The Primordial Tower

by Daoist Enigma

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Traumatising content

[Note: The Eternal Lion is NOT the protagonist of the story.]

The Eternal Lion, Conqueror of the 98th floor, Paragon of Destruction watched in horror as his companions were slain, one by one, by "that" existence. Humanity had made a fundamental mistake from the beginning, for this was no fair trial. 

His rage knew no bounds, but alas it was to no avail. The only reason he still drew breath was because of 'that' existences' twisted desire to make him watch as it slowly killed the last of his loyal companions.

He only saw one final glimmer of hope to overturn this accursed outcome, which lay in the reward for completing the hidden piece on the 98th floor.  

[The Inheritance]

Allow your knowledge and experience to flow back in the river of time, back to the beginning of the Primordial Tower's awakening on Earth. Entrust the fate of humanity to one of your kind.

Cost of Activation: Erasure of existence from the river of time. 

To think that all his efforts would only lead to becoming a stepping stone for another. With a final roar in defiance, he activated the skill. 

"Let the roar of the eternal lion tear through the boundaries of time"

Cover credits: I have the best cover, it was drawn by my 12 year old sister on procreate by hand. 

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Daoist Enigma

Daoist Enigma

Lord of the Multiverse

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drakan_glasses BE NICE! Fair critique is fair, but be respectful & follow the review rules. There will be no mercy.
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MrAlwaysRight
Overall

Due to getting some very good reviews lately and it popping up on my feed, I decided to give this story a try. 

And I stopped reading after chapter 3. 

The chapters are very short, which I don't mind, but the plot is going in a straight line with too many things happening at once while everyone in the story just shrugs and goes along with the flow. Not very realistic. 
A mother saying "Ok pick the safe option and I'll see you there, bye" or the equivalent of it in the story is not realistic. What would their reaction really be if their daughter suddenly disappeared and some screen floated in front of their eyes saying she was taken to "a safe place".
Hysteria. 

Direct critique to the author: exposition is incredibly important. If you start your story with saying "the MC is intelligent, understands subjects such as calculus and thermodynamics easily without putting in much effort" etc etc, it looks as if you're building a Mary Sue from the start. And show, don't tell! Give your reader a reason to believe that your protagonist is an intelligent man! Don't just say it. 

Of course, I haven't read a lot, so it may certainly be that the story evolves in something better, but I prefer to be drawn in from the beginning. 

Your grammar looked impeccable to me, some sentences I found a little strange but that might just be me, so good work!

KayTea
Overall
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Grammar
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A new addition to the tower climb subgenre

Reviewed at: Chapter 16- Modern day hipster

The story has a start with a normal day, and a normal kid. Seems about right then the towers appear and tear our MC's family apart. 

Our MC isn't infuriating or an edgelord so that's a bonus to me! Really tired of MC's like that and its a breath of fresh air.

But as for the story? I think it's too early in the story for me to judge fairly about it. As things seem to be kinda slow but then pick up later on. I might have to revise this review later.

Enigma's style is very straightforward. There'll be no loss of understanding of what he means and what he says, which is great if you just want to go straight for the story.

The grammar's been fine so far but there's an oddity here and there but other than that its clean. Obviously much better than a lot of broken english writers on the site.

A few nitpicks I have is there's some missing dialogue punctuation. I personally don't read many stuff in LitRPG so I can't be an authority about it. I think the formatting for the text boxes could be better, but that's another nitpick which may fall into personal preference.

I think this should be recommended as a starter for people looking to get their toes dipped with a new author and those that are lacking for another tower climber to fill the void.

Nicolas
Overall

Generic story with 'genius' mc and annoying 'grand

Reviewed at: Chapter 21 (rewrite)- Humanity

Good thing is that Eternal Lion is not MC. Bad thing is that Eternal Lion has almost same or more screentime as MC.

And he is annoying. Like a lot. 

Mc having only 0 Luck thanks to Lion is system bug or he had like 100 Luck before, cause having him with you is major pain in ass. 

Managed to read just 20(out of 25) chapters but him helping mc and screwing him over is 50/50.

MC is supposed genius. Having deep knowledge in various fields without ever trying.

Bilbo Bob
Overall

Great story, lots of content, actual decent editing, and I do t really know what else to say, This is just a great story all around.I'm just putting more words now to reach the 50 word minim for reviews I hope y'all enjoy the story as much as I do.

VMJaskiernia
Overall
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Story
Grammar
Character

Overall: I like The Primordial Tower and where this story is going. There are some flaws, the grammar isn't always on point for instance, but there's a good story here. This reminds me a lot of my, and other writer's, early/first drafts. There are good parts, and over time the author will get better, but there's definite merit to this story. I'm looking forward to see how it grows and expands and gets better. If you can look past some parts that need polish you'll find a good story to enjoy.

Style: The chapters are short and we have blue-boxes. It's a mix of third person omniscent with the author/narrator talking to us, and also dipping into heads. It works well.

