*DING* : A Dreamer’s Game

by Jerry McNair

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Profanity

James lives his life with his head in the clouds. He's just getting by in college and working a job that allows him to day dream. He's pretty comfortable spending his days dreaming of fighting bad guys and saving damsels. 

That is until he is surprised on the way home from work by a letter floating before his eyes with a blinking green message attached [New message. Accept? [Y/N]] This letter offers him the inheritance of the [Dreamer] class and warns of an impending world wide change. Soon James is thrown into a new reality of skills, levels, classes, professions, and EXP. But he seems to be the only one experiencing this change. But for some reason he doesn't think that'll last very long. 

This story is one of my first attempts at posting my stories anywhere so please leave comments and constructive criticism/praise. I'd really love it if there was a group of people who enjoyed it and if there is I'll figure out a regular release schedule. 

Totally my story and I reserve rights to it and such forth.

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Author
Jerry McNair

Jerry McNair

The Dreamer

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SirFartsAlot
Overall

The story is interesting and has potential but I'm out, I can't stand stupid MC's.

What would you do if you got superpowers and an advanced warning about an impending doomsday? Stock up on food and water? Buy weapons? fortify the house or go to your parents to huncker down there? Just the basic stuff of the top of my head.

Well I for one wouldn't just forget about it despite multiple warnings from different sources and go about my day, and I certainly wouldn't be testing my superpowers for the first time on a crowded bus.

Stillness
Overall

The writting style is adequate, the grammar is fine, and the plot is generic, but what this story really needs are better characters. 

Of the few that are shown, I don't have a positive impression of any of them. As it is, there is little character interaction and once the system is introduced, the system is the only thing that seems to matter.

The main character themself, well in the story they have a low charisma score which I have to say is accrurate. They are a lazy day dreamer who is coasting through life. They don't get along with their parents and don't seem to have any friends. When they get their system abilies they suddenly turn into a dedicated hard worker for maximum gains. I find there character both inconsistent and uninteresting. Unfortunaly, they aren't very competent either, as they make poor decisions and ignore the many warnings that something bad is going to happen to the world. 

The system itself is interesting enough. I particularly liked the combination of student and steam master, though dream weaver is stupidly overpowered and needs to be nerfed. 

crpgnut
Overall

Not bad but more tables than tale

Reviewed at: Hold On - Chapter 18

This book is okay-ish. Way too many tables and showing everything instead of just what updated that chapter.

That's the bad/dumb. However, James and Liam are likeable dudes and what story there is so far has been entertaining. I'd really, really drop the 50 column character sheet though.

Edit: The tables are starting to drop off and are being replaced with more characters. This is good. I hope that when I check back in the future to see way more of that type of thing! Characters and story good, spreadsheets bad.

Srayan
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

I am trying to decide how I feel about the MC

Reviewed at: Free Falling - Chapter 6

Underlying concept is similar to many "blue screen awakened" where MC is an early/ alpha tester, He also has a unique class. This story has the MC do sone fairly naive stuff (apparently he is not a gamer). The author decides to handicap his MC with an ultra low CHA roll. This has consequences in almost every chapter after that and even though he will need a team (probably) it is unclear how he will surmount the abysmal CHA, especially as his class is INT linked. So if you are like me you might get annoyed/frustrated reading this story. But tastes differ.

I should mention that the MC does seem to be not exactly the sharpest tack in the box. If  you like highly competent, adaptable MCs who prefer not to learn by screwing up today is not your lucky day. But you could have a rubbish charisma as well so be happy anyway.

Example of MC typical action: creating life is always incredibly high level stuff in these genres. He tries it (no preparation and in a public space) at level 1 and is lucky to just fail but he could have gotten a weird demon/monster  that would kill him. Anyone else would have started with something simple, like trying to create a tiny piece of ice or something. He also already nearly messed up getting his level by almost losing his points - due to not reading perfectly straightforward instructions correctly., so he does seem somewhere between gormless and stupid.

And the grammar is 5/5. So if you have no issues with that kind of MC you will have a smooth read.

uictoriam4
Overall

An interesting litRPG with an intricate system

Reviewed at: Tribe - Chapter 16

I will keep this short. It has an interesting system with a quite a novel way of improving stats (similar in some ways to real world). The basic plot is System apocalypse survival trope; which at least is well done here (Royal Road is chock-full of bad litRPGs these days). The grammar is quite good with only a few minor stumbles (at least top 5 percentile for RR). Recommended for any litRPG fan looking for a book with decent grammar and an interesting MC.

wyavern13
Overall

A good start with potential

Reviewed at: Tribe - Chapter 16

First few chapters are done very well, then the author hits his stride a bit more and it evens out more. I would hesitantly add the tag of grimdark to the series as one of the things that happens a decent amount so far is death. And some of those deaths could have stylistically been different. I.e. if you change race you have no memories and are entirely new.

Overall not a bad little story that I see having a large amount of potential and possibility.

PureAy
Overall

Great flow, great potential, great story

Reviewed at: Chapter 17 - placeholder

Character development is way better than average at least. Charcter interactions are great and smooth. The story flows beautifully. The world is interesting. Only qualm i have is what he did before bis awakening or lack of what he did. Kinda wasted a opportunity.

 

Overall a really good story that i expect to reach close to or at randily ghosthound level if uploads stay consistent. 

 

This deserves to be given a fav and a follow definitely.

Litchi
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

This is a friendship and loot story. And I personally love them.

In a typical RR story, you start to appreciate it because of the system and power-up and then you start to love the characters.

I think this story will succeed in doing so. 

There is a strong LitRpg system. This is nicely crunchy. The powers are cheaty but not OP. The Loot is flowing. And the sweet level up means something.

There is a lot of races and monsters to create interesting factions. Clearly, the MC wants to create his own little village. The plot will naturally go to conflict between the different races and kingdom-building. So I expect a lot of character interaction and development.

As for the characters, this is also nicely done. We don't need to have a perfect MC. At the start he can be an idiot and a nobody it's ok.

It's ok because he found a friend. With a friend, the MC's personality can grow and becomes more interesting.  There is a good dynamic between the two main characters.

The grammar and style are without problem.

This story is promising. I can see that the author has a plan for wonderful growth in personality and power for the mains characters.

Thank you for this story. I hope you will continue to write more and more chapters! 

Courage