I especially like the worldbuilding, with the minor cosmic horror theme in the background being the main reason i'm still reading.

That said i really dislike how the main character is written and how the other characters react to her. Which is obviously a major downside from my point of view. Fundamentally the reason i don't like her, as a character, is because all her personality quirks are forced down your throat by the author on a frequent basis; as well as some of those quirks feeling somewhat mutually exclusive with each.

To give an example of the throat forcing, would be the whole adorable thing. Repeatedly throughout this story Vita does something cute, then the author emphasises how cute that action is by having Vita deny its cute, then some other character will say "wow that was so cute Vita" - which Vita will then deny. This will go on for another paragraph, just to emphasise how really cute Vita is

The constant over emphasization of how Vita is a starving orphan is another one. Multiple times now the author makes a side character that doesn't really like Vita come along to witness how poor she is, so that they can then change their mind and like her. Another example that constantly comes up, is when Vita doesn't understand some concept - because she's poor - and then another character will say "i can't believe you dont know this (thing)". Vita will then proceed to describe how poor she is in weird amounts of detail. Side character now loves Vita more, the reader feels more sympathy towards Vita and the whole world is now acutely aware of how utterly poor Vita is.

Alright i think i've given you the general gist, next point!

So Vita was raised on the streets by herself with no support -  until very late on. Despite this, she is very kind hearted, caring and cutesy - thats all fine, seems unlikely those circumstances would cultivate those traits in anyone, but its possible. She is then also shown to be very steadfast, willing to kill and does well in stressful situations - doesn't really mesh well with the first few traits but okay. Then lastly she is shown to breakdown crying after someone was mean to her, becomes incredibly close and vulnerable to people she's only known for a few weeks. None of these traits are mutually exclusive per se, but they are an incredibly weird mishmash and seem to switch quickly depending on whether the author wants to elicit sympathy points or to show her as a badass. Just keep your character consistent and stop trying to make her both vulnerable and cutesy, as well as an independent badass.

Lastly, unrelated to Vita. The invisible mind control slimes, which most people arent aware of, can instantly take over people regardless of power level and can then make them kill themselves. How the hell have they not already taken over human civilisation or just the whole world by mind controlling everything? Hopefully theres a reason in text, but the fact these obviously insanely dangerous creatures are almost completely unknown is weird as hell. 

 

Edit: May i just say i got a downvote on this about 5 seconds after i posted it. There is no way in hell anyone read it that quickly, so whoever you are, you suck big time.

Fatangry
Overall

This story is in my opinion a great example of sympathetic monsters, objectively the MC and many of the main supporting cast would in any other story be monsters and the story would focus on the heroic MC removing them from society as a whole.

 

That is not the case here. The author has managed to make the monstrous MC and supporters 'cute' enough that the readers are very sympathietic to them.

 

(Note: Spoilers ahead)

 

It is very skillful writing of absolutely horrible people to make the readers find the soul removing amoral monster who performs necromancy on unwilling subjects to torture them because they annoyed her or the human experimentation performing friend who is manipulating the the MC not just socially but also literally changing her body to better suit their own tastes so likeable.

 

In any other story these monsters would be hunted to destruction and the readers would cheer, in this one? They're unironically being shipped.

 

Bravo Author, Bravo. I wish I could write a sympathetic monster so well I have a story I want to write that has as an MC an unrepentent monster just like these ones but I know I'm not skilled enough yet.

Demarcus jenkins
Overall

It's just amazing and I just don't know why but the Mac outlook to me is just a joy to read. It's just something about death and humor together that makes for an interesting read. I really am hoping thud story is getting out there to all the didn't people. 

Dreydfaer
Overall

The reason you'll see so many high ratings for this story is for the same reason I'm hesitant to even post my review: there's a lot here to like. Where I personally start hemming and hawing over recommending the story though is in how disjointed so much of it feels.

Each part of what drives the story is technically good. The caveat to that statement is earned through the herculean suspension of disbelief the reader is asked to repeatedly perform, either due to strange tone shifts, out-of-left field drops in intelligence, or simply taboo (in this world) magics being glossed over into a "huh, I guess we have to deal with this". 

Think of it like this - the characters are passable, but are strangely related to the world. The world is interesting, but doesn't seem to mesh with the plot. The plot could be intriguing, if it were spread out more or split into different stories.

The biggest example I can think of to show why I feel this way is technically a spoiler...but really would be a dealbreaker for most readers not looking for an active antihero:

We are given a scenario where invisible parasitic slime monsters are attached to two members of the party. A number of fairly obvious clues lead up to the revelation that these monsters take over the host body.

MC decides that after freeing one party member from literal enslavement (one that has your actual self acting as an observer inside your own body as the slime controls everything), that these creatures aren't all that bad, except in the case of the one that has somehow supplanted her team lead's soul in a matter of days.

Keep in mind that up until this point, we've been seeing a kind of 'rage against authority/the ones keeping you down' vibe around everything. Also up until this point, MC is readily killing basically everything she can to fuel her growth, but suddenly the slime trying to control some of the only people willing to give her the time of day are A-okay.

