The Agartha Loop

by RavensDagger

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Traumatising content

They asked Amber to become a magical girl three times.

She refused.

That only made her more interesting.

The fourth time, she asked them.

  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score
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RavensDagger

RavensDagger

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drakan_glasses BE NICE! Fair critique is fair, but be respectful & follow the review rules. There will be no mercy.
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Gibb, Occasionally Omnipotent Annoyance.
Overall

Alright, for those of you read up on RavensDagger, this is closer to Dead Tired than Cinammon Bun in terms of quality. (Not sawing this pieces flaws are similar to dead tired, just the overall quality.)

The pacing is insane, crazy, bananas and other statements of shock. We go from getting half a line to digest seemingly large parts of the main character, her father, and their backstory to getting half a line to understand monsters exist and magical girls exist and look there are monsters and we're gonna nonchalantly go fight one, worry while fighting it, then be nonchalant then we don't want to be a magic girl then the military is here because the town is gone then we do want to be a magical girl and OH MY G O D.

There's no reason for anything. The main character has no character, and what little character she says she has is flashed through in like, 3 lines. 

it feels less like someone publishing a fullsome story and more like someone has taken their "To be fleshed out" second draft and posted it.

The rest of it, so far, is also seemingly surface-level. The mc is given a choice between the military and being part of an academy. Well, in chapter 1, she's shown to not want to be a magical girl, (We're never given a reason for this) so one can assume not wanting to be a magical girl is a part of her motivation, hance why I thought she'd join the military, but nope! Making decisions of their own is for characters, and the mc ain't one of those, that's for sure!

RavensDagger seems to be putting out every idea-string that has the potential to be a story, rather than creating a solid core for a story and allowing it to flesh out more rather than at all. 

I think this is a classic case of an author putting out a few good character-driven stories, then a few meh character-driven stories trying to play their hand at a story based on worldbuilding, and it just ain't the play.

KromAnderson
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

I don't think it's fair for the most recent review to have been written when the story was half it's current length, so allow me to say my thoughts.

Style:

Descriptions of areas are quite simplistic, given a paragraph at most just so the reader has a vague idea of what a place is supposed to look like and fill in the gaps.

Dialogue heavy. Great when it's good, story-dragging when it's bad. This fiction leans towards the former for me personally.

Grammar: 

No noteworthy errors and if there are, they probably get fixed fast enough to escape my notice.

Story & Character:

These last two sections are tied together. And honestly, I can't blame the top review for its poor score due to this.

What pulled me in, and many others (most likely), into reading this was the time travel/isekai tag and magical girl premise. To which I say, make sure to read all of the tags. It is slow, and like a boulder rolling down a slight incline hill, only picks up at around the time of this review. 

Which is funny, because the main character has died 2-3 times at this point. But, her main motivation hadn't been mentioned again unexcluding single throwaway lines until she literally travelled back to the start of her magical girl contract, forcing her to face her unconscious father.

It makes it harder to sympathize with her as a character.

Time travel is a double edged sword in this case. We are given snippets of the supporting characters personalities and backstories before everything is erased and she (and us) have to start over again.

Depending on how Loop 2 goes, this could turn out very well or very horrible. But as of now, I think 4/5 is fair.

Sledor12
Overall

The way this is written makes it seem more believable. there are consequences for monster attacks, and the people without powers sometimes seem slightly resentful. Overall I really like the story so far and the protagonist actually uses her head. She just doesn't go with the flow, and her emotions seem real.

caerulex
Overall

I binged this story to current and I've really enjoyed it. Ravensdagger is clearly knowledgeable about the genre and the story is filled with costumed girls and boys and the Seelie, magical creatures that grant the magical girls/boys their powers in exchange for fighting off nightmares.

There are still some unanswered questions about the world but I'm excited to see where the characters are going and based on the story's title and art Ravensdagger has commissioned for this fic, including the cover, I have a feeling there's going to be lots of interesting plot points to come.

Phil276
Overall

Magical Girls by RavensDagger

Reviewed at: Prologue

At the time of this writing there is only the prologue so there's really not much to compliment or criticize. What I can write about however are both the author and overarching theme. RavensDagger is a very prolific author with a track record of high-quality fictions along a gamut of themes. what is however always the same is that his stories feature realistically portrayed adolescent girls in broadly familiar settings with a subtle twist that makes the story fresh and engaging. Although Magical Girls are a popular theme in Anime, this has not translated into a popularity in stories on this website (Unlike other themes like transmigration and the like). The overall thematic seems to be right in RavensDagger’s wheelhouse though and I'm excited to see what he has/will come up with.

I'll be back around chapter 10 to give an update on whether, and if so how, my feelings have changed.

vini_kal
Overall

This is am appropriate title.

Reviewed at: Chapter Six

Nice magical girl story, author's still setting the tone for the whole story,  but I like the fae vibe  and the myths becoming reality.

Hope to see more urban legends, maybe even Slenderman.

Thanks for the new meal, Ravens, your stories are awesome.

I still need to write some more words... Who decided on 50 words minimum?

 

ParahummintheEternalOptimist
Overall

I am a long time follower of RavensDagger, and he is a prolific author. I enjoyed it. The Agartha Loop is less lighthearted and humorous than most of RavensDagger’s works, but it works.

The author takes urban legends, folklore, and myths, and uses them in interesting ways.

We get to see some realistic consequences of Magical Girls and monsters. In the first few chapters, we see the sheer devastation that monsters can bring. The protagonist and her father go to a disaster relief camps. In fact, monster incursions feel more like natural disasters than invasions.

Raven also uses Magical Girls as a vehicle to explore class division and wealth disparity. Magicals are at the top of human society, and in military operations, there is often friction between magicals and baseline humans.

Leahcim Zanathax
Overall

Magical Girls in High School?

Reviewed at: Chapter Twelve

So far, it's been really enjoyable.  The plot is only really just getting started, and we've only really gotten a general idea of what the world is like, but good stuff so far!

It wants more words, and I don't have too much more to say, so I thought I'd write about how I don't have much to else to say yet.  That seems both logical and amusing to me, so here you go, more words!

pepeslayer
Overall

it's a good ravensdagger fic,what more do you want

Reviewed at: Chapter Four

i will say that i am enjoying the twists on magical girls they are putting here,but thats kinda his jam,so i will just say that there is a above zero chance of it going madoka magica, right now it is also showing consequences for monster attacks,which is definitely new in the magical girl genre

BlueCoffeeJava
Overall

As the title says, I'm writing this quite early in the story's release.

That said, the writing so far matches the high quality I have come to associate with RavensDagger. We get to start off with an action scene while the details of the setting are introduced in a smooth, engaging fashion that maintains narrative flow. The main character comes off as a reasonable everyday Jane suddenly finding herself in extraordinary, utterly unreasonable circumstances. I especially like her reaction to the cat.