The Valkyrie System

by midnightrainbow

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Traumatising content

Lilith dies after giving birth and reincarnates as a Valkyrie. Thanks to a glitch in the System, her memories of Earth remain intact. Now she must make sense of her new world and her newfound powers as a death maiden. She has no intention of staying in Asgard, but for there to be any hope of going home, she must first survive Ragnarok, the apocalypse of the gods.

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What to expect:

* a twist on Norse mythology, i.e. myths you might be familiar with will be altered slightly to fit the narrative
* GameLit stuff such as managing/recruiting heroes (starts chapter 1), kingdom building (starts chapter ~20), dungeons/cores (starts chapter 4), battle royale (starts chapter ~30)
* no leveling up, but there will be stats. Focus is on skills improvement and magic items
* elves, dwarves, giants, etc.

Warning: This story will have a lot of death and gore and potentially traumatic and highly poignant moments. There may also be some sexual content though I'm not tagging it for now. I will warn you if a chapter has any explicit scenes.

Release schedule: At least 1-2 chapters per week on random days/times for now. Sometimes more. Please rate the story 5 stars if you decide to follow. You can always change the rating later if you don't like it. Feedback welcome - comment or PM me. Thanks for reading.

  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score
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midnightrainbow

midnightrainbow

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Yagashael
Overall

A very interesting and original take on Norse Mythology as well as LitRPG. If you're the same as me and like both, then you're most likely going to get hooked.

The way that the system has been shown in the first chapter is, in my opinion, extremely fitting for this type of writing, and I can't wait to see more of it in the future.

Grammar wise, there are only a few minor mistakes that are negligible unless you're very critical about it.

Gallekryde
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A Creative Reimagining of Asgard and the Valkyries

Reviewed at: 005 - Loki's Game
5/5 Style- One of the things I appreciate about this story is its sparse use of dialogue attributions, which helps maintain a solid pace during moments of character interaction. Use of onomatopoeia is also appropriate, and didn’t cause me to cringe as it does in other stories. All in all, the end result is a smooth flowing story that is easy for the eyes and mind.

5/5 Story- I’ll give this story a large amount of credit for its creative reimagining of Norse mythology and specifically the role of the Valkyrie as a type of chooser of the fallen. There does appear to be a growing intrigue related to the multiple realms, as well as several background plots which give the plot a degree of both depth and breadth.

5/5 Grammar- No major grammatical or punctuational errors which immediately puts this in the top echelon of stories that I have read on Royal Road. A level ahead of the usual half-assed drivel that I am used to seeing.

4.5/5 Character- The story at the moment appears to be leaning towards one MC with a few SCs that are tied to the MC by virtue of her position. Exposition is brief enough to give us a feel for each character without drawling out into a length backstory. The only issue I had was that the minor characters acted a bit robotic and one-dimensional in their actions in the first few chapters. This however, will likely be fleshed out as the story goes along.
Quentin R
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My first LitRPG and I loved it!

Reviewed at: 005 - Loki's Game

Hello! I'm going to summarize my thoughts on the five first chapters here!

This story deserves visibility hence the review.

I'm a total stranger to LitRPG and to be honest, this is the first story from this genre I have read so far. However, I really enjoyed it and I am considering myself lucky starting with your work. 

I liked Lilith, the MC, because she was treated well. It's a flawed character, evolving in an unknown environment. The author could capitalize on that and I felt as lost as her.

It was unsettling at first because I'm not a specialist of Nordic Mythology (I played GoW and that's about it…) and a lot of information needs to be processed very quickly. There were a lot of terms I'm not familiar with and that can be hard to read/pronounce.

The story is really fast paced and introduces a lot of characters, making it even harder.

This may sound as a bad point but, actually, in my opinion, this is not. Because once I reached Chapter 5, when Loki played his little trick (I trusted that bastard!), I felt so bad for Lilith. I was in her shoes, in the middle of the party with all eyes on me. She wasn't ready and so was I. It was well executed.

The only thing that really lost me a was the character of Annika (and her sister, Elsa) which I, to be honest, completely forgot. But since this is now the core of the intrigue, maybe they should be introduced a little bit more for dumb people like me. Or maybe Chapter 4 came at the wrong moment. I'd swap the two of them just to piss off the reader after such a nice scene! And blow off some steam. That may be my only advice.

So, sure I had to be patient and wait for Chapter 5 before really diving into the author's world. There are no cliffhangers every five seconds, nor obvious carrot at the end of the stick. But I enjoyed pursuing reading because it is well written. I was carried by the flow which is really solid and I enjoyed the author poetry as much as the plot and the characters.

As seen in the comments, there were some typos/mistakes. I can't judge that because I'm not fluent in English enough. I wish I could have helped more too on that point but, the author and I just don't play in the same league!

