Natural Alchemist

Natural Alchemist

by V_Storm

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Sexual Content
  • Traumatising content

Will is poor. This is a fact he does not like about himself. Even back at his home village he was considered poor, but poor in the big city means something completely different than poor in a small village... It means ten hour days of hard manual labor with barely enough money to survive, and poor living conditions. He's sick of it, and desperate for change.

Perhaps that was what made him decide to spend such a large portion of his savings on a mysterious potion from that beggar... That, and it seemed so special when he held it.   But ever since that day, he's been having the strangest dreams... And the work is really starting to take a toll on his body...

Author's Note: I wasn't sure which mature content warnings I should put on this novel, as I'm pretty much pantsing the story. I'm putting them there mostly as a percaution, but also to not limit myself as to where the story can go.

This is my first time writing and publishing anything substantial. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated. 

  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score
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  • Ratings :
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  • Pages :
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Author
V_Storm

V_Storm

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Sara Mullins
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Alchemy is a topic that is always in need of a twist in writing, since there are so many major properties that have somewhat defined the way the concept is viewed in popular culture. This story is successful at providing a new sort of interest. 

Style: It's a more character-driven story with a greater amount of internal thought than description, and, while more descriptions of scenes, people and alchemy would be nice at times, the style works. 

Grammar: No mistakes get in the way of understanding, really.

Story: It's different to see a story about alchemy focus on someone who initially sees it as beyond them and has little desire towards it. The story has some interesting world building so far. How enjoyable it and the characters are will depend on how much they are pushed to develop in the end. Interested to see how things will take a turn as the story goes more into focusing on the alchemy part of the universe.

Character: Will is a very interesting protagonist with a universal struggle: he wants and needs more money. His thought process and transitions into different social spheres make for good character development. The supporting cast is promising, with Brick's interactions in particular being enjoyable. 

Definitely try picking it up. It's light but intriguing at the same time.

Luxmes
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Sub-title: Give it a shot.

- Style:

Nothing to say about sentences and vocabulary, is neat and neutral.

In term of description, the author takes their time to build the world around the MC, be it physically or socially, which is a nice addition for those who like it. However, this comes at the price of slowing the story a bit.

4.5 out of 5

 

- Grammar:

Minor errors (1 per 2k words) that don’t impede the reading.

5 out of 5

 

- Story:

In part by style, in part by choice, the story is very slow, yet compelling to read because of its soft, ever-present tension that surrounds the starting mystery.

Other than that, the tropes used are very classical and, overall, classic is the good term to describe this story. It works, it’s not bad, but not extraordinary either, if surprisingly entertaining.

4 out of 5

 

- Characters:

As far as I got, the characters are interesting. Oh, the background pnjs and the like are standardly 1-dimensioned, which is normal on such short amount of word, but the MC and the alchemists are very interesting to read about, and the small switches in PoV help with that.

4.5 out of 5

 

- Overall:

Natural Alchemist is a bit of a surprise, as very simple and normal drops, with pretty neutral style, still succeed in being entertaining and relatively hooking. It may not be the pinnacle of writing, but give it a shot nonetheless, you may be surprised

4.5 out of 5

- Stray thoughts :

I really like the labour description and the world-building surrounding it, even if it’s quite classical.