RakhtaBhushan (Blood Ornament)

RakhtaBhushan (Blood Ornament)

by FantasyBliss30

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Sexual Content

[Participant in the Royal Road Writathon challenge]

God King Arya defeats Agni Asura Yaman. Two hundred years later, Asura Yaman reincarnates as golden prince, Suryadev, of RakhtaPrastha. Once he comes of age, a darkness begins to lurk in his dreams. Flashbacks from his past life erode his mind, his fate "unforeseen by the gods." As he seeks to heal, his path entwines with Vidyut, his long time rival.  Hardened by the cruelties of life, Vidyut embraces the dark art of Tantra, for which he is both rejected and coveted by the people of the five kingdoms.

Meanwhile, the kingdom of RakhtaPrastha is facing political turmoil and rival kingdoms, while the animosity between God King Arya and Yaman/Surya's supporter, Goddess Dimuka, is spilling into the human world. 

Princes, Spells, Gods, Spirits, Heaven, Mythical creatures, Wars, and Reincarnation, and so much more. It is based on Indian mythology, specifically Hindu mythology. But it is an original fantasy and focus is character arcs.

It has BL/Gay content. Most Surya-Vidyut interactions are in the chapters marked Surya or Vidyut. The romance in this story is slowburn.

**Daily Chapter Release**

Cover Art Disclaimer: The cover art is using an image from Pinterest. The art has been kindly created by Ben Arisson. You can find the artist's profile here: https://www.royalroad.com/profile/181989

07/02/2021 Announcement: To stay updated on future chapters, please contact me at my discord server: https://discord.gg/eq2cmxHu

My discord ID: FantasyBliss30#4993

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FantasyBliss30

FantasyBliss30

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Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
Annotated Kingdom and Character List (Will be regularly updated) ago
Prologue 1: God And The Asura ago
Prologue 2: Arrival of The Sun God ago
Chapter 1: Fight for The Princess' Hand - Part 1 [Surya] ago
Chapter 2: Fight for The Princess' Hand - Part 2 [Surya] ago
Chapter 3: The Winner Takes All [Surya] ago
Chapter 4: All The (God) King's Men [Puru] ago
Chapter 5: The Ride Home – Part 1 [Surya] ago
Chapter 6: The Ride Home- Part 2 [Abhiram] ago
Chapter 7: The Sage and The Robber- Part 1 [Shyama] ago
Chapter 8: The Sage and The Robber- Part 2 [Shyama] ago
Chapter 9: Ghost of the Tree- Part 1 [Surya] ago
Chapter 10: Ghost of the Tree- Part 2 [Surya] ago
Chapter 11: The Agni Asura of the East (The Fire Demon of the East) ago
Chapter 12: The Rose and The Princess- Part 1 [Na'arvi] ago
Chapter 13: The Rose and The Princess- Part 2 [Na'arvi] ago
Chapter 14: The Rose and The Princess- Part 3 [Na'arvi] ago
Chapter 15: The Dream- Part 1 [Surya] ago
Chapter 16: The Dream- Part 2 [Vidyut-Surya] ago
Chapter 17: Two Gods Go To The Fish Market- Part 1 [Puru] ago
Chapter 18: Two Gods Go To The Fish Market- Part 2 [Puru] ago
Chapter 19: The Goddess and The Demon [Puru] ago
Chapter 20: The King of The Heaven [Arya] ago
Chapter 21: The Gurukul [Surya] ago
Chapter 22: The King’s Court- Part 1 [Vidyut] ago
Chapter 23: The King’s Court- Part 2 [Vidyut] ago
Chapter 24: The Flood- Part 1 [Puru] ago
Chapter 25: The Flood- Part 2 [Puru] ago
Chapter 26: The Flood- Part 3 [Puru] ago
Chapter 27: The Flood- Part 4 [Puru] ago
Chapter 28: The Asura and The Sheshanaga [Puru] ago
Chapter 29: The Only Hand- Part 1 [Surya] ago
Chapter 30: The Only Hand- Part 2 [Surya] ago

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Reviews
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Akata
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Overall Score 5/5

I'm going to admit I didn't expect much coming into this story. Most of the stories on here I've read are either A) horrible, B) Great premise, bad execution ,C) absolutely wonderful, and D) should be published.

