GALACTIC Volume 1: Truth

by AngrySeme

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Sexual Content
  • Traumatising content

200 years in the future Earth is inhabited by aliens races. 100 years after first being colonized by the Regal Empire and gaining independence, Earth now has alien hybrids.

They're called astrals, and have a range of abilities from silly, to useful, or dangerous, or bending reality itself. Ace is an astral, but he has the most boring and common ability of all: teleportation. 

Ace wants to be a real man: Someone who can help others, and prove that he is smart (and not weak). Just because he's plain doesn't mean he's not as good as anyone else. 
So, he joins the Defense Program, a coalition of different governments to defend themselves against the vindictive Regal Empire. (But most of the time they're just paid mercenaries.)

Ace tries his hardest, but his hardest is never enough. 

One day he finds a magic watch. A watch that hates him.
His dreams of becoming a hero will finally come true.

He will be like the heroes in Greek tragedies that never learn their lesson, too focused on power and winning instead of doing right. Ace shall go through adventure after adventure after adventure, trying to understand what it truly means to be a hero . . . and what it means to be a man.

This is not a grand story about good people. Everyone is horrible, just in different degrees.
Ace is simply the least horrible of them all.
Read the story of a boy who tries to become a man, and thinks he is good simply because he isn't as bad as everyone else.


GALACTIC has an official art thread where I draw character designs! Vote on your favorite designs to help me find out what looks nice and what looks like butt.

Angry Seme's Art Thread


Want to know more about the background and settings? I created a companion book that updates every now and then. Some parts are redacted to not ruin the story, so sometimes you should check out earlier chapters after major scenes. 

GALACTIC: Myth, Magic, and More.


Disclaimer: Please don't take this campy story seriously. This story is LGBT. It has bad words, violence, and butt stuff. I've already warned anyone before they read it and I don't want complaints. The main character is bisexual. Please don't send me angry messages if you're not okay with that. If you do I'll send them to my friends and we'll just laugh at you together.

