The Child of Ebon

The Child of Ebon

by XivanB

Wealth and power, what would you do to gain such possessions as that? Would you murder? Would you steal? Would you scheme? Would you utterly use people in order to get those things?

What if you needed wealth and power to save those you hold dear? Your loved ones who can't survive unless you take that single step into oblivion.

To be a criminal, a murderer, or a plotter who would do anything to achieve one's own goals.

What lies before you is that kind of story; a young man who seeks to climb the fierce ladder to nobility. To ease his loved one's pains, to do what must be done, even if he has to become the most loathed man in his own aching heart.

WARNING: A VERY slow paced story.

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XivanB

XivanB

That Swedish Penguin

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Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
01 - The Ebon Wall ago
02 - The Manipulator ago
03 - The Mind of a Soldier ago
04 - The Unknown Father ago
05 - The Sudden Confession ago
06 - The House Raid ago
07 - The Argument ago
08 - The City of Tertinum ago
09 - The Skillful Torturer ago
10 - The Banshee's Cry ago
11 - The Forbidden Fruits ago
12 - The Speech of Restoration ago
13 - The Breakdown of Emotions ago
14 - The Suffering of Darkness ago
15 - The Crackling Thunder ago
16 - The Ghostly Shade ago
17 - The Slumbering Enemies ago
18 - The Love of Siblings ago
19 - The Packing Couple ago
20 - The Journey Begins! ago
21 - The Unbreakable Branch ago
22 - The Gift of Praise ago
23 - The Invitation ago
24 - The Ruthless Mistress ago
25 - The Servant's Plea ago
26 - The Heated Welcoming ago
27 - The Scheming Begins ago
28 - The Betrayal of a Loved One ago
29 - The Crimson Blood of Influence ago
30 - The Embrace of Darkness ago
31 - The Nightmare of Woe ago
32 - The Beginning of a War ago
33 - The Sister's Conviction ago
34 - The Death of a Mother ago
35 - The Little Noble ago
36 - The Union of Hands ago
37 - The Intrigue of Murder ago
38 - The Undying Love ago
39 - The Spur of the Moment ago
40 - The Night of Unshackling ago
41 - The Unforeseen Midnight - Rewritten! ago
42 - The Family's Reconciliation ago
43 - The Loyalty Between Servants ago
44 - The Consequences of Choices ago
45 - The Negligence of One's Self ago
46 - The First Born ago
47 - The Trickery of Love ago

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Zombie Unicorne
Overall

I just love the main character.

The MC is such a great character. Though opinion may beg to differ. He’s a adulterer in disguised, a sceamer, cheater, manipulator and would use anyone around him then would throw them away when he’s done. But character wise and how he is presented, is great and fantastic.

But, The MC being the way he is, I’m 100% sure that he can be a deal breaker to some. But still, he’s such a great character.

The main characters, like I said, is in for himself and to some extent to his mother. But he’s mostly for himself. He is a hypocrite through and through and I Love him for that. He would twist words around to sooth his agenda and spat out shit that he doesn’t even believe to capture the heart and soul of everyone around him. That’s just fantastic. Hypocrisy done right. Love it!

Forgiv3n324
Overall

Muaha! MUaHaHA! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Beautiful MC who is a right cunning bastard behind a mask of sincerity.

The main heroine is very beautiful, she’s so nice that I actually feel guilty that she’s landed with the MC like honestly she doesn’t deserve that kind of bastard lul

Plot seems interesting wonder where his ambitions will land him and will he succeed in bloody glory or will be fail like how Light did and burn out in a blaze of glory?

My only problem, is that it seems any and all noble women he talks with get soaked panties which is the only reason why it’s believable as to why the main heroine ‘loves’ the MC

Also his father very spooky very mysteriousness :3

Andrej Jaksic
Overall

 hmm story is intresting  and well writen i enjoyed very much , i think our mc lacks to much emotion i wish that his heart would turn softer towwards his lover , well only day have and half have passed.

 

But dammit it how the fuck did you do 30 not short chapters in day and half  and still make it  that good

true skills :D 

edge363
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Just look at the BADBOY go

Style- You have a thick vocabulary, and I can see it shine in many different scenarios. The way you describe things adds to them. While many other writers it detracts from them.

Story-I personally think it lacks a specific direction, but that makes it a little more believable. It makes the clever bastard of a main character seem more believable. 

Grammar- This was by far my biggest challenge with this read. Sometimes the author will not match pluralities in his sentences. 

ex. The very first sentence has two examples “The howling winds blows ” the howling winds are a plural subject. So they must not have an “s” attached to the verb after words.  “The howling winds blow” is the correct way of doing this. “the brooding clouds covers” should be “The brooding clouds cover .”

This was the big problem I had, but otherwise it was fairly well done. I know it is a second language, so I am letting a lot slide. I understand, and don’t want to discourage you. I WANT YOU TO GET BETTER. I will PM you a resource about subject verb plural agreement. 

