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Follow Aeternum, an unlucky soul, through a world some would consider a blessing and some a curse. Robbed of his rightful afterlife, how will he make the best of his second life?
On his adventure, he will struggle against and fight the world’s monstrous denizens. He is trying to survive using creativity and what little know-how he has while trying to enjoy life a little.
Maybe, with enough effort, he will be able to escape his fate as the toy of a bored God.
Thank you for checking out my light novel. I am a hobbyist writer who is still learning. I would appreciate any corrections people can make as well as constructive criticism. I hope that you enjoy the story!
I personally made the cover art with photo editing.
*edit* This story is the grinder I use to sharpen my writing skills further. Of course, I care for the story and wish to see it flourish. But, please understand that I have a long way to go to become a great author.
Current schedule: 12am, UK standard time. 9pm, central standard time. Once per day upload, excluding sunday.
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This story has a interesting plot and grammar is definitely sub par. It readable enough but will require to be rewritten and a good proof reading, it's better then many translated light novels (I mean definitely better then machine translation). I agree with both of the other reviews OL and MMM.
And MMM is not a troll, just read the synopsis anyone would understand what he meant by basic English mechanics not being sufficient, and this view would be reinforced in a few chapters. If you are upset by this kind of thing then let the author know.
In my boredom I had read far worse things, and it's a lot better than any of those.
This story has a very promising start, as I generally don't like the Minecraft logic of 1 m cubic that the currently only flaw I see, but I am highly biased about that so it doesn't matter. It's going in a very good direction. World building, I'm not sure this is the correct word but after reading the 17 Ch I decided that this story is perfectly good for a 4 star rating. It starts kind of lame thou but it gets exponentially better.
Please don't take that shitty one star review seriously that's a troll he reviewed it a 2 Ch. And about grammar I can't say much I didn't notice anything worth mentioning.
I hope author didn't get discouraged by that review.
This story is definitely worth trying.
Let me say this right now. I'm a glutton for books of just about any kind. I can stomach bad characters, stupid situations, nonsensical locations. What I cannot stomach however, is bad grammar. My internal auto-correct can deal with some of it, but there is a limit to what it can handle before I have to read and re-read, just to understand what's going on.
I tried to push past the first chapter, to maybe get a glimpse of the story. Didn't go well. The sentence structure is first person, that much is clear. However, it is written in a way that is... Well, hard for me to describe with a simple sentence. I'll give you an example.
Everything’s black, what on earth is going on? Wait, my eyes are closed. ‘opens eyes’ “Better,” wait?
This is literally the opening to the story, meant to instantly hook the reader. My internal auto-correct saw this and crashed. You can understand it, sure. I have never met someone who enjoys this particular style of writing, however.
I thought it might just be something the author would grow out of, so I skipped ahead to the most recent chapter to check it out, hopefully without spoiling anything. Here is the example of Chapter 52.
‘Sizzling’ turning the contents of the pan. I am truly in a good mood. Todays the day the [review: spoiler hidden] gets back; with absolutely no pushing from me.
With that example, you can see clearly that the writing style of the author is slowly being refined. However, the word choice and phrasing still makes it almost painful for me to read much further than this.
Let me say this one more time. I'm a glutton for books. I love them immensely, which is one of the reasons I chose to give this one a look. The basic premise is interesting, but I and many like me can't get through the thorny branches of your writing style without significant effort. As such, what I recommend is heavily editing each chapter as needed, until it is caught up with the most recent chapter.
I hope to be able to come back to try reading this without frying my brain.
Until then, I wish you good luck.
I enjoy the novel, sort of. It isn't the sort of story I'd ever get sucked into and not because it's fanfiction or wish fulfillment. My issues with it lie mostly with how stagnant it can be and how little detail it has. It's more like a dry recitation of events at times than a story and it has a lot of bad habits to go along with it. So long as you go in knowing what this is, a fun, casual story with no real stress or objective, it's nice.
First is the style. This is the highest score because for it's flaws, your story does have a distinct style to put it apart from other stories on RR. Your tactic of few details and cutting out unnecessary dialogue is, in my opinion, poorly done. It's a bit like you stripped the flesh from the story, leaving just the bare bones for readers. If you like to fill in details with an active imagination that's good but it can also be dull, again, making it a dry recitation of scenes instead of a story.
Next is grammar, and it's bad, real bad. The dialogue is especially poor, and here's one example, which I put in brackets: ["You're not escaping, ‘grasping my shoulders.’ ‘Don’t open the soldier island he says’ before immediately letting some people play on it.” His face emotionless, but clear annoyance on his face, maybe a hint of humor as well.].
Something that just makes me flinch is the apostrophies seperating actions from dialogue. Misspelled words aren't uncommon and there are other sentances like this, with actions awkwardly placed into dialogue, but it could be worse. It's understandable but kind of broken. My understanding is that you're a non-English speaker, though, so don't be ashamed. It has gotten noticably better since the start of the story as well, so good ojb with that, and good luck learning further.
Continuing on, the story, for the most part, is nonexistent. There is an overarching plot of some bored god that will eventually assign tasks to Aeternum, the MC, but it hasn't actually been put into effect yet. There was an initial arc of surviving alone, where the writing style was very effective (being alone in the wilderness can make for boredom), but past that, where Aeternum met other people and interacted with them, it's been pretty awful and I'm about to tell you why.
