The Unnoticed Dungeon
by RJ Dale
A newly formed dungeon core awakes with no memory of who or what he was. In fact, he just found out that he died. He has no idea or when or how he came to pass, and now finds himself being forced to start all over as a dungeon core. Worse yet, he isn't even your average run of the mill dungeon. No, the Overseers, whoever they are, have designated him to be an experimental core. This means he doesn't have to play by all the rules, the bad news is that if the core oversteps his boundaries as a dungeon core too far he's more than dead; he's erased. Now he has to struggle to figure out what kind of dungeon he wants to be, all the while very aware that he can't play it safe. The overseers don't want safe, they want lines redrawn and limits reset. The question is, can he do it and survive? He asks, because he overstepped before he even made it to his new world.
- Overall Score
- Style Score
- Story Score
- Grammar Score
- Character Score
- Total Views :
- Average Views :
- Followers :
- Favorites :
- Ratings :
- Pages :
Leave a review
I'll admit, I was a bit unsure if I was going to continue reading after the first few chapters. The two characters feel stilted when conversing in the void, and it doesn't make much use of the 'understand anything spoken, despite a lack of memories' mechanic, instead, writing their conversation and duplicity naturally. That said, once the core makes landfall, it feels like the gears finally catch and they're off to build their deviant dungeon and interfere with the lives of the city around them. So while the introduction is a bit rocky, it smooths out into an interesting dungeon-core story shortly after the characters have something to do.
The premise as described in the summary seems constrictive, but without spoiling anything, is fairly rapidly discarded. So too are the protagonist's more unlikeable personality traits explained in a satisfying manner, with his soul being the source rather than a plot hole regarding their lost memories. From there, interactions with the townsfolk and the comically inept criminal conspiracy of the town serve to greatly build out the world outside the walls of the 'dungeon'.
Overall, it makes for another potentially entertaining entrant in the heap of dungeon core stories, with enough of a break away from standard dungeon stories to make it interesting. It seems likely that there will be a conventional dungeon of sorts eventually, but the initial efforts to gain power and avoid notice take it in a distinctly different direction. There aren't any poor, plucky adventurers lined up to make it big and befriend the dungeon. Demons aren't invading the world conveniently near the dungeon start. Badlands full of the undead aren't slowly expanding towards them. It's just two pals setting up a highly unconventional scheme and having a bit of fun while they hide out from the authorities. I'd recommend reading to at least chapter ten to see if it appeals, and deciding whether it really justifies a scathing review at that point.
Have read up to chapter 20 before making this review and like it so far.
Isekae Dungeon may be getting a bit generic but this story has its enough originality in the execution to be fresh.
For characters, I platonically love Tooth. "Hareming the goddess" is done to death, but bromancing the tutorial? And he gets to be a full character, not just a mindless supportive ideal backdrop character? Nice. I am a little worried about how quickly a certain someone fell for him though (hands off!). My negative is the mystery murder duck. It an odd existence that needs some extra to make it fit into the story. A murdering person doesn't need much fleshing out as there is a common understanding of what that is and how that fits. A murderous duck doesn't have that benefit.
As for style, the sub chapter perspective switching can be a little messy sometimes, but I have enjoyed the full chapters taken from the other sides. Also noteworthy is the authors sparse puns and references. A good balance. "Dungeons and Dragons play well together". My only real criticism in terms of style is that there is slightly too much spoken exposition versus 'experienced' exposition.
The grammar has been quite good, though you may need to reference a thesaurus occasionally as the author does not shy away from using obscure terms. There are no spelling mistakes and only one awkward sentence as far as I can remember.
Overall, I have enjoyed reading this story and expect I shall continue to do so into the future.
Nice, I just benched read everything and man this story is good, it has many uniqe concepts that are integrated really nice into the story. Although this story is not perfect, sometimes it feels like it is a bit streached, but that is only a small thing.
The style, story, grammar and character scores are in my opinion above avarage, although it is true that at some points, like already said, the story feels boring, it is offset with the moments were the there is so much information at once that one can feel overwelmed, so they somewhat balance themself out without many problems. But the still exsisting problems should be changed in the future or this will with certanty will become a problem in the long run of the story.
All in all it is an enjoyable experience to read the chapters, because there is almays something new and unexpected in this story that fits into it really good. (/^_^)/
STYLE: 4.5 / 5
STORY: 3.5 / 5
GRAMMAR: 4 / 5
CHARACTER: 4 / 5
The advanced review feature requires me to wirte 200 words but I don't want this review to be to long, so this is my solution.
This Dungeon Core Story has a unique charm. With a great mix of comedy, mystery, and creative puzzling, The Unnoticed Dungeon should definitely not escape your notice.