Character- I know girls love the badboy, I know the badboy is a bastard, and I just love it. You really describe his will in an engaging way. Good job frined. You got a favorite and a follower from me!

 

Overall-Give it a try if you can handle some grammar errors for an overall polished work otherwise. The direction, atmosphere, and characters are all set. I wanna see how it ends.

 

Advice-Work on the second language! Don’t accept the level your at because you can do better. Also MAYBEEEE push the story forwards a little faster. Just a little.

 

 UPDATE: Author immediately went through and started fixing the things I pointed out. Therefore I'm updating my review to a 5. 

 

YOU GO MAN. YOU DO YOU.

MorrarenTheSecond
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Notes: Notes: Keep in mind when you read this that i have only read up to chapter 17 before dropping temporarily dropping this. This might all be incorrect with later changes to the story but up to the 17th chapter, it does apply, according to me atleast.

 

Style: The story is easy to follow and the paragraphs are well managed. It is written mainly from the perceptive of the main character but at the same time, we are given the world from how the side characters see it. This grants us further depth into the story and the world it dwells in. The story is written in present tense but i personally prefer past tense and found it distracting, if not somewhat off-putting, reading it this way. This issue was settled later on though as i unconsciously started to read it as past tense. It is a matter of taste and as such, this might not apply to everyone. We are also given sentences that are written in caps in the story. I personally found this to be unnecessarily as an, "!" at the end of those sentences would have granted the same effect while making the story feel more, "real" so to say. Caps tend to have the effect of disturbing the flow of the story that the reader gets into when he, or she, reads but once again, there may be people who finds caps to be a more preferable alternative. Other than that, the details the author gives us of the surroundings and the way he paints it makes it easy  imagine it before oneself. It is easy to picture the world but at the same time, i find somewhat more difficult to imagine the character we are shown. What i mean by this is that the characters are more challenging to imagine when you read than the surroundings. This might differ from person to person  though so it might not apply to everyone. I just found it to be a challenge when i read it myself.

 

Story: The world we are thrown into is well explained and the flow of the story is great. There are, however, several instances in the story that feels as if they were forcibly created for the sake of the plot. The story contains abit too many coincidences for me to swallow with the same ease as in the beginning. It is worthy to note that despite this, we are often given a reason to why something happened but these, i find, usually comes  several chapters it occurred in the story. The story in itself is somewhat original and the phasing, as mentioned in the description, is indeed slow but it adds to the charm of the story. With it, we are given more time to form a connection to the current state of things before they change, something a fast phased story would have more difficulty to execute.

    The story sometimes adds elements of mystery, making the reader spend some time trying to solve these. I found that relying on these is a very effective way of overlooking the things one dislikes in the story. I will return to talk about this more in the character section but one should not have to resolve to these elements of mystery, according to me, to make sense of some of the events that occurs in the story. Rather, i would advice to vary them and mix in other reasons but as i said, i will return to this later on.

    The story often recycles and reuses the scenarios in the story up to where i have read. Rape, for examples, occurs three to four times in the story up to chapter 17. Rather, i should say rape attempts as only one of these succeeds. Rape is often used to make the story move along and to make the current villain, almost all villains, look bad. To  improve on this, one could try to vary the motives of the villains, their actions and intentions.

 

Grammar: The spelling in this story is well but i have spotted grammatical mistakes throughout in the story so i cannot give it a full score. We are however able to understand and follow the story so the grammar is in no way bad. It could have been better but it does not disturb the reader from enjoying the story, in most cases.

 

Characters: Xe’Reth is the protagonist of the story. He is someone who would put his own needs before others, the exception being his mother. He prefers manipulations before force and while i find that the manipulations could have been more subtle, i understand the difficulty  in writng them. Xe’Reth is well written in that we can grasp his emotions, his intentions and his way of thinking. I enjoyed reading about him but he could, at the same time, be seen as overpowered. With his knowledge in alchemy, in herbs, his superior skill in archery, his rapid healing, his supernatural sight, his beauty, his luck, his silver tongue that everyone seems to fall for and the fact that most women he comes across falls in love with him. He is suppose to be disliked for his black hair and his dark eyes but at the same time, these are the nations color. We are told that he looks like an evil person but despite that, people seems to be fond of him (Malinda, her sister, Malindas maid to some extent and the one who owned his house in the slums). It is abit overwhelming and while i can explain it by the element of mystery (his father in this case) it still feels like it is too much. He handels it well though, not falling into a harem (I'm grateful for that fact) but still, if he is despised for some reason, surely it doesnt extend just to the male population of the world?

    Xe’Reth holds the knowledge to grow illegal herbs as well, which should be difficult to come across with his economy and status. The fact that he has been doing it for three years not only aries suspicion on the fact that a fourteen can take care of such herbs or where he learnt it but at the same time, how does he succeed in keeping them hidden for so long?