I feel like this story is  a C, maybe one day it could be a D.

I highly reccomend this story to someone who wants fantasy, but not the run of the mill kind you can get anywhere. This story's chapters are long enough to keep me entertained, but not so long that I get bored. When reading this I felt like the author did their research.

Keep up the good work!

Style score 5/5

I didn't get bored while reading it. The author seems to have a voice while writing, and is very descriptive to help set the scene. I myself have dificulty describing scenes, or just fail to describe them at all. Good job.

Grammar score 5/5

I've seen no grammatical nor spelling errors, and the paragraphs were spaced out so I could read easily, but not so far out it was confusing.

Story Score 5/5

I am in love with this story and I know very little about Indian culture. That in of itself is this story's strongest point. A Western audience that knows little of Indian culture will hear mythological Indian names and see them as fantasy. The names sounds different, but not too different that one wouldn't be able to pronounce them.

The Indian background as well helps give the story a setting, it sets the tone, it was an overall great idea to base the story off of a culture that not many in the west know about.

Bravo.

Character Score 5/5

I have learned about the Prince, and I want to know more. It's wierd to say it this way, but thats a good thing. I feel like sometimes I know everything about a character too early, and I can easily predict what they will do, but not with Prince Surya.

I want to know more about Indra, and the evil scorcerer. The characters all seem to have their own thing going on, and their own personalities, instead of being slightly different versions of the main character. I cannot wait until I have some time to finish the rest of this book!

IndFanArch_Seeker
Overall

Great story. Good characters at very different power levels. The cosmic and the earthy are all done well together. For someone unfamiliar with Indian sacred stories, it might be a bit of a challenge. For someone familiar with the stories, the homosexuality might come as a surprise. (The author has very clear disclaimers). But a good find and a definite follow. 

Blackleg
Overall

The story was good with a lot of different POVs. Chemistry was good between the lead pair.

The characters were good and likeable. The main plus of this novel was a wide range of characters and Indian mythology.

Grammar is certainly above the average novels in Royal road.

Is there is no cons or weakness in this novel? They are but this novel has its heart in the right place. If you come without prejudice please get ready for the ride. It would be as good as any Bollywood story.

AwakenedMuse
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Overall

As a fan of bollywood movies, I was really excited to see a story on Royal Road about an Indian hero. This story lives up to its genre, giving us a tale larger than life, featuring gods and demons, and princes with otherworldly abilities. I enjoy the celebration of culture this story presents, and though I miss the catchy beats of bollywood flicks, the story does feature songs. It is also much easier to digest in shorter blocks of time! 

Style

The author really hits this one out of the park. To a western reader some parts may seem strange or far-fetched, but this story carries the storytelling traditions of eastern culture well. It's well-presented and easy to read. The author offers background information and explanations on some details at the end of each chapter to ease the reader through. Well done. 

Story

I do enjoy the pacing of this tale as well - It starts off with an epic battle between gods, which is always a good sign in an epic like this. There is a lot of jumping between different characters and viewpoints, which is confusing at times, but needed to tell the story. 

Grammar

There are some mistakes with the grammar. Some spelling, punctuation, and word usage issues crop up throughout, but these do not impact readability too much. This is the only reason this story didn't earn a full 5-star review from me.

Character

There are a lot of characters in this story! They are all well developed, though due to time and space constraints none are super fleshed out. That fits the style of the story well, however. In an epic, you don't have as much opportunity to get into the head of any one character, instead you're elevated to a more godly view as you see the story play out in all the realms. This approach is nicely executed throughout the story!

DarkVolatis
Overall

Makes you ask questions and wanting more!

Reviewed at: Chapter 20: The Dream- Part 2

Overall the story picks up and really pulls you in after a couple of chapters once you have familiarized yourself with the cast of characters. The author's descriptions and Hindu theme add to the worldbuilding in the sense that it makes you immersed right off the bat even if you don't quite understand everything as a reader.