 

msng
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Young Disadvantaged Girl with a Dark Power

Reviewed at: 82. Inevitable Decision

Summary: I highly recommend this story.

Story:
A poor orphan finds out that she has a dark power that is considered taboo by a significant part of society. She struggles with learning how to use her power and survive in a world where she needs to steal to obtain food for herself and the other children who live with her in a shack. In a world where death is commonplace in her neighbourhood, gangs control the slums and where literal monsters roam outside the city walls; she also has to hide the nature of her abilities from public view, while using them to survive and build a better future for her and her loved ones in a very dangerous world.

Characters:
The main character is an interesting blend of seemingly contradictory aspects that somehow Thundamoo is able to make work. She is an adorable child with a sympathetic background willing to go the extra mile for those she cares about. She is also a pragmatist who is no stranger to death or crime and is more than willing to kill to not only defend herself but also grow stronger. The other characters are also well-written. Their actions and reactions add additional depth to their character without being inconsistent with the way they have been previously been portrayed. The story does not suddenly change characters’ personality and actions to suit the plot, but allows for more complex figures to provide more interesting detail to the story.

Style, Grammar and Closing Notes:
The writing style is clear and engaging. The narrative has a good pace and I was never tempted to skim over any paragraphs to get to the ‘good bits’. The spelling and grammar are also generally good (though there are a few minor errors).

The story is still relatively new and the chapter release rate is quite fast, so I will update my review as the story continues. Hope this helps.


Review initially written when Chapter 19 (Sticky-Souled Situation) was the latest chapter. Last updated when Chapter 82 (Inevitable Decision) was the latest chapter.

Onyavar
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Great story about an adorable psychopath girl

Reviewed at: 29. Take Your Vitamins

So, another story that has just started, and I'm reviewing it very early. Note I only deal 5 stars towards the very best stories, mostly after completion. Four stars this early mean that I still liked the story a lot, and recommend. And now for the reasons:

Wonderful fantasy world-building! This story has a weird urban civilization where nearly everyone lives in a crater city in the widst of a jungle. It takes place in orbital flying islands instead of a boring planet with moons. Metal is incredily rare, so other materials are in use. Those are just some concepts, and they are woven into the story as basic facts because it couldn't be otherwise. That world-building is overall consistent and makes for a great story concept, earning five points deservedly. Again, wonderful!

Grammar is next best: There are lots of errors pointed out in reader comments, but author fixed them. Pronto. So when I read it today, it was already diligently fixed.

My gripe with the story that has earned it some style deductions, are the original style that is still apparent: It started as a vote-for-plot story. The choices and the outcomes have been reworked and wrapped up good, BUT there are still some weird mood swings resulting from that origin: Several times, Vita considers all her options like they are all equal, before then choosing a path almost arbitrarily.

And so we come to the character score: I like Vita, she has spunk and is a quirky, blasphemously funny character with a horribly sad backstory. But then, as I pointed out in the paragraph above: She has internal debates whether or not she will murder everyone she meets. That is full-blown psychopathic. Yes she has feelings, and develops friendships, but she remains a survivor-type gutter type, and is ultimately a monster as she admits even to herself. And something I found really odd: She grew up as an emaciated street-kid in a crapsack world. Not as the smart thieving queen from the streets (that is Lyn!) but as the henchgirl who always follows orders and doesn't know what is going on most of the time. The first five chapters are pretty good at that exposition. Yet, as the story develops, Vita leaves behind her background and becomes the smart, street-savy MC who is not only always vigilant, but also scarily good in her rhetorics: witty, sassy, practical and analytical, and most of all, educated with all the big words, leaving behind her street-wise talks and just switching into the role of her life, being a badass.

That development of sudden brilliance stretches my suspenders of disbelief to the point of snapping. Sure: she eats lotsa souls and now got a mental monster sidekick, but her attitude changed before those developments could cause it. I will ignore the glaring inconsistencies in her character development because the story/plot is just SOOO good, though.

Also, the other characters are working pretty great, so despite all the criticism, there are still three stars to have. Thanks for sharing the story!

Punslinger
Overall

I know they all start well, but...

Reviewed at: Fattening Up

It is incredibly difficult to juggle things like pacing, worldbuilding, internal consistency and cosmology without being overtly formulaic and still keeping the reader's attention. Not only does this do all of those things insidiously subtly, it does it while also putting you squarely in the mind of an adorable if misbegotten protagonist. Somewhere in the absurd amount of lore being spun out into the ether is a compelling, genuine coming of age story, complete with crippling self doubt and panic attacks. The level of polish on the writing itself is what really grabs me though, it doesn't feel nearly as rough or unplanned as some of even the more popular titles I've read around here. If I had a critique, it's that the author is biting off one hell of a potentially long story with this.

And I'm here for the crunch. If this ends half as well as it's started I'll be happy.