The Defective Hermit

The Defective Hermit

by SciFiAddict

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore

Vincent Standish had faced a lot of disappointments during the last five years. But things were finally starting to look up for him and in a big way too. While working the late shift at his second part time job, as a cashier in a gas station, on a whim he bought a lottery ticket which had a jackpot that had grown extremely large. Three days later he was astonished to find that he was one of three lottery winners. With that money he was able to retire, when he had been afraid that he would be forced work until the day that he died, or worse yet living in a cardboard box if he lost his two paltry paying jobs. Vincent soon found forty acres of land and quickly had his simple and robust dream home constructed. Disappointed in people, it was his avowed goal to be a hermit and shun the world. Too bad for his dreams that only a year after winning the lottery, all of humanity started seeing colored text messages before their very eyes, messages that warned of dire things to come.

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SciFiAddict

SciFiAddict

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350 Comments
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hurt_lock3r
Overall

I feel addicted to this...

Give me my daily dose or else i might, I Might!! I MIGHTT!!!!!………cry. 

MC is hilarious, has brains, and guts to do sh!t, so what do you need more, except for the fact that it’s not  your run off the mill story with rpg elemets, but a completely new concept. But beware it has some massive info dumps in the first few chapters, and those who are fans of world war weapons/vehicles, and some classic vehicles, you are gonna like it a lot. But seriously trying to use SKS with gunpowder lol.

You!..yes You!..just read the fan fiction, you won’t regret any piece of it.

 

PS

My advice to the author- When you are changing POVs, you should write a header/title of some sort to actually mention it, cause when you shift POV from one person to another it makes no sense to the reader who is talking about who.

Oninomad
Overall

The defective in the title isn't a misprint..

I love this story but I've noticed a lot of complaints about it revolve around the MC not acting like a hermit. So first let's address the facts, he's a defective hermit, says so right in the title. He's a man who likes his space and who's had his trust betrayed in too big of ways too many times but those betrayals where born of him being a nice guy and at his core that never changed. 

 

Now that fact has been addressed let's move on to theory, the system didn't make him a hermit , it made him a king. I don't mean later, I mean from the start. Pretty much all his abilities are related to leadership , control of his land and teaching. All things that make a good king while the penalties of being a hermit are all intangibles. He supposedly has  penalties to charisma and how he's perceived,  no one else ever received  such social effects and I don't believe he did either. I think from day one the system that loves to mess with him has been messing with him or maybe the system didn't  think he'd make a good king if it had thrust the role onto him in the beginning but I honestly believe the system intended him to be a leader from the get go.

cbspyro
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Extremely unique, a different take on the gaming world becoming reality

 I really enjoyed both this story and Swamp Boy by this author (If you haven't read it, give it a shot!)

 

The story gives a unique spin on the real world becoming like a gaming world and reality digs deep into explaining the situations unfolding around the different characters within the world.

With the wide range of characters I will admit it does become a bit confusing keeping track of all the different individuals. The MC makes odd choices, sometimes brilliant and then next equally stupid but it honestly helps lead to understanding the MC a bit more. 

 

To those complaining about why the MC isn't going around banging all the women around him and actively collecting a harem as in many other stories, he has been betrayed by multiple women in his life (wife and daughters) so while he goes out of his way to help people, emotionally he is obviously very wary about the repeat happening.

 

Keep up the good work sir!

Wishes
Overall

Best novel I have read on Royal Road

Best novel I have read on Royal Road. Probably best I have ever read.

Story is unique and even though it's apocalypse with rpg elements, it's trying to base itself in reasonable knowledge.

MC is great and even though he doesn't like his situation he partialy Roleplays it just in case it matters to world system(the rest is just him).

Best read I had in Royal Road in the few years I have read 100+ stories with over 200 pages now.

Realy sad it's dead along with authors second book.

Goodry (H_T)
Overall

Still wish this one woulda continued...

Still re-read from time to time.