Finally, the intro with the birth scene was ballsy. I respect that. A lot of people won't like it but who cares? It does the job. And it's a "noble" violence. Because after that, it's Asgard and Nordic Mythology, one of the most violent of all (I mean, at the end everybody dies thanks to tye big snake, right?). For me, it works but I feel that Lilith should be more shocked. Giving birth is a traumatizing experience so dying by doing so… I can't even imagine. She seems a little too "fine" for me. But it can be explained by her fuzzy memory. No need to overthink here.

Overall: worth every second of it! Good job!

LurkerWizard
Overall
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Character

I like it when shit hits the fan.

In the first chapter, it did just that. You get a feel for Lillith, her relationship with her family, and how she feels about her situation venturing into Asgard as a now "glitched" Valkyrie.

You could almost surmise that that makes her an anomaly in the eyes of the inhabitant of Asgard, being a "glitch" probably doesn't bode well for her, even more so when an external force may be involved.

The side characters that are recruited into her ranks are believable and likable as well as her companions that follow her. They have their own hopes, dreams, and motivations for doing what they do.

We get a feel of how Asgard is and the different positions inside the city, their reaction to Lillith, not all of it are pleasantries.

Things really start to happen later and Lillith will become utterly torn about her identity as a Valkyrie and her relationship with a particular someone.

The grammar and the line spacing are good and as such, the novel is a very easy read.

I've set Story Score to 4 because I would have preferred that the author added some more subtle elements in the story that sparks intrigue (more gods interference in Lillith life as a Valkyrie for example), apart from all the worldbuilding.

I recommend this novel as it does have potential.

RainGear
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Breathtaking storytelling in a nutshell

Reviewed at: 006 - No More Valkyrie

Style: The author's style is easily read, and the communication conveyed to the reader is undoubtedly understood. Personally, I would prefer a tiny bit more focus on the System itself earlier in the chapters. The stat boxes are formatted well with a unique twist, away from the usual HP/MP, str, int, dex, and spd attributes.  

Story: The story itself is breathtaking. Goosebumps were occasionally felt, and I rarely fell out in weariness between the chapters. The sequences came across as interesting and intellectual, from character dialogues to MC's POV thoughts and witty character personalities.

Grammar: Very minute slips. Nothing that will make the reader go bananas. And nothing that will confuse the reader.

Characters: An interesting band of characters in a world familiar to some. A little too many people were introduced in the first chapters, to my taste, but each of the characters shed meaningful light on the story as a whole. 

All in all, if you like well-written pieces in the fantasy or mythos genre, I highly recommend The Valkyrie System. The story is well introduced with unique and intriguing characters and character development.

What I would like to see more of is the gamelit and litRPG aspects earlier on. Don't get me wrong. Whole chapters are dedicated to the System.

 

AwakenedMuse
Overall
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Overall

I wasn't expecting a lot when I started this story - Norse myths are all the rage these days, and I expected a run of the mill story about a woman who became a valkyrie. Instead, I discovered a compelling and immaculately-written story with unique characters and an interesting plot. 

Style

This story is very well written and easy to read. Everything you need to know is outlined for you at the right time, with colorful descriptions as the characters explore the world around them. At first I wasn't sure about crunchy game mechanics in the story - I haven't read much gamelit. This writer presents the information effortlessly, and it does not detract from the reading experience at all. In fact, it adds to it. Very impressive.

Story

A woman dying in childbirth is quite an opening. From there, the pacing is well developed and planned out. The plot builds naturally as the main character is introduced to new characters and the setting along with the reader, and gradually uncovers that all is not what it seems. At a few points, I doubted Lilith's responses to plot developments. Before the end of the chapter, however, you learn Lilith is smarter than she sometimes lets on and has a plan of her own. She's not going to roll over and be used as a pawn without a fight.

Grammar

This story is technically excellent.

Character

I actually really enjoy the way the author is developing the characters. Obviously we know the most about the main character, but other supporting charcters are deep as well. I think the rebellious viking character is the least developed character so far, but he was also recently introduced! Everyone has their own agenda, and the author has worked strengths and weaknesses in for each character. Sven's development will be particularly interesting going forward I think. 

This writer certainly earned 5 stars, and I am excited to continue reading.

Publius Decius Mus
Overall
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Story
Grammar
Character

The setting is a Norse mythological Litrpg, which is rather unusual, I have only seen it once in Never Die Twice. Now, I don't particularly like the litrpg genre, but in this case I can say that it is done well. The system is logical, and there is no feature creep so far that makes litrpg novels unpalatable so often.

Style:

Sometimes a little stiff, but altogether excellent. I really enjoyed reading it.