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AngrySeme

AngrySeme

Aspiring Loser

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Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
Chapter 1.1: A Wrinkle In Time ago
Chapter 1.2: I Hate This ago
Chapter 1.3: Idiot ago
Chapter 1.4: Losers ago
Chapter 1.5: I Love It When We Kiss And Make Up ago
Chapter 1.6: Guilt ago
Chapter 2.1: Enlisting For Tuition ago
Chapter 2.2: School Days ago
Chapter 2.3: Only You Can Stop Invasions! ago
Chapter 2.4: The Library Rocks! ago
Chapter 3.1 1st Day of Work ago
Chapter 3.2: Imaginary Friend ago
Chapter 4.1: Billy The Adult ago
Chapter 4.2: I Don't Want To Know Everyone's Thoughts ago
Chapter 4.25: Hate At First Sight. ago
Chapter 4.3: Oranges ago
Chapter 4.4: Cheating Works! ago
Chapter 4.45 : Oh Beans ago
Chapter 5.1: It's a Trap! ago
Chapter 5.2: Chaos ago
Chapter 5.25: The Second Coming ago
Chapter 5.3: SHINE ON! ago
Chapter 5.4: I'm So Sorry ago
Chapter 5.5: If You Leave Me, I'll Kill You ago
Chapter 6.1: Don't Ask, Don't Tell ago
Chapter 6.2: Clear Your Browser History, Please. ago
Chapter 6.3: Deceit ago
Chapter 6.35: Choke Out ago
Chapter 6.4: I Like You A Lot ago
Chapter 6.5: The Third Day ago
Chapter 6.6: He Must Be Dead ago
Chapter 7.1: Do You Believe In Magic? ago
Chapter 7.2: Take Your Magic Man! ago
Chapter 7.3: The Kingdom of Hawaii ago
Chapter 7.4: Priapus ago
Chapter 7.5: Smells Like Money In Here ago
Chapter 7.6: I'm Not That Into You ago
Chapter 8.1: Suffering From Success ago
Chapter 8.2: Restraining Order Required ago
Chapter 8.3: Hathor ago
Chapter 9.1: This Is Hallows Eve ago
Chapter 9.2: Party Hard ago
Chapter 9.3: I'm Not Okay ago
Chapter 9.4: Groundhog Day ago
Chapter 10.1: The Harlot ago
Chapter 10.2: Let Me In! ago
Chapter 10.3: Johnny and Tetsuya ago
10.4 Of Pure Blood and Pure Soul ago
10.5: Thief! ago
10.6:Gruesome ago
10.7: Born Liars ago
Interlude: The Revenge of Unas and the Lie of Prima ago
Chapter 11.1: Girls, Girls, Girls! ago
Chapter 11.2: Let's Play a Game! ago
Chapter 11.3: I Love Hide and Seek ago
Chapter 11.4: Can't Stop, Won't Stop ago
12. 1 Children In Cages ago
12.2 We Need a New PR Department ago
12.3 The Narcissist's Prayer ago
12.4: All American Boy ago
12.5: Betrayal ago
12.6: Strong Independent Black Woman ago
12.7: Alone ago
13.1 Bros Before Hoes ago
13.2: Tantrum ago
13.3: Earrings of Light and Thunder ago
13.4: The Truth Will Set You Free ago
13.5 Tired of Being Tired ago
13.6: Fire Dancer ago
14.1:Bastard ago
14.2: Laughing Watch, Screaming Table. A Regular Tuesday is All It Is. ago
14.3: Tree of Sin ago
14.4: The Curse of House Regalis ago
14.5: Abandoned ago
14.6: Home ago
14.7: Civilian Casualties ago
14.8:The Sword of Vengeance ago
14.9: All Gone, No Escape ago
15.1: Don’t Look Back ago
15.2: Deal With The Devil ago
15.3: Memories ago
15.4: Doctor Rico Slater ago
16.1: The 6th Circle of Hell ago
16.2: I Hate It When I Wake Up A Minute Before My Alarm Goes Off ago
16.3: Hero Complex ago
17.1:Is This It? ago
17.2: Reunion ago
17.3: Will Their Deaths Ease Your Pain? ago
17.4: Red Flags ago
17.5: Mother. ago
18.1: Inner Demons ago
18.2: Proud Father of a Newborn Eighteen year Old ago
18.3:This Bitch Again? ago
18.4: Grandpa ago
18.5: Lyrica, Choir Master of the Heavens ago
18.6: Nothing Matters ago
18.7: No Kaiju Battle is Complete Without an Explosion ago
19.1: Souless ago
19.2: Rescue ago
19.3: Come Out Of The Closet Already! ago
20.1:Hathor’s Love ago
20.2: Death Can’t Stop Me ago
20.3: Lo Vas A Olvidar ago
20.4: Quiero Olvidar ago
20.5: I Love You ago
20.6: Never Meet Your Heroes ago
20.7:“Enough.” ago

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YoungOneStories
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Style Score: I love your style and to be honest, I learned so much for reading It. The way you writes It is vivid but also avoids being direct at times, giving the readers much more freedom of imagination and some things to think about

Story Score: The idea is rich, and the potential is wide but to be honest, I just read the first 3 chapters so I can't really say If I'm correct, but this is something similar to Ender's Game? Haven't really watched Ender's Game but they have the same vibes

Grammar Score: Your Grammar is nice, my grammar sucks too so I can't really comment here, because If I correct other people's grammar when my grammar is trash then I will look like an arrogant guy, sorry. But your vocabulary is wide enough to describe what's happening and like I said earlier, give the readers vivid imaginations, I leave this comment here

Character Score: I just read the first 3 chapters and yet they're not that shallow or maybe because the chapters are long? Ace had enough depth in him that even though I haven't read the rest, I can assure that he will have some kind of redemption arc or something, that's my theory anyways. Unless, a plot twist happens?

 

Anyways, my review doesn't help you much to improve since you're a much better writer than me but keep up the good work and slow and steady wins the race, thanks!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

David F. Weisman
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

The first chapter gives us a great deal to think about. Somehow the protagonist is caught in a time loop, and goes back to the beginning when he dies. Unfortunately he loses his memory each time, so he doesn't understand what is happening any better than we do.