Armarium
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

The defective hermit is a story about people trying to survive after their world has been changed to a mix between victorian/steampunk and magical elements, while losing all their old technology. The story centers around a grumpy man that would rather be a hermit, but is forced due to circumstances and personal morals to become leader of a small but growing community. Hence, the “defective” part in the title. The story as of now is still in its early phase (survival and rebuilding).

Style:
The writing style is unique. The author has a good mix of seriousness and comedy. However, sometimes the writing can feel like reading a long report (which in most cases actually is a report given by a subject of the MC) due to too many details. This may put off some readers while others (like me) like the extra details. A way to fix this is perhaps to make the highly technical stuff optional by use of a spoiler section. Combat scenarios are written good and descriptive so you know exactly what is going on and where, but they can start to feel drawn out during very long encounters. In the early chapters POV changes are unclear, but this has been fixed in later chapters.

Story:
The story is written in chronological order (so no flashbacks or visions) and chapters follow each other up logically. Explanations are often given about certain choices made or events happening, making sure that the chance the reader gets confused is rather low. For a part the story decisions are taken with help of RNG by the author. This makes sure that there will always be unexpected situations arising. The author does an exellent job of showing the thoughts of other characters including the antagonists, this in turn makes you more engaged in the story and provides for some non superficial enemies. Where the story lacks is the emotional department. There is not a lot of inter-family relationships that stir up the characters as most of the novels characters tend to be extremely busy with their jobs.

Grammar:
The grammar is excellent and compared to the average on royalroadl would earn six stars if it could.

Characters:
The MC is well fleshed out and is unique on royalroadl in the sense that he is extremely grumpy but also stands by a really high moral code and has a good sense of humor. There are a lot of side characters and all of them have unique characteristics. However, due to the lack of interaction outside their working conditions you get the feeling you don’t know them quite as well as you would like.

All in all, if you are looking for a well written story in a unique world with long chapters and a (sometimes overly) friendly MC that has a few screws loose you’re in the right place, but if you are looking for a story with lots of bloodshed, a hardcore MC or sex scenes this might not be for you.

Another thing I have to give the author credit for: the author is very fast in answering questions and actively discusses with readers that offer suggestions. A big thumbs up for this.

00Yang
Overall

Addictive, Can't stop reading

Fast paced. Things are getting done in every chapter and the MC is also likeable.

IronDragon
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Best Story I've seen In a Long Time.

This is fantastic best main character ever. I love how your making a new and fun story from a worn out premise. You should really play up the whole grumpy old hermit thing and have him constantly try to drive the people on his land off of it.

M.Oudekerk
Overall

a really amazing original story

Writing this since 11 chapters are out.

 

This story has me wondering what will happen next all the time, it is original and really well thought out.

the protagonist is serious and hilarious at the same time and can have you laughing out loud from time to time ( so if you're reading this on a train be prepared to be looked at like you're a madman :P )

the story is exiting, well thought out and feels like it makes sense in the situations where it's happening.  and the ''system''(for lack of a better word) on which the world works is really interesting.

the story feels a bit hectic at the moment but i blame that on the fact that it all has just started. and when you read it it feels justified to be so due to the situation.

 the only thing that almost kept me from reading this is the virtual reality tag since most of those story don't really do it for me personally,.but it does not even mention being inside a game or some kind of virtual space at all (at least not to my knowledge) and i think it's more there for the world's system.

 

all in all i like this a lot and will definitely stick around

Grarg
Overall

Review for up to Chapter 30 - interesting world but bogged down by unnecessary details

The premise of the Defective Hermit is interesting. Magic comes to our world, slowly disabling our technology and the survivors have to deal with the strangely dangerous new world. At the same time, the new arrivals are facing the opposite: they are forcefully transported to a strange new world. TDH is a story detailing their exploits, with a focus on Vincent Standish.

