Alpha Physics - Post Apocalyptic LitRPG
A LitRPG Post Apocalyptic Novel.
This is my first novel submitted to for the public reading. I would appreciate any feedback that you can provide. It has had no professional editing and I know that it will require it. I currently have paid a lot of money to get the novel edited. After which I will publish on Amazon Kindle and then republish on Royal Road after the exclusive period. If a well edited book matters to you Do not Read this..
Despite the editing / grammar and spelling mistakes that I have tried to remove and failed the novel has plot, character development, and a fun action-packed story line with a significant amount of intrigue. Thanks in advance for any feedback you want to provide it has been appreciated and is why I will continue to publish and support the platform.
Adrian is on the last day of a work trip setting up a solar plant when somewhere on earth, a scientist creates a particle that catalyzes all the matter on earth to create new fundamental rules of physics. Technology as we know it will no longer work and the energy of the conversion has mutated earth animals and generated new monsters. This is an extinction level event for sentient life.
All is not lost as almost every intelligent race falls into the trap and over billions of years, millions of intelligence species have gone into the grinder. A tiny percentage survived and introduced tools to help future races avoid extinction. Because of them, Adrian receives an interface to help him. It is a cheat to process the new reality, a cheat to give knowledge and the computing power to use the magic enabled by the new rules of physics.
He emerges in the world stuck thousands of miles from his family in a small country town. People around him die, and he uses his new skill to grow stronger and make his way to a nearby town to meet up with friends.
The town is on tenterhooks. It is plagued by a giant Bird that if it spots you, it will eat you. Dozens have already fallen and unless someone deals with the Bird, the town will fall apart. Part of Adrian wants to flee immediately to find and protect his family. The decision is harder than it should be because the interface he received differs from what others got. They are all supposed to be non-sentient. Adrian is pretty sure that his one is sentient and when he asks about the Bird, it gives a plan. The plan may give him an edge, or it may just turn him into Bird food. Something has to be done about the Bird and as scary as it is, he cannot just abandon the town to its fate.
I am giving updates on Patreon around progress on Book 2;
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I really like the concept and the first few chapters sucked me in. The grammar started going haywire and some paragraphs read worse than some of the korean machine translated stories I've tried.
I'm glad it powered through for the sake of the story because the characters feel very real. The way they deal with setbacks resonates with me.
The system is a unique take that I found interesting in spite of the teleporting stealth mage mc.
This is exactly the kind of story I love - a System Apocalypse that is progression based. The power curve isn't as steep as I usually like, but the author really makes it work. The author also does a great job with the pace, balancing tense scenes with exposition well. I also really dig the character. He seems like a real person with real reactions, neither murderhobo or too glib. Overall, this author has done a fantastic job with this story.
That being said, if you're turned off by a poorly edited story, you probably should avoid this one. It really feels like the author didn't even give this a cursory once over before uploading.
First off, this story is not unique, but it has enough interesting bits and to make an interesting read if you're into Litrpg. The worldbuilding is neatly done, bringing the world to life.
In my opinion, the best thing about this story, is the worldbuilding, how the alpha particle changed the world in so many ways, and how it is explained to the MC as the story progresses. It is rare to find for a ficction in RR, but sadly the advanced review does not include this score. I would have given it 5/5 on it!
Writing during the first chapters is bad (style and grammar), first two chapters are really bad, but it gets better as the story progresses. Could really use some editing, hell just fixing the first two chapters would really impact on readership.
The story's premise (goals and events) is pretty standard stuff. I give a high score on it because of the worldbuilding. Altough everything seems standard, the interactions are anything but! Fairly believable progression as well.
Finally, the characters are okay I guess. The MC is fairly generic, and does not really come to life. On the plus sinde, the MC feels coherent and consistent. The rest of the cast... well they don't come to life at all, but because of how the story is laid out, the story has not suffered too much because of it.
(as of chapter 31, i.e. arc 1 complete)
An apocalyptic event destroys all technology and brings magic and monsters to Earth. As this event has happened to many advanced species in the universe, those that survived came up with artificial System Interfaces to help the survivors. These Interfaces activate as soon as the event occurs, each survivor getting a different version. Adrian is stuck alone in the wilderness, but at least his Interface is a very advanced one. Now he just has to survive the hordes of monsters around him, find other humans, survive more monsters, improve himself with the loot, reach his far-far-away family... sounds difficult, doesn't it?
Story: It's a system apocalypse LitRPG story and, as usual for this genre, the MC lucks into an advantage at the start that makes him more successful than normal people. Nothing wrong with that, we don't want to read about random person #58867135 who dies to the first monster (a very short story) or his neighbor who manages to survive but will become average nameless town inhabitant variant 17B3 (most interesting event this week: sneezed on his lunch). We readers want to see the special people, those who have unusual abilities and use them, those who advance above the curve, we want to see them defy the odds and lead an exciting life. And this story has all that. The pacing is very good, the MC's special powers are unusual enough (it's NOT "Hulk smash very strong. Level Up! Now Hulk smash more strong"), the Interface is interesting, the monsters are varied, interaction with other people is fine. The MC's advancement is steady but not too fast. The Interface leads to some info dumps that feel too convenient, but that's not too bad and it's explained by the Interface being a very advanced one.
