RakhtaBhushan (Blood Ornament)

by

FantasyBliss30

One where Xianxia Cultivator Isekai -ed to the LitRPG System

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A note from FantasyBliss30

Not.....

Lord Puru the Demon god and his friend, the Elephant god Lord Gajanan, were exhausted from their labors, saving so many people from the terrible tsunami. So, when they came upon a gentle hill, covered with a bed of the softest grass, they both decided at once it would be the perfect place to take a nap. Stretching out beside one another they quickly fell asleep.

 

Yet no sooner had sleep overtaken him but Lord Puru found himself walking along a steep trail leading up to a pass between the mountains stretching endlessly to either side. The sky was grey with dark clouds threatening rain, or snow, or even frozen ducks (if you were very, very, naughty). Lord Puru gnashed his fangs. "The skies were clear when I took my nap, and mountains do not just spring up on their own. This must be a dream."

 

"Funny you should mention that," Lord Gajanan said, walking up the steep trail beside him, "because I was about to say the same thing."

 

"What are you doing in my dream?"

Lord Gajanan flapped his big ears. "Trudging up the side of a mountain with you instead of being the guest of honor at a magnificent banquet. Perhaps we are sharing this dream."

Just then the Elephant god's stomach rumbled like thunder, and Lord Puru laughed. "Indeed, we must be. Come, let us find an Inn where the food is good and the serving women friendly."

"So long as the food is hot and the dishes keep coming out of the kitchen, I will be content." With his trunk, Lord Gajanan pointed at something sticking out of the ground ahead of them. "Look, I see a sign."

A stone's throw away (meaning it was very close as stones lack arms) was a weather-beaten sign that read:

Inn - 5 Leagues

Outt - 6 Leagues

Lord Puru smiled. "Our prayers are answered. Quickly now, before the Storm goddess grows grumpy and regurgitates frozen ducks upon our heads." Lord Gajanan agreed and they hastened up the rocky trail.

Reaching the top where the trail leveled out, they stopped to catch their breath. Before them, the trail went on a short way before ending in a stone bridge like a natural arch over a deep, dark, chasm stretching for many leagues either way. Standing at the far end of the bridge were twelve beautiful women in Greek togas, standing in a semi-circle behind an old man with a grey beard, wearing grey robes and a pointy hat with a wide brim.

Both of his hands held upright a staff as gnarled as his fingers, and as Lord Puru and Lord Gajanan began crossing the bridge, he raised it straight up as he yelled, "You... shall not... pass!" The old man slammed the end of his staff straight down where it hit the stone bridge with a thunk.

Nothing else happened.

Lord Puru gave his friend a puzzled look. "We shall not pass?"

Lord Gajanan shrugged. "Perhaps we did not study hard enough in school."

Turning back towards the old man, Lord Puru said, "Who are you and why are you holding the bridge against us?"

The old man drew himself up. "I am..." He trailed off, wearing a confused expression on his face, which clashed with his hat, before trying again. "I am..."

He trailed off once more and Lord Gajanan said, "Merlin the Wizard? Tim the Enchanter? Gandalf the Grey?"

"Gandalf," the old man said, stroking his beard. "They used to call me that." He drew himself up once more. "But now, they call me... Waldo the Wise!" With a flourish, he threw off his grey robes.

Waldo had on glow-in-the-dark orange robes with gold stars glued onto the fabric, though some of the stars were beginning to peel away. Behind him, the twelve women began to snicker, and Waldo whirled on them. "What are you laughing at?"

In unison, the twelve women sang:

Waldo the Wise

Is not so smart

He eats too many beans

And they make him-

"What?" Waldo shouted. "I will have you know beans are good for my digestion."

The twelve women rolled their eyes.

Waldo the Wise

So full of gas

That he can shoot fire

Out his-

 

"Silence, or I will have Zeus repossess the lot of you." The twelve women crossed their arms over their chests and glared at Waldo as he turned back around. "Greek chorus. Zeus outsourced the Pantheon to the Chinese, leaving the Greek goddesses unemployed. So they formed a chorus which comments on whatever is happening, and is supposed to," he turned and glared back at them, "make their employer look good."

As the Greek goddesses made rude gestures back at Waldo, Lord Puru realized they went from stunningly beautiful to deliciously ravishing to Woot! Woot! Wootie-toot-toot!" He smiled. "Perhaps the chorus would care for a new employer?"

The twelve goddesses perked up like schoolgirls on holiday as Waldo the Wise turned his scowl on Lord Puru. "Not so fast. Before you can press forward, you must first answer three questions."

Lord Puru shrugged. "Fair enough. Ask your first question."

From the pocket of his blindingly orange robes, Waldo pulled out a lollipop. "In my hand I am holding an artifact I recently acquired: The Lollipop of Enlightenment. How many licks does it take to reach the core and obtain Enlightenment?"

Lord Puru was outraged. "You cannot achieve Enlightenment from an artifact, and certainly not from that. Enlightenment is a spiritual journey of the soul, not something you can buy from a two-bit artifact dealer."

"Well, he was a bit shady," Waldo admitted, "but he insisted it was the real deal. So, how many licks?"

"Three," Lord Gajanan said, snatching the lollipop out of Waldo's hand, "and I shall prove it. One," he took a lick with his large tongue, "two," taking another, "three," taking a third...

Then he crunched the lollipop between his teeth. "What are you doing?" Waldo squawked. "That was my sacred artifact."

Lord Gajanan patted his ample mid-section. "My stomach is a reliquary for such sacred artifacts... though I must admit," giving Waldo a knowing look, "that it feels no more enlightened than it did before. I believe the shady dealer cheated you."

Waldo looked crestfallen as the goddesses smirked.