There were a decent number of flow/pacing issues in the beginning chapters which made it difficult to visualize scenes properly but that completely changed after I believe chapter 16. I can see the author's improvement in their writing and it's always the best feeling to catch.

The beginnings are always tough and for your first original work, you've done amazing. Keep it up! I'm looking forward to several things but to avoid spoilers I shall say no more lol.

Jeanean
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

I've read many stories, most of them fantasy. And over the course of that, I've come into contact with many different Mythologies in countless different combinations and interpretations. But out of all these stories, this is the first one to focus solely on idian mythlogy.

Style 4/5

The style of the story is very good and fits what the story tries to portay. Sadly, I have two issues with that.

One, the archaic speech of the characters appears a bit arkward at times. When the characters are in a formal environment, this isn't obvious, but when they are between friends they sound more formall then they should, not reflecting the closeness it should.

The second problem with the style are the "technical terms". It's partly a problem related to the fact that this mythology is little known, but even then, the author uses a lot of expressions he then needs to translate in an authors note. This makes it sometimes hard to understand what exactly is going on and in combination with the native names, it can make it hard to remember what means what.

Story 3.5/5

I can't say a lot about the story. There have been some hints on future developments for the story, but until now there have been barely any hints about where the story might lead, nor how we might get there. At this point, there could still so much happen that it'S impossible to make any theories at all.

Characters 4/5

Until now, there have been quite a lot of charcters, and they all had to share screentime. Because of that, we know very little about any one of them. Especially the MC, we know a bit about his past, but we know very little about his believes and goals, making it hard to relate.

Grammar 4.5/5

Grammar is almost impeccable. There is the occasional odd spelling mistake or "a" where it should "an", but thats all.

Derin_Edala
Overall

Enthralling story. Takes a few chapters to get into, but well worth it.

Characters are appropriately rounded and captivating for the genre, and the story promises to be interesting. The structure and pacing is a little unfocused, dragging in some places and skipping ahead too quickly in others, but the characters and developing plot keep the story interesting regardless. If you're looking for a dramatic Indian high fantasy, this is defintitely worth your time.

Jacob A Zucker
Overall

I love the notion of Indian mythology blending with fantasy. The way the author has co-opted hindu figures and myths, shaping them into something distinct, is fantastic. Unfortunately, the writing holds back the story from being truly great. Besides some minor grammar/syntax errors (not really a big issue), the language can be clunky at times. The shifts in POV are also a bit distracting.

If the author can keep improving their writing, I think the story has so, so much potential. I like the characters. I like the world. I like the epic scope of the story—it really does feel like you're inside a myth about gods and heroes. Keep up the great work!

Publius Decius Mus
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

There is a great promise here, but right now the book does not live up to its potential.

Style:

This is probably the best part of the book. The author has an immense vocabulary, and they are not afraid to use it. They are especially good in descriptions and characterisations. The dialogues can be a little stiff sometimes, but overall the style is exceptional.

Story:

The problem here, is that the author wants too many things. They want every chapter to be suspenseful, end with a cliffhanger, and they introduce a lot of side-stories. At the same time we also have an interesting main plot in the background, and slice of life moments, and all this in a relatively short volume.

I would say, this is the case where fewer is better. I love picaresque novels, where the main characters go on weird tangents all the time (e. g. Cugel's Saga or Don Quixote), but even picaresque adventures need some time and space to build suspension and come to a satisfying conclusion.

Luckily, the author has also realised this, and they started to cut down on the number of tangents the heroes are going on.

Grammar:

Occasional typos, and some minor problems with the punctuation of dialogues. But aside of that I have not noticed any problem.

Characters:

The same problem as with the plot: fewer would be better. There are a lot of side characters, and the author wants to flesh them out all in detail. I think with the short chapters and the picaresque adventures it would be better if all our main characters would be at the same place. And the side-characters do not need all their own chapters, it's okay if they stay in the background.

Overall I think the book is worth a read, and the author is visibly becoming better over time.