The Slime Dungeon Chronicles (prequel)
- Traumatising content
Thank-you to everyone who has followed this story since the beginning. This is the draft edition of the story for sale on amazon. Certain missing plot elements and mistakes are likely missing from this version.
This series is the prequel series to the larger slime dungeon universe that continues in The Slime Dungeon Novellas, The Slime Dungeon Diaries, and The Reluctent Healer.
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Copy pasta of my post in Finale (Part 2)02/12/15
This is my first post on the site. I have been a long time lurker.
I consumed this story like it was a drug, your writing and descriptions left enough to the imagination while still giving me a good mental picture of the characters and the action . Your early chapters had me guessing as to where you would take the story. It looked like you were planing for a 100 + chapter story with all the background and little details you have added that I absolutely loved.It created the world around him that set tone for why adventures would continue to risk their lives to gain some treasure/fame.You have also just barely touched on what other races are out there. When I read your post about how this might be your last chapter in this story I almost fell out of my chair in surprise since I thought you already had some grand plans about the story. Please continue, honestly this story looks like it is just getting started. You had me all excited about the "Floating Dungeons" concept that is completely unique. You have laid down some good ground work for expanding Docs horizons and about him rediscovering himself. I would call this a great foundation and the first arc of an impressive story.
As for your writing skills, I have zero complaints and have felt you have no problems creating imagery or telling a story. The only suggestion I would have is adding more background details. Things like what other dungeons are like and how the humans are constantly weighing Docs worth vs his danger. It's interesting to see the dynamic of risk vs reward from a dungeons perspective and how this whole relationship with the outside world benefits them into taking that risk. Sometimes you have very little in the way of fluff about how doc does what he does. I know it doesn't really matter how he does it but without a description to picture doc's "instance" ability I have a hard time believing it or understanding how it would work practically for him.
I would write a review or leave one if I could figure out how Tongue
Hope you keep on writing this story as it has been the highlight of my mornings for the past few weeks. (also I vote he becomes a sky dungeon cause that sounds awesome)
The first arc was 5/5 but after that there was a time where you had posted chapter that were removed then reposted but with minimal change then reremoved then rereposted the same chapter on 10 chapter so on 10 chapter i had the feling that i had already read many part.
And the dialog:
«"Damnation," Jare cursed as he saw a body rise, "These skeleton foot soldiers are bad enough, but those animated corpses are going to make this worse." Jare turned to Anhel, who was firing away with his magic. "Anhel, I need the spirit of the owl to connect me."
"Jare, that will debilitate you for the rest of the day. We need you here." Anhel was fully concentrating on the battle at hand as his fireball smashed through another skeleton"
"It's fine; as long as they know what to do we can easily survive this first night. Hurry!"»
They are fighting an army of undeath and they have the time to talk?
The dialog in themselve are robotic or like the perso have a text and they read it and all the perso talk like this after arc 1. Even this text was taken at hazard chapter after arc 1 and is not the worst, just one of the many.
The story is still good but the bad dialog realy broke the story and also the chuunibyou like : i have a great power but using it take year of my life cough cough.
I really enjoy the dungeon building aspect of this story, but anytime the author moves away from that, and onto other characters I lose interest.
In the first book after the death of princess diana retained her memories but after the first book she Does not
and the way the mc wakes up changes as well
This is a Dungeon story but unlike some others it starts with a dungeon who is smart but does not know much with the mentality of a teen aged man who lost his memories and winds up as a dungeon. He gets some help along the way and then the story has a fun/cutesy relational bit that creates a kind of unique charm that keeps you coming back.
style, character and story are marked down a point because the story feels unpolished, unplanned and unprepared. I realize you are going for the challenge and that is a large part of this and pushing writing out is good and all but keep in mind that it shows. This does not feel like a story with a well layed out plot and character structures it seem like it is trying to find out how it will grow as you write it. This can work but you should in my mind take a few days and lay some more ground work for the story to help with that problem.
you could ask the readership for ideas. setting up a idea post is what quite a few writers have done with mixed results yes but they were able to get more ideas to work with.
back to readership and penguins of royal road
This for the first 14 chapters feels rushed because it is a November challenge novel. This is just the way this one currently is and from many who take up the challenge this is what you should expect. But the entertainment value is there. The working imagination is there.
This story & author deserve the communities support because if the author can do this on a time crunch what could they craft with more concentration and time.
God Bless Storyhunter
After the 1st volume finished, the story changed completly at the start of the 2nd volume so mutch that i had to scratch my head while reading because nothing made sense. I then discovered that the author made changes to the 1st volume that he published on amazon but he didn't even bother to leave a summary of the changes on RRL at all, some characters completly changed, mc personality changed and maybe things i don't know went on the 1st vol.(i didn't buy the amazon version so i don't know the changes to the story.).
Author left another message that changes were made in the 2nd vol as well(2nd vol just enden few days ago), but didn't even say what changed so if you're not gonna buy the amazon ver i don't recomend even starting vol 2.
1st volume wasn't bad, just that the 2nd one doesn't make much sense if you don't read the amazon ver. P.S. i liked it more the original ending of vol 1, where princess retains her memory.
