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Apparently, even heaven had the odd clerical error. Which was not something Nathaniel Miller would have expected, and yet, that seemed to be exactly what had happened to him. The collector of souls seemed to have been given the wrong address, and instead of taking one Nathaniel Miller of the earth apparently right next door, he took Nate. As recompense for this small bit of error Nate was placed in the body of the Nathaniel Miller that had supposed to have been taken in the first place, and seeing as he now had an opportunity to try to live his life a different way he planned on taking advantage of this chance.
No one, however, had specified how different this world would be from his, sure they had said the tech would be a little older, and there were other small anomalies. But no one had seen fit to let him know that older meant medieval, and those small anomalies mentioned? They probably referred to all the fantasy elements and magic that seemed to be part of this world.
Still, he was determined to do better this time around, after all, chances like this were next to unheard of...
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The good: Transposed hits on some of the good, classic notes of a modern portal fantasy that many of us know and love. His head trauma covers his unfamiliarity with his new world, and gives a rational reason for personality changes. This part is well done. The magic system works, and the world he is transposed to is an alternate earth, which also works. The reason why science doesnt dominate is believable. I find too few authors try to explore alternate earths, even though such a world gives some great tools for worldbuilding and storytelling. I dislike animal people, but in this story they have a reason and a purpose and then it can be forgiven.
The bad: the writing is good to ok, but the dialogue is in severe need of an editor. It is hard to read, the sentences just... flow into each other and it can be hard to get the gist of it. its so bad I had to give it two starts. There are also some minor spelling errors, though its on an average level. I also wouldnt call a 15-16 year old girl a woman. Or treat a 15 year old boy as is he was as capable as a grown man.
The mc is apparently engaged to a catgirl, that smacks of weebery right out of the gate.
Then there is the world building. The kingdom covers North America. It has 250 barons (roughly). Medieval England, which was roughly the size of Lousiana, had 200. The writer has badly missed the mark when it comes to scale (wich is fairly common on this site). A world without modern transportation is a lot bigge" and harder to manage than with telegram and phones and trains and cars and airplanes. And that makes it a bit tough to believe in the world building. A tip is to look at how many local counties/municipalities there are in a given historical area, and extrapolate. There is a reason they were established, and are the size they are. For example, the US has 3100 counties - and that is with modern communication! France, however, which is based on a more historic level of local administration has 18 administrative regions, divided into 101 departments, divided into 2054 cantons, divided into 36681 communes!
All in all, there are a lot of good ideas here, but I'd work on the dialogue and think about how to explain/rationalize the world building.
Seems like a decent take on an otherwise fairly generic genre, and the alternate history thing is appealing, but I had to stop reading for one crucial problem: Prose. Specifically, the commas are out of control and there's lots of awkward phrasing. The writer doesn't seem to know how to portion out sentences and ends up with horrifyingly long, tedious, run-on abominations constantly.
Don't consider this a full balanced review: I find this particular flaw very distracting once you notice it and it prevented me from really taking in the rest of the story, so I won't comment on characterization and plot and such. Since this is something I can provide concrete examples of, here are a couple:
He breathed it in and it flowed into him, invigorating, rejuvenating, and he wondered what it was that had prevented him from being able to do it before, perhaps it was simply that he hadn’t truly believed everything until now, sure he had been told, had seen the effects essence had on people who became deviant, but he hadn't truly believed, not until he had been the one who had seen the creature, till he had seen the essence.
And here's how I might rewrite it:
He breathed it in and it flowed into him: invigorating, rejuvenating. He wondered what it was that had prevented him from being able to do it before — perhaps it was simply that he hadn’t truly believed everything until now. Sure he had been told about the effects essence had on people who became deviant and seen them, but he hadn't truly believed until he saw the creature and the essence with his own eyes.
“I don’t remember Amos, in fact, I had no idea there was anyone even remotely related to me that had that name, let alone a half brother, essentially, this just feels like you are telling me a story about a stranger, someone I had no personal connection with, as such I can’t say I am actually particularly upset by it, I can say that death seems to be a little harsh of a punishment in my opinion, however,”
This one would be ok just slashing some commas.
“I don’t remember Amos. In fact, I had no idea there was anyone even remotely related to me that had that name, let alone a half brother. Essentially, this just feels like you are telling me a story about a stranger, someone I had no personal connection with. I can’t say I am actually particularly upset by it, but I can say that death seems to be a little harsh of a punishment in my opinion.”
I enjoyed it, give it a read.
Interesting start. Didn't expect it. Nice take.
Well thought out world. Beautiful descriptions of places.
