The Scarlet Demon

The Scarlet Demon

by Gin Kira

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Traumatising content

You know, being a three thousand year old Egyptian demigod is hard. Algea has been through many wars, various loves, and thousands of years, but nothing had prepared her for this. Her commander, and old friend, Enyo has imprisoned her and destroyed her life. Now she has broken out of prison and is out to take back what was once hers. The only problem is, Enyo is always one step ahead of her, but luckily a goddess steps in with the key to her success: a human boy named Seth.

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Gin Kira

Gin Kira

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zryfurn
Overall

Love that it uses Egyptian mythos!

Reviewed at: 6. Algea

"one step ahead of her, but luckily a goddess steps in with the key to her success. A human boy named Seth."

Weird sentence in summary, noun is goddess, but next clause alludes to a human boy. I think it should say "another goddess"? Or something along those lines.


Well written, not many grammar issues. VERY nice descriptive writing. It makes the story feel very immersive. Likeable characters, though Seth's stance of killing is a bit wishywashy it feels. Like, he vomits after first kill. Then he complains about Algea killing, but in next paragraph, he's smiling, so kind of downplays his whole don't kill principle (chapter 5). Plotwise, intriguing, though I hope there's more clear smaller objectives, beyond just that the overarching goal is just to run. One suggestion is to add who's perspective it is at the start of chapters, or at least, when the perspective changes. Really confused when it changed to Seth's the first time. Also, not sure if I missed it, but what time period is this story? The first boy says his name like "X of Parent" makes it sound like pre-modern. Yet there's guns and instant ramen?

Overall, well written story. Enjoyable read. Especially nice that you use Egyptian mythos instead of standard greek/norse in pop culture.