Remnants of the Dawn: The Complete Trilogy

The story has strong, immersive dialogue that keeps you engaged believing that you are viewing another world. You get drawn into the conversations between the characters. The only setback in this regard is that several characters feel very similar, and can blur if the reader isn't paying attention. Dialogue draws me into feelings of a world reminiscint of the Holy Roman Empire circa 1300-1500.

Descriptions are vivid, and Dante's vocabulary is very obviously expansive. There is enough in every scene to paint a vivid picture of what's going on. There are some typos, places where commas should be, but who's story is perfect. They aren't numerous enough to seriously detract from the quality of the writing.

There is tension and a feeling of anxiety that keeps the reader reading, after the prologue, critical to the beginning of stories. You start in the action. There is blood, fear, swearing, well written combat, and a feeling that you must read on.

The prologue is the biggest drawback to this story thus far. It slogs. It is presented as a piece of educational writing within the world and starts that way but transitions into an odd combination of story prose and in-story literature.

My recommendation is if you read the prologue and find yourself wanting to stop reading, to quit reading the prologue and move on to the actual story which will entrance and draw you in. Don't let the weeds at the gate keep you from seeing the manor within.

This review is meant to be one in which I lay out what I liked in Remnants of the Dawn, for prospective readers to look at. Issues plaguing this work, though minor, have been listed out satisfactorily by other reviews, so I shall mention them only if I feel that they may not be universally disliked. 

Style rating: 4
Remnants of the Dawn is evocative of older, high fantasy works. The descriptions are long, vivid and poetic, painting a vivid picture for readers. Sentence structure is complex, albeit flawed at times, but these flaws do not detract from the beauty of such a style. The long descriptions, though to my liking, obfuscate the story by showing up at odd times, which does slow things down a bit.

If you like purple prose, this would suit you quite well.

Grammar:4
I must bring up a point that could be seen as tangential here. The chapters are long. 5000 word-ish. Editing such huge chunks at once is tough for the writer (and I should know), and to the author's credit, there aren't that many mistakes.

Things like missing apostrophes, mispelt words and odd sentence fragments do pop up, but overall, this work does not turn off anyone mildly sensitive to grammar. Otherwise, it is clear that the author has a relatively proficient command of English. 

Story: 4
Frankly, I believe that the huge chapters and the frequent in-chapter POV shifts make it hard to follow the story, which is a huge shame, considering the epic promises it offers. But anyway.

We follow Aichilan as he falls in battle, only to be given one more chance to protect his beloved. It is a simple quest, but the settings it introduces with it is charming and offers insight into the worldbuilding behind this work. A rather cunningly hidden literary device, but it serves the work well.  

The way the story unfolds is well done as well, and readers, in the middle of exploring this world, will find themselves compelled to read on.

Characters: 4
This work follows both the protagonist and the antagonist. Aitchilan shows quite a bit of nuance and development, while the antagonists are portrayed not at the height of their villainy, but in everyday moments. It is an interesting strategy, and would appeal to readers who want both sides of the coin to follow. Although the execution might leave a tiny bit to be desired, it is nonetheless a refreshing take.

Overall verdict: 4.5/5
It is a work worth following, although, as a reader, my recommendation is —I never thought I would say this— to break up the long chapters. It promises a grand vision eloquently, although whether it can live up to it remains to be seen. The signs are good, though.

I gave it a five star rating. I am not an avid reader, nor do I read fantasy fiction when I do read. Being a good friend I decide I would give it a try and I read it twice. I was completely thrown into, immersed even, the book as I read. I vividly saw the fights, the struggles, the romance. All of it. I did have to look up words occasionally but that just added to the experience and expanded my knowledge. The author is very educated and did his do diligence in research his vocabulary to fit the timeline of the story. If suggested many friends to read it also. Good work. 

Before you read this review, I should mention that it was done as part of a two-chapter swap. Therefore, all comments are based on the first two chapters of this work and cannot be taken as indicative of the overall quality or future progression of the story. Still, the chapters are long enough to give a good perspective into the work.

First of all - Style. The narration is in third-person past simple. Since the work is intended to be an epic fantasy, it also carries some epicness in the vocabulary and sentence structure. To be honest, the work might be on the difficult side for non-native speakers, unless they are well versed in archaic English and have a very rich vocabulary. The sentences are long, and due to the epic sentence structure (basically, they give you the feeling of reading an old saga) they are often hard to comprehend on the first read, especially for non-native readers. That being said, the great descriptiveness, as well as the old and worn-out feeling the narration gives, are part of the charm of this work.

Second - the Story. It is a bit difficult to judge from just two chapters. There are some twists, however, they are rather predictable.

The premise seems a bit generic - the barbarians want to conquer the lands of the Holy Order. Naturally, it is most likely much more complicated than that, but this is what the first two chapters tell you. The work had a prologue that, thank the Muses, is currently being edited by the author. From it, a Tolkien-style worldbuilding of epic proportions was hinted at, so there are hopes for future development.

Third - Grammar. Since I am not a native speaker, and due to the type of language and sentences being used it is possible to have missed something, I will just give it a flat 5. There are no glaring mistakes and Old English is not my forte when it comes to the rules of grammar and punctuation.