The best part of this story, for me, is watching the slow reveal of the characters' personalities. The two main characters are discovering themselves at the same time that we are discovering them, which engears me to them immensely.The characters all feel multidimensional and well realized.
- The setting is detailed and rich with interesting features which I look forward to seeing more of.
- The mystery subplots are still just beginning to simmer at the time of this review, but it already has my interest.
- The author spoils readers with a very rapid upload rate, which is excellent if you're like me and never learned how to handle suspense.
Overall, this is creme of the crop among Dungeon Core stories. I'm looking forward to reading more by this author.
The story is full of imagiation, ideas from generic fantasy mixed with a pleasant naration (with some rarely seen words) and the all giving it a good vibe. I like both the style and subject, the begining packs some information but nothing too hard to understand. The point that makes me like it is that even without writing a lot, the mecanisms are describe so that you understand it, but still has some holes in it so you can try to guess.
I mean, I'm a fan of dungeon stories in general, so I'm not a hard sell, but yeah, it's pretty good.
The idea behind this novel is that the dungeon can't act like a dungeon. I've seen similar stories - dungeons that want to make towns, or inns, or I think a school once, but this story puts its own flair on the idea, and it's enjoyable. The reasons causing the dungeon to do this are also well developed; it's not just author fiat, it fits with the worldbuilding and character motivations.
The MC and his companion are the only characters that have gotten any amount of screen time so far, but they're both enjoyable to read about. They've got some camaraderie, they've got some funny quirks, and they've both done some growing; in short, they're pretty well written. Hopefully the cast will expand a bit. (But not too much.)
If there's one problem that seems systemic to the story, it would be the exposition. Most of the lore and worldbuilding has been devlivered through straight-up explanation infodumps. It's not the worst? It actually makes sense for the characters and their situation, and it's not absolutely boring to read, but it can definitely be dry in spots. I'd honestly like it better if the information was given out more slowly over a longer period with more stuff happening in between. It's more of a pacing problem, really, but still.
The second thing that... well, it's not really an issue, but is a bit immersion-breaking, are the fourth-wall breaking references. There aren't a ton? But there have been a few. And some of them are kinda big. Let's just say that if there are a bunch of wizards, who happen to live near a coast somewhere, that decide to conquer this dungeon, it'll be par for the course. :P
So the novel has a decently original idea. Its probably done before but what is not these days? So to get back on track the story writing is good and i am looking forward that this novel will hopefully stand the test of time for at least a while.
And ofcourse hoppefully our main character won't get unexpectedly stabbed ;).
The story doesn't make sense.
The MC seems to be a soul from some planet who got his memory wiped. Yet he knows how to read, knows what elves are, know that he didn't like people disturbing him by knocking on his door.
Then there is the tutor whose memory is erased after every session with a dungeon core, but he knows he has helped many dungeons, that dungeons usually take q00 years wallowing in pity and agrees to all suggestions.
Above all, the MC is too special. He seems to be chosen out of one googolplex. I don't think the author has much idea about the scale of numbers. When someone brought it up, his reply was that he has been thinking about it from 7th grade. The author expects readers to know mathematical/geological terms but has not himself got much ideas about it. He mentioned Moh's scale as 7 out of 10. The scale is about comparative hardness, nothing else. There is another hole here. The author knows of elves but the scale goes up only till diamond. Nothing harder than diamond in a fantasy world known for orichalum, mithril and adamantite? The MC had his memories wiped too.
RJ Dale has a winner on his hands with this story. Just when I thought there were no more unique angles for a dungeon core, I read this one. It's fresh and awesome. There are several twists and turns that I was not expecting. I'm following this till the end and I wish the author the best of luck
For those that enjoy dungeon core stories (Jonathan Brooks or Dakota Krout), this is a new universe with an original story idea that is very intriguing. The author frequently provides a subtle twist to the story to keep the reader engaged.
over 30 Chapters in and can't wait for a new chapter.
Without giving too much away.
A unique dungeon core is created that allows it to deviate (DV8) from a traditional core. Using its relationship with the dungeon guide (Toot or Tooth) to hide in plain sight from the overseers has established this story as completely original and intriguing.
The dungeon gets energy/power in ways that are different from other dungeons. The people around the dungeon do not yet seem to understand what is going on or how powerful are the new residents.
The local mayor is focused on keeping the town in a state of disrepair so that he can control the people. Lawlessness, murder, and mayhem are a part of everyday life for the poor citizens of this town.
The dungeon must find a way to grow stronger while continuing to hide from the overseers or they will destroy the new dungeon before he even gets started.