The next section is easier to understand. Ace is a slacker student at a school for heroes, with the power of teleportation, which is considered the most common and least prestigeous superpower. He doesn't like to work hard or study, and cheats to avoid dissapointing his dad and letting down his team too overtly.

No spoilers after the first chapter, but I will say that very often when you think you understand a character, a major secret is revealed or hinted at. The author tells us in the introductory matter that the protagonist thinks he is good because he is the least bad guy around, but so far I only see an amusing but immature youth. There is still plenty left to read though. They are still in training, and Ace is not the only one who has benefitted from his fathers influence, and cheats when trying to prove his prowess. I sure hope the supervillains they face started in similar circumstances, since others on Ace's team have worse surprises than that!

This is great fun, with plenty of twists and turns.

midnightrainbow
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Grammar: No major problems with the grammar. Better than most works on RR.

Character: This story features multiple MC's. I think this is where the story shines. The author does a good job of explaining their super powers and how they use them. We know they'll play a big role in the story eventually. Each of them also has their own backstory and problems they have to deal with, but they all intertwine one way or another. It's easy to relate to the characters and grow attached to them.

Style: It's straightforward and easy to understand. The descriptions of characters and places are adequate. But nothing really stands out in terms of voice. The author can benefit from experimenting with different sentence lengths to make the reading more fluid. As of now, it's a bit monotone.

The biggest problem is with the constant break in perspective. In a scene with multiple characters, we'd start with the POV of one character and then half-way through get the thoughts and feelings of a different character, sometimes two or three more. This is extremely jarring for readers and feels lazy. Instead of relying on character thoughts to reveal information, the plot can benefit from having a character discover this information through action or a major event.

Story: The story, or promise of the story, is strong. There's so much going on with each character, their families, life, powers, etc. Yet, it suffers from a lack of focus on the author's part. At times, we get hints of the major plot, the mystery. And other times we are smothered with pointless banter from the characters that doesn't advance the plot whatsoever. This is ultimately a pacing issue. The author needs to realize that they can use exposition to summarize lines of dialogue - when the dialogue is mundane or carries little weight.

 

Overall, this is an ambitious attempt at an intriguing idea. It just needs more focus on the core of the story.

Publius Decius Mus
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

A plethora of ideas, execution needs polishing

Reviewed at: Chapter 4.4: Cheating Works!

Edit for Chapter 4.4:

The problem with this novel is that I wasn't looking at it from the right angle. First, I thought it would be an adventure novel in sci-fi settings. Well it isn't. It's surreal horror. And if you read it as surreal horror, it is actually pretty damn good.

Original Review:

First of all, the author has clearly done a lot of thinking both for the plot and for the characters. There are many layers for the story, and the characters are all fleshed out, at least in the author's mind.

However, the execution falls flat. I will enumerate my problems with the book in no particular order.

1. The reviewers of this website are often obsessed with the phrase "Show not tell!" I think that is wrong. There are some cases, when telling is actually the better option.

In this case, I have to agree that showing really would be better.

It's not as if the author would only tell! On the contrary, they actually drop a lot of hints and have instances where characterisation happens through dialogue or action. But there are also cases of the omniscient narrator outright telling us things, and these are jarring.

2. As said, the author has thought up a lot layers for the story, and I am pretty sure they wove the threads of the story masterfully in their mind - but the the execution again leaves a lot to be desired. The pacing is on and off, sometimes it's good, but more often than not it feels rushed or too slow.

3. The dialouges need polishing. Sometimes they are good, but at other times they don't feel like living people conversing at all.

On a plus side the grammar is pretty good. There is one punctuation rule that the author consistently disregarded, but other than that, there are only occasional typos and odd word choices.

Cathal Ashenhand
Overall

GALACTIC opens up with the main character, Ace, dead and trapped in the void. Here he has a conversation and it's learned he's been here many, many times. It's a tried and true trope, and an engaging start to the story. The characters are compelling and the story is clearly going somewhere.