 

While this initial premise was interesting, the story quickly gets bogged down in unnecessary details and soon it becomes little more than a story about logistics and old trucks/weaponry. I feel as if the author's focus on detailing the reinvention of all of this technology as well as the mundane logistics is smothering the interesting aspects of the story. TDH could have easily been a 5 star story but I had to deduct heavily for its many flaws.

 

Below is a very spoiler heavy review where I detail my main complaints:

 

MAJOR CRITICISMS

 

1. The character cast is HUGE but also gets very, very little screen time. 30 chapters in and I still know almost nothing about the individual characters besides their basic backstory and job function within the StrongHold. 90% of the dialogue is about weapons, trucks, and kingdom logistics. The story has up to now failed to invest me in the characters. By chapter 30, the initial group of women that Vincent picks up to found his kingdom have almost no development. Their relationship to Vincent thus far can be summed up as "responsible for waking him up, makes him sandwiches." That's it.

 

2. Very little that is interesting is actually happening. As I mentioned above, most of the story is exposition about logistics and technology, almost like a documentary. What little action there is falls into a very predictable pattern of

A. Meets a group of refugees barely hanging on. They are all amazed at how awesome the Stronghold is. They join soon after.

B. Random monster attacks

C. More coordinated attacks by 2-bit villains that invariably get crushed by superior technology

 

3. The character dialogue is very, very wooden. If I had to describe it, it feels like the characters aren't talking to each other, but rather reading from a teleprompter and narrating to the audience. In the early chapters, the most blatant example is when Vincent's ex-wife and daughters discuss why they screwed him over. The dialogue quite literally goes like "I did A because of B. I think it was because I was C as a child. Now I regret my actions and hopefully he can forgive me." Real people do not talk like that. This gets slightly better in the later chapters but the underlying problem is still there. I can't think of a single meaningful conversation between characters.

 

4. The character motivations aren't very well defined or even make sense. I'll take the MC, Vincent Standish, as a prime example. In the first few chapters, he comes across as a somewhat reasonable, reticent, but also civic-minded person. Afterwards, he seems to become crazier and crazier, juvenile even, and there's no apparent reason why. He's supposed to be a hermit, but gleefully takes in more and more people. His main value to his people is unique ability to craft and cast spells. Yet at the first sign of danger, he rushes in in a way that is both suicidal and completely irresponsible. The most recent adoption of Nina as a surrogate daughter literally came out of nowhere and happened over the course of half a chapter. None of these irrational developments are explained in any satisfactory way.

     Other examples include the DDS operator, who seems to abuse Vincent for no apparent reason. Every time the hermit knights a character, the DDS blurb calls him an idiot even though the HUGE status bonuses to the new knight make such an action EXTREMELY rational and intelligent.

 

5. It may just be personal preference, but I HATED the story mechanics of colored status screens and the ability to perfectly detect lies through true sight. I felt these mechanics ruined the complexity of what was supposed to be a story about the apocalypse. In stories where the world goes to hell, one of the most interesting aspects is where you read about how the characters deal with other survivors. In TDH, however, there's no need. You can immediately tell more or less who's evil by their color label. It is also impossible to lie to one another. That makes the survival aspect of the story extremely simple and bland. Not to mention everyone just implicitly seems to accept this new form of racism (judging people by the color of their status screens).

 

MINOR CRITICISMS

 

1. The rapid POV changes can become extremely disorienting without proper labeling. In the early chapters, you'll have a single paragraph POV stuck in the middle of a longer narrative, which is confusing. You've taken steps to fix this in the most recent updates so I won't say more.

 

2. I wish we could have seen more outside POVs that do not relate to Vincent and Co at all that document the disintegration of world order. So far, all survivors are barely making it when the Hermit kingdom find them and it's not really clear how they all got there.

 

3. In the early chapters, Vincent's acquisition of magic is not well explained. It just seemed like he wished really hard for it and it came to him. Also, how did he create the magic script of enchanting? He didn't know how magic worked and it seemed somehow he was able to just make up a language to enchanted light bulbs and whatnot.