Fighting to be Kind in a Cultivation World

by Jaredman92

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Sexual Content
  • Traumatising content

Aren't you tired of the typical cultivation story, where an isekai'd person comes into the world and becomes a brutal or selfish person? I know I am. So instead of being fully changed by the world, I want this protagonist to stick to their beliefs and help to change the world (and people) for the better. There will still be main character development and tests of those beliefs, but I want them to maintain that aspect.


 Brief Synopsis:
American is thrown into a typical Xuanhuan cultivation world where the masses of the people are typically sacrificed for the abilities of the few. This is meant to be an alternate take on how protagonists approach these worlds. Main character comes into the world w/ scanning, healing, and monster taming abilities.

The release schedule will begin on Dec 1st. The schedule is 4 chapters/week (Tue-Fri) at 11pm. Please like, comment, and follow, as that helps me to gauge interest in the series. 

Final note: I notice that many cultivation novels treat abuse or sexual assault as a throwaway tool to set a stage. I think the way it is normally done is both lazy and a disrespectful to victims. If you have any suggestions on how I can improve the way I've done it in this series, please let me know.

I want to do this the right way.

P.S. *Nudge, nudge* If you are looking for a sneak peek of up to 16 chapters ahead, check out my Patreon.    :D

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Jaredman92

Jaredman92

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Fallion
Overall

Went from a good story to power fantasy over a couple of chapters.

There were some signs in the beginning, with a powerful cultivator meeting right away and talented women in a bad spot who he just so happened to be able to help.

It was still okay at that point but then the author started throwing sexual situations at the MC and at ch.19 he gets a huge power spike at no cost, which basically completely ruined the story for me.

It seems like it'll end up as a mindless harem-power fantasy where obvious plot armor is the only reason the MC lives.

Magma
Overall
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Grammar
Character

Man finds himself in a xianxia cultivation world and possesses a system. Man stumbles around market investigating until he unlocks a hidden quest. Man bumbles into hidden storyline which leads to rudimentary harem. Harem is plotline.

Grammar -   Is passible, though there seems to be the occasional fault with the pronouns.

Style -   The novel seems reasonable and light hearted, though I question the use of a near journal like depiction of his daily use of powers. I applaud the slightly graphic depiction of violence; as it lends an air of maturity to the novel without being opressive.

Story -   There is only 20 chapters, there's really not enough of anything here to judge. But suffice to say, it does seem to be heading directly for isekai harem white knight protect the oppressed territory. The protagonist also has the usual absurd starting luck of most isekais. Chapter 6 continued isekai tradition in a fine manner by adjusting the sombre mood with a lighthearted moment.

Characters -   This is where I have a bone to pick. Yes, the author has avoided the first pitfall of isekai where the MC is romantically dense. Unfortunately, he runs headfirst into the second pitfall. The MC suffers from crippling stupidity, that verges on naviety. This ties into the MC's white knight mentality, which I find irksome. I realize this is regards the very premise of the novel, but I would have hoped that the MC's motivation did not seem quite so childish. Additionally, the harem is unbelievably articulate at times, considering they are outcasts and abuse victims. I do like flavor the drider brings to the novel, despite her cliche moments.

dak'kon
Overall

I like the idea of a Xuanhuan, doubly so ones that break from the mold of the Chinese version "young master goes murder hobo".

This looks like one, a kind-hearted man with some cheats tries to break from the mold. I can take the cheats, it is a transmigration story so it's almost a given.

The resolution to be a better man is good, it isn't supposed to be that easy especially in this setting. There is no emotional impact from the decisions made - it feels shallow, unconvincing, unearned.

The last few chapters lost steam completely and were spent basically navel-gazing.

Overall a good Idea. feels like no planning was made about how to progress after the initial few chapters.

Stillness
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Looking forward to where this one goes

Reviewed at: Chapter 8 - A Web of... Hope?

If cultivation stories are your thing, this might be one if the rare good ones. Obviously this story is trying to break from the mold. I think this premise has a lot of potential, both in that being kind will make the main character friends and going against the grain of the world will make him enemies. 

The writing quality so far has been decent. So far, the main character is trying to get his feet underneath him from being inserted in the world and find a way to make it through life without get shanked. Though, I find it a bit odd that everyone he has met so far has told him how he will be taken advantage of, yet most of the people he has met are kind and helpful, granted he is kind and helpful to them first.

I've one major concern as the story goes forward and that is the system the MC is given. To my knowledge, no one else in the world has access the the system and it gives him three major cheat ablities. We'll see how it gets handled. It's a cultivation world afterall, so there is always going to be a person more powerful than the MC who wants them dead for having something they can't have. 

kkarakk
Overall

Deus ex machina in chapter 2?

Reviewed at: Chapter 3 - Sharp Conclusions

 

story starts off well but MC's motivations make no sense and the system seems like a deus ex machina - just coz the MC changes the way he describes something the system recategorizes semi-worthless paper money into a "cultivation ingredient" for "void element.   

 

lemme guess? void element is gonna be the catch all term for "and then the OP MC won by upgrading void element"  

cmon you know how this is gonna go - whenever the MC needs something the system will magically accomodate him. don't brand your story as "something different" if on the 2nd chapter you do the same thing as every other OP MC isekai/cultivation story

 

Also please don't try to insert identity politics - If you're writing a fantasy story, write a fantasy story. stop trying to write a biography here with the wrong tags.   