Style/Grammar: The story is told in third-person style from Adrian's point of view. Descriptions are okay. There are many LitRPG elements (stats, skills, advancement paths, a believable loot system) that are mostly done well. But here comes the big big problem of the story: The writing style and editing is seriously lacking (the author knows that and it was announced on the story main page and apparently they are working on it, but I still need to rate it like it is now). It reads like a rough draft. Sentences end differently than they started or have strange breaks in the middle, transitions are not very smooth. There are often homophone errors, words that look slightly similar to the correct ones but are clearly different, or wrong commas. Everything is still readable and understandable, but it might turn readers off the story. That would be very sad, because there is so much potential here. It's nothing that couldn't be vastly improved with careful proofreading and editing.
Characters: Adrian is smart and able, resisting the temptation of easy instant rewards and going for the postponed but ultimately much better options. Most of his decisions are sound and his personality is usually sensible. He reacts very believably to the new reality and the various obstacles. The inner turmoil and guilt from making hard decisions (inactively watching somebody get eaten vs. trying to help and dying together because the monster is clearly too strong) are presented very well. On the other hand, some of the MC's actions make no sense at the time of reading. It seems to me that in these situations the author is using hidden knowledge: The character had a choice and is acting on the decision, but we readers are not shown how the character weighed the pros and cons and came to that conclusion; and neither has that special piece of information that was important for the decision ever been shown to the readers; we only see the disjointed result because the author forgot to type the rest. Other times, the MC is not acting like the mature adult that he supposedly is.
The other characters have much less screen time, because the MC is either all alone or (later) usually acting separated from them. They are varied enough, act more or less sensible and helpful (not the usual "the System arrives, suddenly every well-adjusted citizen turns into a bloodthirsty serial killer"), and make for a good background so that the story can focus on the MC.
In short, the author has many great ideas and is combining them into a captivating storyline, but the technical aspects need work. With more writing experience, more care and a bit of outside help from an editor (which seems to be already in preparation), this story can reach the top tier of RoyalRoad. As it is now, the overall score would be 4 stars but I'm giving an additional half star up front for the future edited version.
Marvelous story. Loved it. Good writing. Drew you right along. Looking very much forward to Book Two. I liked how the MC progressed. There was a nice sense of ethics ( looking at the greatest good for all rather than just for himself), within the story, including his failures and determination to do better.
First thing to get out the way, the grammer is not perfect but it has gotten better, and professional editing is promised in the future. Either way the mistakes aren't overly distracting and on this sit I've seen much much worse.
Story itself is great though, when reading you see all the familar troops of litrpgs, THE SYSTEM, magic exploits, min maxing, etc. etc. But instead of feeling cliche and like someting I've litterally read 1000 times before, the novel felt fresh and interesting. Never once had I got the feeling that I knew exactly what was going to happen next, and I am really looking forward to the second book.
In my opinion, if your like me and like litrpgs but need a fresh take on the genre Alpha Physics is well worth the read.
I love the more realistic take on human reactions to a massive disaster, the stupid trope of everyone instantly dropping everything and murdering each other has always annoyed me. The main characters reactions to it always seem more grounded and realistic, which i love; no instant badass emotionless leveling monster. I do think the general speed at which the communities are getting used to it is a bit unrealistic, seems like quite a few people are acting like they've been in this situation for weeks rather than the 2 days that actually passed. But yeah general realism and reaction seem really grounded and realistic.
The general system is pretty standard, i like the pathways - they seem a bit more unique. The fact that people have different systems should probably be explained bit more, seems a bit needless. There's some a bit info dumping done, for some reason by just some random people he met instead of the system which is designed to fast track them into surviving the apocalypse, not so sure about that. Honestly i think the system needs to be streamlined a bit, the hodge podge of different things is a bit strange and feels unwieldly.
Characters and interaction are generally pretty solid, nothing to complain here.
All in all really good, could do with some editing and general stream lining; but everythings there and just needs that last little bit. Defintely a step above the standard on royal road.
Note: I do thoroughly dislike the fact that alot of people seem to be knowledgable of gaming terms and act like they're in an mmo. I understand a lot of people like this aspect, but you're mixing and matching realistic world views and standard litrpg world views; im not sure if it'll work out or not.
No spoilers included, but there is one major flaw that must be addressed whether this is commercially or individually published. That is the emotional state of the protagonist as he is leaving his original location in the story. That is in direct conflict with the emotional state that the character evinces over the last 2/3 of the story. This incongruity is particularly strong because the character has overcome several particular flaws in the first part, but then in the latter part, all of those improvements are suddenly gone, for no solid reason. The problem is that the second emotional state is important to the character's growth through the story, but it felt too contrived and unbelievable - a clear moment where author intrusion is bending the story away from the organic growth and flow that it had at the beginning. Fixing this problem will require significant revision, either to the original emotional state improvements, or to the triggering scene for the latter part. My opinion is that making the second sort of change will make the story stronger.
Beyond that problem, the protagonist is outside of the standard moronic teenager who wants to build a harem and a guild and be in charge because he is strong, rather than smart. That is a good thing. Cleaning up the character errors will push the character score to 4.25 in my opinion.
Not tons of typos, but enough to be distracting, as well as misspelled homophones, misuse or non-use of apostrophes, and garbled sentences where the author clearly had two different sentences for the same spot and failed to remove one of them.
Descriptions are good, internal monologue and dialogue flow well, and pacing of the story also held my interest throughout the read. The System is hilarious.
Overall, one of the better efforts that I have read on Royal Road, and I have read hundreds. Definitely in the top dozen.