Grammar: Not the best, but nothing that can't be fixed later on with a textbook and some time.

Story: It's a tower-climbing litRPG with someone from our world being stuck in a new one with video-game logic. We all know it and love it. How the author is taking things and making it their own is nice to see. A good mix of all the favorites. I love the interactions between Noah and the Eternal Lion.

Character: I like Noah, and I love the Eternal Lion. I know it says EL isn't the main character, but I kinda want him to be.

Give it a shot it's a good story :)

Centurion C.
Overall

Great book, author needs to take critiques

Reviewed at: Chapter 25- Goblin Archer

I don't get all the hate this fiction is getting I really enjoy it and could see it have a vibrant future on this website. I hope the story does gain slightly more depth however for the very beginning it isn't bad.  My main comment to the author would be to just focus on engaging the audience of the story and taking criticism while keeping this his story if he can do that then this will become one of the best stories on this site.

to do
Overall

This one started off weak to me, the prologue is honestly better skipped and the summary serves better as a prelude than it does as a summary, since it's pretty important to understanding the story.

The story does pick up from there once the action starts and the real plot kicks into action.

Some of the dialogue is a bit clunky but overall the writing is pretty good quality, the characters are consistent(insofar as they exist this early on in the story) and the setting seems to leave a lot of room for future expansion.

Gonna keep an eye on this one.

Friendly_Bee
Overall
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Grammar
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Alright! Time to give a review!

Getting started, I really enjoyed the premise; Having the main character learn from the strongest man of another timeline is a truly interesting dynamic. Typically, with second chance stories, the MC is the one to be sent back, so I appreciate the originality in that.

Going forward, at this point in the story the main character does seem to lack a motive or drive. I see no motivation beyond what is directly asked of him by The Eternal Lion (EL from here on out, that is quite the long title :P). Once we get some more character interaction, or perhaps some backstory, then I will update this to reflect it.

I have found no problem with the grammar, which in my book gives the story a 5 star on that front.

The actual story hits that perfect sweet spot for me; A tower apocalypse with Master Hunter K vibes, even if the MC isn't the one who came back. It is my niche, and I particularly enjoy these stories. I'm also not seeing any obvious flaws in the story thus far, and am sufficiently enjoying it.

All in all, I'd say the main character needs to show more personality and have more freedoms as a person, because the main personality right now is, 'Whatever EL says'.

I would still highly recommend it, and am enjoying it a lot! ^-^

Camille d'irithyl
Overall
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An anonymous, softy, and somewhat normal character who tends to think too much about the things around him is pushed in spite of himself to choose to climb the Tower. Too bad for him. But very good for us.

We still haven't really gotten into the main scenario, but it already seems to be good. Basically, the protagonist has to overcome some challenges not only to survive, but also to save (later) the lives of those around him.

The narration is very focused on the protagonist and his inner monologues, but this is told in a pleasant way, and the way the author describes the action scenes is excellent and makes them quite clear to understand. The story starts a little slow, but things start to get serious from chapter 6-7.

The menu of statistics is well done and not stuffy, unlike many stories in the genre, and the premise of the story has a lot of potential.

The main character, as well as the secondary characters so far, are both very good (although my preference is for the White Lion, probably because his character is well designed, he is too good). They have flaws and feel real, far from being caricatures made up of a single personality trait from the bad stories. Even an antagonist (maybe just temporary) has been written in a very realistic and well thought-out way.

In fact, I think the author has managed to balance the emotional parts, so that they're not so heavy that you wouldn't want to keep reading, but also not so light that you wouldn't feel they're not difficult. at all.

The grammar seems fine, but I'm clearly not an expert on it, so I'm probably not the right person to express myself on this subject.

Give it a try!

Daniel Newwyn
Overall
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Grammar
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Haven't read anything quite like this before

Reviewed at: Chapter 11- The Safer

So I've read litRPGs. I've read litRPGs where the MC and their friends went on conquests to level up. But I've never read one where the MC, his mom, and his sister got teleported into the same RPG world. Noah's family is still separated up until the chapter I've read to, but I think he'll meet them again in the future. And who knows; maybe the mother will become ridiculously OP.

 

The story is reminiscent of tower climbing litRPG sub-genre, with lots of goblin farming, looting, and plenty of stats menu. As Noah finds his way in the new world, he soon encounters his friend, and the two starts going on adventures together. There's a fine blend between dialogue in scenes where they're needed and meticulous description when we want to know about the new world or when the characters are fighting monsters. The author did a seriously good job at this.

 

The characters are interesting--they are normal people with real flaws and not the OP kinds who goes around ramming and messing with things all the while maxing out on stats. Liam and Noah have very chemistry with one another. Liam has the voice of reasons and acts as a mentor to Noah in many situations. If you read to Chapter 11, there will be another character POV, so make sure you read on.

 

The grammar is pretty neat in general, nothing that breaks my immersion of the story.

 

All in all, it's a good litRPG that pays tribute to the best aspects about the genre: stats, looting, and climbing towers.