 

Vulpes
Overall

Not great....but not terrible either

Reviewed at: Chapter 17 - A Social Experiment

 

Starts great. Has a nice new spin on a wuxia/cultivation series. The characters are strong which I believe makes or breaks a story. The conversations so far aren't rigid between said characters. Finally, the powers could be a little OP but so far I like them and we will have to see where the creator takes them. The author defineltly has room for improvement. Although, did I enjoy the story so far...Yes. Is it perfect...No. Is it readable and enjoyable...Yes. Does it need some work...yes. Did I read all of it and pay for his patreon so I could continue reading it....yes. Also why do you even look at reviews people, don't be a lazy asshat, read the first few chapters.

Also I believe due to the Sexaul Content tag their will be some navel-gazing...if you're not into that I am sure you can find something more PC on RoyalRoad.

Warning....story does lose steam around chapter 11. Hoping its just a lull in his writing. If I had to comment on what the author is missing after chapter 11 it would be direction. You'll understand if you read it. Author if you actually want my opinion DM me.

The Cube
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

The writing is visibly improving with every chapter.
The writing is really easy to read, I didn't notice any major errors, almost no plot holes, the world building is pretty good, but there are still some problems.

1) There are ALMOST no plot holes. I recommend the author using the exploitability list. It goes sometimes (but not completely as it is different for everyone author) like this:

1. What would happen if we forgot about / abandoned this?

2. What would happen if we only used this occasionally / only used bare minimum / minimal power and does it mean that we can completely hide it?

3. What would happen if we used this sparingly and does it mean that we can hide its usage?

4. What would happen if we used it normally  and would that mean that we can't hide it?

5. What would happen if we occasionally overused it and what would be the consequences (both for characters and readers)?

6. What would happen if we extensively overused it and what would be the consequences (both for characters and readers)?

7. How can all of the above options be exploited?

8. How would the answers to questions above charge with different characters / ideals / settings / genres, without including some of the downsides / problems?

2)The world building. Although it's pretty good but some things are not realistic / possible if we look to the picture of the whole world. As an example, that I remember because I read another person's comment:

In the story the books are cheap because they have easy access to paper and ink. The problem: paper (or its alternatives) and ink were easily accessible for a long time for us, but one book could still buy you a house because of one simple reason: copying and creation had to be made by hand. There were no printers or printing presses. So the problem is not materials but time and manpower (and paying them).

3)It's really easy to loose who's talking. (This is probably just me)

That is about it I think. So, to summarise and add all the requirements do advanced review:

Style - 9/10 - Easy to read, very smooth conversation, but not all of the potential uses for powers are utilised and easy to loose who's taking.

Story - 10/10 - Is quite good but we'll have to see, the premise of doing good is pretty cool.

Grammar - 9/10 - Not enough punctuation but it's improving, if there are some mistakes, I didn't notice them.

Characters - 9/10 - They are pretty fleshed out but I feel like they lack a little bit of individual spunk. I know that every and each and every one of them is unique (at least up until this point) but it just feels like they're just characters in a story, and can't exist without it. Like they all look from one perspective instead of their own. It's weird. It's probably just me so let me correct myself: 10/10.

Tribbles
Overall
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Story
Grammar
Character

This is a refreshing,  thoughtful take on the standard LitRPG story. The MC isn't gaining power to get strong enough to save the world. The MC starts by trying to make the world a better place here and now, and that is slowly leading to some interesting  powers. What is the strength of compassion and kindness in a "might makes right" cultivation world? 

The writing is clear and easy to read and visualize. Both the idea of the story and the world building are progressing nicely. While it looms like it is shaping up to be mainly about the liberation of the demi-humans, the author seems intelligent enough to not fall into the pure good-guys-vs -bad-guys trope.

There are no grammatical or spelling errors that are enough to distract from the story. The author is releasing well polished chapters at a good rate.

The MC has nice depth and texture, hopefully that will spread to the supporting  characters as the story progresses. The recent (to this review) chapters have started adding layers to one of the supporting characters while the others are still rather flat. At this early stage in the novel this doesn't present a concern to me. I have faith that as things progress,  so will the depth of all the characters.

All in all this is a very worthwhile read that provides a nice contrast to the common "kill your way to power" storyline. At the end of reading a new chapter I find myself impatient for the next one.

SecCcat
Overall

I am really enjoying this story. The grammar is good. The writing is good. The plot is good however it really appeals to me personally so I'm gonna say it is great. The author is responsive and kind and has committed to about 4 chappies per week. I like the MC. I like that there is no stupid PC bullhockey in the story. The harem seems to be moving in a positive direction. I encourage you to give it a read, if you like the synopsis you are gonna like the actual story!

UPDATE AS OF CHAPTER 30

Meh, the story started to drag about 8 chapters ago and it appears to be going towards Wuxia LN lamness. The author has the technical skill to write a decent webnovel, I am concerned that he is too influenced by anime, manga, and blegh eastern Wuxia...for me, a novel that reads like any one of those three is gonna be a hard pass...unless it hits one of my kinks hard, which this story does not. I hope the stagnation and boring plotline doesn't continue. I will read another 10-15 chapters and then come adjust the starf rating accordingly. To the author, Jared you have the skills but not the vision, keep working at it dude it'll happen. Also try reading some good western fantasy and scifi if you don't/haven't. PM me for suggestions.