(Sorry for any grammar mistakes, I'm not a native english speeker)
Welp, i've enjoyed reading your chapters so far and it's a shame that you'd even consider dropping this story. You've got a batch of readers who wait for them chapters and they do what every greedy leech enjoys doing, they read them! and some ask for more :D
This story is not on a grand scale like some other stories with a plot so thick and deep you'd drown in it, no. This is one simple yet effective dungeon reincarnation story that gives what it said it would give. what's more is that the story has potential for improvement and for becoming a much bigger one, with a larger world and all.
To end my lame review, because i'm a failure as a reviewer and optionally human being, i'd just like to ask you to keep writing this story, because if you keep writing, we'll keep reading and cheering on you! but if you decide to stop it here, i'll not hate you and search for you to kill you and your goldenfish. worry not!
Yours, Mr. banana the bear penguin.
Fun to read to an extent, but average quality work overall filled with glaring shortcomings. I love dungeon stories so that is probably why I enjoy fast-reading this from time to time despite its negative points.
Characters are mostly unrealistic and does not feel like real people. They usually have a goal or a quirk that defines their entire being and they move and act according to them. This would be fine for characters who make short appearances but they stick around without ever being fleshed out as a real person. Their thought processes are either lacking or non-existent at all. Generally, i feel like they do things just because.
The MC knows some pretty weird things, despite needing to be thought some simple things. He made some conclusions that just made me go "how the hell did he get that?".
Another negative is, world building. World building is really lack luster. In fantasy stories like this I like to have some solid world building. Here, world building mostly consists of "things are the way they are because reasons!".
Story, pretty standard dungeon story, is okay. Story telling, not so much. Idea of a species coexisting with dungeons is pretty cool. Doc and Claire's interactions could be handled much better though.
Grammar is passable. I admit to being a bit of a grammar nazi when reading, but I can't find more than a handful of stories that actually fulfill my standards on rrl so I learn to be lenient about it here. Though, consistently wrong used words really bother me. Please differentiate between "thorough", "threw", "thorough" etc... Proofread is needed.
It is not all bad. I would say, overall, it is about an average story for this site. If you like this kind of stories, you may enjoy it.
Dungeon story, with slimes, so the basis is good, and it doesn’t go too deep in the “game-like” genre, with quantifiable stats everywhere.
The author definitely is not at a pro writer level (yet), with style and grammar being a bit lacking, but nothing experience and feedback can’t fix.
By style, I mean everything, from descriptions to the flow of the story. It is by no mean bad, but abusing the “no actual memory” syndrome to cover the lack of description makes the story slightly worse as a result.
I am not saying everything needs to be overly descriptive, but aside from vague descriptions on forms and colours, we know very little about any of the characters that seem to be important for the story, even on the two main characters.
For example (slight spoiler of the first chapters), the “companion” builds a small home for itself, and it is specified that it decorates it and makes furnitures for it, but even the scenes happening in that place don’t really describe it much (if at all).
It is small things like that that could really push the style to a higher level.
For grammar, it’s not all that bad, but there are definitely cases where wrong words are used, or some phrases that are off because of the construction.
Again, nothing experience and feedback can’t fix, and definitely not as bad as quite a few novels on this site (some are even hard to understand, and quite a few have a lot of grammatical errors), but worth mentioning, so that the author and readers are aware of it.
As for the characters, I am near the end of the first book, and none of the characters are really built upon, they have a name, we know roughly how they act, but that’s about it, making it a bit hard to care about them.
This seems to be a thing that’s hard to do right for writers, with two sides doing it “wrong”, the lacklustre like here, and the over developed one-dimentional, and not being able to write anything decent myself, I have no idea on how to do it right, as even some high profile books/movies/games don’t do it particularly right.
At least we don’t have the trope of “I have knowledge from my old world and I’m making a harem” (at least for now), or the “I don’t want to hurt anyone even when I’m back stabbed”, so there is that.
I know all of this sounds hyper critical, especially from someone that is not able to write something even close to this, but it comes from me enjoying the novel overall and wanting the author to learn as he goes, to be able to write even better as it goes on (and his future works too).
I still recommend reading it if you are have an interest in the “I’m the dungeon master” type of novels like me, because there are things to like in there.
EDIT: 5 stars means "no way to improve" or "perfect" for me, 2.5 means it's not that great, and bellow that means sub par, so 3 stars is already "ok" on my scales, and 5 would mean that it's more or less perfect.
Those are my personal rules for noting, I'm just putting it here so that there is no confusion for the people that see 4 and bellow as "bad".
I chanced upon this from around when the author started writing this story. Checked almost every day for updates, just thought I would get this out there before going into a melt down after finishing the book…
Just a few errors here and there I noticed when trying to reread parts, other then that…great plot, good char development and other important reading stuff. Like the plot twists and other stuff…and that other thing was great. Totally worth reading in my book…in fact I had to fight the web dungeon to get multiple password resets and even got kicked out a few times just to get this out for ya.
So looking forward to the next series…ill be waiting…just saying…take care of yourself, hope the surgery goes well…