Waldo the Wise-

 

"Stop that right now," he barked as he threw up his hands. "Great Caesar's ghost, what do these women want?"

"While I cannot speak for the spook,” Lord Puru said, “the answer to your second question is simple.

"Second question?" Waldo sputtered. "But-"

"Rules are rules," Lord Puru said with a smile. "What women want is to be treated as people, and not as playthings. Waldo, have you ever taken the time to listen to what they want?" Waldo opened his mouth, but then shut it again as Lord Puru nodded. "You have been taking them for granted, and they deserve better. Women are goddesses: mysterious, passionate, playful, as tempestuous as a storm at sea, as gentle as a warm summer rain. Unique. Treat them as such and you will never go wrong." He gave Waldo a wink. "Learning how to dance never hurts, either." Twelve goddesses sighed as Lord Puru said, "Go ahead and ask your last question."

Waldo blurted out, "Will you take me with you? I have wanted to retire for years, but the wizardly corporate lawyers of Dewey, Cheatem, and Howe, refuse to let me out of my contract until someone answers my three questions and lets me tag along."

"Fair enough. What about the Greek chorus, though?"

Waldo lowered his voice. "I will gladly give them up, but I warn you: they charge a steep price."

Twelve goddesses sang:

Handsome Lord Puru

Fills our hearts with bliss

The only payment needed

Is a long, slow, kiss

 

One of the goddesses added, "Though more shoes would be nice."

"Shoes!" The rest of them squealed.

"Shoes will have to wait," Lord Puru purred, "but I can give all of you the rest of your payment in advance."

Lord Gajanan pulled Waldo out of the way as twelve goddesses descended on his friend. "By chance," he asked Waldo, "are you familiar with the Inn ahead?"

Waldo nodded. "The Blundering Inn. Used to be called the Wandering Inn, but that story sued for copyright infringement and they had to change the name. It is the only Inn with a room dedicated to Bingo-Bingo."

Lord Gajanan gave him a blank look. "Bingo-Bingo?"

Waldo pointed at the goddesses, leering at Lord Puru like naughty schoolgirls on holiday. "Bingo-Bingo."

The Elephant god nodded in understanding. "Bingo-Bingo. Tell me, did you ever..."

He let the question hang and Waldo shook his head. "My Bingo no longer Bingos" he said sadly. Then he brightened. "But the food there is very good and there is plenty of it."

Lord Gajanan's stomach gave a happy rumble, and after Lord Puru promised the goddesses even more payment once they got to the Bingo-Bingo room, Waldo led the way at a brisk hobble.

– X – X – X– X – X – X – X – X – X– X – X – X – X – X – X– X – X – X – X – X – X– X – X – X – X – X – X–

Twelve happy goddesses later, Lord Puru walked down the wooden stairs to the common room of the Blundering Inn as a barbarian in leather, chainmail, and a fashionably spiked dog collar, walked in through the door. "The weather is regurgitating frozen ducks out there," he growled, brushing pieces of shattered door from his armor. "Someone must have been very, very, naughty."

Lord Puru hid his smirk as Waldo looked up from his foaming tankard of hot milk. "Conan," he called out, "what is best in life?"

"Crushing your enemies, seeing them driven before you, and," Conan held up a leather bound book titled 'Little Women'. "Warming my tootsies by the fire while reading Louisa May Alcott. Serving persons," he called out, "warm milk for the house."

The patrons cheered, just as a piece of the roof caved in from the weight of the frozen ducks piling up upon it, with one duck landing in Lord Gajanan's soup bowl with a plop. He frowned. "I say, is the duck extra?"

"On the house," a serving woman replied as she stalked up to Lord Puru. In her hands she held a squirming bundle. "Do you remember me, the woman who got upset because you gave me gold coins?"

His eyes widened. "How could I ever forget you," he replied, glancing down at the bundle squirming even more. "What is that?"

She thrust it out. "When you gave me the gold, you forgot to ask for your change. Here it is." The cloth fell away.

Revealing a foot tall, Demon god mini-me who held out his arms. "Dada!"

Lord Puru's jaw dropped. "A baby? Impossible."

Lord Gajanan chuckled as he pointed at something behind his friend. "Looks like you did twelve impossible things before dinner." Lord Puru turned around.

Twelve goddesses with swollen bellies under their togas were standing on the stairs.

Virile Lord Puru

We have to say

Your payment put us all

In a family way

Lord Puru violently shook his head. "There must be some mistake. I am too young to be a father."

From the depths of the storm outside, a woman's voice rumbled, "Shirking your responsibility as a dad? That is very, very, VERY, naughty."

"Now you have done it," Lord Gajanan shouted as the skies turned black, "you put her in a fowl mood. Duck!"

From out of the roiling clouds, a frozen duck shot like a stone straight at Lord Puru, who watched in horror as his vision filled with a feathered behind...

Lord Puru sat straight up, dislodging the duck on his forehead that had just settled in for a nap of its own, both of them squawking as Lord Gajanan held his sides, laughing. As the duck indignantly flapped its wings and flew away, he said, "I believe I will never ask you to make change for me ever again." Lord Puru gave him a bewildered stare.

Then he began laughing as well.

– X – X – X– X – X – X – X – X – X– X – X – X – X – X – X– X – X – X – X – X – X– X – X – X – X – X – X–

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A note from FantasyBliss30

This chapter has been written by guest author David Talon. (Link) Thank you so much, David, for your generosity and the great chapter!!

Check out David's fiction here: https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/39137/the-white-horde-revised

Also, thanks to LeakingPen for setting up the april fools swap. Happy April Fools!!


About the author

FantasyBliss30

Bio: Love to read fantasy and write fantasy, and give wings to my imagination.

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