As I understand it, the first portion of the story was written some time ago, and the author has since returned from a hiatus to continue it, which is always welcome. The prose at the start of the story is a touch robotic and it would really benefit with a little more work on sentence construction and flow. The author also begins with a habit of switching between perspectives between sentences. In the first chapter, there were times where we switched between Ace and Wrinkle's thoughts at an incredibly jarring pace. 

These are small things to fix, but would make a massive difference to the readability of the story overall. I haven't yet gotten to the later, newer chapters, but I'm looking forward to seeing how the author has improved!

Derin_Edala
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Interesting premise with a lot of potential

Reviewed at: Chapter 1.6: Guilt

This has a pretty good basis for a time loop story. The premise is interesting  and promises to develop into something complex and hard to put down. This individual powers are pretty cool, and the idea of someone cheating at sports by teleporting in very very tiny increments to simulate speed is hilarious.

Polishing up the grammar and pacing of the story ould help it move from good to great, as there's a lot here that could really shine if it were differently paced and structured. Some different style choices would also really help present the story better; the choice of third person omniscient, in particular, leaves the reader feeling a bit adrift, as that's a particularly difficult perspective to pull off well (I think third person limited would work a lot better), and the dialogue tends to meander a lot. But the story still carries itself on a strong setting and plot, and on its characters.

There are some decently compelling characters here; ace and his father, and their relationship, are particularly interesting. You really get to feel for both of these people and what they're going through. Anyone interested in a time loop fantasy should give this one a look.

FantasyBliss30
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Great Writing; few pacing issues; great potential

Reviewed at: Chapter 2.2: Fingers

This review is strictly till upto chapter 2.2.

Goods:

1. Writing..writing...writing: I must say the author has a knack for articulating really really well. They find the words that are always apt for what they are trying to convey; zero grammatical errors; vocabulary excellent and congrous, no unnecessarily complex or flowery words or sentences. Some of the descriptions in there are succint yet just enoug detailed

2. Distinct Characterization: The characters are very distinct from each other; their mannerisms and way of speaking is unique which is great

3. World building- It has promising elements of a unique world-building. It has fantasy elements, sci-fi, and there is little bit of social commentary as well. 

Bads:

1. Intro to characters: I feel I do not have enough context for the characters, before things happen to them. This may be biased though as we all have our own preferred styles.

2. Pacing: There were some pacing issues, and I feel this can be improved. But since the stories are only days old and can still be fleshed out, I would give the author some time to do that.

Overall, definitely a great potential and will wait to see where this story takes its characters. 

Duckwrites
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Interesting. I'd love to read more but has issues

Reviewed at: Chapter 1.1: A Wrinkle In Time

This book, when it comes to premise, is right up my alley. I love superhero type stories and I also love stories where average powers are used in creative ways.

Plus a good LGBT story is always welcome.

I'm writing this in chunks as I read so right now I'm commenting on the first chapter, the story is kind of hard to follow at this point because it feels like I was just dropped into the middle of something, but I'm sure I will get a better explanation as the story goes on another issue that the dialogue isn't spaced out in such a way that it is easy to read. one character’s dialogue ending where another character’s begins. like this: 

 

"something stuff words," ace said "response and quip" wrinkle responded. 

 

This can make it a bit hard to read and keep up with who's talking at any given time.

The story seems to be a reset premise where the main character restart the story when they fail from the beginning 

 

Going back to the dialog issues it makes it genuinely hard to read as each portion of the book is sort of a block of words

The story is entertaining enough and has gone pretty much as I suspected it would so far but that's not a bad thing 

 

The characters are decent so far, nothing groundbreaking, but have the problem of being suppressed by the dialogue issues and the omnipotent narrator, but the latter is more of a personal preference. 

 

Overall I think the story has a lot of excellent potential but a lot of work needs to be done before I would consider buying it, though I would give it a listen on Audible as long as the narrator didn't have problems with some of the grammar issues.

Jacob A Zucker
Overall

Not usually the kind of fiction I would personally read, but still enjoyable. With a little revision, I think it could be quite entertaining. My one complaint would be that the writing is a bit choppy. There's some basic grammatical issues that could be fixed. Some general line-editing might also help the flow of the story a lot.