    Malinda is one of the bigger characters of the story for now and the (fake but for how long) love interest of Xe’Reth. We are shown the world from her view and given a reason for her unstable emotions. I must say that was a well thought out explanation as it was believable as well. I am however at lost for her naivety and lack of knowledge (in say, the illegal herbs) despite being in a position that would almost force her to get some education. Her guilllability is hard to believe due to the fact that she is a noble and is almost guaranteed to have interacted with other nobles, who are unlikely not to take the opportune to manipulate her. Not to mention her inexperience in men and the fact that almost non one has ever tried to ask her out or get close to her. With her beauty, status etc in the story, it is quite hard to go along with. This along with the fact that no commoner has ever complimented her (or anyone really) and that she fell for the first one who did so (in one day). It is truly hard to believe.

    Along with that, Malinda seems to be almost unaware of the consequences of her action that might affect her family and their status. She could be seen as selfish in dragging in a commoner and disregarding her parents wishes but first and foremost, i think what stands out is the lack of awareness. She might believe that her love matters more than the status of her family but in a society like the one we are given in this world, it is hard to believe that she would disregard her family so easily, bringing in an outsider she met the day before and proclaiming her love for him. It appears to me as unnatural. I should mention at this though, that the issue between Xe'Reth and her status was taken care of in a good way, perhaps with too much ease but it was atleast taken up as an issue in her mind and properly resolved later.

    Malindas sister is someone in love with the main character but she isn't given much screen time. I have nothing against this but i find it disturbing that she, along with her sister, fell for Xe'Reth. This along with the fact that inbreeding does not explain her laziness. Inbreeding can explain a lot of things, but laziness is not one of them. Being a compulsory liar though, while not necessarily related to inbreeding, was a nice touch, and will hopefully continue to be as long as it is treated well.

    I know too little he maid of Malinda to discuss her but the main points regarding her would be that she seems to overstep the boundaries her position sets with Malinda, she appears to be an inexperienced maid as shown by her lack of action and the shock she got when she saw that Xe'Reth was hurt. This can be explained by the fact that as a maid of a noble house, it would not be common for her to come across such scenes but there are other instances where she has revealed her lack of experience in the maid occupation. One of these would be the way she questions Malinda, though it can be explained by the fact that she has known her for a long time. Another one could be that she provides resistance before going along with the orders of Malinda, who she is suppose to obey. It seems unreal to me, though i can understand that their close relationships allows such stretches to an extent.

    I enjoyed reading about the emotional conflicts in the characters, though i dislike the fact that they were mainly about romance. Xe'Reth did provide some interesting thoughts on other subjects though. I would say that all of the character have some amount of depth in them, except the villains who could be improved by being given some other motivation than revenge and rape and perhaps we could even be granted a look at the world through their eyes?

Most of the characters seem to be connected to each other. Malinda is in love with Xe´Reth, her sister was in love with Xe'Reth before her, their father was inlove with Xe´Meths mother (though that is only what i suspect without proper proof) and the daughter of the guard that was thrown into prison was the apprentice to the Inquisitor who has some connection to Malinda.

 

Conclusion: The style has a good flow and the way it is written (in present tense) might attract a certain crowd but I'm not one of them. The world has depth, the surroundings are explained in a way that makes them easy to imagine and the story is easy to understand. There are plot holes though, too many conveniences and am, at times, forced. It is however an original story and it was enjoyable to read something new. 

    I have nothing against the grammar and while it might carry a few errors, it is nothing too glaring. The characters on the other hand were somewhat disappointing. They were all given depth, which is rare in this day and age, but it could have been done better in that their motives and reasons could have been more varied, their obsession of Xe'Reth could have been smaller and some of them could have been strangers to each other (meaning that they didn't have to have some form of connection beforehand). It was however interesting seeing their minds and different perspective.

Lasiefo
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

best drama story in rrl

couldnt write a review due to the adblock bugg

started reading the story the moment it came out and am a fan of since then

gonna make it short

its the best drama story

if you like drama and intrigue and want to have some sidedish with game of thrones

read it

 

halestlemon
Overall

Love it. Want more of it.

your writing is amazing. the tension keeps building up, and the plot keeps getting thicker.

 

i love the pacing of the story, it gives time to fully expose the dialogue between the characters as well as their internal thoughts.

 

this is like watching a first class drama, but without the flaws of acting and directing.

 

who cares about action or cultivation or monsters or "oh I am going to train in seclusion now" or meaningless gore or crude horror?

 

THIS is what we need more of, it reminds me of game of thrones

 

cudos to you, and thank you for your talent and hard work

13lack12ose
Overall

This story is amazing and 100% worth reading.
Updates exceedingly slowly, but each chapter is filled with complex characters and dark secrets.

Give it a try, you won't be disappointed! 

christopherf
Overall

The evil, calculating mc - who doesnt like this? Only one flaw - melinda fell for him at first sight, but oh well - in times of war love is really weird. Dont give up, its really good story!

sunwalker
Overall

Schemes Schemes and even more schemes

Title says it all,  Read up to chapter 19 and can  confidently say this is one of the better fictions out there