Story:

The best part without a doubt. The isekaid earthling, Lilith, is transmigrated into the litrpg world not to kill monsters and clear out dungeons herself, but to manage a group of heroes. She won't be the one doing the adventures - she has outsorced that to her underlings!

This also opens up the possibility of splitting the storilines into multiple threads, where we can follow multiple POV characters, and thus we can be always at the scene of the most interest.

Grammar:

I have no complaints.

Character:

I feel that a pitfall is ahead of the author but they hadn't fallen into it yet. I think in the case of characters fewer is often better. As it is, I wouldn't say we have too many characters in play, but we are dangerously close to it. As POV characters will all go and do their own thing, that could lead to the story slowing down to glacial pace as well.

I'd say that bringing in more POV characters at this point would be detrimental to the novel, so I would suggest the author to concentrate on the story arc and development of the already existing characters.

Overall I really enjoyed this novel, and I wish I would have checked it out sooner.

DarkVolatis
Overall
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Story
Grammar
Character

Interesting take, and premise into LitRPG.

Reviewed at: 006 - No More Valkyrie

The overall story was nice and easy to follow. I enjoyed the quicker pacing of the story and there were more than enough vivid descriptions to pull me into the scenes.

The grammar and sentence flow was fantastic, didn't get stuck on any oddly worded phrases and such. Usually, this is something that would require many cycles of editing, so props to the writer for fixing them so early into the story. So far the story seems pretty straight forward and I'm enjoying the Norse mythology touch. Easy to jump aboard on, even if you don't have any prior knowledge of the names and places talked about.

There were moments that felt a bit too wordy, mostly during traveling scenes and parts of dialogue. For me, it had the effect of slowing down the pace of the story but that only lasted for a short moment.  

The character relations in the story added to the quick transition into developing a form of attachment to them. It is pretty well done in the aspect that you end up getting a good grasp on their individual personalities and also want to root for their success along the way.

All in all, a great start and completely worth giving it a read.

FantasyBliss30
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You don't need to be into LitRPG to love this gem

Reviewed at: 009 - Rebel in the Making

This is exactly what it says. An excellent fiction that can be enjoyed by all, whether you are into LitRPG or not. I have read some LitRPG and personally I am not a big fan since most lack the prose and heavily depend on the little blue tables. But, this one has a good amount of smoothly written prose with blue table only where necessary. The tables elevate the fiction and actually add to it, instead of dragging it down.

The styling and vocabulary is excellent. We will feel your are in a mythological fantasy world. It has the atmosphere of war fictions. The vocabulary is apt, concise, and clear. I did not notice any incongruity. No overly used flowery language. The description are poetic and flowing, especially the nature ones. The immersiveness is abundant. Grammar is impeccable, of course, goes without saying.

Story is really well-thought out and planned. I know with stories like this there needs to be a lot of planning. But here the structure is well outlined and everything aligns. There is a clear direction. I did wish the stakes were clearer since a lot of us are not familiar with Norse mythology and do not know a lot 

Ragnarok.

But I have posted this in my comment and the author will be addressing it soon.

Characters are adorable. Very clean, cut in glass, and intriguing. Good mix of good people, bad people, and the in-betweens. My only concern with the characterization was about some aspects of the MC's. Again, I have communicated on this with the author and they are looking to address that issue as well.

Overall, an extremely enjoyable read with a strong FEMALE protagonist! 

P.S. I want to give it an extra star for having a female protagonist. But, I can only give it five. XD

 

AngrySeme
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Norse Mythology in a LitRPG is a great idea!

Reviewed at: 005 - Loki's Game

Overall 5/5

I would reccomend this to anyone who wants to read about a female MC that isn't a Mary Sue, or can do it all, or, farts ranbows and burps sunshine. Lilith seems to have balance in her character. She is physically strong but lacking knowledge about Asgaard. She is a good person, but caring too much seems like it might be her downfall later on.

I hope to see more good work from the author. :) 

Style 5/5

The author is able to help with the setting without over description. It's easy to imagine the characters look, the enviornment, and the mood. I'm not really sure if the writer has "a voice"(I'm not that good of a reviewer yet), but the writing isn't dull at all :)

Grammar 5/5

No problems whatsoever. A+

Story 5/5

So, the author decided to use Norse mythology, and I LOVE IT. There's another story on RR that uses Indian Mythos, and it works so well. I believe more cultures could be explored to give much more intresting and different results! It would make all stories on here so much better!

Character 5/5

I must say, I like Lilith. The reader can truly care for her. She wants to return back home to her newborn and husband! You would have to be heartless to not connect with that! I also love how she's so caring, but it seems later on it might get in the way of her making good decisions. Overall the MC seems balanced :)