Beautiful character interactions. Lovely little scenes between characters.
Unique magic system.
Good incorporation of unusual elements, with explanation
Hope to enjoy where it goes to.
End of short review.
Reviewed on chapter 13. An engaging story that has me wanting to see what happens next. Not just with the magic but with the inter personal relationships between characters. Written in a manner that makes it stand out from other authors on RR. Will the main character run afoul while interacting with society, will he become a deviant? Up to the author to share their story with us.
I am thoroughly impressed. The MC is iseakai'd to an alternative world wihich contains magic and magical creatures. He had lived for almost 50 years before being transposed into a body of a 16 year old version of himself that is just awakening its powers.
So many other stories which have an adult transmigrating to another world into a younger body have the character [over] act like a harmonally challenged idiot - you know - like a normal teenager with all the angst and wild swining of emotions. So, it's kind of nice to have an MC that can look at an solve issues with the maturity of a 50 year old - but - still be confronted with 16 year old issues.
The MC is not overpowerd and the magic system has some severe limitiations on it so this novel will not become a "rain fire from the heavens" kind of a book. I look forward to reading more.
Reviewed after reading chapter 1. The opening, while not devastatingly unique, is quite well written. I do not see any obvious spelling errors, nor grammatical ones (though I admit I am not the best judge thereof) and the formatting is perfectly acceptable. The MC so far seems an interesting bloke, with plenty of room for development. I can't give this a full five stars without more to go off of, but I am looking forward to reading more.
First off, a lot of the other reviews are quite critical of the grammar, prose, and sentence-level style. That has mostly been cleaned up by the author and reads just fine now (at least as fine as Royal Road usually gets).
As others have mentioned, the worldbuilding is a little wonky. It's a bit of a neat setup, and the Many Worlds Interpretation is done well, but pick too hard at it and *whomp whomp*.
The protagonist is a fun character. He's an older guy, a bit wiser, and now back in a teenage body, he can be a better person. It's a bit of one of those second chance stories where you go back to your younger self. It's fairly well done, but it does have a hint of wish fulfillment.
That wish fulfillment is a bit exacerbated though by the transposition into another world into an uber favorable position: son of lower nobility with an arranged marriage to a catgirl. While the protagonist seems to be enjoying himself (but not too much, and he's not an asshole about it), there's little tension and I don't know where the plot is going. Right now, it's borderline slice of life.
Run-on sentences abound. Sometimes to the point of making an entire paragraph into one, very difficult to understand, sentence.
Lots of incorrect words where the word written sounds like the word they meant to use, but isn't.
One Example: endured, where they obviously meant endeared.
That being said, I do enjoy the story in general. I'm not a huge fan of the magic system in this world so far, but we shall see if it gets better or worse. :)
The world-building in this story is interesting but unrealistic. Let's talk about the interesting bits first. (fair warning: some spoilers nothing about the story itself just the world-building)
The magic is interesting and unique to me at least. It's not a very powerful magic system because of the way the magic or essence doesn't last very long. I would infer then that ingenuity and creativity play a large part in making up for its short time limit though we haven't seen it be used in the story yet. The detrimental effect the essence can have on people places limits on its use which again pushes creativity and the Animorphism in this is also a bit unique and also not very unique. It's got a catgirl which is wholly unoriginal, but she's a bit more of a cat than usual with arms and legs of a cat than just the ears so somewhat unique, at least for me. Alright, now the parts I find unrealistic.
The unrealistic world-building stems from its use of geography. Not that they got it wrong but don't understand its importance in how a country functions. First of all, he mentions that the country spans all of North America. Specifically all of Canada and the Continental United States. That is a huge amount of land which is apparently cut into four sections via two rail lines. A North and South line and an East and West line. That makes no sense when taking into account geography. Railways in this world are not used everywhere because iron is not as abundant. But why would you need a north-south line when the vast Mississippi River drainage basin has a lot of rivers that could be used as transportation much easier. They essentially cover the whole great plains area. The east-west line might make sense like it made sense in our world because it linked the two coasts together but other than that why would all of North America be split into quadrants? Also, that's hundreds of miles of rail lines where did all that iron come from? Why not have a rail along the eastern coastline that moves west to the river system? Another argument that takes into account geography is the number of baronies in this fictional country and how it's not divided correctly but Theakorn already made a compelling review covering that topic so check it out if you haven't already.
Overall I enjoyed this story and would have rated it higher if not for the unrealistic world-building. I can't comment on the dialogue or the prose because I wouldn't have any constructive criticism for those and other than some issues I have with the main character I think it's a decent read.