It's the characters. They're so... flat. Aeternum has a little charictarization, he's generous (too generous in my opinion, to the point where it makes me groan in pain when he gives away some high end artifact to random villager number five), kind, sort of a loner, and trusting. Besides him there's the mayor, who's a greedy politician that eventually mellows out a bit and Aeternum's lackey/employee, who gets showered with gifts for relatively easy tasks. The characters are basic models of one trait or another and you don't have enough complex situations or detail to pull off archetypes in an interesting way. Maybe I'm biased because Aeternum's constant unending generosity to literally everyone around him REALLY annoys me but this is my biggest hang-up with the story.
All that critisism said I do have to commend you on writing so much. You've come a long way with the story, and the best way to get better at writing is to keep writing. This isn't a good story but it's still one that deserves attention for the effort you've put into it. I might revisit what you write in the future to see how far you've come but for now I think I'll need to leave you be. Again, good luck.
First of all I just want to say that, I found the story, from what I could get out of it to be decent, but I kept getting dragged out of it by the many many mistakes, and weird perspective things. And I haven't read farther than chapter 4, and ther are 60 something available chapters, so the writing could improve later on.
I gave a 2.5 for style because the way some stuff is presented is just so weird, you get the feeling of "wait what did I just read" quite often. It happens pretty often too.
This ties in to the 2 star grammar score. For what its worth there aren't many spelling mistakes, its all the other mistakes. Take for example the very first 2 line of chapter 1 for example. It reads "Everything’s black, what on earth is going on? Wait, my eyes are closed. ‘opens eyes’ “Better,” wait? it’s all white now; I guess I just can't win - a great start." The fact that opens eyes, is written as such, its jaring, its weird prespective wise, and there is capitalization mistakes and everything. This is just one example of something that happens all the time, at least in the early parts.
For story I gave 3.5 stars, becasue for the most part it's decent, if not deep. The problem is that, though the story takes place in a heavily modded mincraft, it's kinda just bland. There doesn't seem to be much of an underlying goal, keep in mind that I stopped after chapter 4, and it seems to just use a bunch of cliches to get by.
Finally a 2 star character score. The protagonist and the god, the only 2 real characters we have been introduced to by chapter 4 are very flat, there isn't any real depth to them. The protagonist just accepts the jaring situation he's in much to easily, he seems to do things just because. There just doesn't seem to be any real depth.
The story is an excellent one with some minor fallbacks but overall it fulfills my need for a fan fiction and actually makes me want to get back into Minecraft mods.
The story can be too fast or too slow at times but I notice a quality improvement as they write more chapters I awate for the future.
The basic English mechanics of the story is not up to par. While it is not completely unreadable and is significantly better than that of "My Immortal" or "Invisible Dragon", it is nevertheless not good enough for people to bother reading. As such, the writing has no value to the reader, and we are forced to give a 1 star rating.
The summary of the story is representative of the story as a whole. The amount of mechanical mistakes in the summary is the first warning that the story is not up to par. Reading the first few paragraphs of the story reinforces this warning.
Overall, we suggest that the author of the story heavily proofreads his writing. This process should be rigorous, involving googling the spelling of words, and reading up on grammar and punctuation conventions. We believe that the author lacks sufficient knowledge of such conventions, and will not be able to sufficiently edit his story without learning.
4 und ein halber Stern, ich möchte, dass du mehr schreibst.
Diese Bewertung wurde in deutscher Sprache verfasst und mit Google Übersetzer übersetzt. Sei sanft mit mir.
Ich mag und liebe diese Geschichte für das, was sie ist. Keine ernsthafte Geschichte. Die Charaktere können sein, was sie sind. Ja, es kann manchmal etwas flach werden, aber für eine Geschichte wie diese ist das vollkommen in Ordnung. Minecraft Adventure ist für mich etwas völlig Neues und das allein verdient viele Sterne.
My wishes are my criticism. Everything would also be much more realistic. Mostly I am from the actions of nobles and cities. Well I would expect more greed about him. I mean he throws presents around like ... I don't have a suitable comparison for that. It's okay. Yes sometimes details are missing and yes the god could, if there was chaos really wanted, give him more tasks that cause a huge chaos in a very simple, simple way. Sometimes things and actions by the MC do not trigger the consequences that would normally result. Except that with God, which is a little illogical to one's own logic in history, everything else does not have to be given. It is your work my friend and I will read it anyway. Nevertheless, I will smile gratefully for each chapter and get up again at 01:30 a.m. in Germany to read the current new chapter. Damn I'm a real fan you might think and every time I read it I want to download Minecraft again.
I found this story very enjoyable (the most important aspect of a story in my opinion), but enjoyment is subjective so I will share my thoughts on it.
The world seems to be great blend between game and reality. It is realistic enough that I can imagine it like many other fantasy worlds, and yet keeps enough of the game mechanics that they can plausibly create advanced modded items (without spending the first 100 chapters bashing rocks together in a cave).
The character interactions, power levels, and emotions all seem reasonable enough. The quest's from felix add a wonderful splash of humour to the story, and much needed direction.
The only failing point's I can see is the grammar, with occasional missing or extra words. Ass well as places having similar or lacking descriptions it takes me a while to figure out the main character's location( this has only happened a couple of times however so it is not a major issue).
Personally as someone who cares little about grammar and will read machine translated novels, I believe the grammar will likely not be an issue for anyone who is not picky. The story more than makes up for grammar issues, a great read.