the Rise of Jared

by kusuki

Jared Johnson was an above-average guy aged 21 who ended up in finance after hesitating too much about his career. who would have guessed the world was gonna be changed because of monsters and other worlds.

Suddenly Jared has heavy responsibilities bearing on his shoulder could he lead us and save the earth?

Posted on Royalroad and scribblehub.

  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score
  • Total Views :
  • 76
  • Average Views :
  • 19
  • Followers :
  • 5
  • Favorites :
  • 1
  • Ratings :
  • 1
  • Pages :
  • 14
Advertisement
Remove
Go to Table of Contents
Rate it
Fiction breaking rules? Report
Advertisement
Remove
Author
kusuki

kusuki

Achievements
Group Leader (I)
First Comment!
I Am Taking Off (I)
Word Wielder (I)
Advertisement
Remove

Leave a review

drakan_glasses BE NICE! Fair critique is fair, but be respectful & follow the review rules. There will be no mercy.
Reviews
Sort by:
Borchard
Overall

I think the story shows promise in the first chapter. What I particularly like was how active the protagonist was when in danger. When Jared reacted to a new problem, i felt like I was getting to know the character better. He didn't make the obvious choice, and was shown to be a herioc type of character through his actions. I like that kind of showing, not telling in a story. My favourite moment was when he lied to the people in the office to get them safely out of the building. I think that shows a good sense of your character being self-aware, and thinking on his feet. It is the kind of character I would like to read because a big thing I look for in stories is a character that reacts to tough situations in interesting ways. 

The story in the first chapter works quite well, but is let down by the author's admitted issue of not being a native English writer. This issue needs to be addressed for me personally to engage with a story, as trying to deciper what the author is trying to say is not enjoyable for me. I will say though that for large parts the English is actually quite good, just let down by small phrasing here and there. 

This isn't typically a genre that I enjoy, but for how it starts I think it is a good jumping off point.