Forth - the Characters. I have to say that I am a tad disappointed. All that we get about the main character is that he is tenacious and prideful. Due to the chaotic battle in the first chapter and the relatively quick pace of events, it is hard to get a good picture of his qualities as a leader, his interaction with his men, or any more character traits. As mentioned, the story opens with the end of a long fight and its consequences. Unfortunately, this puts the main character in a rather reactive than active position and makes it hard to flesh out his personality.

My biggest problem, however, would be with the main villain. A story is as good as its antagonist. And although we have been introduced to the bulk of the enemy forces in a rather bloody spectacular manner, the main antagonist's first appearance is rather underwhelming. This is probably due to the chosen setting and the fact that the author is trying to escape the cliche of the evil warlord by humanizing him and showing his weaknesses. However, this, in my opinion, is doing the character a disservice in these initial stages of the work.

All in all, I give this work a 4 on the premise that it has a big vision with a bit of a clunky execution. Still, it has its own specific charm and has the chance to be great in the chapters to come.  

My opinion might be a bit biased, since i generally tend to like most high fantasy novels, but i sincerely liked your writing style. I would say that the story might seem— at first— a bit too complex for casual readers, which just happen to be the most numerous. The style of writing is quite descriptive and as such could scare the aforementioned, for it requires one to pay close attention ( Can i say it requires reader experience? ) to the plot. Still, anyone that truly likes fantasy will certainly enjoy the ride. It is a work of quality, feels more like reading a book than a web-fiction. I didn't quite like Maleah though.

Remnants of the Dawn has an old soul. It’s high fantasy and draws some of its elements from classics like Lord of the Rings.

The story begins with Aichlan leading a fort that just lost an encounter with the enemy. He has a tiny remaining army and tries to escape. He loses all his men and is the only one left. Within the first two chapters, he loses his life (not spoilers, it’s in the story description).

I did this review for a literary agent style review swap. Normally, I would read more, but keep in mind, these are very first impressions.

The story beings with a top-down feel, as if you are hovering above the action. Later, point of view is more grounded with specific characters and starts to feel more third person limited. So, if it feels impersonal to start, I would advise you read a little longer. That feeling should dissipate, especially once you reach the villains.

That being said - the main character, Aichlan, gets introduced right after the prologue. He has some fair character development from the start. He’s a determined, young leader, set on doing his best to escape, even though he’s in a position of disgrace. He has a somewhat sarcastic view of the world, most evident when he comes face to face with his father (father’s ghost). He also loves a religious figure - Renata. That is the source of his disgrace.

Aside from Aichlan, we have Osric and Maleah. They are the other side of the conflict. I won’t comment too much on their character development as I’ve just seen them. Osric – I don’t really like, but that’s to be expected. He’s the villain. Maleah is a bit immature and appears to play second fiddle to her brother. (

.)

The style of the story is ornate and descriptive. It does take a bit of work to read, and there are points a reader could get confused, if they break focus. So, it’s best read when you have some quiet time.

As for grammar, I did notice a couple of missing letters. Once in a while, a wrong word popped up (example: quiet for quite). But, nothing here will draw you out of the story.

Overall, the setup is good, and the story appears to be solid high fantasy.

Overall: 4/5

Overall, I thought this was a decent read. Royal Road needs more epic fantasy, and this delivers to that need on a decent level. It’s clear the author has a vision of where they want to take the story, the characters have flaws and weaknesses, and the author themselves has a clear voice when writing their story. Definitely above what you would see as an average story on this site. 

Style: 4.5/5

Most of the writing is in a style I would say is hinging on purple prose. For better or for worse this can make some scenes stretch on for an amount of time that hinges on too lengthy. But when it works it really works to highlight a scene and make things very vivid and interesting for the reader.

In terms of setting, since this is epic fantasy some of the terms and proper pronouns are thrown at you pretty rapidly with little to no explanation. Some of them you can infer, others you can’t. This can be pretty jarring for the reader. While this kind of thing is typical in epic fantasy, I feel like personally the plethora of them thrown at you right away make it a little difficult and dense to get into. 

Story: 4/5

Begins with a prologue, which is a big negative to me in general. Like most prologues, I don’t think it really provides very much information, or as good of an impression in the world that start with the first chapter would have provided. Unlike most prologues, this one is relevant to one of the characters in the book and is referenced in the first chapter.

Otherwise, it starts off at a pretty decent pace. It’s a little hard to understand what’s going on and the reasons behind it, part of that might be the stylistic choices. But it’s interesting enough. Chapter 2 ends on a note that tends towards confusing the main protagonist we start the story with. Otherwise, I think it’s a decent start. It has an interesting action sequence that doesn’t feel out of place, unlike some stories on this site. 

Grammar 3.5/5

There were some inconsistencies, atleast in the prologue with writing out full numbers. A few other errors I spotted with dialogue tags, indefinite articles, sentence structure, typos, words missing spaces. Incorrect comma usage, and capitalization. That said, Royal Road has a lot of stories with grammar issues far worse than this one.

Some of the purple prose in my opinion affected the overall flow. Some of the usages of adverbs led to some redundancies in the writing that kind of bog up and already dense structure given the nature of the style of writing. 

Character 4.5/5 

Very good job with the characters. Each had flaws, each had weaknesses that were established fairly soon after introduction. You’re drawn into wondering how they connect to each other, and I think this is the strongest part of this piece of literature.

However, to me atleast, this kind of underscores the prologue getting in the way because little character development is present - other than establishing one particular character that up to chapter 2 isn’t a point of view in the story.